Breaking up with someone you like?

India
March 12, 2009 11:08am CST
I have been dating a girl for the past 4 months. She is awesome, beautiful, sexy and above all has a good heart. We have been intimate, but because of her work we only really see each other twice in a week. Most days if i don't call or text, she does or vice versa. The thing is, i can't help but feel like she is not as into me as i am into her.....a nagging feeling that she is still looking despite us having the exclusive talk. We haven't said "I love you" to each other. I think i don't because i think it would be reciprocated and i think she doesn't because she has been with a lot of men in the past and is probably guarded from that sort of thing. I learned to trust my gut when i felt like my ex was cheating me and despite all her lying it eventually came out. Now my gut is telling me that i should break off things with this girl because my heart tells me that if two people really like each other, they should want to spend more time with each other. My brain is confusing everything because it thinks it doesn't make sense to break off with someone you really like a lot. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?
5 people like this
22 responses
@subha12 (18462)
• India
13 Mar 09
It is very painful to breakup. but before you breakup, is it not possible to validate whether she likes you or not?I think it can be some misunderstanding? May be she really loves you?
1 person likes this
• China
13 Mar 09
I think both of you like each other, it is not easy for a girl who has been with a lot of men in the past keep intimate with a man, the only reaon is she is willing to develop your relations. As to you, I feel you like her. So grasp the chance and not be attached to her deeply,God will arrange all.
1 person likes this
• China
13 Mar 09
I think you like each other, it is not easy for a girl keep intimate with a man that has been with a lot of men in the past,the only reason is she like him. As to you, if you not like her,you will not think so much. Hold the chance but not too be attached to her, God will arrange all.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
I have an almost similar experience. I"m currently in a relationship. My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for trying to break up with him. I wanted to break up with him because I just love him so much that I may not be able to take it if he leave me for another girl. I have an almost same discussion as yours and they had provided me with some good advises there. Maybe you wanted to check it out. happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Maybe first you should tell her how you are feeling, and see if she feels the same way. I mean at least then you'll know that you gave it your all. If things dont work now, remain friends, and leave the possibility open for the future. But get on with your life until then ya know? Dont wait around. I hope this makes sense.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Mar 09
You stated that she has been with several men in the past and so she is guarded about letting her feelings show too much. Dumping her is NOT going to help her with her issue of being guarded - it's only going to confirm her belief even further. You also stated that your heart tells you that if two people really like each other, they should want to spend more time with each other. Well, why isn't your heart telling you that if two people really liked each other, it would seem that you would also try being a little bit more conciderate towards HER rather than thinking of yourself. Why isn't your heart telling you that if you really cared about her at all, you would be up front with her about how you're feeling neglected, rather than just suddenly breaking up with her. I hate when men start whining about how they aren't getting this, and they aren't getting that, and so they think the best solution is to run away from the problem (or cheat) - real inconciderate, and insensitive! What have you done for her lately? it's not about YOU - a relationship has TWO people in it; not just one. I'm not trying to insult you. I am only trying to get you to see a woman's perspective. I know I stop losing interest in being with someone when the man is not acting like a man, but rather, is acting like a selfish pig.
@stacyv81 (5906)
• United States
12 Mar 09
the blunt approach....you go girl!
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
12 Mar 09
The heart does not like to take orders from the mind. When you're madly in love with someone you will do anything to be with her and would not care about her past. You must have an open communication with her and ask her truthfully her true feelings for you. Love just cannot work one sided. You have to be patient with her and try to win her heart before raising the white flag. It is always the best man wins...remember.
• India
12 Mar 09
yes you are right my friend, love can't be one sided and as you suggested i will try to communicate with her and give her enough time so that she can come up with a decission, till then i'll try to be more patient and responsible.
• Canada
12 Mar 09
Maybe you should try talking to her about it. Tell her you just want to know how she feels and if you both feel like this is going somewhere. If you have different views on things and are on different levels, it might not work out. If you really feel like you should break things off you could always try a 'break' and then see how you both feel. She might not say I love you because It's to soon for her and if she does say it she then becomes very vulnerable and can become really hurt if you two were to break up.
• India
12 Mar 09
Yes you are right but i am not pressurizing her to say 'I love you' to me. I just want that things should get more smooth between us and if that happens i'll be more than happy.
• United States
13 Mar 09
Have you tried to talk to her about this? Maybe she's been hurt in the past and just hasn't let her gaurd down yet. Talk to her and maybe she is really into you or maybe she's not and you can either work to make it better or break it off. Good Luck!
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
13 Mar 09
I think you should confront her with what you feel for her.You said that till date you have not expressed your feelings to her.Do it now ,may be she might be thinking on the same terms on which you are thinking.Somebody has to make the right move.Even if she does not accept your love even then you can remain good friends which you still are.
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
it's really hard to break up with someone you really love. it's a proven fact. and believe me it's really painful. i had been through the same situation before and it hurts a lot. it took me several months to recover and moved on with my life. but then i don't have any choice, i can't keep him with me if he's not happy anymore. i don't wanna come to a point that he's cheating on me it will hurt more, so i set him free. i guess that's how it is. that's what love is. if you really love her then give her what will makes her happier. if you're meant to be then she'll come back to you no matter what. pain is pain, but it will heal little at a time. good luck.
@Theresaaiza (9696)
• Australia
13 Mar 09
Hi wounded, I think it's best you give yourself a bit more time to truly know each other. Breaking up with her for that reason is too impulsive. Of course you can't expect things to turn up your way all the time and right this very moment. Love takes time. Once you'll know each other better, then you'll learn to trust each other that despite the silence or the distance your love is still there.
@tav_8164 (151)
• United States
13 Mar 09
My almost 5yr marriage may soon be coming to an end, so my advice to you is if you are unable to stick it out in the bad times and look forward to the good times. Then maybe it is better to end it now before the two of you completely involved and end up getting REALLY hurt. Good luck to you.
@coldmoon (1092)
• France
13 Mar 09
Many years ago i broke up with my boyfriend though we still loved each other.We had had a good time before, but when his boss's daughter fell in love with him, he had to choose between a nomination for a higher post or an unemployement. The last day we were together, he said to me that if I asked, he could give up anything, including his well paid job. But I didn't, his mom and his sister lived by his salary, they couldn't stand it, and I couldn't harm the family of the one I love. I'm still sorry for us, but I never regret, I would do the same if the time turned back. When you really love someone, you focus only his(her) happiness, and you do anything for his(her), even breaking up your relation, just to bring the best to her.
@jbrooks0127 (2329)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Before you jump off the deep end you really need to know how deep it is. If you are just guessing you could be very sorry. Consider the fact that you had a bad relationship in the past and it is, like it or not, effecting how you look at this one. Now I am wondering exactly what you mean by you don't see each other often because of her job. do you mean she works long hours so has very little time to herself? Do you mean she uses her job as an excuse not to see you or do you just think that may be true. When you are together does she seem like she really is happy to be with you and does she ever say she wishes you could be together more often? If she does not it doesn't necessarily mean that she is not into you. Her background may have included relationships that ended up with her hurt so now she may feel like she has to protect herself. I am very much like you in that I get these gut feelings also. I tend to not say or do anything and as a result those feelings intensify and I begin looking for things to prove me right. Many.....many times I have been wrong. Until you sit down with her and talk this through you will never know if your right or not. It is possible that you may break up with a woman that is just waiting for you to make your move. Tell her you love her and exactly what your concerns are and why. If you can't quite say I love you yet then show her that you care. There are many ways to do that without any real commitment from you. Communication is everything. Don't throw away something that may very well be exactly what you will make you both happy if you just come together on it. At the very least talking will prove that you either are right or wrong. You will then know, not guess, what the problem is.
• China
13 Mar 09
I have read many reply to your post and found lots person gave good advises.As myself i want say at first you should talk with your girl and tell her your confusing and hear her words.Maybe she is the girl who fell intimate relationship is unused,etc.in a word let she understand your fellind and try to find out her thinkings.if you find there are some uncovered estrangement between two of you i think you should think to change yourself or break up after all it is more difficalt to change the others.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
13 Mar 09
Hi,friend,if you like the girl a lot,you wouldnt be like to break up with her in your heart.Trust your guts,tell her directly how you feel about her with tact.Whatever how she'll react,you wont regret you doing so.Its much better than just breaking up with her.Maybe she has the same feeling as you do.Good luck.
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
i can relate with this one sir.. eventhough you feel that shes important to you or she means a lot to you but there are owiz hindrances that we should face.. i think you should confront her regarding what you feel so that you will also know if she loves you or not.. goodluck!!!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
12 Mar 09
Hi woundedeagle! The advice I have is not to let your past experiences ruin your future with someone you really like. It's hard to move on and trust someone again after having been betrayed but that doesn't make her like your ex. I would just ry and make an effort to see her more or suggest ways to do so instead of jumping in with two feet with the I love you. If you make these suggestions you can see if she wants to see you more too and this can help you with your decision to stay with her or move on. Don't just end it without knowing. She may be afraid if she pushes you that you may back off or it will cause you to be afraid she is coming on to strong. If you really like her I would definately try and keep it working. Good luck and take care.
• India
12 Mar 09
Gals are very puzzled i should say that you should change your galfriend evry month rather evry week...!!.Dont giv attitude to gals let them give ew attitude