Is it good or bad to give advice to your unfortunate friend ?

@tudors (1556)
China
March 11, 2009 11:34pm CST
here i have this question for you to discuss. Is it good or bad to give your personal but hearty advice to a friend who is suffering terribly from her relationship with her husband ? i mean they are leading cats and dogs life and he is very very mean to her in every way. don't allow her to bring friends to home without his permission, must make phone calls in the time he thinks is proper and so on . when your friend inquires you about the situation whether or not to leave him, you tell her that life is too short for bearing that pain, maybe think about finding a new happiness of one's own. do you think such advice is right or wrong ? why ? you know, if they break up, no one wants to seperate them; and if they are going along well, you will be the enemy of their family later and they may break up with you. so it is really a delima.
3 people like this
17 responses
• China
12 Mar 09
Yeah,this kind of thing can really make you be in a delima.I think we should not give them the direct decision such as live with him or divorce with him.We can just listen to her complain and give some tender advice.Let her make decision by herself.I think when woman encounter this kind of problem,they usually want to find someone to confide.Just as you said,if you told her you should seperate with him and find a new life and she did do so but later she found that her husband has so many advantages then may be she will complain why you gave her suggestion to leave her husband.Actually,you even can not keep the friendship with her.Therefore,I think what we need to do when we face this is to listen to her .
2 people like this
@ketybhagat (4125)
• India
12 Mar 09
If your friend is unhappy and seeks your advise, then do so. Be frank with her and tell her she should look for h appiness elsewhere. make it clear that you are not out to break her family life, and that she is the one who must make a decision, but if asked for advise, then this is it ! Why lead a life of a cat and dog. These days actually, even they are compatible.When two people cant live in harmony under the same roof, then its time to part. Little quarrels should not be blown out of proportions. All couples fight. There is a limit to endurance. Help her out.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Giving her the advice that you truly feel is best for her is the right thing to do. No one deserves to live a life being controlled by someone else. If he is treating her badly and she asks for your advice, then give it to her. Don't worry about what others think, just be hinest with her. Also, be prepared to stand by her and help her through the hard times, no matter what choice she makes. That's what friends do.
2 people like this
@spalladino (17924)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Your primary concern should be about your friend so forget about what anyone else will think about what you advise her to do. If her husband is mistreating her, if she is very unhappy and he's not willing to make some changes so that she can be happy, why should she stay? Maybe if she left he would realize what he lost and be willing to be nicer to her? At any rate, I agree, life is too short to be unhappy and to put up with being treated badly.
2 people like this
• Pakistan
12 Mar 09
The wise people do not need the advise and fool people do not accept the advise. Thus we should avoid to bore some one to give him or her your advise. We should try share the pain of our unfortunate friend. We should try to help him instead of delivering the lecture or speeches full of advices.
@tudors (1556)
• China
12 Mar 09
yeah, you have something there, people listen to advice but stick to their former opinion. thanks.
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
12 Mar 09
Before answering in yes or no one must take certain things into account. first how close is the person to you? Second if you are asked any advice or suggestion? Third how much you know the husband? Now there is a saying never advise any one unless you are asked for. You seems to be too much attached to your friend, I mean the female. She too might have some negative things in her disposition for which the situation is so. Here you are all with strong adjectives against her husband. I suggest if you really wish your friend's happiness talk to her husband straightway and ask what is the case that she seems to be suffering. After all there is law to protect one if harassed unnecessarily, be it husband or any one. If you are narrated the entire story by her hubby then decide what way you could help your friend or else you might be charged as an intruder!
1 person likes this
• China
12 Mar 09
I can not agree more.You are definitely right!You should know which role do you play in that one's life.These three questions are quite good for everyone who encounter this kind of situation. Happy mylotting!
2 people like this
@gracypure (530)
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
Friend have this kind of situation needs an advice and words of comfort even if unfortunately she would'nt follow your hearty advice. if this friend of yours have no kids yet to this guy then if i happen to be her friend, I'll also advice her to leave this freak man, because if they still continue the kind of relationship they have sooner or later they'll be having kids, for sure kids will be the first to suffer and worst these kids might be experience trauma. But if your friend have already more than 2 kids then i guess she should give a lesson to this man file him a case if it involves physical abuse, or leave for weeks or months that if she cant afford to leave or to have broken family. By the way, i knew someone who exactly same situition to your friend... now she is almost completely back to what she is .. i mean she now bring back respect, love and being proud to herself.
1 person likes this
@leo321 (214)
• China
12 Mar 09
If our friends are suffering misfortune,then we will feel unhappiness and want to help them out of the current situation.but i think we should not just give a advice like "Yes" or "No",we should first listen to them,and help them to analysis all situations clearly,then let themselves to make a decision.and i think this is all we can do and should do as a friend.
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Mar 09
From what you've said, it sounds like she's clearly in a form of abusive relationship. Not to say physically, but that doesn't necessarily make it any better. Either he wants to leave, but wants her to make the move and is trying to provoke it, or he "loves" her but doesn't have any respect for her or see her as a human being. This sort of relationship is going to ruin her self esteem, among other things. She should leave, and she should hear that and why.
@lingzi (568)
• China
12 Mar 09
en , it's so difficult to answer. if i am in such a condition, maybe i will tell her to decide after our conversation seriously.
1 person likes this
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
12 Mar 09
Knowing their situation and if a friend asked for an opinion, that only means that she could no longer take what she has been going through. In such cases, as a friend, just give an opinion, but since she is the in that situation, of course the final say still on her. with regards to the last statement that whatever the outcome would be, there still an issue. So better yet, just let her put a period on her situation. But at least, as a friend you did your part based on what she divulged about her relationship with her better(?) half. Just always be shoulder to cry on for her. Good luck.
@nsujin (91)
• India
12 Mar 09
It is good to advice a unfortunate friend when he can understand advice.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
13 Mar 09
It is a tough situation. If your friend asks then I would tell her pretty much what you did and I'd also add that the decision is really hers to make & that you do not want to be in the middle of their relationship but you will support her as a friend regardless of what she chooses. If asked again....I'd say, "I already told you how I feel. In matters of the heart, no one can really tell you what to do." If she doesn't ask, don't mention it. Just be her friend....no matter what.
@macel19 (202)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
I think since your friends asked you about your opinions then there's nothing wrong with what you've said after all she will be the one who will decide what will be her choices in that situation.What is most important in friendship is being there for her, sometimes presence is enough to encourage once's heart. Just always be there for your friend and try to encourage her as much as you can.
• India
12 Mar 09
u can turn an enemy of your friend's family but u should always choose the path of truth whatever the conditions may be, but u should step ahead and help ur friend get justice.
• Costa Rica
12 Mar 09
Yes It's better to do it.. That confirms that you're his/her good friend!
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
12 Mar 09
tudors, I think you need to understand your friend's situation inside out and know what is your position in the conversation here. You will also need to know if you are suppose to give an advice or she simply need someone to listen to her problems. Does she need your advice to make a decision or not? And the answers are all between the both of you. When we give advice, you should not be mindful and/or anticipating what the end result will be. Also, you should not be forcing the other party to accept your solution. Hence, you should be fully aware, responsible and fair when you are advising. So, eventually whatever the outcome you should not be held accountable when you had been fair and objective. Also, your friend will be ultimately responsible for her decisions from the start to the end. Have a nice day.