a few spanks might not an abusive method?

United States
March 10, 2009 3:46pm CST
Okay, it is wrong to slap or hit your children, which might cause them traumatic experience later on in their life. It is also illegal to do so according to state laws. But some children deserve a few spanks before they understand what they did was wrong. But that is not an abusive method for punishment. I also knew that some children understood the law pretty well, they might call the police if their parents threaten to give them a few spanks. What do you think of that?
5 people like this
14 responses
• United States
10 Mar 09
I think that there is a time to spank your child. I also know that some people do not understand that beating a child is wrong. When I have children if I feel that a spanking is what is appropriate then I will do it. If the state decided that I am in the wrong then they can have the kid. I have known children who have threatened to call child protective services on their parents for spanking them. I would do as those parents did. dial the phone for them. You would be surprised how quick a child chooses a spanking or being grounded over leaving home in a police car to be taken to a stranger. I actually had a friend do this. Her daughter felt that being grounded was abuse. The police came to the house and the girl got to choose. Guess what she chose: being grounded. I have a sister that lives in Utah and you are not alowed to even swat your child's behind there, they will have the police there quicker than you can imagine. I will not be moving to Utah. I think that it is a joke to reason with a 2 year old "no honey the stove will burn you don't do that" yeah right, at that age a person has not developed the skills to reason. A smack on the hand and a firm NO works and if it doesn't then spank the child and tell them no. But to reason with a person not capable of reasoning could be dangerous to the childs health.
• United States
13 Mar 09
I agree that there is a need on some occasions to spank a child... absolutely! When the child does something harmful to either themselves of someone else and is of an age where reason is laughable( I like the 2 year old and the stove example... oh yeah, they must have great success with that in Utah!) There is a difference between consistent discipline to raise a well-rounded, respectful child and child abuse... unfortunately there are people who don't know the difference. It is resulting in governments sticking their noses into the runnings of the family and really.... that is a recipe for disaster. When you regulate parental control over their own children and give a child the authority to threaten their parents... you will raise a monster who respects no one.... especially not authority. It's a terribly socially self-destructive idea.
20 Mar 09
I agreed with everything you say until you started talking about Utah. There are no states where spanking per se is outlawed. If there were any, you can bet your bottom dollar (no pun intended) Utah wouldn't be one of them. See for example this link (which was copied verbatim from an anti-spanking site, by tthe way): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanking#Spanking_laws_in_the_United_States
• United States
20 Mar 09
My sister lives in Utah and watched a mother spank her child (just a few pops on the rear) while she was shopping. They happened to check out at about the same time and Child Protective Services was outside of the store talking to the mother when my sister left. I wouldn't have belived it either if she had not of witnessed it
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I look at it this way... If I was walking in a store shopping or whatever & I did something wrong that made the other shopper upset & this shopper hauls off & slaps me... Well... we can't go around slapping people for things we don't like... right? So why is it okay to slap our kids, even if we think they may deserve it? Would you slap someone in a store or anywhere at that if they did something to disliked & you thought they deserved it? No... you wouldn't because that would land you in jail... right? So my point is... if our kids do something we dislike & we slap them every time we think they deserve it, doesn't this send a bad example to them? I strongly believe parents should try to use other methods then hitting... I don't think spanking is the answer. I use to swat my daughter on her hands when she was little if she would touch something that she shouldn't be touching, like the stove & so on. Well... I then realized that I wouldn't want someone going around smacking my hands every time I touched something they didn't want me to... so we stopped & now with our son we just get up, grab his hand, tell him no in a firm voice & move him from the area... Kids catch on & will learn right from wrong, without a slap.
3 people like this
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
12 Mar 09
I don't think this is a thing that are important to write in a discussion.... I bet there are kids stat are spanked that still get run over by cars.... I don't know a single child that it has happend to nor a train - even if people doesn't spank their children here in Sweden!
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Celanith - I did read the discussion, so don't try to make it look like I have no clue what I'm talking about. I do. I also stand by what I said. Have a good day!
1 person likes this
@ncmom0f3 (60)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I have three kids and have never slapped or hit them but popped them yes. There is a difference there. I don't believe giving them a pop on their hand or bottom is going to cause them any damage in the future in the same token I don't do it often because it really doesn't teach them anything either! As for laws telling me that I shouldn't spank my kids unless they are helping me pay for everything that my kids need in life, unless they are helping my kids through school and giving them meals during the day then they have no right to tell me how to raise my child. Again there is a difference there in spanking(popping) and hitting or slapping a child.
3 people like this
@Leykon (438)
• Canada
12 Mar 09
I am a grandmother now and will say that yes I gave my children the odd spanking,if they did something that was really bad.but I never beat them and left any marks on them except my one son when he was about 14,he mouthed off at the table and I was going by and just slapped his mouth a little harder then I meant to ,I never made his mouth bleed or swell but he never swore or mouthed off again in front of me.so I am glad that I did what I did just not as hard.when I see the way a lot of the young people are today it is very sad.no respect for anyone.so if the odd little slap and disipline is needed I say its not up to the law unless its abusive
2 people like this
@Lxandra79 (1536)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I just found out that here in Virginia Spanking is not considered Illegal, but its Legal. I got surprised cuz i thought it was Illegal, but now that i know...I told my 9 year old son, and he is now a lil bit more obedient cuz he knows I will spank him, but not the sense to abusive him NEVER that!
20 Mar 09
Good for you mom! And don't be afraid to follow through if he deserves it. Spanking is legal in all 50 states, by the way.
@bellaofchaos (11553)
• United States
11 Mar 09
You know that I feel that the states have gotten to much involved with the raising of a child and now they complain that kids are more out of control than ever. I also understand that there needs to be a certain amount of laws in order to protect the child that is truly abused. I don't feel that if a child gets a spanking once in a blue moon it's going to kill them or injure them or traumatize them.. I know that the state law has no law against spanking they do however have a law that if you impair a child function by spanking then you have crossed the line into abuse. For example if you smack your childs but and leave no mark and they can sit and go about the day without having any problems you have no done anything against the law .. The moment you leave a mark you have crossed the line. My kid have gotten a tap on their hands when reaching for the stove when they were little with the words no attached to it. But I have never beat my childs but.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Mar 09
spanking - getting a spanking
Forgot to add the photo sorry..
2 people like this
• United States
11 Mar 09
I want children but I dont have any. I was spanked as a child and I turned out fine. I think that spanking is fine as long as its only a few taps and you explain to the child why you are doing what you are doing. I do think that other methods of puinshment should be incoprated as well though. It just all depends on the situation as to which discpline method you should use.
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
11 Mar 09
I would NEVER spank my children! Here in Sweden it's against the law to do so - and has been for 30+ years! You know that we that didn't get spanked turned out to be great adults *s* The few that did get spanked (or some abused - even if spanking is considered abuse here as well) didn't get that good in life - I don't belive it was by the spanking alone - but the environment they grew up in wasn't the best. One interesting thing is that the ones that did get spanked - spanks their children even if it's against the law - and the line between spanking and abusing is very fine - esp. since the spanking often are done in anger - it has a BIG risk of being to hard and really abuse
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
11 Mar 09
I personally don't believe in hitting children in any way although I can agree that the odd smack on the hand or legs won't cause permanent psychological damage. The only problem I have with that is; I would smack a child as a last resort that is when I am really angry and to get psychical in any way when you are angry really scares me. I am fortunate with my daughter as she is a pretty good calm child, but on the odd occasion that she has really irritated me and part of me would want to lash out at her I’ve been able to walk away and calm down before deciding on punishment. She is seven now and so far so good. I would not judge a parent that dishes out the odd smack; it's just something I am not comfortable with in regards to my own child; I love her and to psychically hurt her even in a small way just doesn't sit right with me. As far as kids wisening up to the fact that parents can be reported to the Police is a scary concept!
@ahefty (41)
• United States
11 Mar 09
I dont have kids, but I think spanking is an ok thing to do. You dont even need to do it hard, its just the action and the child knowing that they did wrong. I hated getting spanked. It never hurt, but I got the message.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Mar 09
I do not have any kids yet. However, as a child I was spanked when I did something bad and I do not think it cause me any harm. If we were really bad we even got a spanking with a belt (clothes on). Let me tell you what ever I did to get the belt I never did it again. Even as an adult looking back I was not abused in any way and if nothing else I learned from it. I remember once I was back talking my mom, i got my spanking and I never back talked again. I do think there is a line between disciplining and absuing a child. I think the authorities should be involved when that line is crossed for sure. I just think sometimes situations are made to be bigger than they really are.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
11 Mar 09
clorissa123, I would say that corporal punishment if administered with care is never deemed as an abuse. Just avoid using your bare hands as we can never judge the correct strength to punish the child. As such, injuries and traumas are bound to happen. You can always use a cane or a ruler for this purpose and never forget to explain to the child the reason(s) for his/her punishment. The pain that we want to inflict is never to injure them but to remind them that the particular mistake is never to be repeated. As for children threatening to call for the police, let them do it and be firm with your stance. No one can find any fault with you as you are doing this out of love and not simply trying to abuse the child. Take care and have a nice day.
@Devvonn (44)
• Canada
10 Mar 09
I, personally, don't believe in spanking. For many people though, spanking is a good way to punish there kids, but to me I don't believe in it. Is it abusive, that is a good question. It all depends on how hard, how many times, for what reason, but overall I don't see it as a very abusive method.
1 person likes this
@Celanith (2334)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Webster dictonary definiations; Hitting as with a blunt object, hammer, closed fist, rock Slapping; To use the open hand, striking a blow to the face, head, with the open hand Spanking; To use the open palm of the hand or a light switch that will sting but not cause permanent damage to the buttocks. First some states and country's forbid spanking making it illegal according to manmade dictates and laws. Second some allow spankings on the bottom as long as bruising and cuts or open wounds do not occur and it is infrequent and for times of total rebellion and the behavior of a child may cause harm or damage or danger to others or themselves. God's laws all through the bible especially in several verses of Proverbs tell us via Gods word and dictates to spank our children if we love them. So choose God's laws or mans laws. next; Spanking is at times necessary depending on the situation and even the temperment and character of the child. Each child is different. While grounding and time out may work for one or a sharp no and firm hold of a hand for one it may not work at all for another. Most states in the USA do allow for some corporal punishment and it is found in the law not the rules of the state. Washington state does allow spanking when it is needed but not beating and brising or injury. There was one occassion in which my son had a 15 month old baby playing and another child an in-law nephew who was jealous of the attention the baby was getting deliberately picked up a large rock and threw it at the baby sitting and playing. It was done out of the blue and barely missed hitting the baby in the head. The boy was 11 and knew better. If the baby had been hit it could have killed her. My son took hold of the boy and swatted him 3 times on his bottom. The boy ran in and called the police claiming abuse. There were ample adult witnesses and other children. The boy was arrested for assult and told that he totally deserved the spanking as he had endangered a minor child without provocation or cause. They told him adults do have a right to spank for total rebellion, disrespect and endangerment to others or self. But they do not have a right to beat leave bruises and broken skin. The boy had no bruise or broken skin.
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Spanking or Slapping... still there is no need for either one, but to each their own. Each parent has their own way of discipline. I just know I'm not going to walk around slapping or spanking my kids... I'll use discipline in another way.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3654)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I respect what you had to say & I understand what your trying to say... I don't look down on people that do spank their children... on the bottom/hand that is.... I don't really consider that abuse.... I guess everyone does what they feel is right at that time... If it leaves a mark then I do feel that is going way to far...
20 Mar 09
You (and all the other people who say spanking is illegal), I'm sorry to say, have no idea what you are talking about, or else you live outside the United States. Every single state has a "reasonable force" clause in its child abuse law that allows spanking. Some states tend to interpret reasonable force more loosely than others. But simply spanking your child is legal in the U.S. By the way, I have a criminal justice degree and have advised many families extensively about this over more than ten years.