Why are there so many deadbeat Dads?

United States
February 28, 2009 8:09am CST
I hear about it all the time that the birth fathers just take off and dont support there children. I dont understand how they could do this and most of the times its not a lot of money the mom is seeking. Why would a birth dad not want to take care of there own child? Why wouldnt he want to be part of his childs life? I am just curious.
3 people like this
11 responses
@MichGurl (144)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Well I am sure being a woman that I will catch he!! for this, but this is my opinion after getting a close look at our family courts, as well as being involved with numerous groups and organizations. In my opinion, deadbeat dads aren't born, they're created by the courts and vindictive exes. I know for a fact that in our state, our courts actually make money off single parent homes by government grants and funding. Now granted, there are those fathers who are just selfish jerks, but the vast majority really do care about their children, they're just stuck between a rock and a hard spot because the courts put them there. Then you throw in an ex who just wants to prove a point and wham, its two children fighting over children. But in the end people are the same and will only take so much being beat down before they flat out just don't have the energy to get up and keep fighting. I know my ex-husband was one of them for years. But people shouldn't always be so eager to jump to conclusions in these cases because anytime the courts are involved, NOTHING is cut and dry or as simple as it seems.
• United States
1 Mar 09
Michgurl I agree with you ! I blame the courts for alot of this . I think that nowdays there are about as many mothers that just take off and leave the kids with the spouse and don't pay child support . The father ends up going broke trying to get child support from the mother that flew the coop . The problem goes both ways and the kids are stuck in the middle. The only ones that make out are the lawyers .
1 person likes this
@MichGurl (144)
• United States
1 Mar 09
You speak the truth BeachStarz!
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
2 Mar 09
I agree with you on this! I have a friend in that situation, his ex took hs dauhter to another state, and keeps the case in court for as long as possible, when he calls she will not let him talk to her, he only gets to on the off chance that his daughter answers! She is being very vindictive and it is very sad, because he wants to see his girl. When they were together he was a very good father to her. It is very unfair, and sad that these people are able to get away with this. But later on in life, her daughter will resent her for keeping her from her father.
@winterose (39916)
• Canada
28 Feb 09
guess you have to ask the deadbeat fathers. Most of the time they find that the money that is being asked is more than they can afford. And some just forget about the kids and move on. I have seen so many guys marry somebody else and forget about the other children, my father was one of them.
1 person likes this
@marmis (70)
• United States
1 Mar 09
I agree that there's both beadbeat moms and dads. My mother has always told me that any male can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a father. I became pregnant when I was 17 and the father was much older. I was expelled from school the week before I found out I was pregnant. I went on to get my GED and got a fulltime job, working double shifts through my pregnancy. Yes, the father had taken off. I had to prove paternity after my child was born. Immediately after, I found out the father had a 15 year old girl pregnant. My son was about 5 months old when they starte taking him on the weekends and that quickly ended when the new baby was born. I could never count on child support as he job hopped too much to beat the system. My son is now 11 years old and I finally dropped child support. The father is now pushing me to have my husband adopt my son as he wants nothing to do with him and doesn't want to take the chance of me going back after him for support. This is a total deadbeat - for many years we lived in the same town and he would never call, visit, etc.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4925)
• United States
1 Mar 09
There are probably lots of different reasons. Some reasons are probably completely inexcusable, then there may be other reasons that make more sense... Maybe the dad is just not good at earning money for whatever reason. Some guys are just NOT that reliable. Sometimes maybe the mom is just unrealisic about her expectations and has caused the dad to just quit trying. Sometimes maybe the "new wife" is a B.... and is somehow preventing the man from following through with his responsiblities. In this case the failure is still untimately the dads fault because nobody should let a new spouse interfere with their relationship with their children. So, although I don't think this would be a "good" reason. It might be a possible reason.
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4541)
• United States
1 Mar 09
Male, female, either one,I don't think f these type of people to be MEN or WOMEN. I don't understand it myself. The only thing I can come up with is that they are afraid to face responsibility. AS far as I am concerned, I could not imagine not being in my kids' lives every day and there is nothing that culdkeep me away from them.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
28 Feb 09
It happened that way because they are self-centered kind of "species" and their indulge is their prime necessity. Others are not important for them and maybe their childhood life background were very bad. They need lesson but don't want to learn. I am a man, but I really mad at this kind of dad. They put their brain on their toes and no longer in their head. They walk on their hat while their shoes on their head.
@ElicBxn (59425)
• United States
28 Feb 09
because they are greedy scum suckers they only want to spend money on themselves - the swine
1 person likes this
@derry123 (611)
28 Feb 09
I worry about this to .. and im at a loss to know the answer .. A big effort by all us mums bringing up sons may help in the future . Lets make sure they know the meaning of taking responsibility for their own actions and making real life commitments ..
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4881)
• United States
28 Feb 09
Because their genes tell them to go out and make more? That's what The guy who promised me forever said after he cheated on me. I didn't really buy it then, and age hasn't made me think it's any more right now. But I bet it shows up here as an answer.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 09
Okay, my oldest sons father is an extreme "deadbeat dad." My son is 8 yrs old and the longest he has ever been apart of his life is a total of a couple of months. What's even worse is that he only lived 10 minutes down the road from us. I would call him and get him to talk to his son, I would randomly drop our son off at his house and basically force him to spend time with him and I even went as far as to drop child support so that money wasn't an issue. Trust me, I don't know why men create kids and want nothing to do with them. It's only some guys though. My ex has another son that is younger (like 2 yrs old) and he loves him to pieces and spends all of his free time with him. So, I am as stumped as you are. I think it's all on how they are raised also. I was 17 when I had my son, still wanting to get through school, college, get a house and a stable job and STILL taking care of our son. Not all men are like that though because my current husband has been the father of my oldest for a long time now and he is all that my son knows as daddy. When you find out the answers to your questions, let me know.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 09
I know this is a hard thing to go through. It's happened that I had one myself. I am happy to say I loved raising my daughter alone. Hard times or not we made it through. These dads are not ready to be men and run. They have that option because the mother is being strong. She will stay and struggle it through. Now on the other side of the coin. I have friends (male) who are doing the raising of the kids. I mean from day one the woman left and not returned. 3 kids at that. My other friend is raising three girls on his own. Cooking to cleaning and then some. great question I must say.
1 person likes this
@aimee750 (1117)
• United States
1 Mar 09
It is a very sad part of our society now days that people can just walk away from their children. It's always the children that suffer.