Is it normal not to talk?

@laydee (12815)
Philippines
March 14, 2009 8:42am CST
I'm just wondering if I'm on the right track as to what I'm thinking. Is it normal for people who are romantically linked (partners/spouses) not to talk to each other for a day or two? Is it true that people need 'time out' from each other? I'm a talker type of a person and I'm not comfortable not knowing how's my partner is doing, but is it normal for guys to keep away for a day? How many days before I should get worried? or should I get worried now that it has been a day?
9 people like this
35 responses
• United States
14 Mar 09
If you are just dating then it is normal, you both have seperate lives, call him tommorow. If you are living together or married, I personaly do not consider it normal. When my husband is out of town I talk to him at least twice a day, when he is not out of town we will sit on the couch and talk. If there is something stressful going on in his life he may not be as talkative but if you live together there should be communication.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
We're far. Well, different cities, the same time zones. I'm worried. Does this mean he's no longer interested?
• United States
16 Mar 09
did he call today? If not did you try to call him? If neither of these things happened then there is no telling how he feels. I am not suggesting that you call or text him all day long just that you try once to communicate. If you have been smothering him with texts and calls then he made just need tome alone, but it could be the other.
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
First of all what is that "time out"? i can hear this word only in a GAME, not in a relationship for married people. Second, talking is important so if my husband notice me not talking to him for only 5 seconds, if he does ask a question, then he will really be bothered because he will think, he might have got me angry that is why i am not talking to him. It will never be normal for us as a couple if we don't talk to each other, imagine this , i will serve food to my husband, then i just signal him on hands to eat because i am not speaking, would you think that is "normal"? i don't think so. The most annoying thing that i can do to my husband that makes him sooooo nuts is when i don't talk to him. This will really make him mad as a dog and would go out of the house if i don't talk to him. For him, silent approach is "WAR" for us. You should know your spouse very well. But i tell you, communication is vital in every relationship. Happy Mylotting!
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
You are right, but what if you're willing to talk and all but he's not? You can't force someone to talk.
• Canada
14 Mar 09
Depends on their personalities. My boyfriend and I live together, but sometimes he'll go to stay at his parents for a day or two. Usually, I'll just give him some space, because people do need time apart sometimes to do their own thing. But, if it's been more than a day, and he's been acting wierd lately, you could try giving him a call to asy hi, sort of thing. If he sounds normal on the phone, things are probably fine. If he doesn't, ask if things are fine the next time you see him. Either way, though, just keep the phone call short and casual when you call him. It's hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do is just wait and see for now. Think of it as taking a night out with the girls. If he called you worried that you were secretly with another guy, or worried that you didn't want to spend time with him every time you went out with other girl friends, that would stress you out.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
I guess he just needs space. I'm just really sad because I can't see him, we're cities apart. Whew. I'm doing my best not to think about it anymore and just make myself busy. But I'm fearing the worst.
@forslahiri (1042)
• India
14 Mar 09
Hi, The signal which I'm getting isnot FAVORABLE. He has accepted U knowing that U r a 'talker-type'. Now,silence suddenly for a day ortwo only indicates his BOredom,about You. I suggest:- U talk straight on Ur apprehension....& then Judge/decide! =Lahiri,Kolkata,India.
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
I really hope so anura.. The thought just makes me cry.
@tatiana07 (498)
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
if we're not in good terms with my husband, meaning we have LQ, then not talking in a day or two is normal..lol..but if we're ok then talking is one of our hobby..lol.we always see to it that we're ok.at night before we sleep we talked what happened that day.and i'm happy if we have that kind of conversation everyday..
2 people like this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
Yes I would be worried, unless I knew what the problem was. If your spouse does not talk for one day there is a Big problem. If you don't know what the problem is, and can't find out, Its time to start packing. It is not normal behavior to stop communicating with your loved one for more than a couple of hours, especially when you don't understand and Can't find a reason.
2 people like this
• United States
13 Apr 09
I am not the talkative type so not talking for a day wouldn't be a problem.you two didn't have a fight? If so, staying away to cool off may be the way he deals with it. bBut if you didn't fight and it was just a say, it could have been that he was too busy at work to call . Suggestion, Maybe you two can set up a time each day to touch base. My mom and my sister would talk every day at 4pm.That way he still has his space and you can get to talk to him.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
We had a big fight and he hasn't talking to me for a week and about 2days. :( is that still normal? We live far from each other.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
Yes that's normal, If I had a argument with my love or even family and I was still mad, I wouldn't talk to them, I am not good at arguing so I usually just walk away . And if he has a tempper and when he gets real angry he says thing he wish he hadn't , then not talking is what he does instead. I am only guessing. I hope this helps.I would give it one more day , and then call.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
16 Mar 09
Me, I would get worried. But I think you and your spouse should be able to talk everyday. If you can't or one doesn't want to talk to the other then I would think there is something wrong. I couldn't go a day without talking to my man, it would drive me nuts!! But hey I could probably be driving him nuts thinking he needs to talk to me everyday!
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Mar 09
I guess you're driving him nuts already. That's what we actually talked about (yeah, we did talk already ) he says he's sometimes stressed out because it seems that if he doesn't get to talk to me he knows I'd go nuts and it's stressing him out because there are times in life when he just wants to sit quietly for a moment, but it doesn't mean he loves me any less. I think you should let go of your man and not stress him out too. I know they don't really complain but don't wait till they do.
@mizstress (719)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
guys gets annoyed when their gf OFTEN asks their whereabouts! specially when there gf always asked "WHY.." questions. hehehe They are BIG NO-NO in a relationship! i feel its healthy if you allow yourselves to have a "MYSELF TIME" every once in a while.. your bf/partner has his personal life to think/handle and not just your relationship..
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Thank you for your points. He's been doing this a lot lately, that's why I'm concerned. Perhaps he's realizing he doesn't want me, that's what I'm fearing. Anyway, I can't really do anything if he wants to leave. I'm just hoping I could be able to compose myself again from this heartache. Sometimes, I think I'm not meant for relationships at all.
14 Mar 09
The whole point of relationships, is jealosy. It keeps your love heart going! if there is no jealosy, theres no relationship, you get bored and you split! Not talking is the easiest form to create jealosy. Don't worry, its all in the natural form of the relationship! :) Dan Alldred
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
Wow I have to comment on this... a postive outlook on jealousy... interesting!
1 person likes this
@Amber4106 (541)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I personally feel that partners and spouses do need time away from each other, but if you're living together, it doesn't seem normal to not speak to one another for an entire day or two. There's times when we are arguing, and we won't speak to one another for a few hours, but I'm usually the first one to give in and apologize and start talking again. It's just not a good feeling to go around the house seeing each other all day but not speaking to each other. It just makes me feel worse, plus life is way too short to be mad all of the time. I can't imagine my life without him, so I really need to stop taking the little things for granted.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
You're right about life being too short to be mad all of the time, but there are instances when you just need a hug but he doesn't get it. I do feel I'd want to spend my life with him but I am now not sure if he wants to be with me. Yeah, you should need to stop taking things for granted. I know that, and have been trying my best to do so. It's just difficult when you don't know what the other is really feeling. Specially if it's him who doesn't want to talk.
@gracypure (530)
• Philippines
7 Apr 09
I think it depends in a situation, for lovers or to a spouses maybe its normal no talking 2-3 days. Or it may also depends on the cause, say i caught my hubby flirting our neighbor, oh then i would rather not to talk to him for a few days, i go sleep in the other room or will go to my sister's house and stay there for a few days.
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
17 Mar 09
Personally, I feel there is nothing wrong if both are not staying together. However, if both are married to each other, it would be though not to talk to each other. There are many opportunities to see and meet each other throughout the day and night and I think it is not normal not to talk. Most likey it is cold war. lol.
1 person likes this
@preppy (28)
• United Arab Emirates
17 Mar 09
No its not normal for a couple not to talk for a day or two... if two person is in a relationship there should be always a good communication. Even though its small things that happened through out their day or small issues, its really nice when two people talk about it. This is one the ways they could share their thoughts... Good communication with each other adds more love and binds better relationships.
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6344)
• Australia
16 Mar 09
I think that you should talk to the person about it. Both myself and my partner are introverts and not that talkative, although I am more talkative than he is. We have this understanding of when he needs quiet time to work his stuff out and so I try not to talk to him first thing while he is doing that but it does not last a whole day. I was thinking that this person might be an introvert but if you live together then it is strange not to talk to each other. Even if you do not live together I think that a whole day without talking is strange but more than a day would have me concerned unless we had discussed it worked out a time when talking was ok. Having said all that, guys usually talk less and often want time out so they can do their stuff. That may be all it is but I still think that you should talk about it with him and come to an agreement about it. He may not know it is bothering you. I am a firm believer in talking about everything with no topics too sensitive. If a guy cannot handle that then maybe they are not the right person for me but I do not believe in secrets and I do believe in understanding and respecting their wishes. So talk to him. Ask him about it.
1 person likes this
@Naylani (111)
• United States
15 Mar 09
Well, I am all for spending time to yourself, particularly when your in a relationship, but if your living together that doesn't sound at all normal. I mean, yes men are different from women when it comes to communication, however to not speak to each other at all for a day or two sound kinda strange. If you are only dating that still is kinda of unusual, in my opinion. when me and my husband were dating, we always took the time to atleast make small talk over the phone for a few minutes, even if we didn't do anything but ask each other how their day was. Still it may be that he's just "that way" if that's the case, then maybe you should decide if you can except that about him.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9600)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
It would be good to have a day or two alone. I would feel smothered by all the attention. This is quite normal, I think. Stalkers also feel like knowing everything about the object of their desires. It can be a scary thing. Cheers!!
1 person likes this
@venmarz13 (736)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 09
hei friend i also have problem like you before but i realize that we have some problem before.yeah i thik good for us to far from other to relax our mind.but i think it not more than 3 days.if one of you still to be quiet to each other it will get another problem....
1 person likes this
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
15 Mar 09
I am a talker type as well, my husband always listens to me and when I discover he doesn't not talk almost for an hour, then I may ask him why he doesn't talk. He probably tells me that he thinks I want to talk. He seldom talks a lot, if he doesn't not talk to me for a day, I must ask him whether he is angry with me or he has bad mood. We normally won't keep silence when we are together. There's must be something wrong if we don't talk. ^.^
• Netherlands
15 Mar 09
Hubby and I are not great talkers either but we do speak some every day of course. We ask how each other are doing, how are we feeling, did we sleep well, what do we want to eat, do we want to do anything special, make plans etc. but as far as the rest of the day, we are together 24 hours a day, we do not talk an extreme amount, unless one or the other wants to talk and then the silent one understands and then we can talk all day if we want to! I was a bit confused when you ask if it was normal for guys to keep away for a day? Do you mean physically keep away like leave the house or are you speaking of keeping away as far as not speaking? If you are asking about not speaking then I would think it is possible that the person has something on their mind or maybe just does not feel very well but if you mean stay away for a day physically, then I would not think this is normal if you are in a living together relationship. It also depends on if your partner is a talker normally or if you are the talker and normally he is the listener. Good Luck! ;)