Does Child Support Equal Revenge?

United States
March 15, 2009 8:18pm CST
Ok, so I've never told anyone this complete story but here goes. I am 35 weeks pregnant and very anxious. I was raped by the father of my child he said as punishment and from that a baby came. I have beat myself up so long about what happened because I wasn't sure if I actually desearved it and also because I feel as if I should of known from his rough behavior. I ended up not telling anyone until now. Anyway as time draws closer I'm wondering if this urge to make him pay by child support my revenge. I'm also scared that he'd get out of the army researve and maybe leave the country...(He was born in Haiti). And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but if this baby was scary to him then wouldn't child support? Did I mention I havn't talked to him since August when he told me he'd give me $5000 to get rid of her or to leave him alone. Part of me is even wondering if I should even do the child support because I feel like maybe its me being spiteful... I wish I knew what to do. Has anyone ever had contradicting feeling towards child support?
1 person likes this
5 responses
@maximax8 (27048)
17 Mar 09
I think if a dad is paying child maintenance for his son or daughter he will expect to see his child on a regular basis. I am glad that you didn't have an abortion. It sounds like this man wants to be left alone. However he raped you and deserves to go to jail. I don't think that he would make a good father. Child maintenance is money to help a mom buy things necessary for her baby or child in life. No lady wants to be raped and she wants to keep that fact hidden. The man was rough and nasty. On one hand he should have to suffer by paying child support he is a dangerous man that yoiu might be pleased to see go away. Good luck.
• United States
18 Mar 09
I totally understand. I feel as if I've been ashamed of how I got her and of me for so long... even the touch of a person has made me feel uncomfortable. I could never do an abortion... I've wished becuase to be honest I've hated her and my body... for a while... but I know its not her fault... I feel as if the situation I was in though there was no way I could tell... I mean he was my friend and he had met all of my close friends... we had been out before... and it was known that I liked him... I felt as if he'd use that against me... I've also been angry at myself for not fighting back more... I mean I fought as hard as I could... but I guess sometimes when I close my eyes... I relive it and see things I could of done... or should of done... I shouldn't have trusted him... but we were friends through him being in Iraq... and I felt we had a connection... so why not trust him enough to visit him... I let my guard down... I really don't believe I'll be involving him in this child's life though.I mean when I first got pregnant I was in fear for myself... and I really wish I had of had the back bone back then to just do something... but to be honest... I can't say I have it now either since I've changed my number twice... and moved... I feel as if I'm running... expecting him to hurt us...
• United States
16 Mar 09
If no one knows that he is the father then I would not put his name on the birth certificate and I would do everything I could to keep him away from my innocent child. As far as child support goes, even if it is ordered by a judge you will most likely have all kinds of problems actually getting it. I would not consider it being vengful because it is his responsibility to take care of his child, the government will not make him pay so much that he will really be in a bind anyway. I still have to stress to you that you should really consider not letting him near your child. He raped you, do you want him being an influence on your child?
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Correctly said. I wouldn't want that creep anywhere near me or the child. Do not put him on the birth certificate, he has no right to her at all. Once you put his name on the child support,and after he gets out of prison, he can petition the court for visitation rights and file for custody too. That is not something you want to risk.Please for the love of all that is holy in the world, do not let him anywhere near that innocent and remember this above all. It is not the child's fault for your rape, and she/he should not be held accountable for it in anyway. I know in some cases, that the children conceived as a result of rape are treated differently than those children that were conceived in love.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
17 Apr 09
REvenge? No! Revenge would have been to turn him in and have him charged with rape!! You are no doubt angry and have every right to be so even if you do feel a bit revengeful....so what. The very least he can do is support the child he helped create. Lord knows he won't be helping in any other way. You definitly should list him on the birth certificate and seek child support. If he leaves the country...you may very well end up raising this child on your own but as long as he is here, you should go for it. You will need all the help you can get.
• India
16 Mar 09
I think you should forget about child support from this guy…his basic attitude is of revenge and hatred and bullish rogue. It would not do any good to the child you have planned to bring to this world. Financially it might be difficult for you, but emotionally, it would be better for both you and your child. I at least would not like any child of mine to know a guy as a father who raped me
@melosus (36)
• United States
16 Mar 09
I agree with the person who said to leave his name off the birth certificate. I'm divorced and I never went after child support from my ex-husband because I did not want him in my sons' lives for reasons I won't go into here. If I were you, I would just stay as far away from dealing with this abuser as possible.