you're fat!!!

Philippines
March 9, 2009 11:36am CST
it seems that people around me have developed a new habit. they seem to like greeting each other with a comment on one's weight gain or weight loss. instead of "fancy running into you here!" they now say "oh my god you're fat!" they don't say it to me, thank god. but i catch people around me always greeting each other that way. isn't this rather rude? i'm a filipino and i don't know if this is something exclusive to us, so i want to know if people in your vicinity have picked up the same bad habit. and if you're a filipino, do you catch others saying greetings like this? a week doesn't go by that i don't see people in coffee shops or malls greeting each other with "you've gained weight!" do we need a crash course in manners?
1 person likes this
17 responses
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
To be honest, I have only heard that said here by older people. Younger people only say that behind your back. Im beginning to wonder which is worse!.. I think its extremely rude...I would never say that to someone. Weight is a touchy enough subject and not one we wanted to be reminded of, unless we lost weight!!
• United States
9 Mar 09
Well one thing I can honestly say is that I do not hear people say that and I am fairly large so they are probably saying it behind my back. What I can say with certainty is that constantly bringing attention to a person's weight does nothing but make it an issue and very likely CAUSE a person to have a problem with food. I was always a "little" bigger than the other kids but not so huge that everyone needed to be harping on it. All that happened when everyone kept talking about it was make food tabu and something I wanted all the more. I really fear all of this publicity we have now about oh our kids are so obese now. I have a feeling this is just going to backfire and we are going to end up with more 300 pound adults than ever.
• United States
9 Mar 09
I love what TLchimes said , She would stomp thier foot ! I don't hear the fat thing around here/ Mexico . What I hear alot from one so called friend is Dang your too skinny!! What's wrong with you ? Argggh ! It's just as rude putting someone down for being thin as it is picking on someone who is over weight. I wont even wear shorts around this person anymoe cause she makes me feel so bad . I wish to God I had the nerve to speak up to her , and just say Why are you so fat ? What's wrong with you? Or better yet poke her with my elbow and say ,, Sorry I'm so skinny that must have hurt ! Ha!!
• Canada
9 Mar 09
Now that is exactly what you should say!!..Thats a good one and something I would say..if I were skinny......So I guess in my case, I would have to resort to the other comment about stomping on their foot!
• China
10 Mar 09
It's a very intersting thing, but in china, maybe it's a good thing someone say that to you. Yon know the customs is different all over the word, maybe it's rude for filipino, but for chinese people, it's not a bad thing, haha...
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
ah, this is interesting! so is it part of chinese culture? i've heard that the chinese believe in good luck and in things that may bring good luck. is gaining weight perhaps seen as a sign of prosperity? and perhaps when someone comments on one's weight gain, it's meant as a "congratulations for being rich"? it's nice to hear from different people of different cultures! we get to find out how they perceive things. please, do share. ^_^
• China
11 Mar 09
yes,u are right. Gaining weight is seen as a sign of prosperity. and it's not a bad thing if someone say that to u, it's our chinese culture.share...
@suzzy3 (8400)
9 Mar 09
it is the same in England it is so rude,everyone is obsessed with weight,someone told me I had gained weight the other day,mind you I have lived here for twentyfive years and was always a bean pole not anymore.They used to say arn't you thin so things have not changed really.Some people used to hate me because I was so thin now they are getting their own back as they see it.I personally never worried about how much someone weighs I have a life.Just say yea and walk away.The tv is full of slimming adverts,schools are full of healthy eating experts to stop all this obesity from killing everybody off to early,and draining the health service resources.Yes we do need a crash oourse in manners and tact.Well some do anyway.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
haha you're right there. some of us really need to be aware that saying "you've gained weight!" or "you're too skinny!" is just way off. hopefully, with this discussion, more people will be aware that it's not right... ^_^
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8400)
10 Mar 09
Hope so.xx
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
well i think if it's accepted in your place then it should be okay. but most of the time, talking about weight gain is painful. i wouldn't like it if someone told me i'm fat or that i gained weight. i appreciate the honestly, if it's on a daily basis then i'd be pissed.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
i'd be pissed too if that happened to me. i would appreciate the honesty if the person took me aside, asked to be frank, then politely told me i seemed to be gaining weight. but greeting me with "hey, you're gaining weight!" is kinda rude. hehe. ^_^ umm... hm, i don't know if it's accepted here, so to speak. a lot of people do the rude thing, yet a lot of people also find it rude, so it's just a bunch of people, not all, who do the greeting-with-a-weight-comment thing. man, i hope it doesn't become acceptable behavior! lol ^_^
9 Mar 09
Hi sandragellar, I am from the UK and we don't greet each other like that and its fastest way to lose a friend if you say that to them, but its ok to say they l9ost weight as the is a complement, but don't normally go on about weights. Tamara
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
then i like UK. ^_^ it's nice to know that people in your side of the world don't greet each other with insults but with compliments...
• Philippines
9 Mar 09
I know what you mean! Im filipino... its either we say hey you've gained weight or hey you look thinnner ... its all about weight when we greet other people.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
hi there, kabayan! yes! don't you just hate it? everyone here has developed such a bad habit of greeting each other with a comment about weight! can't we just say compliments instead? like, "you look great!" hm... what would be a nice comeback the next time we catch someone saying something rude about someone else's weight? let's brainstorm and use those comebacks in real life. hehehe ^_^
@skydancer (1716)
• United States
9 Mar 09
That seems to be an ongoing obsession of our current society in general. I never partook in such rude behavior, and luckily I none of the people I know ever did either. Occasionally I'll hear people ask each other if they lost weight but it's usually just their way of saying "You look great," and isn't meant to be taken as anything other than that. Sometimes, the people I know may see a recent photo of someone and comment about their weight (for better or for worse), but they would never make those comments when the person they're speaking of is there or could find out what they said. I personally hate weight talk whether it's about being fat or being skinny or anything in between. I think if the person/people look happy with themselves as they are, then it's best to just let them be. Besides, so many people are sensitive about their body image and I am not one to want to make any insecurities they may have worse... I usually go by the old adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all..."
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
it's always better to just shut it if nothing good ever comes out of it. correct, correct. ^_^ i see that once in a while... people comment on how much weight has been lost by another friend. at least that's meant to be a compliment. but it can go the other way; they can say, "you look too skinny! are you anorexic?" then that becomes an insult. it's always nice to be sensitive to other people. it's always nice to compliment people instead of pick on them. whatever happened to compliments nowadays? tsk tsk...
• United States
9 Mar 09
I suppose some people may find this "motivating", if they are in a weight loss group together. I wouldn't find it motivating myself. My weight is my own issue, and I would find it offensive for someone to keep commenting on it. If this was just occuring out of no where, as we were not in a weight loss group together, then I'd report it to my HR and ask that it stop. Of course, I also feel people in America are too preoccupied with negative body types and that it is not healthy. Namaste-Anora
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
it would indeed be different if it was said in a context where the weight comment would be a call to attention. i would want people in such a group to remind me about my goal. but as a greeting, it's out of place... body types and self image problems all around. what's important is health and happiness. well, if the weight is posing problems (whether there is too much or too little weight), then it may be an issue. but, issue or not, others should not just jump at you and comment about your weight. they should look in a mirror. hehe. ^_^
@tea512 (688)
• United States
9 Mar 09
i think you would really need to know the person to say something like that as it can be hyper sensitive. I was at party wher a couple of guys had not seen each in awhile and one said this to the other. The other guy luaghed and said he gotten married and his wife was a great cook. I did think it was rude but they both laughed it off
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
sometimes someone can be rude to you but you're not, so you really have no choice but to laugh it off, like my friends do. still, it's true that it's a little rude. a comment about one's weight is in no way a good way to greet people. what you said is true; you will need to be familiar with a person before you can pull off saying it without being rude at all...
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
9 Mar 09
LOL....this is also the norm here in my country. When I meet a long time friend which I haven't seen for ages, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is 'How come you're so fat now?' as if there is nothing much better to say. Sometimes I feel insulted when friends great me like that. I will make them swallow their words by replying in a sarcastic way 'don't you know this is a sign of prosperity'. I have nothing more to add and they will be taken back with my reply. then they start asking me what business I am doing blah...blah....it shows they are convinced that I am living an affluent life.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
it IS insulting to just call you fat. they shouldn't! how would they feel if you commented on how ugly their hair looked? that's a good retaliation (it's a sign of prosperity). hehe. it should work to put people in their place.
@TLChimes (4845)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I would have stomp on their foot and say "Opps I'm so fat I didn't see that there. I hope my heavy self didn't hurt you" I know there are a lot of folks who have forgotten their manners. In all kinds of ways. I'm more of a "wow, it's great to see you here" kinda gal.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
hm... thanks for the tip. i'll tell my friends to do that the next time someone comments on their weight. hee hee ^_^ i also like to say, "you look great!" when i think this is the case, whether or not they gained weight. i never say anything like "you look fat" because, really, i don't see why on earth that should be acceptable as a greeting...
@scann33 (101)
• Italy
10 Mar 09
I just know that you are right that there should be a long course of etiquette. Also happened to me, with people I do not see a bit of time, the meeting place for street-by-case basis and the only thing I know is to ask "but you've taken weight?", this shows a great rudeness!.
@hotsummer (10308)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
yes i am a filipino. and then yes i am fat. i do usually get a lot of notice now because of my weight gain. which i never get before. cause when i am in normal weight they will not notice any thing about me. but now i am fat it is different story. so i am trying some how to get back to normal or lean figure i have before cause i think that is the healthy kind of body. i am trying to ct back now from fast and meats and any thing that has oil and less of carbohydrates. i got used to now when people say i am fat. i can't blame them cause i am so fat right now. i hate hit actually. i will want to bring back my old self.
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
i have experienced so many times... it depends... sometimes people would say, i gained weight, others may say you've lost too much.. its so exhausting , its like you have to defend yourself why did you lost or gained weight..some would say this in front of other people too loud that others would start staring at you.. i mean i dont really care much about my look as long as im healthy....
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
I wouldn't mind if they would tell me something like that. I became conscious of myself and I started to lose weight two years ago because I didn't know that I gained 10kilos on my weight.
• Singapore
10 Mar 09
well., the world is always unfair. although if certain do say a certain person to be fat or something, take it that im a fat guy, i will use their rude comments to become my motivation in getting myself slim down. yes maybe hard for some people to take thw harsh comments by others but sometimes these people just do not care for other's feelings
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
yeah, i agree with you my friend..i was able to experience that before when i gained weight..everytime i meet a friend in the mall or just bump someone i know they will immediately say "omg! you're so fat!" of course i feel disappointed but then it became a challenge for me to workout on my weight and luckily i am able to loose weight..now, i still can hear people saying the same thing but this time not to me but to other individual..and that's so sad..