Don't Shoot! It wasn't me!

@TLChimes (4842)
United States
March 10, 2009 12:01pm CST
Have you ever been accused when you didn't do something? What do you do when someone is convinced you are doing or have done something that just isn't you? I hate explaining myself to people when it happens to me because I know some types will never take my word even if it's backed up with honest outside sources, DNA evidence, and printing in black and white. But here's the rub... what do you do when it's someone you thought of as a friend. Does it end the friendship. Do you just shrug and let what ever happens happen. How do you deal with the loss if they choose to go with their gut?
9 people like this
19 responses
• Regina, Saskatchewan
11 Mar 09
It was so you and I can prove it with honest outside sources, DNA and printing in black and white. But you're my friend. You must have had a reason and because I believe in you, I will stand you by you no matter what happens. Because if I didn't, then I wouldn't be much of a friend would I, and friends like that you can do without..........
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I knew I had a good friend in you! Now can you hide the evidence? Pwease?
2 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
11 Mar 09
I set my sparks to it and it's gone up in smoke! LOL
2 people like this
• United States
11 Mar 09
Hahaha. I have copies of the evidence. hahaha.
2 people like this
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
11 Mar 09
oh lord yes. i tried to explain it just ended in a big ugarment. so i was like whatever. i express myself its up to them to belive me or not. but if i have proff then i let them hear, see it
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Yep... that's what happened. Them sticking to their truth and me throwing my hands up and saying... "do what you have to" Some people are way to head strong and set to their own way of thinking.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 09
yeah i deal with these people alot it seem, to me its whatever think whatever you want to think, most people know that if i said or did seomthing i dont go behind anyone backs i tell them straight up
2 people like this
@hotsummer (10413)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
things like sometimes is unavoidable. some people like to blame others. sometimes people first impression on you will make them find some thing to blame on you. cause i feel that some people will just prejudge some people they just newly met. and so they will try to prove that they are correct in their beliefs about a particular person. if there is some incidents that seem to point the blame to you for example then she would definitely blame it on you. that is the way i see it. sometimes people will not blame the real culprit cause they will think that those people are not capable of doing those things and so i think that our own personal opinion really affects our judgment.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Very Very true! People will hold tight to their own opinion no matter how much another person tries to show them a different view, a different truth. I will never be able to change some peoples view so why try over and over? I don't think I will. Thank you for both of your responses.
1 person likes this
@hotsummer (10413)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
totally true. some people are just so closed minded that they will not believe any thing that is exact opposite to their own belief. i avoid those kind of people and i don't want to do anything with them .they can bring too much trouble in my life. why waste time with them.
2 people like this
@jep_toyo (1607)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
Yes, i have experienced before being accused of something i didnt do... thankfully my friends believe my reasons and they found out that i am telling the truth.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I'm glad it worked out for you. Thank you for giving others hope.
1 person likes this
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
11 Mar 09
hello TLChimes I was so naughty when I was a child. So if there was some mess on the house, my mother would immediately think that it was me turning the house upside down, and I got the punishments. Most of all my sister did something very wrong, and I was the one got punishments. I hated to explain myself also, I would stand straight on the floor and glare at my mother when she punished me. I promise to myself, I will fight back if someone(except my family) bring false charges on me. If it doesn't make me a loss, I would end the friendship, I don't waste time on that person anymore. If it does make me a loss on that, I would take any action to make him got his guilty. Have a nice day.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Yeah... my kids have learned that if you always do something, it's you who will get looked at first. Ending things may be tough but it's sometimes the right thing to do.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Hi, TLChimes! I know what you mean! That is what happened with me and my sister many years ago.. I would not deal with her, and they thought that I was the reason why we were not talking. I tried to tell them that my sister was the one that was being mean so me.. She was the one that was causing the strife between me and her. So, I got so tired of being blamed, and that is when I stopped saying anything.. As time went by, they saw her for who she really is.. Now they understood why I kept my distance from her.. But, now we are pretty close.. It was like this many years ago.. In life, we sometimes will have to let things be, and sooner or later the truth will come out.. The guilty one will look guilty. And the innocent one will be innocent. It is all just a matter of time when the truth comes out.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Truth has a funny way of doing that and the one who isn't innocent tends to not feel the bite as hard as the accusers do. Think about it. Who felt the sting the worst... you, your sister, or the ones who had to find out the hard way?
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
10 Mar 09
You know I am always being blamed for things I didn't do but never anything serious. I'm not sure how I would cope with a friend accused me of something serious and really thought I was guilty - I think I would be devastated although I am sure if they were a true friend we would be able to work through it. xxx
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
When it first happened to me, I was very hurt and sad. In the case of my current issue... I'm getting to be an old hat at the dance. I had thought maybe we were mellowing into at least being able to coexist but well.... I know better now and won't make that mistake again. I'm getting a bit quicker to learn these life lessons. Most of my friendships stand up to the ebb and flow of life. Some just aren't meant to I guess.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Thank You, My Friend. It's nice to know I have people who understand. It's already how it's going to be because when the friend couldn't get her self under my skin, she sent another. I don't have time or energy for games. And she wants friends who are.... I think submissive is the right term. Honestly I am to a point but not when it comes to my core moral self. There is a line in everything we do. And at the initial break it was a very public stab in the chest that caused me to let go without further fight, but then I thought we could at least travel the same road but now.... *shrug* Sorry, more then I meant to type but now that I have I guess it was cleansing so I owe you the right to read what I dumped on you. Hehehe Again... Thank You.
@mummymo (23709)
11 Mar 09
Chimes honey NEVER apologise for saying too much - there is no such thing! Glad that letting some of that out may have helped a bit - you can always talk to me - just let me know. Hugs xxxx
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64059)
• Italy
10 Mar 09
Hi Chimes! I don't have class A and class B friends. I have friends and acquaintances. If an acquaintance accuses me of doing something which I did not do, thet's his/her problem. Maybe the truth will come out but it won't make a difference either way and I move on. It's different if it is a friend of mine accusing me of doing something I didn't do. I will be hurt that he/she could even think that I would have done it and could even accuse me and believe whoever is telling lies. However, I will wait until all the evidence turns up and he/she can then see the truth and see that I was not responsable for having done whatever they are accusing me of. That will happen eventally and I will be there for them when it does. I don't discard friends so I would just await the time, gathering proof, feeling hurt but waiting.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I'm like you in that it takes me a while to let my friends go but others will throw away a friendship over imagined wrongs with out missing a beat. I guess it just works differently. You sound like a good person to have in the friend court. Good to know.
@hotsummer (10413)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
that is really hard situation to be in. if some friend accused me of something which i have nothing to do with, either i will just ignore that friend or i will explain myself . but most probably i will not explain myself. cause i will feel insulted already and that explaining myself will not take away the insult i do feel. anyways, i may severe my relationship with that friend specially if that i was blamed something that would really hurt my pride or my reputation. cause my reputation is very much important. without it i could or would find it hard to face people with confidence. i have been blamed before quite many times already. i do deal with them by leaving them and let them think that they will like to think cause i really think that it is really impossible for me to convince them any ways, cause they have their minds arleady on what had happened. and sometimes it is really hard to provide any evidence about it that we have not done what ever they are blaming us with. so i can find other friends and they will not be that big loss to me. i will just go on with my life and just stay happy. and i don't want to reconcile with them not unless they will know by themselves i didn't do it and asked forgiveness.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Summer, It's a big deal to lose someone who is really a friend, not just an acquaintance. The people I put into that place have my love and best wishes. So when they don't trust me, treat me as a criminal, and call me names, it can be very hard to not want to fix it. But some people just think what they want and will never allow it to be fixed. That is their issue, not mine. I'm willing to be there should they change their mind but as another responder said.... the friendship would be changed some how.
• United States
13 Mar 09
I always get accused of stuff I have nothing to do with normally is weird silly stuff and I just laugh it off but there have been a few times that it was major stuff and I fought tooth and nail to get my name cleared with the accuser one person decided to go their own way and I didnt sweat about it because if that is how they think of me then i am better off without them in my life
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I keep trying to get my accuser to just let it go (by not giving her any personal time- until she gets that button) and let me live my life but like that cat... she keeps showing up. But then she says it's all my doing. UGH! I don't sweat the small stuff (people) because there is so much bigger and better out there. Like you.... Thanks for your response.
• United States
13 Mar 09
well if you cant control it dont sweat it you can lead a horse to water and encourage them to drink it but you cant MAKE them drink
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Mar 09
I get that sometimes and it really irritates me to no end. It seems since most everybody lies so often, they don't believe that anyone can be as honest as I am. I just have to be like this. There is no other way that works for me. I already have insomnia and I don't need any lies to keep me up at night. The stress of everyday life is enough. But, usually, when people take the time to get to know me, the realize that I am brutally honest, good or bad, like it or not.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
12 Mar 09
That's the way to be... sort of LOL I'm not brutal because the truth can be hard, but I am honest. I sometimes have to use tact to lesson the edge of things but that's because the circle of people I deal with (outside this box) is small and necessary in some respects. Long story but... the point is that I some time have to temper my words while still being honest. But it's dumb the games some folks play and how paranoid others can be about themselves. Maybe it's a self centered thing that the see themselves in every innocent discussion. Be well, Dear Annie.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Mar 09
Yeah, I have to work on the 'brutally' part. But one of the consequences of being on mylot is that I can edit my words accordingly. It is good practise for me, because in person, I don't always have that habit, but I am working to improve myself. Here's hoping I can!
1 person likes this
@mansha (6301)
• India
10 Mar 09
I just had it done to me second time very recently. I had a close friend (at least I thought so)and our hubby's are in the army so we were preparing for a party and her husband was not there but still she was asked by our commanding officer's wife to come and do emcee at the party. Shje started cribbing about it to me, I told her its useless to crib but if she has a roblem she should go directly to the senior lady and tell her that she can not do it. By chance I had to leave the town on a very short notice the same night and when I came back I was told by other ladies that this friend of mine wnet to the co's wife an told her that I ahve asked her not to come for the party as she does nto need to. If elt very betrayed as I had never said anything like it to her. I confronted her so she said she was upset by the way I brushed her off that day so she went and spoke to the co's wife. Inever spoke to her after that ever. Recntly same thing happened with the wifew of my husband's coursemate,w e had to make some tapestry and our deputy comndr's wife had asked me to give some to her. This lady went to the comndr's wife and told her she can not do it. When we were chatting I told her it was no big deal as everyone was doing it even ladies senior to her were enthusiastically doing the work. She got stuck as she had taken permission from comndr's wife(who does not stay in station) and was scared deputy's wife might tell otehr senior ladies that she had refused to do the work. So she came to me saying that should she go and tell comandr's wife that I am insisting that she should do the work. I told her why me, deputy's wife gave her work, comndr's wife told her to let it be where do I come in picture. Next day when she met comandr's wife she told her that I have told her who is comandr's wife to say her let it be when deputy's wife has given her the work. I was summoned and I tried best to explain things to my comandr's wife but she refused to believe me. I evne asked her to call her in front and let her explain but they never believed me. I got so bugged up that how low people can bend just to rise in life and they will even back stab their own friends.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
With friends like that who needs enemies. Those are the type of people we need to stay away from. Thank you for taking the time to share with us.
@mansha (6301)
• India
11 Mar 09
Best part of army life is that you part from people you like as well as those you don't like too.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 09
i have had it end a friendship before.. and yeah like you i sometimes think it wont matter how right i am or innocent they will believe what they want to.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Let's never be like them. Let's vow to be better people then those who only see one side and one truth.
@bellaofchaos (11550)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Sometimes no matter what you say people don't believe you .. Even if you had a video tape of you somewhere else at the time. LOL!! I usually let them find out on their own how wrong they are and take it with a grain of salt. We're human and we're fallable. I love my friends and usually my friends come to me and ask out right if they have and questions or concerns and accept what I say to them. There have been times when that is not the case and I forgive them of thinking otherwise.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I'm not one who usually bothers to worry about outside influences. People tell me something I consider the source and let it go. Not everyone does and it's sad because they lose good for bad in the long run. I forgive and hold on but again, that's not everyone's policy.
@royal52gens (5380)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Some people are just going to believe whatever they want to. If you explain yourself and they don't want to believe you, they won't. It is frustrating. After awhile, it is not worth the effort to explain yourself. It is not possible to change someone's mind once they have it set. In the case of a friend, yes, it can be enough of a problem to end a friendship and sometimes, a marriage.
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Sad how it goes but sometimes it opens up the way for new and better friendships (and marriages) I have stopped trying to explain past one go around. Not worth the effort that I know will lead no where.
11 Mar 09
Hi TLChimes, I once was told off my my best frind of telling something to someone, I really can't remember what but she was hoping mad with me and I just calmley told her I have not said anything to anybody, but in the end we found out who was stirring it and blameing me for it and my bes friend said sorry to me and we are still best friend, that incident happened many years ago. Tamara
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
That's great! I wish all friends could do that. I bet it has to do with the type of people involved. It's wonderful that you shared a hope filled story with us.
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
I never explain or defend myself. I don't like talking and trying to convince anyone of the error of their thoughts. Cheers!!
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I can understand that very well. Thanks for your responce.
@timhinyy (1653)
• United States
10 Mar 09
that does seem to happen alot with siblings as it did with me and my sister she would do something and i would get accused of it usually it would be money missing from moms purse or something and i would be blamed even though i would tell mom i didnt do it she didnt believe me if i wanted money i would ask for it not take it but i guess sis didnt feel like asking and we had great parents never wanted for anything we were lucky how come whenever she would start a fight with me i got punished how fair is that?? eventually mom found out who the honest child was.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
It is a tough spot moms have.... they have to know their kids really well in order to not fall in that trap but when you're busy it takes a minute to sort it all out. Fair rarely has anything to do with it. Thanks for your response.
• United States
10 Mar 09
Oh, indeed it does hurt. And there doesn't seem much you can do because no matter what evidence you have it never seems to change the mind of the one doing it. It merely gives them more fuel for the fire. I'm like Irish, I have a brother that got away with murder, and a lot of his "messes" were blamed on me. After awhile I just didn't pay it any mind. I knew what was correct and I just took comfort in that. Eventually he grew up and out of it, and we both began to see that mom was playing favorites. She'd tell him how great I was, and she'd tell me how great he was. Twisted, but we learned to take what she said with a grain of salt. I would think that if they were a friend and doing such things then you'd need to make sure you were absolutely sure they were doing said things. To accuse a friend falsely is not very nice, and can be very hurtful to the friendship if you find out indeed it was an imagined slight, or a misunderstanding. I hope things work out for you. Blessings-Anora
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
11 Mar 09
It'll work out how it was meant to. Thanks though. Great things are lost to misunderstandings and the Internet leads to many of them because there isn't the same give and take of an out of the box conversation. People just think they know what's up. I've come to learn that if people don't want to see beyond their own self, then they won't. If a person thinks The president is going to pave his waste in gold to feed the hungry then no amount of time or evidence will change their minds. Ah, well, life goes on a day at a time. Here's to us all having a bright tomorrow, starting today.
• China
11 Mar 09
I thought this question really a little difficult to solve,sorry,I possibly really does not belp you busy`~~~~~~~~~