How can I remind a friend that she owes me money?

Philippines
March 9, 2009 8:32am CST
I have this former officemate who borrowed some money early last year as she needed to pay school fees of her children...with a promise that she would return the money after two months.Two months came and I received a phone call asking for another two months.It has been more than a year now and she still hasn't paid me back.I bumped into her in the mall this morning and there was no mention of the debt. If you were in this situation,would you remind her?If so,how would you do it? I would appreciate your opinion on this.Thank you in advance.
17 people like this
72 responses
• United States
9 Mar 09
I know a girl that keeps "borrowing" money off of friends. She calls it borrowing, but I always thought that borrowing meant paying it back at some point. Do you have a signed paper or something in writing or a check with a notation "loan" written on it? If it was just cash money that passed hands with no witnesses, there is not much of a case here. I only mention that because a lot of times situations like this end up in court with the lending person trying to get the money back. I hope it was not a large amount of money. I would definitely ask her about the money she borrowed. Do not be surprised if she denies that she owes you anything, tells you she cannot pay, or gets angry if you ask. If you are blessed enough that she would respond kindly, dig into her pocket and give you some or all of the money back, consider yourself a blessed person and run, don't walk to the bank. You sound like a tender-hearted caring person. Don't let this experience keep you from being a caring person just get it in writing next time and consider the persons money habits. Sometimes money lost has to be looked at as an unwilling donation. I hope this turns out well for you.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Thank you for those kind words,sysdexlicwriter.As to the paperwork,there was none.I didn't think it was necessary at that moment...my mistake.She was problematic at that time and I was glad to help her out.It involved Php20,000 (Philippine currency) that would be around US$400+.It may not be huge but it is a substantial amount. I also hope things turn out well. Again,much thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Mar 09
In view of the fact that I make about $.30 per day in myLot and that is with some time spent on it, $400.00 is a lot of money. I am sorry that this happened to you. I find that somehow this will come back to you in time even if she does not give it. I wonder what her reply will be when or if you ask. Also, maybe she in her heart wants to pay you but does not know how she will be able to get the money and is embarrassed to speak to you.
• United States
10 Mar 09
This just came to me. I worked for a company once that never paid their bills on time. I got to take the calls from people who wanted payment. The first one who got paid every month was the lady who called every day "just to say hi." She was very friendly but just would not go away. Later when working for my husband, I used the same approach and one company paid us thousands of dollars for a system that they tore out that was put in by the previous manager. My husband was so surprised. I just called from time to time "just to say hi, and ask for the payment." This is difficult with a person like what you are dealing with because they may think they can get more money out of you. I wish you well.
@benny128 (3622)
9 Mar 09
I would personally use the recession as a reason, and just say in general conversation that your working hours have been cut and you could really do with the money that she borrowed back. I had same problem with a family member and she paid me back last week after I done a similar thing.
2 people like this
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
That just might work. Thanks,benny.
2 people like this
@benny128 (3622)
9 Mar 09
well it worked for me good luck with it, and even if you get it in installments better than nothing,
2 people like this
@debny711 (264)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I agree with Benny128, use the recession as an excuse. Times are tough right now. Never give your bank account number to anyone. That would a very bad move. Good luck
@rakesh284 (1473)
• India
9 Mar 09
Thank god I have never been in such a situation till now. Well I have given money to my friends but not big amount. Even not too small amount. It has been between 100 to 1000 rupees One of my friends has taken around rs.500 few days back. He told me that he will return me at the start of this month but still I haven't received any money from him. I think he doesn't remember this. Even I am confused how to remind him about it.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Situations like this can really be hard. I hope you get paid,rakesh.Don't wait for too long and make the same mistake I did.
1 person likes this
@rakesh284 (1473)
• India
10 Mar 09
That's really true, I don't even recognized how these 10 days passed. Same can happen in future that's why I will try to ask him by calling. Thanks for your suggestions
• Canada
9 Mar 09
Well, if a person owes you money then they should pay you back. Why should you worry about reminding her she owes you money? Why did you let it slide for a whole year? Go to her and work something out with her. But if you see she is poor and cannot really pay you back, don't burden her with this, just forget it and give it to her. God will pay you back ten times more and one day when she does work and make money, she might just come to you and pay you. I have lent alot of money in my time and some have paid me back, some didn't and some suprised me years later to pay me and I had forgotten all about it! I never have been in want for money even though am not rich God always has seen to it that I have the essentials. The person who owes you is much more troubled than you because every time she sees you she will think about it..when you do lend money you should always have a paper signed..on the amount, when and how will that person pay you. That way you have a better recourse.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Hi DancingRedFeather. That's what I thought at first,it's not my duty to remind her because it is her responsibility in the first place.I didn't make her sign any promissory note as I considered her a friend and I treated the situation as a favor I am extending. I appreciate your view on this.Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
• Canada
10 Mar 09
Yes, we tend to not make our friends sign a promisary note but I think it is the best thing to do..unless of course it is a best friend and known to pay back. She knows that she owes you and maybe can't pay you back and feels terrible enough not even able to tell you or she just doesn't care. So, do go and ask her, find out her situation and if she is still in a bad way..forget it. God will take care of it and give you much more..as it is said if someone is in need give him your coat and I will give you a more beautiful one. i remember when I was 17 I borrowed 5$ which was missing to take my bus back home..am 65 and I still think of it as I never was able to find her again..if I ever did I would go see her and give her the 5$ She probably completely forgot about it but I think of it time to time as I have always paid any money I borrowed on time.
1 person likes this
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
if i were you, i'd tell her about it straightforward, and straight to the point. I know it's hard, but just try to be frank about it but still be nice in your tone of voice and the carefully choose the words so it won't hurt her. But looking at your situation, I think she's the one who has the problem - it's her responsiblt to do the approaching and negotiating with you if she even has the intentions to pay you back - i can't believe she didn't even mention it when she bumped at you at the mall. You really think she has any intentions of paying you back??
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Honestly,I think she has no intentions although I'd still like to think otherwise. I'm still thinking of the best way to remind her without sounding offensive as I don't want to hurt her feelings. Thanks for your response,kquiming.
1 person likes this
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
then that only means she doesn't deserve your patience and being nice at all!!
1 person likes this
@ryzach (1546)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Just contact your friend and be straight up and tell her it is time, I would be persistent and firm but still friendly. You were there for your friend when they needed it, now you need them to pay you back. After the 2 month extention she requested she should have been in touch with you either explaining why she has not paid yet or to make arrangements to pay you. Did she not contact you in that 6 month period until you bumped into her at the mall????? Sounds like she has forgotten about the debt or has no intention of paying you. I would definitely contact her!!!!!
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Hi ryzach. No,I haven't heard from her since then.I intend to call or email her within the week. Thank you so much for responding.
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
talk to her straight and ask her if she can pay you already since it's been a long time...that wont be rude since you have given her enough time to pay you but then she's not making any move or she hasn't approach you about that thing..if she doesn't want herself to be reminded then be the one to remind her the responsibilities..^^
2 people like this
• Canada
9 Mar 09
It's obvious, we all feel that you must approach, and remind this person of the debt, and that you have been very, very tolerant of this oversight! I would not pass along any mistruths, as to why you want the money back, it is yours....and if necessary try to work out a payment schedule! I am just afraid, as that you have waited this long, you will find her another victim of the economy and she will use that reason for not paying you now! I truly hope that you have either; a witness, or some proof of this loan, because if you don't you are totally relying on their integrity....and you may not re-coop! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@Rainegurl (2158)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Hi, elmolovesu I think the best way is to call her and remind her of her debt. You can also tell her that you badly need the money. This is one thing I hate most, elmo When a friend borrows money and then have amnesia and forgets about her debt. More than the money lost, I find it very disrespectful if she does not acknowledge that she owes me money. I can take it if she really is not yet capable of paying but it would really help if she brings it up first and tell me she cannot pay me yet but she is working on it. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
Hi rainegurl. I'm giving it until the end of this week before reminding her to give her a chance to bring it up first. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@nansheeca (215)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
i guess you better go to her house and just say it and on a very firm manner. i mean dont overdo it, still show some respect but let her know that you are not happy with what she is doing. and if she still, did not pay you back then its about time you confront her husband.
2 people like this
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
If calling her won't work,then I'd really have to go to her house. Thanks,nansheeca. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@elghrasya (502)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Well it depends if your former officemate doesn't have money to pay you then I will just give him another months and if you don't need the money yet. But if you really need the money then why not tell it to your officemate straight forward about the matters you are talking about. Tell him you need the money and remind him the promised he made. If I were in your situation I will tell him frankly just like this "I need the money please pay me" hahaha!
2 people like this
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I'll probably wait for two to three days before calling her...try to see if she would initiate. thanks,elghrasya.
1 person likes this
@regal_aeros (2606)
• Singapore
9 Mar 09
if you have her number, you can drop her a message. This is what me and my friends do. We drop each other messages indicating our account number and asking for a transfer. After 2 weeks or so, if the money doesn't come in, we'd drop another message. I know it's easier said than done.
2 people like this
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
Thanks,regal_aeros.I agree with you,it is easier said than done. I'm actually contemplating on giving her a call but I probably won't give her my account number for a transfer.I have to take precaution on this one. Thanks again.
2 people like this
@marisriel (1157)
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I had problems in the past because of lending money and borrowing money. So my rule of thumb these days, though not that stone strict, but to avoid as much as possible, is not to borrow or lend money. I should live with what I have so I don't have to borrow and budget all the time. And about lending, just say no as much as you can, better yet, if you really have the money, just give the money to the person or consider it that way (just don't tell it to the person borrowing money). That way, you will have a peace of mind even if he or she does not return it back. And you'll have more spare cash in the future if that person returns your money back.
• United States
9 Mar 09
That is a tough one, money is not very good to mix with friendships. I let it be known that I do not give out my money to be borrowed, because most of the time it can harm a relationship, because sometimes people purposely make themselves forget that they owe it, maybe because they don't have the money, or else they do not want to acknowledge that they shamed themselves because they waited so long to pay you back, hoping that you forgot yourself. Here are some good Shakespeare quotes on lending out money, they are very wise, I love them! "He that wants money, means, and content is without three good friends." "Neither a borrower or a lender be." My suggestion is to drop her a line, because it seems like she is avoiding you anyway... It is not like you will hurt your relationship anymore than the money already has. You worked for it, so get it back! Good luck!
2 people like this
@heehaw78 (566)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 09
My opinion is , you may approach her in anyway and informed her that your budget for next month for you need to settle some payment, so you asked her to return you your money by end of this month.
2 people like this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Just tell her that you have some expenses that need to be paid for and that you need the money that she owes you. If she were really your friend she would have already paid you back your money that she owes to you, so do not be afraid to ask her for the money.
2 people like this
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 09
If you really want your money back, you will have to remind her, and do it constantly until she returns your money. Else she will conveniently forget about it; and could one day tell you that she can't recall having borrowed any money from you. So don't leave it too long, and good luck!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I would remind her. I would just say something like..Hey..I was wondering if you were able to pay that money back..something has come up and I'm going to be needing it...or I hate to ask but you wouldn't happen to have that money I loaned you..you know how it is..times are rough. Or you could just ask her how much onger she needed to pay off the debt. If she gives you a time..tell her it's very important that you have it back by this time. I hate loaning friends money.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (99347)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I have always heard that you should not lend money to a friend unless you are prepared to lose a friendship. You should consider that money that you gave to a friend as a gift. I am in that situation right now, and I even had loan paperwork. I am sorry this has happened to your friendship. I am even more sorry if you cannot afford to regard the loan as a gift instead.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
13 Mar 09
Some people I know often borrow money from others,but never pay back.By and by,those people lose their honor and no one who knows them will lend them money.What kind person of your former officemate?And how much does she owe you?Its really annoying if the person who borrowed your money dont pay back on time as promised.I suggest you do some survey about her current financial situation first.If you're sure she can pay your money back,then say it to her face.Just want you money back or say that you need money for something emergent.Good luck!
1 person likes this
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
We are in the same situation. I have an officemate also who borrowed money from me and because I am uncomfortable in collecting money, I just texted her and reminded her debts, but then she kept on making promises, so what I did I sent her an email detailing everything that I badly needed money for my brother's tuition fee, eventually she paid me in installment basis. Keep on texting her, in the long run she will eventually pays you because I don't believe she cannot pay because she has a work.
1 person likes this