not enough money

United States
February 27, 2009 12:26pm CST
im really confused as to what to do.my husband has a new truck he has a 4 wheeler and we live on a farm with caddle.we had triplets 6 years ago so i was forced to find work that would not require day care.i started a cleaning business that has required me to get up like 3 in the morning cleaning commercial buildings and then i need to be home by 7:30 so that my husband can go to work.i stay with our children during the day.my husband never seems to have money .i paid the house payment for 8 years now that i told him he needs to pay it for a while he tells me i really dont have the money for the house payment.he never has money for food .i need to make sure that is taken care of to.but yet the animals are always geting fed before the kids.we just live on a hobby farm and are not making any money from this cattle because he still has a loan on them.he has a college education and works a job all day thet pays him 8 dollars an hour.he sees that he is not making any thing at this job but continues to hang on to it.any time we start to go any where he ask me if i have money.he treats me really bad and thinks i have full responsability for ever thing .what would you do?
2 responses
• United States
27 Feb 09
The two of you need to sit down and talk it out. I am married with 3 kids, am a stay at home mom, and my husband works. It's not always easy having to be the one to take care of everything, and my husband has the weight our entire family on his shoulders. I would expect him to tell me how I could help him out and what i can do to make it less of a load on him. Since you are working like crazy AND coming home in time to make sure he goes to work too, then you need to let him know what you need and how he can help out. He is working but if the job is paying so little then ask why he doesn't move on to a new job. Start looking for jobs FOR him, circle them in the paper, and send them to his email. Bring them with you to the discussion and SHOW him how there ARE jobs out there that will pay him more for whatever he is doing. Talking makes things better. It may not seem that way at first, but if you DON'T communicate at all, then there will always be the "should've, would've, could've" in your relationship :)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Realistically, though, you may have to accept the fact that you got what you got. I would not advise him to quit what he is doing to search for a job that--realistically--may not be out there for him right now. People are not paying a lot these days. They are making drastic cuts these days. I wouldn't be so quick to fault my husband for not being able to find a job that pays a lot. Is he trying to do better? Or is he just content to be where he is? Given that the economy is so bad, is he at least trying?
• United States
27 Feb 09
I didn't see your whole post. if he treats you like holy pond scum, I think the two of you should talk about that. Nobody is worthy of that kind of treatment. Especially with you carrying a significant amount of the load. From personal experience: My advice to men everywhere: This may be the 2000s, but the man is still expected to carry the load, be the leader in the home, and the primary breadwinner. If at all possible, do NOT marry until you are stable and ready to handle the responsibility of wife, family, home. Even though there are career women out there, guess what: A woman still leans on her husband. She needs him to be able to tell her that things are going to be OK from month to month. Anything less than that gradually erodes her trust.
• United States
27 Feb 09
I don't know what her husband's profession is, but my husband is in customer service making 13.20/hr and there are still temp agencies calling offering him jobs that make 10-$15/hr. So if this is his field THERE ARE jobs out there. And even if it's not his profession, it doesn't require a lot to train for that kind of job, as long as you have some experience working with people, computers and sometimes call center experience. The only reason he hasn't taken the jobs that are more is because they would be even further our than where he currently works. But there are jobs out there, just maybe not what SOME people want to do. Some places are STILL offering a lot of money, and if that doesn't work then switch professions. Take some evening courses in something else while you are working the current job. STNA's are ALWAYS being sought after because MEDICAL needs are NEVER going to stop. I don't advise QUITTING to look for a job, but you CAN look for a job on the computer at home while you are off. That's obvious. I wasn't brought up to put the entire load on my husband. If anything, the women in my family always carried the brunt of the load. They worked two and 3 jobs to make ends meet AND their husbands worked. So even though I was blessed to have a husband who works and I stay home with our children, if I had my choice and my kids were not so young (3,2,1) then I WOULD be working right along side him.
• India
28 Feb 09
Hello my friend deedeehall Ji, I can only tell you that if this would been in my case, I would have taken him infront of my elders and his elders in the family and settle best way, how it could be done. Now it is too late, i think, he must have been made to realise his responsibilities after triplet were born and shared his part of responsibility. You have to find someone, whom he will agree and bring him to books. may god bles syou and have graet time.