im not her mother!!

@bunnybon7 (32489)
Holiday, Florida
March 9, 2009 6:31pm CST
as some already know, i moved in with my son and his gf. i call her Agra(short for aggravating) altho i have a few better names for her. anyway getting back to the discussion. we went to the dr. last Friday and she was talking to people in the waiting room and started telling people i was her mother in law then told the nurse, etc. so when i asked her would she please not do that she got all p.o.d SHE IS MY SAME age for pete sakes! when my son came home she started a big fuss over it. i wasnt even going to mention it. so, the whole dang weekend she tried making my life miserable until son said either stop fighting with mom and forget it or get out. today shes all nicey nice but it will only last a while i bet. so was i wrong? wouldnt you get upset if someone kept letting on like you were old enough to be their mother or father when they are your same age? it doesnt bother me for younger people to call me mom or even say "in your olden days"
9 people like this
26 responses
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
10 Mar 09
why is your sons girl friend your age?this sounds really hard and like it may not work. i know i would not live with my son and his girl friend that alone will cause problems. i would live with my son if he needed me . but never the two of them.
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 09
well cant help it. he needs me and as i get farther in my bad health i need him.
@jazzsue58 (2672)
10 Mar 09
It sounds like she's a bit of a 'nervous twitterer' - someone who has to say something just for the sake of it! I'm a bit confused though - I take it your son is going out with an older woman? (not THAT much older, obviously!)
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
thats the thing. she is my age. she was my friend is how they met. but she is slowly making me hate her. i dont want to but its difficult
2 people like this
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Let me see...you're living with them and dissing one of them. I don't know this woman but I'm assuming that she's older than your son if she's your same age. I doubt she was trying to insult you by referring to you as her mother-in-law...but rather to give you a connection that was stronger than "this is so and so". I have no problems with my age personally. I'm 54 and if one of my kids was in a steady relationship with a 50+ year old then, yes, I'd be the mother-in-law. It means I have the status of being in the parental role...to both of them...and has nothing to do with my age. Frankly, I see a lot of problems ahead if you're going to continue to have the negative attitude you have towards your son's girlfriend. Even your very cute nickname for her...Agra...says a lot. This is the woman your son chose to share his life with and, if you're going to share his home, you're going to have to learn to get along with her because, trust me, you don't want to force your son to make a choice.
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
oh its already came to the choice. im not the one always fussing about crap. i asked her politely not to but she started a big thing about it. yes she is 61yrs like me. she used to be kind of a freind. i accepted it when they first got together. but as time went by, she has dug at me because shes obviously jealous. read some of my other discussions about fighting over food, etc. she lied and insisted on moving me here from floria because she has hardly enough money to help with keeping the house and i think she could at least be civil to me. theres a lot more to our past than i can write here. i could write a book about her abuse. im just tired of it.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
10 Mar 09
she's a nut. she treats youlike crap all the time from what u have told me. wish your son would move her out. don't know why he even wants her around. i wouldn't want her introducing me as anything. sorry u have to put up w/someone like her. u r a better lady than me. lol.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
only for my sons sake do i continue. but i have told him i may have to find someplace else to go. he told her saturday he cant take much more of her drama. he said either treat me better or go.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
10 Mar 09
that house is not big enough for you two. i don't think any house is big enough for 2 women. i don't want to live w/my sons & their wives .i know u said u got down on your luck but i'd try to find some other solution.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
its not that at all. i couldnt stand living with the snakes and hurricanes in florida. i was alone. and every time they called i'd tell them how sad i was. then she started saying how nice it'd be for me to come and live in the extra rooms here. we'd be company to each other while he was at work,etc. we could all save money by going in 3rds. which hasnt happened. since my son and i pay most of it. and she lost her job and says she just cant work any more,etc. im mostly still here because ive moved 3 times in 3 yrsshe talked me into it and i feel like kickin my own butte! and my son says he'd rather she go than me but he just hasnt gotten the heart to just make her leave yet. guess i taught him to be to nice a guy.
2 people like this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
10 Mar 09
When she does stuff like that, you get flustered and upset. You are giving her the reaction she is looking for. As long as she is rewarded by your reaction, she will continue to do stuff like that. Do something she doesn't expect. If she pulls a stunt like that again, in front of people, loudly say, "Mom! Why would you say that???" Or, explain to people that she has early stages of alzheimers and gets confused. Turn the tables, and she will either stop, or split a gut and move on.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 09
oh that is so rich catdla! i've thought of it and will do that next time. i have wondered if she has alzheimers for sure. no joke either.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
11 Mar 09
It is possible, alzheimer's frequently begins with temper and obnoxious displays like you've had to deal with. You must be sainted by now! Anytime you need help with responses, just let me know! I don't know how your son met her, but I hope he lets you help next time...lol.
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 09
problem is she was my kind of friend first and thats how they met she was in my group of friends. like that person you tolerate to keep from hurting their feelings.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I think that you had said before in another discussion about the three of you splitting the bills. I don't think you mentioned about you and her being friends before. I read both of what I just said on comments you made to the prior responders of this discussion. I think that it's sad that you two once being friends has now come to this. Sounds as if it's a lot harder on you then if they had just met and you had not known her beforehand. I hope that the two of you can become civil again, if you haven't already, try talking to her and asking what happened to the friendship the two of you had? I hope that this helps! Good luck and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
iam beginning to wonder if we can ever stay or be friends. i've tried very hard because of my son. she is supposed to be taking mood calming pills. not sure what. but some days she dont take them. im afraid if i ask her has she taken them, she will start a fuss. like i told my son im starting to really regret coming here. i feel im walking on glass and am beginning to fight back with her and i dont like being like this. he hates to throw her out cause none of her own kids will live with her. im hoping somehow we can adjust.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32273)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I am not sure what to tell you then. If she's not taking her mood pills then that might be the reason for a lot of these fights, and then again, if you ask it will start a fight. Is there any way that your son could tell that she's not taking them? He must know where she keeps them! I know it's not right to pry, but I think you have a right to know.
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
oh i know no one can really help here except for listening to my rants and whines. i just thought it makes an interesting discussion. the life and times of bunnybon the support helps me. thanks friend
@nanajanet (4437)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I do not think you were wrong, but it depends on HOW you said it. If you asked nicely, no problem. If you had a tone in your voice, she could have a reason to be upset. But, I am SO happy that your son stuck up for you. I doubt that it will last if he did that but who knows. I would have just said, "Yes, if you get married, it will be weird having a daughter-in-law the same age as me," in front of everyone. Of course with a big sweet smile on my face!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 09
i have been concidering different things and that sounds like a good one.i did ask her nicely in the car if she would not say i was her mil. she did say she was sorry, but when my son came home she went complaining to him like i had been mean. thats when i got upset.
@nanajanet (4437)
• United States
13 Mar 09
And rightfully so!! Oh, gosh, I hope he dumps her. She sounds like a real piece of work! UGH!
@MsTickle (24957)
• Australia
12 Mar 09
What a trial this woman is. I don't know how you can stand for it. This woman is so unsuitable as a girlfriend OR daughter -in-law. Can't your son see that? I think you are a saint.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
16 Mar 09
thanks for your support.as always you make me smile.
@celticeagle (113972)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Mar 09
I guess it would bother me. It would honestly depend on whether I liked her or not. It is actually your sons happiness and I guess I would try to over look as much as I could, if it wasn't too bad, for his sake. Her being about your age would definitely be an issue with me. I would hope to be friends with her but that is very hard to do. You want the best for your child and you may see alot he doesn't see or understand. Difficult situation.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
15 Mar 09
yes it is. you see it. thanks for response
10 Mar 09
It seems to me you have two choices. Either put up with it or move out. Personally I would never have moved in with them in the first place and would definately move out now. There's a reason kids grow up and move out! lol
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 09
sadly you are right but i have this stupid weakness for my kids.
• United States
10 Mar 09
Oh wow that is something... yes I can understand your fustration I mean picturing if that was me I would probably be upset that my son married an older women, that was my age at that... and she has the nerve to call you step mom.. Ha she is getting a kick out of it. she should respect the fact you don't want people knowing and move on with it... its not like its a big secret why LOL
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
14 Mar 09
well like i said. they are not even married. she was supposedly my friend. i dont see why she no longer refers to me like that.
10 Mar 09
Hi bunnybon7, I can't understand why your son didn't go for someone who is his own age or just get rid of her, he knows you don't get on with her and for her to keep annoying you, anyone would just get rid, you are his mother and always be there for him but I think she is just using him and yes I would get annoyed if some my age keep refering to my as her mother-in-law and she isn't anyway. Love and hugs. Tamara xxxxx
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 09
thanks tamara you understand me. i really think when i was away, my son got used to her and relying on her for different things in the household. now its difficult to break.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I don't think you were wrong. It's not about the age thing, it's about being considered related to her!!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 09
guess thats another thing i dont like. we arent related thank god anyway.
• Malaysia
10 Mar 09
hahaha!...when Agra no longer be Viagra, meaning that lost the two (2) alphabets for V and I. Where V is for VERY and I is for INTELLIGENT...LOL! What else to say?. You did nothing wrong, but it had happened at wrong time at the wrong place. As you mentioned, in an open public(time) and in the waiting room(place). I hope you can add her the V and I, much better!.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 09
huh?
@mhayfie (242)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
try to be friend to her!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 09
this i have tried 12 years!
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
Someone calling you "her mother in law" does not make you older than you look. What are you going to do if your son marry her? You won't be able to object to the fact that you are her mother-in-law. lol That's a bit like those 40ish women who don't want to be call grand-ma when their children have their first child. I think you are over reacting. If anyone should be blame... it should be your son for dating a woman as old as his mother. lol
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 09
oh i do blame him. and i was a grandma at 38 yrs and loved admitting it. i think it bothers me because she has done so many things to me in the past few years and she says it like shes rubbing it in. AND he is not going to ever marry her, trust me
• India
10 Mar 09
Oh my!! LOL!! This Agra of yours is a real caricature. Don't you think it would be great if your son decides to break up with her. She really is too old for him. ;) Well, don't let her get on your nerves. It is good to know that your son understands the situation so well and supports you when she gets too aggravating. Well, I absolutely detest it when people my own age or even older than me calls me MOM. LOL!! Cheers and happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 09
we are birds of a feather my friend or uh...cats of a hair?
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I have a question: who had to visit the doctor? And I can only tell you what I would do in your place, I have gone back in discussions to see why you moved, so I could give you the best response I could. I would really live my life as If I was single -you're a widow so that's not a big jump- live like a true roommate and do your things alone, you do not have to tag along with her and neither does she with you and moments like that will be avoided. I am 39 and I can't vision my life living with my family again (and from the looks of it neither do they) I have an only daughter and I can only tell you no matter how you are, you only live once so might as well do it the best way you can and be as happy as you can. Would I be upset in your shoes? I do not know, I only have a daughter, I am hoping to be a part of her life but I do not see myself living with her, our personalities clash right now that she is 17, I can't imagine what would it be like on her turf. I wish you good luck
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 09
that is so nice of you to go back over the info on my discussions. your a gem. actually it was both of us at the dr. another way i was plain stupid. i had to leave my car in florida. it was to old to drive all the way here. left it for my youngest daughter. they had said (Agra and son) that i could get them to take me any place i wanted to go. now, she said it would be best for me to have the same dr. so we could go together and save gas. Dont think i wouldnt kick my own butt for this mistake if i could
• China
10 Mar 09
hello,i can fell the miserable as you,i am young,but not too young 23years old now,when i living with my paretens,they usally tell me the old days to ask me to value the uneasy days and strive for the new,i am working hard on my study,just because the age discrepcy,w have something different idea,then argue sometime,but when the fighting passed, i always regetful.that's my mother and father,because of love,so they educate me ,so i can taste deep miserable ,now i will not make they mistake me,and i also piety them.
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
11 Mar 09
thanks for that and your response dear.
@chookie1971 (2277)
• Australia
10 Mar 09
You could look at it in funny kind of way. If she calls you mother in law again, you could come back with something like that you look good for your age with how old the daughter in law looks. Lol. But on a serious side, it would make more sense if she introduced you as her friend. Or maybe as my partner's mother.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (32489)
• Holiday, Florida
10 Mar 09
thats true i could say that or she could say that like i asked her to. she used to say i was her friend.