I begged, I pleaded, and even kneeled down, but.....

broken heart - broken heart, dumped, dumped for life
@Ysabel (1201)
Philippines
March 12, 2009 10:56pm CST
No one will ever understand what I am going through right now. I was just dumped by the man I loved most. We had a very big fight (my fault) three weeks ago and after talking it out, we sort things and still being together but he was far distant and cold. I have tried to reached out to him and he was kind'a accommodating but yesterday morning, a text came. I texted back that he should have at least the decency to talk with me in person and so we did last night. Though I already knew it was coming, I am still feeling shattered, broken and I am not sure If I will get back the pieces again. I haven't slept a wink, and I am not sure If I will still be able to accept it. It's for his own happiness. He's asking for his freedom. He's no longer happy with me. I have no choice, right? Than to let go and set him free rather than have him and he's not happy with me when we're together. I am trying my best as I can to understand the whole picture, but then again everything just doesn't seem to fit. I hope this pain will just go away.
8 people like this
35 responses
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
If i'm not mistaken, he's the one who got mad at you when you came in late on a date because you cannot leave your work right? Hmm, could it be that it's just one of the intances where he's making it appear that everything is your fault and he would get mad so he's got a valid reason to leave you. Everything could be a scheme and if everything didn't work out, then that's the time where he will tell you upfront that he want out of the relationship. Guys are pretty much lousy when it comes to breaking up. I'm surprised though that you didn't see it coming. I don't mean to depress you more but it's unlikely that a he'll come back in your arms when he's the one who broke up. I should know because i did the same.
@csrobins (1120)
• United States
13 Mar 09
If this is the case he is either a very arrogant jerk or has no guts to be a man. Neither of which you want. I know this doesn't help right now and it just hurts. I am sorry...time really does heal things though.
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
hello modstar. thanks for the very quick reply. yes, he is the same guy. and also yes, i finally realized now after the many instances that he was just waiting for the right time or the perfect timing just to leave. i was just too blinded (foolish me) and i just cannot accept the fact that this will end, after almost 5 years in the relationship. i also do not think that he will come back. as he already made it clear that there's nothing that can change his mind. ei, what made you broke up with that girl? i mean, there must really be a very deep reason for a guy to be the one initiating the break up.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
csrobins... thanks for the reply too. i am sure time will heal the wounds. i just hope it will be sooner!
@iwrite (5034)
• Singapore
14 Mar 09
I am not to sure what is the issue about Ysabel, and I am sure that you are feeling the pain although not to the same degree. You seem to have claim all the responsibility to the problem of the relationship, however I believe that whatever happens both parties have a role to play. Perhaps it is good for both to cool down and re access the situation. if after the some time you both still feel the same way, then it better to move on. However if there is still feeling for both then you can decide how you want to get better together.
@iwrite (5034)
• Singapore
24 Mar 09
Hello Ysabel, That might be because I was not effected by the situation, hence able to be so level headed. Well life might seem a little empty, however if you do not let go it would not be filled again. Cheers open your heart and you would get happiness again.
2 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
hello again iwrite... you know what, i only discover yesterday that he was pursuing another girl... it was another big bang for me.. but i have enough of it.. if he wants somebody else, then let him be. i have my world to care and enjoy. thanks for having friends like you around here in mylot. i think friends really, really play a very important role in broken-hearted people.
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
hi iwrite. it seems that you are very calm in every way, based on you posts. i salute you for that. well, he already made it clear that he will never come back to me, no matter what. that is outright rejection. and it just hurt so bad. the pain is something that is just beyond words. yeah, i know i have no choice but to move on. and live a life without him. easier said, though. wish me luck, iwrite!
1 person likes this
@bdugas (3578)
• United States
13 Mar 09
Let him go, if he loves you then he will come back to you, if not then it was not to be to start with. You say it was your fault or was it just in the background and waiting to happen, we can't make a person stay with us that don't want us. We can lower ourself to beg and plead and promise, but we are only delaying what is going to happen in the end. You are a better person than to have to beg someone to stay with you. I know the hurt and pain, but life does go on and you will find it is better to let go than to be merisable wondering when he will leave you. It is not something you done but something that is his problem, he will probably find that he isn't really happy no matter where he goes. Hold your head up and tell him you don't want me fine then I will find someone who does.
3 people like this
@bdugas (3578)
• United States
24 Mar 09
Strength will come as the days pass, it takes time to get over some one you loved and thought you would spend the rest of your days with. But as I said there are more fish in the sea and most of the time when we do find another we find that he is all that the other person wasn't. We as women need to learn that we are better than having to take crap off of someone that dont' respect us, or seems to always have a problem with what we do. I know some women that live in hell, but they hold on because they thing without a man in their life they are nothing,and it that very man that they are trying to hold on to that makes them feel that way. I myself woudl rather live alone than have to wonder if the person I love will be there tomorrow. Honey you was too good for him, and although it may be a while before you find someone else, when you do make sure he wants you as much as you want him. Dont' settle for someone that treat you with the equal respect that you deserve. Good luck in your every day life and one day that person you are searching for will just pop up and before we know it you won't even remember the other's name and when you do you will feel so lucky that you got out when you did.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
now after two weeks, i realized that it was just a background and he was just waiting for it to happen so he can have a way out. yes, we certainly cannot make a person stay with us no matter what... i learned that the hard way. letting go is such a hard thing to do! .. thanks for the kind words... i really need that. i appreciate it. i just wish i have the strength... in time.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
i just thought i have to update you. i have discovered that all along, he was pursuing another girl while we were still together. so that's really the main reason for leaving. now, all my questions are already answered! it hurts, but like what you have said, i really, really have to move on.....
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
14 Mar 09
I just dun understand him.. It's only a small matter but why he's kicking such a big fuss over it.. To thinkg that it last for 3 weeks?? IS he such a petty guy?? I guess there's something that causes him to blow his top, but the reason is definitely not u.. U are only triggering what's brewing inside him.. For that, he had made a wrong decision by breaking up with u.. Since that's the case, move on.. U dun need a man like this.. U need someone with more patience and more dependant, rather than him, being childish..
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
hello my dear friend kun2349! you know what? i just discovered days ago that all along, he was pursuing another girl while we were still together! so that's really his main reason for leaving! all my questions were already answered, and the picture gets clearer! i was trying to save everything in the relationship, but all the while, i could not save it anymore because he already fall out of love for me, and there's already someone else! i asked him many, many times if there's another girl but he denied it many times, so i thought it was just another phase of the relationship. not that i know there's a third party, i am not stupid enough to run after him. i have my own life to live now and i am starting to enjoy my freedom!
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
2 Apr 09
It seems that i'm right.. U are not the one in the wrong, but rather he just wanna make use of u as an excuse for breakup, so that he's able to pursue the other gal, openly with no restrictions.. For a guy like this, it's good that u leave him for good.. Even if he were to, beg, kneel and plead with u to go back to him, dun ever be soft hearted.. Because as long as he strayed once, he will definitely do it again.. MOve on in life is the right thing to do now ^_^
• China
13 Mar 09
I am sorry to hear that .Why not tell your fellings to him ,and listen to his heart sound.I hope that will work out.
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
happycoffee, i don't think it will still work. i have decided to move on and live a life without him.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
Thank you! It is not an easy path though, but let me tell you that I really appreciate your comments!
• China
17 Mar 09
Well,I may you best wishes! Brace yourheart and seek happiness blong to you!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 09
I'm sorry about that. But trust me the pain will go away, and once it goes way, you'd be able to move on with your life. Don't beat yourself up for this guy. One thing i learned you could never force anybody to do something they don't want to do. If he wants his freedom just let him go, by giving him his freedom, you'd set yourself free too, you might not realizing it, but it is true. Trust me you don't want to ever be with someone who can't love naturally, you'd be miserable, and him too. It is better now then later. There's someone out there who will love you for who you are, don't waste your time with jerks and foolish men. Good luck, i hope you get to feel better. Remember by letting him go, you are setting yourself free too. The pain will go away Ysabel.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
Thanks, sweetstella! I know the pain will go away, but i just wish it would be sooner! Yes, i have to let go and move on and have a life without him, that is the best and only option left for me now but really, moving on is a very difficult path! i wish i am stronger like you.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
hi, did you change your username? anyway, i discovered yesterday that he was pursuing for another girl. it hurts all the more but what can i do? i better face life than to have someone like that. if freedom is all he asks, then its all his. i have a life to take care of. thanks for wonderful friends in mylot who take time to write these things down here and helped me a lot. thanks very much! really appreciate this much, more than words!
• United States
20 Mar 09
You welcome Ysabel, i hope my words were a bit of help. Trust me i know it's not easy, but one thing i know you can do it, you can get over him, tell yourself that everyday, i 'm over him, and start feeling confident again, enjoy life to the fullest, men hardly stop their world for us, once they over you they over you. Only a few are a bit like us. But anyway, wish you well. Trust me i'm not strong, you probably stronger than me, i just have faith and always hope for the better. Just have that it will get better.
2 people like this
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
13 Mar 09
often when we hurt people, it seem like they can't forgive us. but sometime the hurt is deep. but we can say sorry to them, and its up to them to forgive us. but if it was meant to be he will be back, if not then finding away to deal with it is often hard. sadly ive hurt lot of people in a short time, and asked forgiveness. but if he dont want to be with you, need to releaze it. and just go on with your life. forgiving yourself is the first part of it.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
hello syankee... he already made it clear... he will never come back. at least, i gave it all my best for him to stay.. otherwise, i would blame myself in the future and i will have all the "what-ifs.".. now that i have asked and begged him and still he didn't want to, then i really have no other choice but to let go. **sigh**
1 person likes this
@rainmark (4302)
13 Mar 09
I knew the feelin'. I was in that kind of situation before i already moved on long time ago. I feel sorry but one thing i can say is don't hurt yourself too much of thinking about him, move on and be strong. There's more exciting and better life and better man for you in the future. Happy posting.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
That was good for you rainmark. I wish i have the strength like you. I wish i could move on right away. I want to. I really need to. I have no choice.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 09
im sorry for your pain and that you are going through such a hard time. i too knwo what it feels like to lose someone you love but time will heal your pain and you will move on.. best wishes
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
thanks chantalgiardina, i want to move on and live a life without him. but you are right, it takes time. and that makes it more harder to bear.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
Everything happened for a reason. Just think you're not meant for each other. You must be thankful this happened earlier. Just pray to God for you to get over this. It really hurts but it's a part of life, sometimes we have to feel pain before we experience true happiness. Someone you deserve more will come along. Just keep yourself busy and go out with friends. There's sunshine after the rain, remember?
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
hi bing28... it's not really earlier. we have been in this relationship for almost 5 years... thanks for the kind words, if only pain will go away in an instant! ha ha. wishful thinking. i realized now that no matter what i will do now, he will never ever come back anymore. i just hope he realize later on that its not my loss. right? i have so much pain and anger and resentment in me now that almost cannot be contained anymore. i want to ruin him and make him feel sorry but on second thought, it would just be wasting my time.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Mar 09
awwww.... sad girlie... but u kno .... wen u show ur weakness to others ... thy alwayz take adv. of tht ... so i feel u shld make ur weakness ur strength.... U shld make him realise ...wat he is missin in life is U .... I kno how it feels... but u r da only 1 who can help ur self out..... i hope u lll b out of this in few dayz or a week ...
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
thanks, avinash. deep inside, i would like to see him sorry for what he did to me. but i am so at loss now that i do not know what to do. but really, i have no choice but to move on and live a life without him.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 09
I absolutely know what you're feeling because it happened to me as well. About 5 years ago a guy that I had been going out with for 3 and 1/2 years dumped me for reasons I still don't understand. I felt like he was "the one" for me and to this day I still wonder.. But, I've accepted that he's never coming back to me and I'm moving on. You will too someday. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel and there will be other guys that come your way. Just do your best to get through it and as more and more time passes you will start feeling better.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
hello deadxbunny, really time has been so slow. everyday i wish i can bear it.. it may sound so melodramatic but coming from the same point of view, i am sure you can fully understand. we have been in the relationship for 5 years, and i am not ready for this. but as you see, i really have no choice but to move on and live a life without him.
1 person likes this
@Ted3_uk (114)
13 Mar 09
Hi Ysabel! Sorry to hear things are far from peachy with your things right now x But i think 1st, others do know how you feel right now, and can understand and relate... Its just a sad fact that loving some one can be the most beautiful and worth while time of ones life, but the end of love is always the most painful! All the good feeling and time are all undone, but all in one go rather than the months / years of your good times :o( I think the thing with love is it can only be love when both people feel the same love for each other, as soon as one person doesnt, its gone.. and cant be fixed So im afraid you dont really have a choice... You could chase after, trying to fix things but at the end of the day if he's clear in the way he feels its not going to help at all. He says its for his own happiness? Well take that advice... Whats going to make you happy? I know you think him right now, but if your truthful with your self, he doesnt = happiness it just = easyest right now? Dont stress your self out, try and think whats gonna make you happiest in the long run. Iv found from long term relationships the pain can stay for a year or so, but wha treally helps me get over pain is to keep busy... Go shoping, join the gym, hang with friends, meet new people, shear your pain with others, and things should start fitting together when your ready to make your self happy again. And you have to do this before you can move on and start again?? Hope you get some sleep soon! ;oD
3 people like this
@Ted3_uk (114)
1 Apr 09
Aww, dont be missing your food and sleep, or your get ill! Dont get down with sleepless nights either, just find someone to talk to... If you eva wanna chat add me if you like. Its on my profile. Anyway take good care, and keep looking on the bright side of things x
• Malaysia
13 Mar 09
I feel for you, dear Ysabel. Yes, it can be very painful to break up with someone who no longer have the mutual feelings. You can let yourself have a period of 'mourning' but after that you need to move on. There is no point of turning back when the door is closed for you even if you have begged, pleaded and kneeled down. Be strong and stop being emotional about it. Get up and move on.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
BabyHoney, rejection is such a very ugly word. Believe me, you wouldn't know how deep the cut would be. But yes, you are right. As i have no choice but to move on and live a life without him. its just painful but i know i can do it. in time.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
13 Mar 09
i am so sorry to hear about what is happening to your relationship... i hope God will give you the strength to go through this hard time and time will heal your wounds... please be strong and keep your head up... life still have to go on without him and i believe you will be able to meet another wonderful man again in the future... take care and have a nice day...
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
hello lingli_78. thanks for the kind words. i also prayed for strength. i thought i was a really strong woman and a strong personalilty but i was wrong all along. its more than a week now and i am keeping myself busier and busier so that i am occupied with lot of things and i will not feel his absence. anyway, you are definitely right, life still have to go on without him... again, i appreciate your advices and it means a lot to me now, really!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Mar 09
Yes, the pain will go away. Time is the best healer. On the other hand I think it was way decent of the guy to come clean about it and its in a way better for you too. I know how bad heart-breaks can be (I think every woman knows it) but if you put this experience to good use, you will benefit in your future relations. You will be stronger and will be able to decipher any loopholes from the beginning and try to plug it or look for other relations. Each relation has its own experience and makes us more mature.
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
Indeed time is the best healer! Agree to that. However is there a way to heal the wound faster? I certainly expected more from this relationship as we have been together for almost 5 years and we've been to our best and worst times. I just can't handle this one but as each day passes by, i have to make myself busier and busier each time. *sigh*
@sugarlen (138)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
I will quote what Kuya Rene (a renowned psychic in the Philippines - www.renemariano.net - Phil. tel. no. #632-8436346) wrote in his book on "Spiritual REality,"When you convincingly perceive that the one you love has a change of heart, even if your love for the particular individual were so true and intense - you would have to set that person free, and you must accept that fact, no matter how painful it would be. Remember, what is the use of continuing to love someone who no longer reciprocates your feelings? Loving someone who has loved somebody else can cause you to experience agony on earth."
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Amen to that!.. Thanks sugarlen. i know that would be the best and the only thing that's left for me to do. its just that its something not easy and really takes a lot of courage to move on. But that's what i am trying to do now. Move on and live a life without him. And I did visit that renemariano's site. thanks for sharing!
1 person likes this
• India
13 Mar 09
Hey ysabel...I know u are feeling right now and all i want to tell u is "give it time" and take it slow...If hes the one for u than he will come back..we cnt force love and only give love so let him go and meantime i want u to take care of yourself.Spend time with frens u are comfortable and plese dont do anyhting uncalled for.Take care...it will only passs
3 people like this
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
hello walnutbrownie, thanks for taking the time to drop by and say some encouraging words. i know, i should take it slow.. i am getting by and i am keeping myself busy everyday just to keep my mind off from him.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
13 Mar 09
Everything that happened has a reason. Just think you may not really meant for each other, pray to God to help you get over this. Someone you deserve more will come along, you must be thankful this happened earlier. It really hurts but it's a part of life, sometimes we have to feel the pain before the real joy. Keep yourself busy and go out with friends. I wish you happiness...
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
yesterday, i happen to discover that he was pursuing another girl. that's the main reason. all my other questions were already answered. the nerve! if only this hurt will make him suffer! but it won't. in the end, its just me all along, hurtung and feeling the pain. i know you will tell me that i can get over this. yes, may be. but not too soon.
• India
13 Mar 09
HI FREIND,How are you ,i can understand ur feeling as i also have gone thru all of it ,but i never tried to quit the reln and waited for the time to heal everything and guess what i was right time made all good and now i live with my darling hubby happily ,so my dear time is a great healer everything will be fine.god bless you happy my lotting
@Ysabel (1201)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
hello shiwangipeswani, thanks for the comment. how long were you together? we were 5 years and i really don't think i can move on, i am still on denial stage, wishing this is just a dream, and that i will wake up tomorrow with a different scenario!.. *sigh*... good for you, i wish i am stronger like you are!
1 person likes this