If you have a poor friend.....

China
March 11, 2009 1:26am CST
Hi mylotters, I'm a college student. I came back to school the other day and started a new term. I was happy to see all my friends again. But i found one of them was too much depressed. There was sadness in her eyes which made me upset. She is a friend of mine. Her family is poor, and her father is terribly sick. She have to bear all. She even can't afford the tuition. She went to college with the help of the government. So she is very saving, and she even don't have a coat in winter. She sldom go to the canteen for lunch just because of the high price of the food. Maybe because of her background and the pressure of life, she is self-abased and a little shy. She often told us that she was not good at anything and she thought she can't match anyone. She treated herself as the worst in class. We tried to encourage her to cheer up, but it didn't work. Sometimes i really don't know how to help her. I am confused. What i want to tell her is that BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU CAN SHINE!
1 person likes this
18 responses
@shenzhou (31)
• China
13 Mar 09
I also find this question and want to help her. But I am afraid I hurt her pride. so, I did not go directly to help her.I am joking and saying with her as much as possible.but also, intentionally ang unintentionally, to ask some questions.Because,I believe this will assist her effective and can not hurt her pride. Certainly,sometimes run into a wall.But I willdo so. Do you agree with it.
@panmin (91)
• China
12 Mar 09
there are always poor students in my university.they lived with hard life and just don't like to get alone well with others who were thought not in a level with them.yes of course that they felt no better than others,but the different is,they know how to earn money to reduce the prssure of their tuition. except their studying in the college,they often hired by the official in our university so that they can get paid.... i think that is a good way to solve the problem and indeed they can learn a lot while helping oficials to deal with the stuck situation. what we classmates should do,is to courage them to stick to it and believe in theirselved.
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
Your friend must be lucky to have you... the best thing you can do is be there for your friend, cheer her up, make her laugh, etc.. if have enough resources, why don't you help her out? of course, don't expect anything in return.. =) God bless......
• China
12 Mar 09
you are a sympathetic person.your friend are very pathetic.when i was in senior high school,i have some friends that they didn't have rich family.but i maked friends with them very well.when we all out for a meal,i never let them paying a bill.i think we should help them as trying our best.
@yyc4220 (43)
• China
12 Mar 09
I used to somebody very like who you described in your discussion. But I was a man, who was born with firm bones all my body. I did everything I could do to earn money and applied any possible method to manage my pitty money. I studied hard and I got many kinds of scholarship. Finally, I was recommended to graduate with tuition free. But I also lost my father forever during my undergraduate, with almost 8 years diseases in bed. Now, I have been working for almost three years and built my own family. Though still being a office clerk, I'm confident in myself as before. In my opinion, what kind of life one is leading depends on what attitude he/she take to the life. Life is a mirror. If you smile, your life will be full of smile. Poverty in mind is more terrible than in money. If I'm not wrong, you and your friend are studying in a college now. I have went through that stage. Don't tell her to be strong, it certainly doesn't work. If you really want to help her, you should give her some practical help to improve her life. We are all Chinese. Chinese proverb said that "your waist won't be pain when you speaking on your feet". Please think about it in your heart. Just my opinion. Best wishes for you and your friend, and all the poor students.
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
I think she should rather believe in God even if she does not believe in herself. By believing in God and in his power, her self confidence will also be enhance sooner or later and then she will be able to rise out of her depression. That friend of yours need a friend who will constantly be by her side to encourage her. Otherwise, she might just end up even worse than her present situation.
@deanna2 (159)
• United States
12 Mar 09
hi it's a very sad thing when you hear this kind of thing and you often wonder why some people does'nt have to struggle for the things they truely want in life while others have everything and yet does not app it because it comes so easy for them.in times like this you really need a freind to lean on someone who shares your sorrow and is their for you .every day tell them something they need to hear let it come from the heart.
@Savvynlady (3686)
• United States
11 Mar 09
Happyforever, You can tell a person that they are good and achieve plenty, but when your trying hard to overcome obstacles and these obstacles can get the best of you, then yep, you can fall out of the game. I feel for the young lady. I also feel when your poor, if your not careful you will always keep that mindset that your poor, you can't do better, your no good, etc etc. I feel sorry for the young lady. If I could, I would send a coat her way. Keep encouraging her because that is what she needs. treat her if you can and show love and let her know she can be happy forever too. But that is something she has to believe in for herself. you can try, but the rest is on her.
• United States
11 Mar 09
I have been in the same situation as your friend. Almost the same exact thing , my father was sick and all. My friends all secretly got together and had a rummage sale with all of their old things in it to raise some money and then gathered some local bands and had a rock show in a basement for $5 a person and 50 people showed up. In all they came up with a little around 1200 dollars and it really helped take enough stress off of my shoulders to let me see that the sun was still shining. Then I was really able to see what I was capable of and I started to get things falling back into place in my life. I hope that this helps, college can be a tough time for anyone, but it seems those that have to work the hardest always have the deepest and most beautiful souls. Good luck to you and your friend.. Bunny
@chalee68 (73)
• South Korea
11 Mar 09
Hello happyfoever, you are blessed because you can afford everything while your friend is suffering, you can help her in many aspect but most of all support her emotionally~~~ friends are gift and i touched to you because you treated her as your friend. I'm sure she'll be happy if you can make a way for her^^ thanks for your good heart to her.Happy mylotting.
@LeilaOO (61)
• China
11 Mar 09
hi,happyforever. I am so sorry for your friend's misfortune.I think what she need is open and bright. You become he good friend and listen to her worry, encourage her to join everybody's activity. I hope your friend become selfconfident soon.
• China
11 Mar 09
She is very lucky to have such a kind-hearted friend like you.I can guess her situation.Her family is so poor that she feels inferiority.There is not good way to help her unless she gets enough money.She is helpless.She should face the difficult bravely.You can help her secretly.It will be better.You can think some suitable ways.
• China
11 Mar 09
hello.sounds you are so kind hearted . your friend will thank you later. your deed of encourage her will do much help to her, i think she will lifts up in spirits by your kindness friendship. as far as i know friendship can help one to get trhough the hardtimes. sadtimes and confused times. and if i were in your position, i will try my best to help her .
@JHEZ924 (119)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
You're friend is lucky to have you on her side for keeping her up on the positive side of life. Just don't stop to convince her, I agree with you. Although there are times that I'm also down like her, I keep on fighting for the negative feelings I have. I try to cover it up with the positive one so problems will have a lighter effect on me. : D On her financial issue, maybe better to help her to find a source of income. In that way she can solve her financial problems and might be the beginning for her to see the lighter side of life. Possively, her self-esteem will be stronger than what she have now. : D
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
11 Mar 09
Other than the financial help if needed in extreme cases, the most we can do is to express your awareness of her position, her advantages, her competence in dealing with challenges. Whatever she says is not necessarily the truth. Do some careful observation, and try to find her advantages, express your appreciation. Maybe it will prove to be comforting to some extent. And I observe these days those high shots are mostly from poor family background, and they are not afraid of mentioning their inferior family bacl. Of course, the process of getting over the tide is no easy job, and no all get through the tempering. There might be equal disadvantages for the rich. When all is available, they might be grown up to be less decisive, less endurable, another challenge in future career life. Very kind of you to share the discussion, and have a happy life.
@Rainegurl (2158)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
Hi, happyforever. I agree with gj up there Patience and understanding are very important. Just be a good friend to her. Help out whenever you can and do not expect anything in return. Also, I think it is important to show her the good things in life, like talking to her about stuff you too are interested in, joke with her and laugh with her. Mayber with your friendship, she would gain confidence and her insecurities would disappear. Take care and have a nice day!
@sinokirin (902)
• China
11 Mar 09
What a sad thing for your friend! If i were you, i would give some economical assistance to her as i could, help her build up her confidence and so on. Of course what would you do that decide on how good the relationship between you. But being friends, you must care her more, just as giving her a coat in winter, sharing the food and taking her to somewhere outerside to make her happy, all would make her renew her mind of the society and life. I DO believe friendship would effect one's value and make one filled with hope!
@gjabaigar (2202)
• Philippines
11 Mar 09
^_^ ni hao happyforever!.... You and the other are her blessings. You show to her that you and all of her friends are her blessings. What friends are for is to help each other in times trouble. You might not give all what she wanted to have. Just give all to her your time and space. Understanding. Help. Patience. Courage. and Peace. And most important of all is to make her always happy and shining. ^_^ Thanks and Enjoy!.... myLot!....