Do you argue with your significant other in public?

Do you do this in public? - Couple fight
@jesssp (2743)
Canada
March 12, 2009 6:03pm CST
Do you get in arguments/quarrels with your partner when you're out with friends and things like that? Will you do the whole 'stomp off in anger' thing to your significant other in public? We always save our arguments for when we're alone. Thankfully they're few and far between but even if something makes me mad when we're out somewhere I won't start a fight about it until we get home. Maybe it sounds vain and a little phony but I would rather people not know that we argue! We've been friends with a few different couples who would get in big arguments when we are out and it is very uncomfortable. I feel so embarrassed for someone when they actually start crying and carrying on in a bar or restaurant and I never know what I'm supposed to do. What about everyone else? Have you ever had a nasty argument with your partner when there were tons of people around to watch? Have you ever seen a couple having a quarrel in public and did you do anything or just watch?
7 people like this
25 responses
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
My boyfriend and I don't argue in public. Never even in front of friend or family. We hide it for ourselves. I simply shut up. He may try to bring up the issue quietly but I'd just keep quiet until there's just the two of us to talk. Sometimes we'd even skip talking about it for a few hours until one of us cools down. I think it's good that you don't show your fights in front of other people. Couples especially husband and wives should always have a "united front". It helps build the relationship because other people see you together - and how other people see you affects how you see yourselves as a couple :) I read that somewhere but I can't remember where lol Thanks for the response on my discussion!
2 people like this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
I think it's actually a good thing to wait a few hours whether you have to or not. It gives you a chance to cool down and collect your thoughts so you don't end up saying hurtful and irrelevant things.
@mgmagana (3621)
• United States
13 Mar 09
i try not too but sometimes if i disagree with something he has to talk back n we end up scuffling a bit..but nothing major enough to make others uncomfortable...i try to end it before that happens...i have a friend tho who loves to do that..well i don't think she loves it but she does it often where she will nit pick at her hubby n they end up arguing...he tries to stop it and continue it at home but she doesn't care and continues to do it..it's kinda embarrassing and uncomfortable.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
16 Mar 09
We were friends with a couple like that. She would have a hissy fit if he picked the wrong place for dinner or if he didn't pay enough attention to her. It was just little tiny things but she would just be awful to him and it was so awkward for the rest of us, you never really knew what to do. In fact our friendship actually ended because she was having a fit over something he did at the pub and I wouldn't follow her to the bathroom when she started crying. After that she decided she was mad at me and we hardly ever talked anymore. Not a very adult way to behave.
@bluemars (952)
• Australia
13 Mar 09
No I don't argue in loud and bad way in public. If we know we need to have one, then we usually take some time to cool off, so we usually just don't talk much until we get home and then we might start the topic off there. However we respect each other too much to embarrass each other and humiliate each other in public. I think that says a lot right there. If you really love your partner you will do things to show how much you love them even if it is as simple as not doing anything sometimes.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
16 Mar 09
I really agree with that, it is respectful to not want to embarrass each other in public.
@jcj_111776 (3221)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
My husband totally hates making a public scene. Before we got married, and being a woman, I tended to try to resolve our argument even in public. But then, I didn't make a big scene about it. We did argue but not to a point where other people noticed that we were arguing. But just the same, he hated that. He always asked me to stop doing it. And that a public place is not the best place to argue about something. Now that I'm married to him for 7 years, whatever argument we have, has to wait until we get home. Or if we're alone. At least, in that way, whatever we have to say to each other doesn't end up with someone hearing about it. I did see a couple arguing in a public place. To a point, where the woman was openly crying and the man was very angry. They did attract so much attention but still, they were too busy arguing to notice it. No one tried to intervene because the man was so mad, he looked ready to punch anyone who approaches him.
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
I remember an we had when he was still my boyfriend. We were at the mall and he said something that made me angry. Then, we argued about it for a few minutes. Then, I got mad and walked out on him. I was completely confident that he would follow me and settle things between us. But to my surprise, after looking back, no one was there. When I walked back to the spot where I left him, he was gone. There was nothing I could do so I went home. After a couple of hours, I received a phone call from him telling me that the idea of following me and trying to settle things in public was something he didn't want to do. So, he decided to go home and hope that by the time he talks to me, I would be a little less angry and would listen to reason. The argument we had was settled. But after that incident, I didn't try that "walking out" act again!Because it may backfire on me again.
@katsmeow1213 (28821)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Well my husband and I have never really been out in groups like that with friends. Sad to say. And no I don't remember us having any huge arguments in someplace like a restaurant or bar. But there was a time when our marriage was very rocky, and we fought over just about anything. I remember we did have a pretty big blow out in the middle of Walmart once. I got all huffy and left the cart in the middle of the aisle, gathered the kids and stormed out. He chased after me and we had our little argument right there in public. We tried to do so quietly, I'm sure it would have been far worse if we had been at home, but it was still obvious we were fighting. Thankfully that was years ago, and most likely due to my hormones. I was a hormonal wreck from the time I got pregnant with my twins till the time my youngest son was born. Since then my marriage has gotten so much better because I'm calmer, more relaxed, and can usually deal with whatever stress life throws my way. So now we're better about having "fights" in private.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31298)
• United States
12 Mar 09
I was raised not to argue in public and I have always avoided it. It's embarrassing to see other people air their dirty laundry in public and I hope I never get old and crazy and start doing it!
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
At least when we get old and crazy we have an excuse!
• United States
12 Mar 09
I try to avoid arguing about things in public. Public is not the place for that kind of thing. That's something that should be kept private. After all, it is no one elses business and it shouldn't be anyone else's business but your own. I feel like it's kind of tacky to make a big scene in public. I lived with my mother and her husband and they fought in public all the time and it was embarrassing. She constantly brought things up and she'd yell and scream and everything else in public. I was only a kid, 13 or so and it bothered me so much to be around that and have to deal with it. I just would walk away from them when it was going on and eventually got to the point where I'd avoid going with them anywhere because of it. It was constant. No one wants to see that kind of thing. No one likes to hear it or be apart of it. It's definitely a private matter.
1 person likes this
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
I agree, it's your business and yours alone. If need be leave wherever you are if you can't wait until you get home. Every time I see a 'couple fight' I always cringe. It's just really inappropriate.
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
yes i do. arguing in public with your other half has some of advantaGES TOO. HE will have too listen to what you are saying without saying asnything because guys are usually scared of getting too much attention. when you argue on pu blic you end up saying al the things you want to say while the other listens without being so much defensive. thus when it is time that you are alone, you are now ready to listen because yopu have already said your piece anyway, sometimes it is really ineviteble...
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
16 Mar 09
I've found that sometimes it goes the opposite way too. If you're absolutely berating someone with other people around they're often too concerned with what the other people are doing or thinking to really hear what you're saying. I think that's one of the things about arguing in private, there are no distractions so you are almost forced to listen.
@lynnemg (4540)
• United States
13 Mar 09
We try not to argue i npublic, but it has happened. Not a horrible yelling match or anything, just the looks that say it all, and a few harsh words. It rarely happens, but when it does, it is normally stress induced and we both end up just leaving the other alone for a little while to cool off, then, we are fine. We would never yell or scream at each other in public, we try not to do that even in private. It doesn't solve anything at all, it only makes things worse.
@jesssp (2743)
• Canada
16 Mar 09
I agree, sometimes you can't help being angry w/ each other in public but it's the yelling and screaming that are really inappropriate. And it really doesn't solve anything.
• United States
20 Mar 09
I never really had an argument with my boyfriend in public because we are usually busy trying to referee our friends fights. I've seen other couples have all out fights in public. The police got involved and everything. The sad part about it was the girl was doing all this wild crying after the guy hit her and when another guy tried to step in and help her, the couple teamed up on him. When the police did get to the bottom of it, she ended up trying to stop them from locking her boyfriend up. I find it all sad and not even necessary. I was taught you are supposed to handle those types of things in private.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I've disagreed with him a couple times in public. Most of the time I keep it shut and take it home. But those times, he did something awhile back and I just found out about it. It frustrated me deeply, because it was something we'd discussed beforehand, and then he turned around and did it anyway. I've seen a lot of quarrels in public. I stay out of it and walk away. As far away as possible!! Usually a fight in public is about one partner being hurt and wanting to hurt the other too. That means if you say anything, you're gonna get it!
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
13 Mar 09
Hello jesssp, honestly yes I have argued with my significant other in public a few times. I know this going public thing is embarrassing but sometimes when the anger is at it peak, the sense of judgement just fell out. It did make me feel stupid and really embarrassed about it afterward but then again, its my personal affair. I also witnessed couple arguing in public, well I just walked away because I been there and I can understand the couple feeling when everyone is watching like it is their business.
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
This is a major no-no of course, but you are right, saving the argument and be home first and don't let anyone else like your friends see you fight, it can be degrading at times and you would let others to worry too and be a referee. I do see a lot of couples fight but not on street or public places but at their own place but too bad, most of these fights involve flying plates and vases and foul mouthed words that all the neighbors would hear their own mess. But if ever i see a friend of mine be caught to such situation, well i guess i have to say, i will be their referee and stop them from fighting in un-appropriate place and settle it at home.
• United States
13 Mar 09
I don't like to argue in public, but apparently my fiance does because he is always finding something to complain about. It doesn't complain too much, but we he does he makes himself look like a 5 yr old. He pouts and everything. It is quite embarassing, and I try to ignore it.
@roxa19 (115)
• Romania
13 Mar 09
i ussualy avoid to fight with my husband in public, i'm very embarrased when that happends. we never cry at each other in public places, only at home or in the car. once, we had a bad figh, on new years eve and there wewrw some friends watching ans it was very strange. so, we try nat to fight in public.
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
No never!...We dont even argue for that matter. I think its the most counterproductive thing to do...I think my hubby taught me that..He wouldnt argue if I wanted to! But I know what you mean about being embarrassed when others fight in public. It leaves you feeling helpless, especially if you know the couple. Its like, what am I supposed to do now? Can I please sneak out the back door?
• United States
13 Mar 09
Usually we try to keep our arguements to a minimum when we are out but sometimes it gets to be to much to hold in and you just have to let them have it. We have had a few blow ups where we yell at each other then walk away for a few minutes and then we just don't speak to each other much until we get home and then we finish the arguement.
@SHAMRACK (8379)
• India
13 Mar 09
Dear friend, I would avoid quarreling/agruments not only in public but also at other places. I do not like quarreling and if I see someone quarreling I may avoid it unless those quarreling there are know and close to my relations. Moreover those people I had seen interfering in others quarrel could also has faced court cases and other legal procedures. Hence I would avoid it if I find that I may not be able to settle that quarrel peaceful and justifiably.
@r0nwaren (39)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
Fighting and/or arguing with someone you love in public is not just unethical but also devastating. In my case, no matter how hurt I am for the tantrums of my significant other, I refuse and resist to gave in to that feeling of fighting. If you really love someone, fighting back is not an option especially in front of the public. I always keep in mind that the man I am with is the same person who dreamed of me to be his wife. If he is troubled or irated by something, it pays that we both wait 'til we are in private and discuss it. Afterall, the power of listening makes wonders all the time.
• United States
13 Mar 09
Well, it is nothing major, but we have argued about a few things in public. We have a few differences, and thus we usually have to agree to disagree when we have arguments like this, the making up part is the best after having arguments such as that one.