If you got pregnant with your boyfriend what would you decide?

Philippines
February 28, 2009 2:10am CST
At a young age, if happened to get pregnant with your boyfriend, what would you decide? To get marry? Or not? And why. Share to me your little ideas about this and let's exchange points of view! thanks =)
1 person likes this
11 responses
• Australia
28 Feb 09
i had my first baby when i was 19. but we decided to get pregnant in the first place...accidents happens, i know but marrying someone because of pregnancy alone is really a big risk...both parties feel obligated and i think is better for a child to live in 2 different "happy" families if the parents decide not to be together than to live in one miserable one. I have 2 kids now, and we are not married and probably won't do it for a long time, if i do i want a nice wedding and that cost money but to be honest i rather have a nice beach front house first then think about marriage and besides marriage is there for legal reasons so that in case both parties decide to part ways they get equal share everything they shared during the relationship, now days you get the same rights as a defacto partner..why bother with all the hassle
• Philippines
1 Mar 09
Hmmmmm... got interested in that "rights as a defacto partner", can you help me elaborate it so i can understand and be aware of it? hehehe just want to know. Anyway, thanks for the reply dear. =) Good day!
• Australia
3 Mar 09
well, i don't know where you live but here in australia if you live with your bf or gf for more than 6 months you're considered to be in a defacto relationship and have the same rights as a married couple.this new law was introduced a few years ago i think as more and more couple are living together for years and when they brake up someone always ended up missing out on everything which isn't really fair considering that these kinds of relationships last longer than most marriages.and the best thing is that if you do decide to brake up, you get to take everything that is YOURS and you don't have to go through and expensive divorce.
@annierose (17692)
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
hi sweet_mom, Well, having a case like that is very common nowadays. Some teenagers are really very aggressive and so unpredictable. Okay, lets say I belong to those teenagers who has an attitude of being careless because of love and emotion Before I do an immediate action, I will ask first ask myself two questions. First,can my boyfriend support me and our child if ever we get into married life? If he is also studying, the answer will be definitely no. Its because he has no permanent job and is still depending on his parents for his studies.So if ever, I will marry him, we might just create another problem. There is a chance for us to quarrel most of the times because of financial problem.And the second question will be, is my boyfriend really the one whom I can see myself to be with for the rest of my life? Marriage is a very serious thing. It is not a play. It is a sacred vow that will be done in front of God and of people.Before I marry someone, I must make sure with myself that I can be with that person no matter what. That I can accept him not only of his strengths but also of his weaknesses.If I cannot guarantee to myself that I can live with him until we grow old, then I will not marry him. I don't want to marry my boyfriend just because of the reason that I am pregnant. There are so many cases in which couple separated because of wrong decision when they are still young. I can say that, if he cannot support me and my child financially and I am still not sure with him to my husband, I will really not marry him. I will rather choose to continue my life with my child and be criticized by people. I think it is much better rather than making decision which I think might not give a good result in the long run.
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
Hello annierose! That's a very nice response I got. Thank you! =) I agree with you girl. That's why I post this question because I'm already a single mom. I'm not yet married because we have the same reasons and actions in life as what you've said. It's really not the reason of getting married. Since I have my son, the next thing I'll do is by considering that if I'll get married w/ my bf, it's not an assurance of happy life. It's not that easy and yes you're right, a vow in front of HIM. Though it's hurting because your son doesn't have a father. But it's good then to have a happy mom and dad figure apart rather than legally having a mom and dad but have a broken family. Gets? I believe in GOD'S TIME! Thanks again..God bless
@annierose (17692)
• Philippines
1 Mar 09
Thank you also. I just realized that in this world, we have to be practical in everything we do. We must be responsible in all our actions. I also realized that by observing teenagers committing early pregnancy.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Feb 09
You have to be responsible for your actions. What choice have you got but carry on with your pregnancy and get married otherwise without legally being married the child will be born a bas$ard.
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
Thank you zandi458. So you will marry him or else as what you've said, the child will be born bas**rd! But aren't you afraid of "what ifs?" What if the guy doesn't love you anymore yet you're married with him? Aren't you afraid of having a broken family at the end though the child have a dad? There's no right or wrong to this, For you what's your answer? Hoping for your reply then. thanks
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Im insulted! Im 24, have 2 kids and ive been with my partner for 7 years, we are not married we live together, have jobs, own our house, each have a car and just because i dont have a piece of paper they are ba$tards? that's a bit shallow.
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
4 Mar 09
When my husbnad and I were engaged we got pregnant. I was only 18 years old and before the pregnancy we had decided that we would not rush into marriage, it would be a long engagement. Once we found out that I was expecting we decided to stick to our original plan. Sure we were having a baby and we felt like that was not a good reason to get married. We had seen this fail before as both of our parents got married because of a pregnancy and their marriages failed. We wanted to make sure that our marriage was based on our relationship and love for eachother. We felt that it would be easier for both us and the baby that way.
• Philippines
5 Mar 09
Wow! I like your gut feelings with this discussion. I felt how strong your relationship with your bf is. Congrats to the both of you. How I wish I could be like yours someday. Having a responsible man, husband and father someday! Thanks for the reply God bless.
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
ok. well i was 17 when this happened to me. i didn't have a choice but to NOT marry the guy...(LOL..), the guy didn't want it in the first place. and when he knew about it, he started to act different. i could just feel he didn't want me too. he did not want me without a doubt, to be staying around him for a very long time. he was starting to be cold, started arguments, being unsweet...you know things like that. So we split. And besides, he admitted himself that, he still loved his ex girlfriend at that time. So I just had to let go. It was complicated. And my family was complicating it even more at that time. My parents didn't want him for me, but they really didn't mind if I end up marrying the guy anyway. But yeah, he wasn't my parents' first choice for their daughter's partner. by the way, that was 5 years ago. My son is 4 years old now. It's wonderful to have him with me.
• Philippines
1 Mar 09
Wow! Good for you dear. =) Thanks for that wonderful sharing.
@nikky28 (1572)
• India
28 Feb 09
I would definitely marry him. Having a baby is a serious thing and it makes the relationship stronger. A baby needs a father as much as it needs its mother. The baby is his as much it is mine and he should take equal responsibilty for raising it up. It also makes sense soceity wise and it is a practical thing to do. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
thanks for the reply. Yes it's a serious thing but I'm in doubt that it makes the relationship stronger. Unless you love each other well, but in the case of force marriage just because you have baby now or let's say a responsibility. Don't you think is makes your relationship stronger then? Are you favor of marrying the guy just because you have a baby coming? It doesn't mean the child needs a mom and dad that's why you have to marry the guy or else the child have a mom and dad yet have a broken family ( possible). what you think? No right or wrong answers here...
@chmiwdy (72)
• China
28 Feb 09
Let him get married with you!Let his children for you and for the future,the premise is he must be really love you,willing to pay for you forever!
• Philippines
28 Feb 09
Thanks for your response. But aren't you afraid of having a broken family at the end (possible outcome) knowing that you're married to a guy just because you have a baby coming or what?
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
If I were in this situation, I would not get married right away but I will carry on with the pregnancy. People should not be branded as bast**** just because they were born out of wedlock. As long as I have raised my kid well, that should do it. Oh and I will also let the dad have his share of raising the kid. Now, if in case that during the time that we are raising up the kid (or even at the time of pregnancy) we found out that we really love each other and just can't live without the other, then that it the time that I will be thinking about getting married.
@lexi19 (25)
• United States
18 Mar 09
In my opinion... Getting pregnant is a horrible reason to get married. Two people should get married because they love and care about each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, not because they "accidentally" got pregnant. I know this may sound selfish but just because the baby needs a father doesn't mean the boyfriends is going to be the best father to the child. And just because he may be a good father to the child doesn't necessarily mean he will be a great husband to the mother. You have to think about both situations here. To start a family is a very big deal. I believe it is a lot harder for a child to be raised in a family where they constantly see fighting and possibly divorce at the end of the road, rather than being raised with a father figure that may not be their biological father. I'm not saying it's wrong to get married after finding out that you're pregnant... but do it for the right reasons.
@Theresaaiza (10466)
• Australia
4 Mar 09
I know my present BF is a very responsible man. If only things were a lot better, we would have been married by now. And we probably have children. So until we are ready we should just make sacrifices. In case I get pregnant at this time, marriage would be considered but not anytime soon. We need to be ready for marriage. It's not the solution to the problem. It'll be tough but at least I know my BF will be a responsible father and partner.
@modstar (9612)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
I'm going to reverse the situation first because i'm male. Ok just in case i impregnated my girlfriend, then i guess we should proceed with marriage but only if we are in love and sure about our feelings. But marriage can go either before or after she gave birth. However, marriage is not the solution all time. Marriage needs a lot of thinking to happen. Regardless, i will be there to support my girlfriend.