Hard times with step-daughter...

@neildc (17253)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
February 27, 2009 2:35am CST
Yesterday, my wife and I were in a local doctor to have our baby checked his asthma. In the long line-up of patients, we came to get near our number at 11:20, almost 2 hours of waiting. So my wife told me to call her daughter who was still in school. So I got my mobile phone and dialed her number. Her number rung and a voice from the other line was what I have heard. Line was cut so I tried to call her again. She never answered. Then she replied me with a message using other phone that said they are still in the class. I was shocked when we met at noon time. I asked her who answered my call and why she never answered my call. She replied with a laugh, that was my classmate. What I can't understand is why her classmate had her phone, during their class? And he was able to answer my call, at my first try. And how she can send text message during class? We had some arguments, and she cried. Then suddenly my wife got wild, and talked too much. I kept silent. Friendship is all that I wish to offer my step-children. But why can't we have it? It's been too long that we live together.
3 people like this
12 responses
@salonga (27954)
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
Oh my friend, you seem be quite having a problem common in a step-children and step-fathers. I know your good intentions on your step daughter. I know and I sense myself that there is something quite complicated in the scenario which you step-daughter was trying to cover up! Well, I know you are only after her own good. Just try talking to her when things are in normal situation and let her know you consider her as your own daughter and would want only the best for her so she should understand if sometimes you would sound like getting too strict. I hope your relationship will soon be better.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Mar 09
I really can't help but to get disappointed sometimes. Most of the times, I just ignore the misbehavior of the kids, especially my step-kids. But when times that me and my wife ended in arguments, that is something that I can't handle. We seldom get to a fight but with the kids involved, I don't think it's something that should be ignored...
1 person likes this
@salonga (27954)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Sorry to say this my friend but I think it is your wife who has to change. I mean she should understand that you mean well for your step children. You want to discipline them because you care for them just as you care for your own. If you don't then you will not even care if they misbehave. Your wife must in fact be happy you are concerned about them.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
27 Feb 09
[i]Hi neildc, I feel for you but I know you're not alone in this situation. I have friends also who are experiencing that and in their case, they don't live with the kids but oftentimes, the kids will visit to them. I hope someday your step-daughter will see all your effort, love, care and sacrifices for her and she will respect that. Maybe she is also having some pain, you know! trying to heal and on the process of acceptance. I am not sure how long you've been together! Just be patient and I know you are![/i]
1 person likes this
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Mar 09
She was two years old when me and her mom met and started living together. By April this year, she will be graduating in high school. She's already 16 and that makes us 14 years together. And that's makes me think what happened or what went wrong. 14 years is such a long time...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 09
[i]wow....it's been awhile! There are various reasons for that neil...maybe she missed her dad or maybe she is just jealous to you for whatever reasons! I know it's not easy for you but we will just hope she will give importance of all your sacrifices for the family and that includes her![/i]
@Alien2 (5)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well in this day and age children are becoming more familiar with technology than their parents. Kids in school text frequently in classrooms without the teacher realizing. They may put their head down and have the phone on their lap to text. Other kids are such experts in testing they can text from their pockets without even looking at the cellphone. Another thing is that girls don't let guys see their cellphone unless they like that guy or if she is friends with one of Those Player guys that hangs with like 5 girls (because the girls like him) But girls do swap phones in class to read messages sent by other girls or guys and do their normal talking and giggling as girls tend to do. Girls exchange their phones around a lot. it is not surprising to hear someone else answer her phone while shes in school. Even though that is not something that should be done in school. If you are interested in what the heck your step daughter is texting about you can call the phone company without your daughter knowing and have them print out her logs on that phone of her texts it tells you to what number they were sent to and it shows her received and sent texts word for word. I hope this helps. Sincerely Alex By the way I'm 16 my self so I know about kids using phones in class. :]
1 person likes this
@daliaj (5689)
• India
27 Feb 09
This is a very nice reply to the scenario Alex.
@daliaj (5689)
• India
27 Feb 09
.... and you sound like a mature man. I thought a man in thrities with kids in school is talking till I come to the last sentence.
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well,Is there father in the picture?? I say there cause you said "Step-children" so im guessing theres more then one. Friendship is all good and well,but mabey she gets that sence from you that thats ALL you want with them.. If i was in that situation i could hear myself as a child saying.why does it matter?,its not like you care.. I dont really know the story of your family so i cannot really say but most all teenage girls are hard to handle anyways..Mabey if you just sat down with her once and tried to talk to her and come to a truce with her.that might work.. Mabey shpwing you care alittle more then just wanting a friendship could help alittle to mabey?.... I wish you the best of luck with her and her sibling..Have a great day neildc:)
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
2 Mar 09
Me and her mom met and live together when she was still two years old. Her dad have a family with another woman and since one year old and 6 months, they never met. So I was the one who took care with her and her brother, until now. We live all together as one family. I don't want to talk more of what I have done for her and the rest of her family but I stood and remain standing as the father of this family.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Being a step-parent is MUCH harder than being a parent, and being a good parent is the hardest job on Earth. I'm fortunate in that my husband never had any children of his own, but did raise a step-daughter since she was 5 years old. Even then, she lives across the country from us and isn't very close to my husband, her ex-step-father. I feel for you. Maybe, if you are able to sit down with your step-children and explain that you are not trying to replace their real father but only trying to be a friend and supporter to them, they'll understand you better and know that you are only trying to help guide them in the right direction. That's the best advice I can give you since I'm really not experienced in this sort of thing. However, I DO know children and I was a step-daughter myself. My mother wanted me to call him "Dad" but I just couldn't. He was a good man, like yourself, but he wasn't my "Dad". My thoughts and wishes are with you, neil. I hope all gets worked out between you and your step-children.
@bombshell (11266)
• Germany
27 Feb 09
it is sad neil.the cellphone is good and in other hand its bad.our kids we let them use cellphone for emergency use and its sad when you know that other of her friends using it.how about if emergency?yes you are right to urgue her because what she did is disreepect for both of you.i hope it will solve soon.
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Maybe more time is the key . Maybe more than just friendship as well . Just give advice and try to lead her on the right path , and tell her the things you dont like . Kids and teens really can be very testy . I wish you the best , and it will be okay . really . breathe in and out wish i could help more . but i am sure people here will give you a hand . take care
1 person likes this
27 Feb 09
Hi Neil, It is very sad that you have to deal with this kind of situation, maybe its better your wife talk to her and then calmley talk to your step-daughter and fine out what is wrong and why she is not telling you the truth about her mobile phone, I didn't think you were allowed to use the phone while in class. But try and be firm at the same time. Hugs. Tamara
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Feb 09
I would say your overreacting a bit to much. Its surprisingly easy to text in class, even answer your phone especially if everyone else is distracted. I wouldnt worry about it to much, cell phones and texting is part of that generation now, and as hard as the schools and teachers try to keep them out of the classroom its super easy to sneak them in and sneak in a text.
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
that was so irritating neil, i can only say that just learn to understand her and show her that you can be a good friend and a father to her.. you too needs to adjust your relationship to them, it's for their own good..!! aware quarrels and shouting.. that can prolong wars, lol..
• United States
28 Feb 09
Sounds like she is still having a hard time realizing that she lives with you and why her mom is still with you. Teenagers in this day and age have wild ideas and even though I am still young, the younger generation that are in their teens right now seem to be more spoiled than the people in my generation because when I was their age, we have no cell phone at all. I'm 29 now. Kids these days are more technology advanced than the older generation and because I love to text myself, I know what your stepdaughter feel like. But it's weird that she does let her friend use her cell during class time. If she keeps this up, her cell might get taken away and then she will throw in a bigger fit than she is now. She needs to calm down or even have it just vibrate and later on when the class is over, she can do whatever she wants with her cell. Kids as young as 7 already own a cell phone. My oldest is 7 and she herself doesn't have one and I prefer that she doesn't have one which to me she is still too young. later on when she is a little bit older, then i would go and get her one. It's a great tool to use to get in touch though but the younger the generation nowadays, the more spoiled to me they are in my opinion. It just mainly depend on the kids personality.
@come998 (69)
• China
28 Feb 09
I think you dont let her feel you's love is big.In your life ,you should care she enoght and let she knows waht you what to do is all for her.Actively talking to she discuss with what happened in hers everyday is important.Then ,you and she could have same ideas in some questions.