When do you know its time for a divorce?

United States
March 13, 2009 7:03pm CST
I love my husband to death but we simply cannot get along. We fight worse than cats and dogs. All the time. I am talking about several times a week. Nearly once a month we have an outrageously out of control blow out. I just do not know what to do anymore. I would just leave but we have two small children. I need any advice anyone can over. We have tried talking, walking away, counting to ten, you name it. Is this marriage all wrong?
5 people like this
28 responses
• United States
14 Mar 09
i knwo it may sound funny but have you tried to see a counselor or therapist? sometimes this helps
2 people like this
• United States
14 Mar 09
I cannot afford a counselor right now.
2 people like this
• United States
14 Mar 09
Have you considered counsiling through a church? It is often free.
1 person likes this
@tatiana07 (498)
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
you love your husband.so lets try this way.what are things and reasons why both of you fight?you can do things like try to avoid certain things that will irritate him.just be patient.marriage will work if both of you have the love and passion to work it out.so don't think divorce when you're fighting but think ways on how to minimize or stop your fights and do things to make marriage work out again.
2 people like this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
I'll say the same thing as the post-er above. Try counselling first. A 3rd party can help mediate when you're discussing the possible cause/s of your quarrels. Maybe there are some stressors from work/elsewhere that's not being dealt with, too. Divorce to me is a final option - only when a spouse becomes unfaithful will I consider it.
2 people like this
@1corner (744)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
By post-er above, I meant the 1st comment made. (Guess it took me awhile to think through my response and type it in, that 2-3 other comments have already been made)
2 people like this
@kiran8 (15398)
• Mangalore, India
14 Mar 09
Hi babykeka, you need to seriously analyse and talk to your husband about this.You are right , It can have major implications on your children They are small now, but if this continues even in the later years it will create other kind of complications ...children grow up troubled when they are witnessing unhappiness and abuse at home. I have seen many such cases where the children have gone wayward.Hope that your husband too is as concerned and for the sake of a healthy home atmosphere for your children, you both could compromise and sort things out...
• United States
14 Mar 09
Have you tried seeing a marriage counselor? If both of you want to work it out and are willing to put time and effort into it, then a marriage counselor can help you out a lot. Leaving your husband will hurt your kids, but so does all the fighting and screaming.
2 people like this
• Canada
14 Mar 09
Would you and your husband be averse to MARRIAGE COUNCELLING? Hubby and I go, and we have a GREAT MARRIAGE! We used to fight, but we addressed the cause of our fights (mostly reactionary, hubby's been divorced a few times already, and I've never been married so sometimes we clash that way) and we just go for "preventative maintanence" like one keeps a car tuned up, or goes for a physical examination every year....stuff like that. Might not be a bad idea, since you seem to love hubby so much. How much does he love you?
2 people like this
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I have been through a divorce but without children. It may take them a long time to understand, but would they be willing to see unhappy parents just to suck it up for the sake of them, or would they be proud to have parents who were honest and true to themselves? It is a hard decision. I wish you can have a councelor for it because marriage takes a lot of work and both of you need to be involved and want to want it. If you have fought for it all that you can and are satisfied with your efforts, then you shall not regret in the long run... because I didn't. Good luck and best wishes.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Mar 09
have you tried counseling? sometimes having an outside person to mediate your differences can help. I have been divorced myself and although i don't regret it I do regret the pain it caused my kids. sometimes people can work through things and sometimes they can't. you both deserve better than to live a miserable life. good luck.
• India
14 Mar 09
Dont go for divorce ... keep your mind cool... try to understand him ...first listen to him completely.... then answer him politely... show him they you are very understandable on all his talk ... if he shouts , let him shout ... & you just smile & say politely, " I can understand dear ..." Finally he will see the change in you .. & you will definatly see that marriage is servived .. Think 100 times befre getting divorced because it can make a huge impact on the minds of you kid ... So by implementing these changes you can save your marriage life...
• Canada
14 Mar 09
What if you tried taking a little time apart to let things settle? I'm not talking about a separation, just taking a few days to visit your mother, or something along those lines. It could give you a different perspective on things. If you and/or your husband's hot tempered, try just saying you'll talk about it later when you're both not so mad about it. My boyfriend's pretty hot tempered, and if we're talking about anything from the dishes to a home decision, I find it helps if I leave it until the next afternoon, or that evening (if it's the morning), and we usually end up being able to joke about something that was making everyone so mad hours earlier. I hope this helps a bit...
1 person likes this
@godara (59)
• India
14 Mar 09
when neither of you is trying to fix it,neither wants to put any effort into it and when infedellity shows up, its time,
1 person likes this
@parvezjs (422)
• India
14 Mar 09
Its life and these things will go on in near future to.To overcome from this you need to consult a counselor who will guide you and your husband well.As you have two kids you both should never think of seperating as it will affect their future,their life.Its the time which you guys are wasting to think of how to make you kids future well,you should make plans of their studies,their other activities and all.So once sit with your husband seeing his mood,talk about it,make things clear politely and go ahead life is beautiful.
1 person likes this
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
When I was going through my first divorce, we consulted with our minister. His exact words: "There are some marriages that even Jesus Christ can't put back together."
• India
14 Mar 09
well divorce is great, like every end has a new beginning so every divorce has start for a new marriage & then again to divorce,so keep giving divorce and keep marrying & enjoy those lusty babes
1 person likes this
@lola1991 (45)
• China
14 Mar 09
I was seen a really funny sentance,it says:it's time for a divorce when a couple is understand each other very much!
1 person likes this
• India
14 Mar 09
u should sit with him , spend some time go out for a long walk & the talk to him , might b u come out what exactly is the problem & with the solution also , which could save ur marriage . keep ur self calm for some days , when u r angry look towards ur kids .
1 person likes this
@btt2005 (162)
• India
14 Mar 09
Oh! Please don't go for divorce of God's sake. Marriage is an adjustment with hus and wife. You have to adjust with your spouce in many ways. Avoid all fights. You keep mum when your spouce broke out. You forgive him/her always. After all he/she is your children's mom/Dad. You love each other with all their weaknesses. If you divoce and re-marry also the same problem will be there with your new hus/wife. So what is the use of going for divorce. You have to adjust with your present wife/hus. No other way. You love your children, take care of them, take care of your spouce, do some gardening, surfing etc. etc. Don/t go for divorce please.
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I think once things get really bad it can be nearly impossible to repair. If you feel that you can't leave, that only compounds that you're unhappy because you also feel trapped. All I can suggest is that if you do want to stay in this relationship, that you treat it like you value it. Yes a relationship is a two-way street & you can't make your partner treat you how you want but you can choose to treat him how you wish to be treated & see if that doesn't inspire him to try harder too. You can choose not to fight, argue, whatever it is that you contribute to the problem.
1 person likes this
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
14 Mar 09
Babykeka, do you feel that you have to take such drastic action? You love him very much; does he feel the same too? I quarrel and argue with my husband almost everyday - we are both thick-headed and stubborn. But the idea of divorce has not crossed my mind; we talk about our things, discuss family & personal matters, have meals and go out together. Maybe you should sit down and talk it out. Take care!
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I am so sorry to hear that. I have never been divorced. My husband has though. We argue ever so often also but it usually has everything to do with his grown children. That causes us alot of problems because they do not like me and they never come around him but once every ten years or so. We have been together for 17 years now and married for almost 14 of those. I'm not sure how long you have been together or married but if you do love each other, stick with it and make it work out. If he is willing to work through it with you, then somehow, someday it will work to where you can get along and talk things out. I know from recent experience.
1 person likes this