Depressed Over A Number

United States
March 12, 2009 9:52pm CST
Next month I turn 50 years old. Wow. I am thinking where did my time go, there is still so much I want to do and see and it is scary to me. For the past couple weeks thoughts have been running through my head about "you know, you could only have 20 or 25 years left to your life." The thought of that scares me so much but I also realize that I could die tomorrow and as bizarre as that sounds...that one does not scare me. Its the long term one. I keep thinking back of things I have done and sometimes think if I could have one more opportunity to feel that way and do that again, it would be so nice. Too bad sometimes that we cannot step backward into a time machine and transport us back to "that one faithful night" or the night "that was something in a dream that no one would ever imagine". In my head I feel like I am in my late twenties, I relate to alot of things of the younger world but there are some mornings I wake up and feel ninety or have a thought that I will never understand the situations in today's world. It is like where do I belong. I made a list of things I still want to do in my life and some of them would make others laugh..thinking she wants to do THAT at her age. Somethings on the list I know I will never accomplish, but the thought of them being there makes me smile. I have not slowed down any since my 20's, in fact this year I think I am involved in more activities then I have ever been my life and at what point do you slow down and say let someone else do it. All of this just makes me sad...I just my head could adjust to what I should be and I do not feel I even know what that is.
3 people like this
13 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
13 Mar 09
don't be depressed over turning 50 be thankful. i will be 67 in dec. & the onl;y thing that has slowed me down is my bad health. i still think young & like you can't believe i'm that old but i am thankful i'm still here. i like not to have been. so u have alot to be thankful for i'm sure. i just hope i live to see grandchildren grown. do u have any? i'm telling u they are wonderful. i hope you have a wonderful birthday and as my grandson says get out & shake that booty.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
16 Mar 09
thanks, i like yours to. you & your son sound like me & mine. he use to work in the produce dept. to. he works for frito lay now. i hope youe son reaches his goals. nice to hear from you.
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
16 Mar 09
p.s. thanks for the best response. that's what i was going to tell u first & got such a kick out of your response i forgot it. duh!
• United States
17 Mar 09
I enjoyed what you had to say and wanted you to know it...how awesome our sons are the same
1 person likes this
@hotsummer (10466)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
yeah i am thinking the same thing . i am 37 years old already. just seems yesterday i was about only 24. time flies. when i was 24, i said to myself. i will stop being serious on my plan in my life. cause i still have lots of time in my hands. and then days past to weeks. weeks to months. and months to years. and years to one decade. and i still have not back to my old plans of fulfilling my dream cause i keep on delaying it. and so i think that i have lost so much time in my life. and there is one video television series that i have watched here in the philippines. actually it was a korean television series dubbed in my local language which is tagalog. and i could see my self. and that was the plan i had for my life. that i was not able to fulfill. it was not one big grandeur in my life. but i lost it and was not able to fulfill it. and every time i watched it. i have this thought, if i could have made a right decision in my life back then when i was young i could have been living that dream till my old age. and maybe getting old would not be that scary. anyways, i think i have to accept so many things and disappointments in my life.
@hotsummer (10466)
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
that is true. we should really accept things. wish that i have learned to have fun even before. so that i have no regrets now in my life. what can i say. it just seems that i can't believe that things happened the way it happened. something like i brought on to my self. and no one else. things that should not happen but due to my mistake i made my life quite or very difficult for me. what i was or am sorry for is that my life was not normal because of that. i mean i had no social life whatever back then. that was i am so sorry for. i grew up and old not knowing or feeling what it feels to be some group of friends and doing those things that normal people and friends do. i guess i was always been the lonely type. i know some people who is some way like me. but i just still can't accept that i have spent my life a loner. that hurts me most. you can blame it on my personality being a very introvert person that i was and am still now though not that much any more. i just wished that i have just had a normal childhood and teen life and not suffered that loneliness that i went through for years. life was so tough and depressing without friends who love yuo and to friends that we can lean and share some happy times with. well i am too old now to live like a teen ager . i can't any more enjoy those things that young people enjoy cause it will look not that good to act like i am acting like one. this is the toughest thing for me i will say. to enjoy my life with some set of friends.
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
Same here. I am 24 years old and some time I felt worry about nothing and I realized that worries really took most of time which is worthless. When I was a kid, I tried everything that I wanted to do even I dont have everything. I learned to used roller blades but I don't even have my own. I ask my mom to buy me one but she and my dad didn't bought me for I might get injured but I ask my causin if I could borrow his roller blades and he said yes. I did had minor injuries like bruises but it didn't stop me. I learned to drive a bicycle and the same thing, I don't have have my own. Nobody can stop me as I am a child. I have no regrets on everything that I did in my life. We just have to enjoy and appreciate everything.
@daneg33 (1131)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
I went through that last year when I turned 40. Age is just a number, you know? It's how you feel inside. If you are going to think that you are old, and act old, then you are old. I know plenty of 50 year olds who certainly do not look 50, nor do they act 50. And hey, 50 is the new 40. Plan a nice day for yourself on your birthday - have a massage and a pedicure at the spa. You can't change your past, but you can shape your future. You have a long life ahead of you, so enjoy it!
• United States
13 Mar 09
People are shocked many times when I tell them my actual age...I have been guessed in my mid thirties. But still inside me I know I walked all those years and I have to accept 50...I just wish it was not so hard to do so because I don't want it. I wish I could get a massage and a pedicure on my birthday lol..those are luxuries for this girl
@daneg33 (1131)
• Canada
13 Mar 09
At least do SOMETHING to treat yourself on your big day. You deserve it!
@zedlav23 (458)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
I guess turning 40 or 50 can sometimes really make us look back and asked these questions and feel anxious about the future but why don't you take things one day at a time. Our life is so uncertain that we simply can't afford to use the present to regret the things of the past. Our body may physically slow us down on the many things that you want to accomplish. But I'm pretty sure that the spirit and youth in you still burns like a wildfire. I'm turning 30 this coming april and one thing made me so confident about my future is because i have entrusted it to the Lord Jesus Christ. No matter what happens, whether im 29, or 30 or 40 if that day arrives, I shall be absent in the body but in the presence of the Lord.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I am glad that is good with you. But I am pagan and I believe in a Goddess who I worship but thank you for responding
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
13 Mar 09
A few years ago, when I turned 50, I had the same apprehension as you about getting old. Somehow, when you are in your 40s, that didn't bother you but once that magical 50 is upon you, suddenly you start to feel old already. But I tell myself it is all in the mind. When I was a young lad, 50 and above was considered an old age. Life expectancy then was in the 60s or no more than the 70s, and people were retiring from their careers at 50 or 55. Life expectancy has since improved by leaps and bounds, and today, many people live till their 80s or older. Both my mother and mother-in-law are in their late 80s and are still very much alive. Nowadays, people say you are too young if you retire in your 50s. Being 53 now, physically I am that age, but mentally and inside me, I feel as young as when I was in my 30s or 40s. I am still doing most things I was doing 10 or 20 years ago. Nowadays, I am quite actively doing designing with graphic software on my computer, something I never did when I was younger in my 20s and 30s. When you think you are old and your mind starts to tell you so, you will develop an inclination to stop doing certain things you think only a person who is younger should be engaged in. If you start to do that, you will soon find you are growing older faster. Our official retirement age has gone up to 65, so hitting 50 these days is still considered young. However young or old you are, you never know till what age you will live to. Only God knows that and determines that for your life. People die at all ages, and even more people these days are dying younger, not due to old age, but due to accidents, sicknesses or their lives are taken away by someone else. So there's really no need to feel paranoid and start thinking hypothetically at what age you will live to, and start counting down the days left of your life and feeling nervousness about not being able to accomplish things you set out to do. That's a negative way of viewing life, and will only cause you unnecessary anxiety and depression. My life philosophy is to be thankful for each day that comes, and live it to the fullest ~ planning, doing and accomplishing all the things that I desire to do while I am still living and have my faculties to do them. Think positively and life can be lived happily, whatever your age.
• United States
19 Mar 09
I have been adjusting my attitude a little each day as the birthday is getting closer. You are right...the more I look at the negative side the more the negative side will be me. I suppose at any age people older than you are old and people younger than you are young. It has been that way since the dawn of time but it is more how you percieve the change and look forward than back
• Switzerland
13 Mar 09
Never seem to have a problem with age and birthdays. In my head I still think I feel about 19. This was certainly the case when, after being widowed for a while, I met and fell in love with a new friend. Life is all about living, learning and family. I have few true friends, but very good friends. We see each other rarely but they are often in my thought. The world is a beautiful place and there is lovely scenery every where. I do not mind very much where I am as long as the person I am with is special. We chat, play scrabble and take care of each other. What more can one wish for.
• United States
19 Mar 09
sounds like you have the perfect world. That makes me smile
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Well your a few months ahead of me. I just turned 49 in January. And as I put it to anyone that asks my age......I'm 49, feel 39, act 29. Age and/or birthdays have never bothered me. I guess because it's just a number, it's more how healthy you are, how active you are, and how young you feel. I'm expecting plenty of jokes and black balloons on my 50th......of course I did do that to my sister lol. So, you're turning 50! Happy early birthday, and many more to come. I hope I can be like my grandfather was, he learned how to surf when he was 70! Don't think I'll be learning how to surf, but..............ya never know!
• United States
19 Mar 09
I like your words " I am 49, feel 39, and act 29 " that describes me as well! If someone brings me a cake with 50 candles on it I will fall apart lol.....That is very awesome about your grandfather but I dont think I will take up surfing in the near future lol....but that is a little hard to do anyway with all the cornfields around me
• Lubbock, Texas
13 Mar 09
"adjust to what I should be and I do not feel I even know what that is." What you should be is what you want to be. A number doesn't make you who you are. Your dreams and ambitions do. If you want to go sky diving at 80 and are capable of learning how, then that is what you should do. You said you felt 20 in your head. Sometimes I do too, but am thankful I'm not! I have grand children older than that, and in some ways I can relate to them and their view on the world and in some ways I can't. Keep learning, keep doing, whatever makes you feel fulfilled and happy. If you want to say "let somebody else do it so I can have leisure time", go for it, but if being active is what you want then that is what you should do.
• United States
17 Mar 09
sometimes listening to the people around you or being what they say you are is not a good thing
@ryzach (1546)
• United States
13 Mar 09
There is nothing you can do about what has already passed but you can make the most from this day foward. I am 53 and though I am getting older I like who I am and will make the most of the days ahead. I plan to be around for a while and am going to enjoy it. I also feel young and that is a good thing.
• United States
16 Mar 09
I think it really does help when you think young because it slows down the process
@mgmagana (3621)
• United States
13 Mar 09
didn't u hear 50s is the new 30s lol! i think u should still do everything u wanted to do...people r living up to 100 now...my grand parents are in their 80s and because they took really great care of themselves they r probably healthier then me and i'm 27...just take care of urself and u'll live a really long life.
• United States
18 Mar 09
I am a health freak...except I smoke which I have tried numerous times to quit in my life and I think right now it is what holds my lungs together
• United States
13 Mar 09
Be grateful that you still have the time to accomplish all you want to accomplish and don't regret the past. If it weren't for the things in your past you wouldn't be the person you are today. Enjoy life day by day and do anything and everything you can to make your life count! Have fun and love life!
• United States
16 Mar 09
Yeah...that is one of the things that you cannot change....going back and doing over...sometimes it would be nice though to be like it was in a childhood game when you yelled "Do Over" and the game would begin again
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
I'm 53 and I felt I had done so much, as I was working eversince. I'd been working since I graduated from highschool, continuous my college being a working student. Even when I got married I'm still working the more I worked hard when I was widowed 12 yrs after. No time for me to have rest as being a single parent I have to support my children who were then on their primary education. After so many years of hardships got a chance to rest from work, when no one had to take care of my aging mom, until she was laid to rest. Thanks God my children are now fully grown ups and have quite stable job. I feel like on working again I feel am still young and capable of doing things I'd been doing before. My children however, wants me to stop working and instead stay at home with them. It's wonderful however being with the family and I have to admit I'm quite old and tired. Though am enjoying with my grand daughter still I do part time jobs. Though I've done my part in raising the children still I feel so many things to be accomplished like you I feel am running out of time too, so we have to make the most of it. Yes, we don't know until when do we live, I just hope, I made everything in the proper place when the time comes.
• United States
16 Mar 09
About two years ago, I actually quit my job in business management cause I have been in the same rut all my life with jobs that I had to tell others what to do and I absolutely hated it. So I took a big step with the encouragement of my husband who is two years younger than me lol....all my life I have been into all kinds of art design and never had the time to do it as much as I wanted and enjoyed. Now I have a website and I go to alot of summer events and sell my art and get requests from people to do art for them...in fact on Saturday I got a call from a new restuarant that is opening and they want me to do a design of mardi gra on their front doors...that is a big honor for me so maybe just maybe this will be my year to get in full swing and it only took 50 years. I think you should do what I did a couple of weeks ago and sit down and make a list of things you have always wanted to do or try and start doing them...You and I could compare notes over the year :)
@Ithink (10495)
• United States
13 Mar 09
OMG!! I thought I was the only one that felt or thought like this. I'm going to be 44 and at times I think I only have 20 or so more years left! There is so much I want to do. My best friend is 10 years younger, most of the people that I associate with are younger. I don't feel old enough to think of my life as being 1/2 over with, well except when my back starts up! lol I just do my best to try not to think about it and somedays it works. I don't think that there is much we can do, although I do at times wonder if everyone thinks like this and they just don't say anything?