How long should I tolerate her?

@nuemann (332)
United States
February 27, 2009 10:37am CST
Am having serious love and affection for a certain girl who haapens to be in college in some far away town from where I am so basically communication is the only we can really get talking and fixing things up but off late (thats like two years) she has been nehaving funny and acting like I don't mean anything to her or she don't miss me so much! am sure she is shy to express her feelings she if she feels any at all and am so sure she is not seeing anyone else because I know her! Please help me before I loose my mind!
1 person likes this
15 responses
@lola1991 (45)
• China
28 Feb 09
As a popular saying goes,"it never have a happy end for long distace love".I think the girl won't take you seriously,so you can drop her and as soon as possible to find a real pretty girl who really make you treasure!
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
are there other reasons other than the fact that you both stay far from each other? I mean when the conditions are ok Like communications and stuff? where will I find this treasure if I can work at the one I have to make it into a treasure. Are true lovers ready made people?
• China
7 Mar 09
So,you should to ask her what accounts for this?maybe she has something really don't want to say others,as the proverb goes whoever started the trouble should end it,that means they that hide can find.If the sun shines again after rain,you would tell me the good news immediately!! Good Luck,I know how much you love her.
@hotviper (129)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
you know her more than the rest of us, and you said that she's not seeing anyone else. that's good, because you love her, you trust her, so be it, dont think as if something happen, maybe its just you because you missed her, I suggest you try to ask her if she has a problem and if there's anything you can do to help her. if really she's seeing someone else, ask her if that person is better than you if he is.. then its time to move on, long distant relationship is not that easy. people are easily get attracted. if she finds you more important, maybe she will stop seeing the 3rd party.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Yes its a fact that I love her. I met this girl when she had lost all the feelings and thoughts of a perfect love because she was raped by a man who was suppose to be her fiancee. She was introduced to him without her consent she was introduced as her fiancee the first she set her eyes on him by her parents (A kind of arranged relationship) Because she couldn't protest and was naive and very afraid of the parents she gave in and this prompted the guy to try and get close to her... in doing so they spent their first night together and this guy took her by force and her virginity was gone even though they were yet to be officially married. He travelled after then and since he has been abroad and she has been here the guy virtually abandoned her afterwards this made her become some traumatic patient that I rescued and show her there are true gentlemen still by the corner she fell and again believed in love but the other guy coming back to her of late has met she no longer continued in showing her feelings but rather concealing it and giving me the cold should whilst spending hours chatting with the guy. But when she gets into trouble or needs assistant she runs to me and I have never disappointed her but its all getting me down and now almost out!
@hotviper (129)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
chatting which guy? another guy or the the fiance who left? i think you didnt tell here you like her, maybe she thinks of you as a friend only.
• United States
28 Feb 09
don't loose your friendship with her, but give her some space, maybe thats what shes trying to ask for, like don't flirt with her as much, but still be a friend and goof around.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Space no way. Am just about the only girl she talks to real earthlike you know...down to earth. I have had obstacles in the name of her sisters, roommates and friends who could't just resist the urge to flirt with mr nice guy! but I have always come out clean. am worried that she might be getting healed from distrusting men and their promises but she is at the same time falling for her ex cos she is not the dreaming type. she is so quite and well behaved that she wouldn't dare go against her parents' wish and thats not very good for me xos am ready to live on a desert with just beside me!
• Singapore
28 Feb 09
Long-distance relationship is never easy. Since she is the one away, there are many exciting distractions she will find. I'm married for almost 7 years. Before that, we were together for 9 years. I thought I knew my husband. I gave him my trust, but he betrayed it. There were signs similar to what you are experiencing such as behaving funny, coming home later than usual, checking phone messages all the time, etc. But I did not see it, until one day he revealed it to me. I can see that you are totally devoted to her that you are not thinking straight. The signs are there in front of you but you refuse to believe it. I may be wrong, of course. You know her better. I think the best thing to do is ask her directly what is going on, why she is acting aloof, is she seeing someone else. You have to be direct. I know that you don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose my husband to the girl either. But when reality strikes, you just have to accept it, like or not. All the best, nuemann!
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Well I read through your incisive post and I kinda discovered that you may not have gotten it through. The htings is that me and this girl have come a long way (3 years almost) we started out being friends because I have this aura of an angel you can rely on so even though she was still bleeding from her hurts inflicted by her so called fiancee that was forced on her by her parents for their selfish reasons most likely we became friends and she trusted me and we grow to be so attached to each other but we are never together because we live far apart and she schools at some more farther place. Now three years after (almost) she has STARTED taking his calls which she denies to me when I ask her whose been calling she says no one when she can't think up a quick lie. As a man I have reviewed the situation and I have seen that the guy probably has more security than me but if its for real she will be mine just like we have always dreamed and hoped for. but within me am beginning to lose it cos she is no longer the one that make hallucinate and fantasize all day. I have expressed this to her but she says I shouldn't worry. she hardly sacrfices or do anything thats shows She loves. and the thing is that I hardly care before now and she has gotten used to it. I just want out but my soul and friendship belongs to her!
28 Feb 09
why not just ask her outright how she feels about you? and also ask why she is talking to her ex fiancee if he hurt her so much, physically and mentally?
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Well you sure got a point there but the problem is that I can't be straight up with her by going outright because am handling some of her school projects. I don't want it to seem like am doing all that for because I want to get something (Her dedication, love and what have you) because of the sacrifices am making for her. When am done with the tasks am currentling handling for her then and then will be the right time. It kinda scares me too cos when am asking her all that then I should be ready for the worst . you know what I mean compromising the friendhip that I have built with her. I don't want her to fall into a relapse believing all guys are the same!
• China
28 Feb 09
I think ,first you shoud trust her and believe yourself,because you have loved each other for many years and you know each other very much.when there have something serious in your life, you can open your heart and talk with each other,and you can informed her by her closest friends.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Well I really do trust and feel her like the blood that runs in my vein but the fact is that I am loosing the touch and grace that I once ans hse is not helping matters especially with her establish contact with her ex-fiancee. The guy is responsible for all that she says and does with any man now, that am sure of and in one way or the other Ihave been able to change the way she thinks but see where it has gotten me to? Head aches and aches and I want out even though my heart disagrees!
• China
28 Feb 09
Having a open and sincere talk with her is necessary,it can ease all the suspicion and misunderstanding ,but the precondition is both of u need to be pure-hearted
@nuemann (332)
• United States
3 Mar 09
Yeah thats what I was told so time ago but do you know we have regular talk everytime we talk. she even mentions the guy that was bethrotted to her by her dad whom took away her virginity and abused her on her first night. she just want to get away was what she said at the initial stage but right she wants to keep him and just hang out with me hoping that when it is right we will both run away even if they are married then! can you dig this?
@knaphih (57)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Theres a little game you can play. To see if she loves you. The pull and push game. Ignore her a little. If she loves you, she'll notice that immediately and react to it. Well If she doesn't, then its time you move on. Don't take it bad brother. But thats how things usually work. Shes your girlfriend. Shes got nothing to be shy about. Give her a little test.. :)
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Well she is a perfect when its comes to snubbing and acting like you don't exist but I can bet she is a saint and not seeing anyone else other than her fiancee who was arranged for her by her parents and whom also is responsible for hatred for guys and shyness that is killing and about to drive a gentleman insane! He raped and took her virginity as insurance that she is going to be his wife without her consent and since she has only but trust me as the only outsider in her other people she talks to her very own biological family!
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
28 Feb 09
Hi, She is not behaving funny.She is avoiding you. & U r 'blind' that message is not reaching U. Let her be free, donot waste Ur time where U r not Loved Blindly(dearly!)... Have patience,U 'll find it soon!! =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Well you do have a point but I can't let go for now because I happen to be the one handling a serious project for her (Final year college Project) and she has not been reaching out to know how am going about it... she is so assured I won't be worried or need anything from her. She is an introvert and am in lImerance with her. HELp me. its a kind of a feeling you know like SHE LOVES ME OH SHE LOVE ME NOT!
@jb71080 (10)
• United States
27 Feb 09
All i can say it this...don't hold in your doubts or feelings back because at some point all these concerns are going to pile up and could lead to something bad. If you have concerns about something that is going on and you really like her, be up front with her. Tell her that you have some concerns with how she is acting or how you feel she is acting. Communication is HUGE in a relationship and if something is bothering you or her, you need to talk to one another and owkr it out befor eit explodes and ends something amazing!
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Am not really sure its worth it. I do understand her feelings and I have tried to make her see reasons that I can't be the sweet caring guy who never complains all the time. She says am specials and she love but she seem to always be in control and her kind of love is really that which is called Limerance. I feel more love for her and yet she does not seem to understand we have talked and really wanted spend our lives together but she is scared of responsibilities and defying the odds to follow her heart am suspecting she is seeing some one I have not talked to her for about five days now and I want to die. she is so used to not calling or even texting yet at the hint of another girl getting close to she goes all blue and mad. she is such a puzzle
• United States
27 Feb 09
It's pretty much a slam dunk. You can refuse to see the signs if you like, and live in LaLaLand. But you will be the one hurting all the more in the end. It's impossible to know if she is seeing anyone else unless you are there with her. Generally, if you call her and you sense a chill on the other end of the line, a kind of negative vibe...she doesn't have to tell you that it's over...you just know.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Yeah the relationship is built on the phone CONVERSATION and I can't really judge from this because she sounds really lovely on the phone and very open too because she will bare her mind to you and.... she complains that she is an introvert and she can't help it! Am not sure how much longer I can wait, even though we have shared dreams of living together but she is getting used to be so far away and this bothers me!
@indahfth (11173)
• Indonesia
27 Feb 09
if the relationship and you have a match. better be serious. do not regret because the wrong decision making.I hope you love the taste will not be changed at any time later.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Yeah I cherish her and all she stands for she is so blind blowing when it comes to her honesty and truthfulness and she can really be down to earth. SHe put up some of the best air I have seen in any woman or read of! Shes so so beautiful too and she just kills me with respect! She is a package but she is super shy and sometimes I can't take it...she is an introvert and I don't know how to bring her out!
1 person likes this
@kedves (728)
27 Feb 09
I gather lately she seems to have backed off a little .. I would suggest its either because she sees you as a friend only and wants you to accept that or maybe she has met someone else and does not know how to tell you for fear of hurting you. ask yourself whether you can live with her only as a friend if you can't then i'm afraid it's time to move on. If you can then accept she wants only friendship and be that .. be her friend. good luck :)
@nuemann (332)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Well I understand what you mean but am sure she loves me and can not or do not know how to explain it because she has always fought her friends when she finds out they are trying to be too nice to me and showing likeness for me. She adores me because I have been there for her for a long time. The last time we talked she said she was going to come spend some time with me because I have tolerated much for her! She had a bad experience like 4 years ago and she has refused to let go but after some time the guy who was responsible or who is responsible for her attitude is getting back to her cos he is got the bling bling and she is in college and would readily fall for such material security am not sure though but I love her so much that I don't want to lose her but I also want to stop hurting myself! am in a fix!
@cvrajan (356)
• India
27 Feb 09
Sorry. I am not understanding what you are trying to communicate here about her. It looks you have posted it in excessive haste without reading your post yourself.
@nuemann (332)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Well am saying I have a girlfriend for about three years now. we live very far apart and as such she has developed a habit of not being able to express her feelings to me in. but when she is in need she remembers me and am always there for. She has issues so am sure its not about another guy! am loosing it I mean my holding power
• China
28 Feb 09
I think you have apart from two years.you should open your heart and talk with him.the time can change many things.