How often do you criticized your lover, wife or husband ?

Philippines
March 2, 2009 10:44pm CST
If the wife doesn’t know how to cook or the husband’s carpentry skills wasn’t good enough, or your boyfriend or girlfriend’s new hair style doesn’t fit her/him, do you have to criticize the person ? When and what way would be appropriate to express your criticisms ? If your significant other criticizes you often how would you feel ? When is it right when your husband /wife/ lover would criticize ? and lastly, How often would you criticize someone you claim you loved ?
9 people like this
29 responses
• Australia
3 Mar 09
Y'know, I try really hard to never ever speak negatively about my girlfriend to other people or behind her back. I feel that I love and respect her, and I owe her the dignity of not being talked about, unless I'm telling people about the good things. Any negatives we may have in the relationship (and all relationships have them) are between her and I and should only be talked about with each other. I just don't think it's fair to talk to anyone else about the bad stuff, because she deserves better than that.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 09
I soo agree with Downunder-dude ! You are Right On!! Bad talking is always bad , specially when it's someone you say you love . There is no excuse for it . My husband and I never do this . We might joke about each other , or teas each other but it is done in a way we both laugh and smile about it . You should not say something that makes the other feel uncomfortable .
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
You both have points, I think in every relationship there are flaws on it and such one is kept in private, I respect both your point of views.
• Canada
10 Mar 09
i always try to lift up my husband and to not critize it can become a habit if you do not watch your tongue.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
That is important aspect in every marriage, taming your tongue and opening your mouth at the right point would give way for each other to be heard and listened to. Thanks for sharing your idea.
• United States
3 Mar 09
I really don't know if all couples will accept constructive criticsm. This is good only if the other person can admit his faults and work on it to be better. My husband and I are always open to each other's opinion but I do not remember us criticizing each other.An opinion can be voiced out without it sounding like a criticsm. Depends really on how you say it.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
All of us has our own weak points as a person, whenever we decided to tie up with another, we would try to adjust and accept his or her short comings and it can be worked out if both couple would talk things over, you are absolutely right with your observation that opinions can be voiced out as long as one would consider that it would deliver to your mate in a gentle and loving way.
@ryuvinta (153)
• Indonesia
4 Mar 09
very often, i always critic my lover when there are many things that is not appropiate with me, such as when he is smooking, because i hate when he is smooking
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
If its okay with you I would like to ask a question based on what you have just written, does your husband listened to you ? How would you express that to him ?
• India
3 Mar 09
Not at all, i only criticize other's wife or lover and husband :)
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
hehehe
@buggles64 (2709)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Generally, a husband and wife should always praise each other up. My first husband would always roll his eyes at me and tell me "don't be so stupid!" It's a wonder our marriage lasted almost 16 years. I always felt belittled when he did that. If a wife/husband does the best that they can do, then they should appreciate the fact that the other person was willing to do it. I had a dresser made for me, by my brother. The dresser is beautiful...but the drawers get stuck and I find myself cussing at these drawers all the time, but the fact still remains that this dresser was made for me, and all the time that went into making it and that's what makes it so special. If I loved someone and they were treating me like dirt, then I would criticize them, because they were not being totally upfront about their actions.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
That's fair for enough to fight back if you are not treated well, I would presume that you have get over that kind of situation buggles, you deserve someone better than that kind of person.
@mtdewgurl74 (18151)
• United States
26 Mar 09
I feel that no you don't have to be criticizing of the person. Everyone learns at their own pace and by their own mistakes. So what if you don't like the new hair do they got if they like it that is what counts. My husband does criticizes me about a few things. My weight,my clothes, and when I dye my hair and sometimes the way I acted. I try not to criticize but sometimes I just can't help myself it is usually when I am angry about something they didn't or did do. Not often but still I shouldn't do it. People have enough stress to deal with daily without everyone stepping up to the plate to criticizing them.
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
So true, its not seem fair that when you see something like a flaw of that person it is just so hurtful, it could only be good or fair enough when the criticism is brought in a gentle loving way (constructive). Thanks dewgurl !
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
6 Mar 09
Criticism, a god word, depend on where it is used, how much it is used. I never do criticize a person if I do not see he/she are doing something wrong. We all do things differently but with the same outcome. I remember my ex, who work as a nurse, he had his way of sound like a leader even at home. But I remember when He was behind me and criticized me in the kitchen. I was going to cut some sausage into parts. And He did critizesed me about how I did cut it. It does not matter how the parts looked in my opinion, it should end up in your stummock anyways. When He had stand there and talked over my head for a while, I took everything and trashed it and said - well, If you do not like my way of doing things, then You do it Your self. I never went back in the kitchen after that. During our marrige he had to cook the food after that incident. I felt, to critizise me for how the parts were looking, was unnessesery and a bit stupid of him. We are adults, and we learn things differently since we have different kind of teachers in life. How ever, god critizism is god if You really do something wrong, you need to know it in order to do it right.
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
Hi anetteh, I think that was so unfair, maybe if he had been teaching you the right way and not criticized you in away that hurts your feelings, you would still be cooking for him until now and more possibly has improved better ! Thanks for sharing your experience.
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
8 Mar 09
Hello torchablazed, If my significant other always criticize me, I will definitely feel sad and down. But, I don't like to be praised all the times too. Whenever I realize that I am not good at something, I will ask his opinion and see whether he will criticize me or not. Sometimes, my husband doesn't want to say anything that can hurt me but I always remind him that I don't mind being criticized by him - for my own sake. We seldom criticize each other but when it we need to, we just tell each other, talk nicely and end it up with a happy smile and forget about the criticism the next day!
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
I think that's the way things should be doing with couples ! Hugs to both of you.
1 person likes this
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
4 Mar 09
I don't ever criticize my husband, he may not have any carpentry skills, he said he hated in carpentry in school, but he's very mechanical, he can take something apart and fix it and put it back together no problem, he's a mechanic, he keeps my car running good, I don't have to take it in for service anywhere and he does it free of charge. I've heard that he brags to other people about my cooking skills, he tells them I'm a good cook, and I appreciate that, so we don't criticize each other at all. I don't know when the right is time to criticize someone, I don't think you should do that to anyone.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
That's wonderful to know that you and your husband are proud for each other, keep loving and supporting each other !
• United States
3 Mar 09
I can't remember if i do criticized my husband since he was responsible husband to me and I didn't remember also he criticized me. But there was a time we having fun each other that was his or my faults if there was something we can't agree in things but after that we doesn't talk it and we end up laughing. We not put us all the time our faults co'z since he don't like argue i don't like argue in same way too. So. before we do something we both decided together so no one will blaming when we or someone failed.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
I dont like arguments either especially with my wife as well, just like you, we talk over things together.
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
In a relationship, you can not expect him or her to be perfect like, the way they look, pampering you with great gifts, cooking your favorite dish and they sometimes miss the important details to make your relationship happier. But, that is why in a relationship you are not alone, you have partner to tell you what is going on or what are the things you should do to make or break a relationship. Critisizing our partner is not bad all the time. It depends on how you deal with it and how you tell them without hurting them. Explain well to your partner which part did he or she miss. In that way you can talk it over or even fight over it but always have a heart to understand and open your mind to any changes that will keep your love stronger. Love, Honesty, Trust, Time, Patience and Commitment should be present in a relationship and everything will follows.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I love the way you put it here and let me quote that "always have a heart to understand and open your mind to any changes that will keep your love stronger", this should be kept by heart to those who have read your view on this discussion. Thanks for the thoughts !
@dsrtrose (166)
• United States
5 Mar 09
Instead of criticizing, I usually mention something that bothers me, and we discuss it. If I hold things in then it becomes alot of criticism thrown at one time, which is just mean and unfair. I don't like it so I know he does not like it. So, I try to keep things current and not hold things in and be vindinctive
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Its goo that you do discuss things out, I think couples should talk it over such that it would help another instead of hurting them, and yes, becoming too critical would be mean and unfair.
• India
12 Mar 09
Its bad to riticize your girlfriend. Its like criticizing your shadow..Love her to the deepest , Life will be sweet , that is for what we are born for :)
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
Good point !
• Philippines
3 Mar 09
i criticized by gf only if i dont like what she was doing like i dont like her mood or what she does.
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Hmm I think that was sweet.
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I know that I really don't like receive criticism from my husband. Constructive criticism is one thing. But as long as that type of thing doesn't last for too long then it can be alright. I think that two people in a caring relationship or marriage should work with one another to give each other moral support instead of any criticizing or insulting. There are different ways of communicating. I think that when the exchange of polite words between two loving people does not happen anymore then that can lead to problems and issues. That is what probably breaks up most marriages when two people won't listen and start to nag and pick on the other one. I mentioned above that some criticism can be alright. But I might need to reword that. Constructive criticism is the kind of thing that I find can be alright in certain times during our lives. After all we might need a little help or heads up by somebody else when we might be doing something wrong. I think that most people would be happier if they discussed things rationally with the other half before things explode and turn into something big or ugly. It is not worth losing a person over.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
You have spoken well bamakelly, I do agree every word you say, harsh words and negative criticism does wreck a relationship. Thanks for dropping by !
@willy6 (498)
• Jamaica
4 Mar 09
One have to be very careful how partner criticize each other. I believe that you can criticize your mate, but in a loving way. It make me feel so bad sometimes when I am criticise, but after a while I evaluate it and see that its because my partner love me, that is why he tried to put me right. He always say that it is better he correct me than someone outside do it, so he always try to do it before anyone does. I believe that its the way one is critize that is causing the big problem. I tried to criticize my mate in a loving way, and if it come across wrong I apologize and explaine my intention. It also depends on your mood. If one is in a bad moon, even if what the person says is right, we will see it in a bad way.So one mood is very important.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I agree with what you have said, just wanted to ask a follow up question on your last phrase, how would do you deal with your partner when he is really critical and in bad mood ?
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
3 Mar 09
I never criticize. By now he knows me well enough to guage how I feel based on my reactions. If he does or says something I do not agree with I am usually quiet unless he asks me to give my opinion. Since I usually have much to say the rest of the time he understands when the joke has gone too far or when it's time to stop saying something or behaving a certain way. It's not my place to chastise him like a child. He stops himself because he cares about me and respects me. As far as cooking or fixing things we both have skills and talents in those areas and we support each other in the thing we don't know.
• Philippines
7 Mar 09
Being supportive with each other is one thing that husbands and wives should do, in this way marriage would last a lifetime. Keep up and give my hugs to your husband as well. Thanks for your thoughts Canellita !
@HelloMickey (1655)
• Hong Kong
3 Mar 09
My husband never criticize me. And I always criticize him for doing thing not perfect and right. I believe in criticism of every weakness can make progress. But he believes in the praise would do better. We are different kinds of people. But we are a prefect match. I do appreciate how much his support and consideration offered to me. And he appreciates how much I care for him, worry about his performance in everything, so I criticize him. As we know each other very much and would not think words and behavior from the other was with bad intent.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
That's wonderful to know Mickey, I do agree that as a couple, each one would be able to offer the other support and consideration, without any bad intent whatsoever for the other half.
4 Mar 09
I feel that I shouldn't be overly critical, but also honesty is very important. If the lover didn't do something right, I tell them.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
At some point we all have done something that is not always right, but just like us, if someone would be too critical over the act, I think we would react and feel hurt, unless if the honest opinion would be done in a manner that is not really hurtful, I think smooth and lasting relationship would work out. Thanks for your words dskblack !