Do you feel comfortable disclosing your real name?

@dpk262006 (56148)
Delhi, India
February 27, 2009 1:16am CST
Here on mylot many members send me a request for adding me in their list of friends and so do I to some of the members, whose discussions/responses I find interesting and thought provoking. However, I have observed that when you send them a PM for knowing something about them either they do not respond at all or if they do, they do not disclose their details such as real name(s) etc. If I ask them their real name, some of them do not show the courage to share their real names. I respect their privacy, no second thought about it. However, I understand that one's real identity is with one's real name. We are forced to use 'screen' or log in names, because some real name are very common and similar and cannot be used by everyone. My question is - when somebody does not disclose his/her name to me, I wonder what could be the reasons for hiding one's real name? How can disclosing their real name(s) to other member of mylot could be determinant or harmful to them? I may be naive in my thinking, yet I would like to know the reasons on this issue, hope some of you could through some light on it. My apologies to those who may not like this discussion of mine.
31 people like this
86 responses
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
27 Feb 09
I think Deepak, we must ensure others privacy and self respect. When someone is hesitant to reveal his/her real name there must be reasons behind and we must not be judgmental. A true netizen must never disclose some personal data which includes real names as well. Today we are most vulnerable and while you do not have any bad intention there might be someone who has! You never know! And it requires a long time and conviction you trust someone whom you meet on net. So, we MUST respect individual's feeling. If you ask me, I have let out my real name on many occasions to my close friends. My name and surname is very common and there are thousands with the same. Having said this, I do not give out any further of my personal details like address, phone number and so on. Certainly, we could run risk of higher dangers! And its better to be safe than sorry, isn't it?
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Hi! Mimpi! I have already mentioned in my post that I do respect the privacy of the member, who feels uncomfortable disclosing his/her name, I do not press it for it again and again. There is no question of being judgemental. I agree with your views that too much personal details should not be disclosed as it may cause problems. However, I have not received the answer to my query - I repeat - 'how can disclosing one's real name (name only) to a person, whom you have added as 'friend' can be dangerous?' I know it takes time to win someone's trust, but I fail to understand how can I stalk or do any harm to a person merely by knowing his/her name. Many thanks for sharing and enlightening me.
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
27 Feb 09
Very simple Deepak. Revealing one's personal details makes him vulnerable to be tracked down and with vindictive minds around, he could be in trouble! And also your name could be used for various gross incidents! Don't you think that makes you a target as well, for in many cases, they just pick and choose random!!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
LOL! You are making me feel nervous and jittery be telling that stalkers can even misuse of our real name and can do harm to us.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
27 Feb 09
I would not think it as hiding the name Deepak. It's more like people disclosing thier particulars which they are comfortable with, be it their name, their age, city and so on. They may be some who have had bad experiences and they may be some who would like to safe and not have bad expereincess. At the same time i havve never been judgmental in this regard and would always respect thier need for privacy.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Alok, I fully agree with your views that people disclose only those details, which they feel are safe to share. Even if a person had some bad experiences in the past, I fail to understand - 'how can disclosing one's real name (name only) to a person, whom you have added as 'friend' can be dangerous?' Many thanks for sharing and enlightening me.
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
27 Feb 09
Deepak, It's really based on that person's experiences and thoughts. If they have the discomfort factor in revealing their name then one has to respect thier need for privacy. What if they gave you a false name ? how would you know it is their actual name ? And further more if this was to happen with me here in mylot, then i would understand it in this way. [i]The person has accepted my frindship request for the sake of discussions and interactions only. They would not like to take the friendship beyond the interactions here and i would most certainly respect that.[/i]
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Yes, you have a point to make - even false names could be given (I had one such experience.......LOL!). You mean to say those who add me or you for that anybody just 'add' us for the sake of 'discussions' only, otherwise they have nothing more to 'share' with us, if it so, those few people should let us know about it that no interaction be made with them, besides discussions. However, based on my personal experience here, I may add that out of so many friends here, I found only 2-3 were there, who did not disclose their real names to me. I did not press for it again. Majority or say 98% are comfortable sharing their names.
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
27 Feb 09
hello Dpk.....Well I guess every person who mylots is entitled to his or her privacy because this is a universal site and people all over the world have access to it.I guess this is the very reason that mylot itself has made provision for each mylotter to have an avatar so that each person can mylot peacefully and freely under cover of the avatar name.I think this is the reason why mylot is so popular among every one. Of course those who want to mylot using their real name can also do so freely,and some people even have their real life picture as their avatar.Its all a matter of personal choice I guess.... I too have an avatar name,though most of my close friends know my real name.I suppose its for the sake of preserving the true identity for their own personal reasons that they do not disclose their real name.Also some people may not be interested in making online friends.But dont you worry Dpk ,with over 1 lakh members on the list,even if a few are not ready to disclose their identity to you,you should not be disheartened,but on the other hand you should take it as a blessing in disguise,since it will be difficult for you too to remember all their names...... ...........
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Hi! Rose! I have already mentioned in my post that I do respect the privacy of the member, who feels uncomfortable disclosing his/her name, I do not press it for it again and again. However, I have not received the answer to my query - I repeat - 'how can disclosing one's real name (name only) to a person, whom you have added as 'friend' can be dangerous?' I know it takes time to win someone's trust, but I fail to understand how can I stalk or do any harm to a person merely by knowing his/her name. You are on the dot, it will really become difficult to remember too many real names..........LOL! Many thanks for sharing and enlightening me. Deepak P.S.-Wish you a very happy journey!
1 person likes this
@kiran8 (15360)
• Mangalore, India
27 Feb 09
I agree that many members are not very comfortable about disclosing their names to other members. There are bound to be many reasons for this.First of all they may like to remain annonymous, which gives them a certain amount of comfort.I had a niece who was harassed by some youngsters after they came to know her real name and city.She had to change her id and start all over again. So I guess people are vary of the trouble that they might encounter by being too frank and open
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
27 Feb 09
And may be Kiran, women especially young girls may be even more hesitant to reveal their real names and personal details.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Kiran, I fully agree with your views that people disclose only those details, which they feel are safe to share. Even if a person had some bad experiences in the past, I fail to understand - 'how can disclosing one's real name (name only) to a person, whom you have added as 'friend' can be dangerous?' I am sorry to know about harassement your niece by some mid-guided youngesters. I do not the entire details, which those youngesters gathered about your niece and how could they manage it, yet in the case of mylot (friends) do you think that disclosing one real name could be dangerous? Many thanks for sharing and enlightening me.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
pl. read- "of your niece by mis-guided.........
@_sketch_ (5709)
• United States
28 Feb 09
I think people dont want to disclose their real names because they are afraid of stalkers and identity theft and stuff like that. I've found,however, that real stalkers tend to stalk in real life instead of the internet. hmm. weird. My name is Shilo by the way.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
2 Mar 09
Shilo! Thanks for disclosing your name. I buy your argument. I respect the privacy of a member who is not willing to share his/her real name. When I add someone in my list or vice versa, and thereafter even if I ask it (real name), I just ask it for convenience or for the sake of curiosity, I do not ask the name with any ill intentions. However, such is the world's environment that it becomes difficult to prove that you are honest. You are right that real stalkers will stalk in real life instead. I have no way to prove to a friend that I'm not a stalker, he/she will have to rely on my words.
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5709)
• United States
2 Mar 09
The only thing to fear is fear itself.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 09
Yes, I agree with you.
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Hello deepak! Hmmm, I was wondering who's that person is..heheh.. As far as I remember, I give you my real name when you asked me right. My username is my real name either although the last name is my married name. I guess others would thought it would be too dangerous to give their real name to someone they don't really know. I heard there are lots of incidents about that but I don't know what. Maybe some stalking or something.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Please do not worry, it is not you..........LOL! For the same of member's privacy, I won't disclose his/her name here. It was just a thought for a new discussion, so I started it. I know about you and your name. Please let me know or do you think that by only disclosing one's real name 'stalking' is possible? Thanks for sharing.
• United States
27 Feb 09
well, I guess it's possible..many weird people on the internet and would do weird things..hehehe..
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
28 Feb 09
Yes, anything is possible. However one needs to cross check who is asking the details on mylot.
@jcj_111776 (3221)
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Hello again... I'm a little cautious when it comes to sharing something about me on the Internet. For example, here in Mylot. It took me awhile before I got the courage to share my real name to a couple of friends I've met here. And I've given thought about it, weighed the consequences and decided to go for it. As for my reason for hiding my real identity behind a username, I still like to leave a little mystery about me. Mylot is a big whole new world, but there's still a chance that someone out there does know me. And sometimes in our discussions, we can't help but pour out our deepest emotions, our hurts and pains. And if I combine that with revealing who I really am, then it's hello being totally vulnerable for me.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
9 Mar 09
I appreciate your views that some of the members wish to be anonymous and wish to have some mistry about their identity. But one thing is there, if you are interacting with a member who is from your own country, then there is a possibility that he/she might be realted to you, if he/she is from a different country then the chances of he/she knowing you are very remote. Thanks for joining and enriching the post.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
7 Mar 09
I am usually quite concerned about safety, but in the case you mention - disclosing our name - I have no problems. When I send a PM or respond to one I sign it with my name, not with arkaf. Mostly because if I am sending or receiving a PM it is for/from a mylot friend. Secondly what harm will come from others knowing it? It's not like I'm disclosing my address or phone number. However, I think that in some cases people are quite used to their nick names and use them as an habit and not with the intention of not giving their real name.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
9 Mar 09
Arkaf! I understand your point of view and I appreciate your stand (which is similar to my thinking) that mere disclosure of one's name cannot be called risky that too through PM. You have an interesting point to make that some people like their nick names and do not wish to share their real names. Many thanks for joining and enriching the post.
2 people like this
@opinder (423)
• India
5 Mar 09
A lot of people have alredy given their views on this.....I liked what mimpi1911 had to say. I feel that people mostly avoid giving out real names because they feel unsafe. There could have been earlier occasions when giving out real personal info must have caused them trouble. Anyone could misuse your information....for nay reason....even for fun. Yes, it is hard to trust a person who does not reveal his/her real identity to you and asks to be friends with you. But i feel that you could be net friends and share opinions...you need not know a person for that. At times you discuss stuff on mylot that you do not wish to share with certain relatives and friends....so being anonymous saves you the embarassment.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
6 Mar 09
I appreciate your views that some of the members wish to be anonymous for their own comfort and safety. Thanks for joining and enriching the post.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11376)
• Davao, Philippines
4 Mar 09
hi dpk...well i think that you hit it..they want their privacy..nothing else...and wondering also if those people who disclosed their names here are really their true names??..in my opinion i really respect anyone's privacy and their respective motives of not telling their real names...i think everyone have their own personal reasons...
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
4 Mar 09
Vanities - I also respect the privacy of members and everyone has a right to safeguard his/her privacy. Thanks for sharing.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Feb 09
Hi Deepak, You know I am using my real name Sudipta, here. I have no problem about using my real name but its my pix that I am scared of using. Everyday on mylot I see so many people posting their pixes and I feel tempted too, but discretion warns me against it. In my personal email too, I have never used my photos. I think of the internet as the universe itself and we really do not know how someone may tamper what information from where and use it how. The worst I think are photos…with computer imaging so advanced and prevailing, photos can be misused at random and we may not even be aware of it.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Suditpa, I know about you and your attitude/nature. I know how nice you are in your approach. I entirely agree with you that uploading one's photo could be perilous and may cause harm. Even I do not upload my real photos on any site. Thanks for sharing. Hope you are better now.
@Sreekala (22879)
• India
27 Feb 09
Hi Deepak, I think it depends on the individual, if somebody had some bad experience they definitely will cautious for disclosing their name. Normally I do not ask anybody's name but if we exchange some PM, mostly the other parties disclose their name by themselves (I prefer to interact with females more, may be this is one of the reason) I have given my real name here and in the beginning I was really new in sites and didn’t realize the dangers so I have given my real name everywhere. So later when I realized the dangers in net, I changed my real name in some sites (even though I am not active there) and I felt in mylot it is not necessary. If somebody not ready to reveal their name to you, don’t feel bad about it, let them know about you more and they will definitely tell their name by themselves. So have patience.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
I respect the privacy of the memeber, who is unwilling to share his/her name. I was just curious about the likely reasons behind it. As you have said, it may be some past bad experience, so people play safe. Thanks for your advice that I should be patient, when they know more about me and when I am able to win their trust, they will come out with their real names. Many thanks for taking time and enriching the post.
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
27 Feb 09
Hi Deepak i normally dont mention my name at mylot but friends i exchange PM and mails from hotmail/gmail. they not only know my name but sure lot more than that if u have trust, there is no harm in sharing this info Take care
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Cupid! Many thanks for joining, I know about you and I know how nice you are. My point was merely sharing one's name does not make one vulnerable.
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
27 Feb 09
Thanks Deepak for such Flattered Words And i do agree, mere name cant be that problematic Take care
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
27 Feb 09
Now, you are on the dot and appearing to be agreeing with me. Thanks for giving me support on my stand. I am delighted that atleast there is one dear friend who could understand my point of view.
• United States
25 Jun 09
Sarah Beth is the name i Wish was my real name. I hate my real name.I use Sarah ruth beth because when I became a member , there was a Sarah Beth here already, Now I love the Ruth I added.There is only one real close friend who knows my real first name.and the only reason I told him was because I felt bad using Sarah and not him not knowing it isn't the name on the birth certificate.We have been friends for at least a year. And I liked that he wasn't upset when I told him that Sarah isn't my real name. so I told him and of course he said he likes my real name but he still calls me Sarah because I prefer it.I had another freiend who told me his real name but I told him when I think of him, I use his username.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
25 Jun 09
Hi Sarah! It means that you have become habitual of someone calling you with you screen name i.e. Sarahruthbeth. Pl. do not say that you hate your real name, I understand that your parents would have named you and they would have done it thoughtfully. I also understand that you do not share your real name with all persons, very few know about it. Many thanks for sharing your inner thoughts and enriching an old post.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 09
My real name is my mom's favorite girl name but I hate it. She loved it so I am stuck with it. I rather be called sarah and here I get to. I love it.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
29 Jun 09
OK! So we should assume that your real name is Sarah!
1 person likes this
• India
27 Feb 09
Hello my friend dpk262006 Ji, Well, I would like to go into response by thinking, was there any concept adopted to use userID's name not-rael ones. How it happened. In fact, as I remember, my hubby's first time account was opened in yahoo for email purpose by one of his friend's son , and same is alive and active even today, and later on many places, taht he had to maintaine a file for that. Suppose, you , I and anyone member here for taht matter open an account, by real name, who is stopping us, till it has not been used by another user. No body is going even to stop you to post your real photo as well. To put you on record, today only my friend request was acceded and I found a PM adding friend's Email ID, which I never asked Everyone, is privacy concious. Let's be transparent. I would have followed you, if you would have disclosed your identity at start of this discussion introducing . may god bless you and have great time.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
28 Feb 09
You have a point to make and I agree with your views. BTW, my real name is Deepak and I do not feel shy of sharing it with mylot friends..
1 person likes this
• India
1 Mar 09
Maharani - Maharani laxmi bai wa salso known as 'Raj-Kumari'
Hello my friend dpk262006 Ji, Well, my last part of name is last name of our country, where people wait for sun-rise and sets, where one can watch Sun-setting one side going into occean and moon coming out from from horizon, whereas first part of my name is 'King'. Just Guess till your comments. may god bless you and have a great time.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 09
LOl! I am very poor in solving riddles. Is it RajKumari? Many thanks for uploading the photograph. I hope it is YOU? The photograph looks very graceful.
1 person likes this
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
25 Jun 09
Hello Dpk :) A natural thing about which to wonder. I am not hesitant to give my real name, but I know that some people have had bad experiences with stalkers and such when they give out their full names. I think those kinds of fears and the warnings on TV and such about revealing to much personal information is why they hesitate. I see nothing dangerous to anyone, though, about giving out at least their real first name. A good discussion! Karen
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
29 Jun 09
Hi! Karen! You are very nice and honest and I've noticed that you always mention your name, below your post. It looks good to me to read your real name. You see if one keep fearing stalkers and such other persons, one cannot be comfortable with anyone and cannot trust any of the on-line friends. One need to have some faith and idea about on-line friends' to see whether one's real name could be disclosed to him/her. Thanks for appreciating the discussion. Deepak
• United States
29 Jun 09
Hello Deepak, yes, I have no fear about identifying myself online. If one has such fears, it would make more sense NOT to give an address or phone number rather than to withhold their name :) Karen
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
2 Jul 09
Hello Karen! It is great to know that you are a fearless person and you are not afraid of identifying yourself on-line. I agree with you that address and phone numbers need not be disclosed to unknown persons. Deepak
• United States
1 Mar 09
I dont mind sharing nicknames, but since my first name is very rare..i don't like sharing it i dont know why, but what if a potential stalker just happens to decide to stalk you? wouldnt you feel weird that someone you've never met knows your name? :\ just an opinion, and for surnames, same reason ^__^ interesting discussion
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
2 Mar 09
I buy your argument. I respect the privacy of a member who is not willing to share his/her real name. When I add someone in my list or vice versa, and thereafter even if I ask it (real name), I just ask it for convenience or for the sake of curiosity, I do not ask the name with any ill intentions. However, such is the world's environment that it becomes difficult to prove that you are honest. How can one resume that everyone who is asking us our name is a stalker?
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 09
wow. okay. first of all, i did NOT say that everyone is/will be a stalker. I'm just keeping my private information well, private. why would you want to know the real name of someone you haven't met? would you go aorund giving out your name to strangers? I don't assume that people who ask for real names online are stalkers or have ill intentions, it's just that i'd like to keep myself safe, protect myself from potential stalkers. Another thing is I dont see the point of knowing the others real name..if you talk, you talk. the name makes no difference.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
3 Mar 09
OK!
@chaitra001 (3278)
• Bangalore, India
27 Feb 09
Hi I never mind disclosing my real name here. Infact my username itself is having my name. I do understand some people here dont want to disclose their real name its upto them. Happy myloting.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
28 Feb 09
t is so nice of you that you can share your name etc. with your dear friends, it shows that you value friendship and you have 'faith' on your friends here on mylot. Many thanks for sharing and joining us. So your real name is Chaitra?
• Bangalore, India
1 Mar 09
yes deepak you are right its the faith that matters.and yes my name is chaitra. happy myloting.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 09
Chaitra- Mutual faith and trust help us build a strong bonding and relationship.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
28 Feb 09
In your avatar you did not give your own photo.It's a picture of a baby.That means you are hiding your face.Similarly most of myLot members don't want to disclose theier real name.Every myLotter have some friends and among them some are very close.I think if you don't know the real name it does not matter.We are not doing penfriendship.Without knowing name we have close friendship to each other.Perhaps it's my first contact with you.In future you may be one of my best friends of mine. With best wishes--bhanusb.
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
2 Mar 09
My dear, not using my real photo in my avatar is quite a different thing from knowing one's real name through sending her/him a PM. I am hesitant to share my photo with unknown persons. LOL! Please do not think that I do not look smart in my photo........!! Thanks for sharing your views. I liked it.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
2 Mar 09
I guess you are looking smart and handsome.
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
Hi deepak! I really have no problem disclosing my real name if someone will PM me. I guess, some mylotters just want to remain anonymous and have some privacy. I do understand that most of us are private people and will not disclose any personal information unless they trust the other person. Some have been using this site as an avenue to share and release their personal feelings,problems,etc..that is probably why they don't want to be identified. Take care and have a wonderful day! lovelots..faith
@dpk262006 (56148)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 09
Hi! Dear, I very well know about your attitude and approach. People are perhaps over cautious and over guarded about revealing their name. Many thanks for sharing. Have a great day! Lots of love!
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
Hi dear friend! You're most welcome! I agree that people are just being careful and cautious nowadays. lovelots..faith