What do you think is the biggist doffirence between westen and easten parents?

China
March 3, 2009 7:20pm CST
Hello everyone. I am an easten girl and accept easten education from birth.Lately,I make friend with a westen boy.He tells me about the website and I komn here. I find westen parents are always praising their chilren.They ofen say "I am so proud of you!You are the best!You are so excellent!" On the other hand,easten parents are always saying"You are stupid!I feel shame about you!" I want to kowe why it is so diffrent.What causes the diffrence?What influence can it cause?
4 people like this
14 responses
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
4 Mar 09
Oh goodnness! And here I am thinking that the western folks were capable of this type of rude behavior. But, the eastern parents are a surprise. I guess when you are up state you let all your ego go to your head. And when you are in the western, then they know what it is like to be poor and broken. I guess that is where praise is at. I don't like the way these two cultures clash when it comes to identifying a part of a persons area..
2 people like this
• China
4 Mar 09
You are fomidable.I admire you.
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
4 Mar 09
I don't think what you said about parents from eastern is true. I come from an eastern country too, but my parents always support me all their efforts. I think you are saying the worst kind of parents who would blame their childern like that. I never believe peoples from all of the world are much different, we all are just human. You will be just being as you no matter where you are living in.
• China
4 Mar 09
Maybe you are right.But I from birth accept very traditional education.My parents are strict and blame me a lot.They put many hope om me and I feel much presure.Do you understand?
• Hong Kong
4 Mar 09
Any person can be reasonable. So why don't you tell them what you feel? They just don't know the way to love you, or you can say they don't know which way you love them to do so, help them to understand. I am a kind of sensible girl, I was suffered from overanxious disorder long time ago. I once read a book about this overanxious disorder and knew that the way my father talked to me would make my ill worse, he keeps telling me the anxiety is nothing and saying to me don't be such a baby. It made me think that I was an idiot to have anxiety which made things worse than ever. So I talked to my father and let him know how exactly I felt. My mother understands it so much and helps me a lot, although my fater still doesn't understand, he stopped do the same thing to me. I think they just don't know what we want/need. Let them know about it.
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
Well, not in general would parents always praise their children as well as scold them for things that they have done wrong. It could be a matter of location but, it has a lot to do with the upbringing that the parents have experienced during their growth which determines the way they would handle their own children as they eventually raise their own.
• China
4 Mar 09
you are like the above one.Rational.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
We often try to look at it in different perspectives as much as possible before we could come up with our own opinion every now and then.
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
4 Mar 09
There is a big difference, you have heard western parents saying things to the children only on TV and you watch your parents live! The TV doesn't show you the bitter reality. Even in TV shows you can see eastern parents would praise their children. Parents are parents and what they want is that their children should be the brighter one. With all the pressure these days, it is difficult for every child to be perfect one, hence the frustration comes out.
• China
4 Mar 09
you are rational.
1 person likes this
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
4 Mar 09
What do you mean by that ? rational?
@ktosea (2027)
• China
4 Mar 09
I am sure the reason cinsists in the difference of the cultures.the western people are more open than the easterns.if you try to fingure out you will find many difference between western people and eastern people,but to their children,their love is common,they all love their children, the quotes are just the different ways to express
• China
4 Mar 09
hi ktosea. You are undeniablely right.As we eat,westers use knife,eateners use chopstickes,But they all want to eat and they make it.Is it like this?
@cvrajan (356)
• India
4 Mar 09
I feel somehow in the east, due to the influence of religion (Hinduism and Buddhism), egotism is one thing that we do not want to develop in our children disproportionately to their true capacity. Encouraging someone with postive pep talk is one thing; allowing one's ego getting bloated with a self-image not proportionate to histrue self is different. All parents want their children to come up in life with good characteristics. As parents, we are close to them and can watch their negative tendencies. Unless we parents criticize and correct them, who will do it? There is a saying in Tamil, "Only third persons will tell nice things to make you laugh; your closest ones will tell you things frankly that make you cry". As a parent in the east, my criticism about negative tendencies in my children is more than my words of appreciation on them. If they achieve something positive, my appreciation is subdued; my intention always is that they should not feel too pride about what they have achieved. But if they do something bad, I am very strong in my criticism and admonition. Yes. The children feel at times bad about my behavior as parent. But they too understand that becoming too proud of your achievements is not a good quality, as we parents too make sure that we are not boastful in our behavior. We believe, when they face the outer world one day all alone, they will be able to bear criticism, lack of appreciation at the office by the boss etc better though their learning in the childhood.
• China
4 Mar 09
Thank you. now I feel maybe I am lucky to be an easten girl.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
7 Mar 09
Frankly, I feel that admonition in the name of best intention would not help an already gifted child.This may work in the case of very few lethargic children with average capability and you need a whip to drive them and instil some sense in their heads.Even here, first of all I would blame the parents for being the cause of the child's lethargy and subsequent aggression. I have seen a number of my students and I have always spoken to the parents to give their best attention, then encouragement and praise. They sometimes would tend to thrust their expectations on the child.This causes the never ending dissatisafaction on the part of the parents.The parents need to work along with the child [at least one of them / in most of our cases it becomes the mother and I have seen this also by personal experience that where the mother works with the child , the child achieves its full potential.' There is nothing wrong in giving praise to the children.We are adults and don't we feel happy when someone gives us a 'best response'?It is human nature to feel pleased with some compliments and praise and in the case of children they would be motivated to do better with the right encouragement.I am giving vent to my feelings I guess [as a teacher I have told many of the parents this [who came to me with complaints against the children ]As I said, one has to work with the child in this competitive age and not just say'Shame on you!They ought to sacrifice their all and support the child's intellectual wellbeing , provide him/her with as many accessories as , be with the child to the exclusion of personal pleasures and then expect anything from the children.Expectations mount high and that is the reason for condemnation. .Perhaps there may be another aspect of parents supporting their children up to their higher education.But predominantly I feel parents in eastern countries wherever they fail to praise the children or give them their due encouragement are too harsh .So, in future what soft feelings would the child have for a mother or a father who is harsh and hurts the child? Then once again such parents would come out with bloomers like'in our days ----blahblahblah!" and feel righteous in their old age. It is an undesirable attitude that needs change .In the name of not allowing the child to 'stagnate and get complacent' parents only thrust thier expectations on them , give them targets, make them nervous and spoil what could have been in a few cases.An objective analysis must be given to the child but it must start with respectful dialogue, a genuine attempt to help and not lectures and condemnations, if they would like to find out the real capacity of the son or daughter. When a parent praises an adult child indiscriminately, it may cause the stagnation of the boy or a girl. But even here, the parents must be aware of the child's sensitivity, nature, potential, maximum capacity and then give very gentle advice and try to help with sincere suggestions .Then the son or daughter would be able to relate better with the parent and also correct himself/herself if need be. I am against the attitude mentioned by you.Such parents are heartless. To sum it all up and in answer to your questions , the unjustified expectations cause this and this is going to have a negative impact on the child's feelings towards the parents. They are not going to buy the argument' everything was for your good'. If it is a totally aggressive child what good can any way be wrought ? All these temper tantrums would be shown on an already meek child. Sorry if I have bored you with too elaborate a response.
@cindyhxf (1447)
• China
4 Mar 09
Hi friend.i am easten parent.but i never say to my kid "you are stupid,i feel shame about you"maybe some parents didn't have a good way to teach kids ,but i am sure it happened verywhere.it is good to give enough confidence to kids in life.good kids is praised by parents,not hit or hurt.i knew some westen parents still have not good way to teach kids.just like some kids is bolshy much,sure it happened here too.but most of kids here respect and love their parents too.so we should think it is big difference is society and education is aura and make life style or values differenty from them
@jelani (9)
• United States
4 Mar 09
well im from the south east from puerto rico but um i think there the same but just act little diffrent. : D.
@cupkitties (7176)
• United States
4 Mar 09
huanglian, this is not true of all Western parents as I'm sure not every Eastern parent puts their kid down. There are kids here who suffer verbal abuse by their parents.
@enciel (371)
• Philippines
4 Mar 09
i think it entirely depends on the person not the race. culture has its effect but not on general. i think both sides either western or asian have good and bad parents. i don't agree with what you are saying that western parents tend to praise more than asian parents and vice versa, it's just a matter of upbringing on values of each individual.
• Australia
4 Mar 09
i think thats why eastern children are more good than western children.
@zhangfzoe (432)
• China
4 Mar 09
I am agree with you. Looking back to my school days, my parents want me to get excellent marks but they don't praise me.When I am upset, they still harsh on me. Western parents treat their child as friend and respect their child's choice , while the eastern parents don't trust their child's ability.So, I feel the eduction in my family is strict and unhappy.
• India
4 Mar 09
Hey u are sadly mistaken dear parents are parents no matter eastern or western ,the only thing that make a difference is the society and localities and environment we live in.So stop blaming your parents for any thing. Parents can never be bad at least not for their children and you will understand this when you will become a mother darling.