How do you collect money from a friend?

@Ysabel (1202)
Philippines
March 2, 2009 12:13am CST
I already told my friend that I already need the money but she keeps on promising to return it to me but until now, it's still a promise! Of course I do not want to lose a friend just because of this incident. We have been through a lot in the past and I valued the friendship. I have in fact extended the terms to her: originally, its a two-week loan. And now it is more than a month already! Money owed is still money to be returned, no matter how little it is, and especially that I am also concern with my household budget and I have other considerations too. Besides, its pretty hard earned money.. So i deserve to have the payment no matter how close we are, right?
10 people like this
30 responses
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
2 Mar 09
hi ysabel,yes it true..no matter how big or small you have to pay it back,,my friend did the same way as your friend and its already 7 months old and thats i dont know what to do ..cheers
2 people like this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
hi marketing... its just so hard to handle when money matter gets in the way of friendship. until now, i haven't gotten back the money which she borrowed. how about yours? were you able to get it from your friend?
• South Korea
24 Mar 09
no..i cant seen him online since he lives in the philippines..but i ask my brother to collect the money
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
ohhh. i;m sorry to hear that too. i wish you luck though! i understand how you feel as we certainly are in the same boat.
@djemba (767)
• India
2 Mar 09
I don't think it should be a problem asking your friend for the money back if you are such good friends..But you shouldn't pressurize him because money matters can lead to a lot of misunderstanding...So be a little careful.I know you made terms of the loan but with friends it always gets informal ,so think again before lending money to another friend..
2 people like this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
that is very true. i learned that now. never, ever let money get in the way of friendship. it's a very difficult scenario as it means either i value the money more or the friendship more, but i do not want to equate a relationship with money! ahhhh... until now she hasn't paid it back though. sad.
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
i've long since learned a hard lesson that it is never good to lend money to friends. I've had friends from work who will lend money and never return the money and it does cause the friendship to end. Now, my rule of thumb is better to turn them down than have ill feelings in the end when I try to ask for the money back
2 people like this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
yes, i now realize that: never, ever let money intrudes in the way of friendship, no matter how close you are to the other person! i learned that the hard way! *sigh*
• Hong Kong
2 Mar 09
Yes, you have to collect the money, coz' its your money. Have you ask her why she can't keep her promise? is there any difficulty? she should let you know and discuss with you, I think you won't force her to return the money, right? how about return the money in installment? it may help. lending money to friends/relatives is an unwise thing, it may break your relationships.
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
she said that she's just hard up lately but said also that she's really willing to pay back its just that its impossible for now since she's having financial problems. i have extended the terms and stretched it by far. i also do not want to lose friendship just for the reason of unreturned money. who knows i might just be the one in need in the future. do you experience the same thing with your friends?
1 person likes this
@krupesh (2608)
• India
2 Mar 09
First of all never give nor take money from your friends.You might lose your friendship.Even though you tell that you do not want to lose your friendship just coz' of the money in one corner of your mind you will always have that money in your mind as it is hard earned & you also need it.Its your money , you have put a lot of effort to earn that money.who is she to enjoy your money.If she really was your true friend she would have given it back by this time.Better go to her home everyday till she returs your money & talk loudly about the money she owes you.Never give up your money till you get it back.
2 people like this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
yes, i learned that the hard way. money matters intrude in the way of friendship and it is something really hard to digest especially that money is a very sensitive and critical issue. do you have the same experience?
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
26 Oct 09
I think the best situation ever is to be very frank. Tell your friend your real situation, and not because of anything, but that you need the money too. If she is a good friend, she wouldn't keep quiet about it at all.. anyway, since this discussion was 8 months back, so how did it go?
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
thank you Zed_k4! it was finally settled. ilike what you said, i did tell my friend straighforward. it was still delayed. it took another 3 months and half, before it was paid. but at least it was settled now! thanks for the reply. see you around mylot
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
30 Oct 09
You are so welcome. I'm so happy it works out for you ..
@jheLaichie (4439)
• Philippines
30 May 09
yes you are totally right my friend. any way just be frannk and go straight to the point with yor friend my dear. whats important is that she knows how you badly needed that money she owed you and if she is really a friend she would always considers the importance of it all. and if she's totally a friend then she would understands why you keep on asking her about that matter... so go girl!!!! ... jhelai
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
hello there, jhelaichie! i finally told my friend i need the money and i risked our friendship in doing so because i am not sure how she will take it. anyway, after that, it took another 3 months and half before she paid. and when she paid for it, i don't really need the money anymore. but glad that she settled it anyway. thanks for joining this discussion!
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
3 Mar 09
You should honest with your friend about your situation. You might tell that you have tight budget recently, and you really need that money back ASAP. If she understands you, she should pay your money back if she is not in financial trouble. If she was really in deep trouble, give her another probation.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
30 Oct 09
thank you for the reply. it was already settled. i told my friend straightforward and i really risked ouor friendship in doing so. it took another 3 months and half, before it was finally paid. not bad after all, but its the waiting time that matters. when she paid, i no longer need the money at that time.
@Luffy_12 (17)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Ask for it in a nice way
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
thanks Luffy. i already did. but to now avail though.
@srganesh (6349)
• India
2 Mar 09
If the friendship is like some class mate or batch mate or office friendship,then you shall corner her to return back your money.You need not worry if the friendship goes broken.But if she is really a good friend who can be a mental or emotional support to you and can back you in any of your hardships,then you should handle this carefully.Because a relationship is worth more than the money.
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
Yes, definiteyl relationship is worth more than money. That makes this more complicated. It would appear as I am after the money but the truth is I valued friendship more. I have given up already, I don't think she will pay me anytime soon. And she has been avoiding me so friendship was in way, compromised.
@ulalume (714)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Yes, you do deserve the money. It is, afterall, yours! She's not really being a friend if she is (intentionally) holding back and not paying you. In the past I've loaned people money (among other things), and from that negative experience I will never loan anyone money (or anything, for that matter) again. I dont care if they're a friend or not. If she really is your friend, I would suggest letting her pay in increments (if she needed money bad enough to take a loan from you, she is probably pretty poor). It would probably make it easier on her to pay you instead of giving you a lump sum. Say the loan was 50 dollars. It is not that easy to set aside 50 dollars (while paying for insurance, a rent, and other things) on a tight budget. But paying maybe five increments of 10 dollars, its not that bad! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@tea512 (687)
• United States
2 Mar 09
You deserve payment but getting it is a problem all together. You should never lend friends money as it will always come between you in the end or sit in the room like an 800 pound gorilla when you are together. An old wise person once told me that only givew money to friends that you expect not returned this way idf they pay it is found money and if they do not they know you helped.
1 person likes this
• India
2 Mar 09
It's a very sensitive situation. Open up to your friend. Tell her your desperate requirement to cover up the expenses. Be low, legible and respectful. If she is concerned about you she will spring to your help. Keep your expectations below average. Or you may get irritated if she refuses or sprouts new irrational reasons for not returning. Then the scene can get a little off hand. I am a kind of person who cannot say the word 'NO' to anyone ,be it a friend or a stranger. So i am like taken advantage of ..My friends called me 'world bank'. My parents run a furniture business in the city. So I was known also as 'proprietor'. I usually hated to hear such remarks , because I come from an average middle class family which struggles . But noone wants to hear or believe my part of the story and they assume that I was born with a silver spoon. I used to keep a pocket book to keep a memory of lended money. But it was like only a referance . A few returned , a few bargained ,some even denied having borrowed.I have lost approximately 3000-3500 bucks during my graduation. It is hard to say who your real friends are. Because I have learned in a college where politics was introduced began to start splitting batches. Bossom friends turn into enemies , threat calls , fights , hostile hostels. This may last only till a few months after the election results. So what is this temporary friendship?? It is true friendship. Because now that we are out of college and politics is no more important ,things are back to as it were . Is it true friendship? My point is there are several factors which humans feel are costlier than friendship . Money is the top in this list , no doubt. But I have a lot of friends whom I know will be with me , be it in happiness or sorrow. We may lend or borrow money . To get it back ,just open up. No hassles . Just ask/speak frankly ,that's the motto. But it is better to be within this circle. There would be vultures around . So keep eyes open for those. Well now I am quite experienced in marking such leeches because I do not open my heart to everyone. I am now conserved in my relations. So I make friends slow. But it's turned good so far. So go ahead , speak to your pal. Make sure she is in a good mood so that your words could do the magic....
1 person likes this
2 Mar 09
Hi ysabel, You done the worst thing ever lending money to a friend, it is the quickest way to lose a friendsship, I have never borrowed or lend money to any of my friends and that is why my friends are with me fro over 30 years. I don't think you will get it back. Tamara
1 person likes this
@erskine (72)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
This is actually a very delicate situation as you'd never want to lose a valued friend. I experienced the same thing in the past, a friend borrowed money from me in order to pay his tuition fees. As I had the money to spare at that time, I loaned it to him. The sad thing was despite me knowing he already had the money as I could see him getting new shoes, clothes, etc, he wasn't forking up the maoney he owed me. What I did was I talked to him and told him that I really needed the money and I would appreciate if he kept his word. Surprisingly, in a couple of weeks he returned the money. What I would suggest is for you to try and see if he/she already has the money. If you see that he's kinda in abinge and doesn't really have the money to pay you, giving a little more time wouldn't really hurt. But if you see that he or she's been spending money every now and then, then I think a little talk wouldn't hurt...
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
2 Mar 09
Hi Ysabel! I do agree with you that you deserve the payment even if you are close with each other. I think you could ask her nicely yet firmly that you need the money and specify a date because you are also in need to pay some bills. I think you have already given her enough time and hopefully she would be able to pay you back this time. Take care and have a wonderful day! lovelots..faith
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
2 Mar 09
MOney always causes friendship or even relationship to sour, no matter how close they are or can be.. Money between friends are often the hardest to get back because those borrowers tend to take advantage of lenders.. IN your case here, no matter how tight your budget is now, u definitely have to get it back from your fren.. Since she cant return the whole amount to u in one go, then u can get it back from her bit by bit, via instalment.. Though the small bits of money cant really help u much, but at least, it made sure that u got all or most of your money back over a period of time ^_^
1 person likes this
• Chennai, India
2 Mar 09
It depends on how much money it is and how the friends acts, to me. I don't lend too much money to anybody. If it is a little money and my friends keeps evading me for this little money, he/she is not my friend. I'll just ask him to repay or leave. If he/she is my true friend, I won't even talk about it irrespective of how big the amount is. My friends know me and repay the money promptly, I know. To some friends, I've lent the money saying "I take it as if I've spent it for me".
1 person likes this
@regal_aeros (2606)
• Singapore
2 Mar 09
i know just how hard it is. i too learnt through the hard way never to lend money to friends. especially good ones. Anyway, what you can do is hound her everyday. but this way, you'd be kissing this friendship goodbye too. Because she will feel frustrated and there will surely be a drift. You might want to tell her that you need the money urgently due to some household stuff.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Nov 09
Oh.. So you have money problems Ysabel. Is it a large amount? If this is the case, then you should tell that friend of yours that you won't be lending her money next time if she would not pay in time. Who is this Ysabel? I just want to know. Friend or no friend, she should pay on the date agreed upon.
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
2 Nov 09
hello ethanonthemoon... thanks for the response.. but just in case you didn't notice, this discussion was created nine (9) months ago... anyway, it has already been settled, but it was not that easy then. at times, when money matters get in the way of friendship, one has to reconsider which is more valuable. and more often than not, its the relationship or the friendship matters most. well, for me that is.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Nov 09
Yes. I noticed that this post was posted nine months ago. Just the same, I want to know.