If you found out that your grandchild was abused by their other parent,...

Canada
November 10, 2006 12:39pm CST
the one that's not your child, how would you feel and what would you do? I am dealing with this issue right at this moment and all I feel is angry and helpless. I hate feeling that way and would like to know if it is appropriate. I would appreciate your comments.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@milagre (1272)
• Portugal
20 Nov 06
I would tell to social services and they would investigate. Children needs protection because they dont know how to help themselves.
• Canada
23 Nov 06
She is already in the care of CAS, that's how my daughter found out. They called her to tell her what happened and we are working to get her out of foster care and back with me daughter. They say unless they find a really good reason not to, they will send her back to us.
@gandor (509)
• Philippines
20 Nov 06
There would be no appropriate thing to do with this situation but to just confront the person and staighten out some issues initially. Then you'll know what to do with it as it escalates.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Nov 06
I haven't seen him since this happened, but my son & daughter had to sit through a hearing with him in attendance and they both bit right through their lips trying to hold their tongues. I am so proud that regardless of how they felt they were able to do so. We don't want to do anything that will stop my daughter from getting custody of her and our main concern is getting help for her.
@vkkesu (78)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I hope all has worked out for your grandchild! He/she will need you to speak with them about this. This can and will permanetly change this child depending how long it has gone on. This child needs your love and guidence so he/she will grow up knowing that is not how you treat people. Counsling ....NOT FROM A SCHOOL..is what is needed. School counslers are not trained for real situations. They are given BASIC training which any common sense person can do. I know this from experience. I'd fight this tooth and nail, and if you stand by your daughter, it will help her and the courts to see that she has support. Good luck.
@vkkesu (78)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I would look elsewhere for councling if possible, there would have to be someone available somewhere to help them. I'm so sorry to hear about it. Good for you, about the child support. This will probably change her mind about wanting to be involved. The courts are messed up so bad when it comes to abuse cases. I have an ex that was abusive, and he was raised in a horrible situation. His mom used to beat him until he was 17 and able to move out legally. He couldn't even leave until them. They kept getting him back. Now they are raising grandchildren, and probably beating them as well. The courts call them first and tell them when the surprise inspections will be. It makes me sick, but am so removed from that family, thankfully, that there is nothing I can do any longer to help. Will keep your family in my prayers. Please keep us updated.
• Canada
6 Feb 07
Thanks so much for your comment and support. I will definitely keep you posted. The hearing for the ex girlfriend's access is tomorrow and even though the CAS and my daughter oppose it, surprisingly it is the judge who is trying to push it through. To me that's even more screwed up as CAS knows the parties involved and the judge only sees what's on paper.
@vkkesu (78)
• United States
7 Feb 07
Talk to lawyer or prosicuter or whomever about a change of judges. Judges are all different! One may be for it one against it. It may be in your best interest about checking into this. My husband is an officier and Judges are crazy. lol. They will give out different sentenses for the same thing depending on their own personal choices. Don't piss one off whatever you do...it is a small world and the current judge will someday be a lawyer again, so all lawyers and judges work together knowing they scratch each others backs.
@nannacroc (4049)
19 Nov 06
Of course you feel angry but don't feel helpless, talk to your child about your concerns and if necessary, as the others have said, for the sake of the child, report the abuse to the proper authorities. The abused child needs protection from the parent and you can help get that for them.
• Canada
20 Nov 06
As above, I am happy to say that the proper authorities are involved, but somehow that doesn't relieve the anger. We only hope that he and his are put in jail so that they understand this is not acceptable. There are many things we would like to do to him, but are trying to put that aside to let the law handle things.
@nannacroc (4049)
22 Nov 06
As a grandparent myself I can understand the feelings. However much you want to don't take the law into your own hands as this will affect the child even more.
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Nov 06
Exactly, we are trying to focus to making sure she is okay, rather than revenge on her. I believe that in the long run that would only hurt her more!
• United States
6 Feb 07
my entire life revolves around my 4 month old grandson and my daughter...if i found out anyone was touching either one wrong(even if my daughter was hurting her baby)i would make sure that child nolonger was in the custody of the person hurting them...if i had to call dcf or the police i dont care..at my grandsons age he should have no clue what it feels like to be hurt..to see his beautiful smile when i make faces at him...let someone take that from me,let someone raise a fist to my daughter..they will find out what happens..the child comes first wolf...always...thank god it was caught in time b4 this monster really hurt the baby
• Canada
6 Feb 07
So you can only imagine how angry I am. She is home with my daughter now and happy to be as she also has a big brother to protect her now. He's only 6, but very protective of her and they are best friends. I am very thankful to the teacher for noticing and taking action, but unfortunately if she was also sexually abused (they have both been charged with that), there will be damage that can't be undone!
• United States
5 Feb 07
first id get proof then id turm them in !No one should abuse a child in any way and we should never ignore it to do that is adding to the abuse if we dont protect them who will?
• Canada
6 Feb 07
the doctor found bruises on the child's legs consistent with being hit with a hairbrush, so charges have been filed.
@KrauseHome (35514)
• United States
18 Nov 06
I would be looking into the Situation more if I were you. Does this child live with that person? You might have to speak with the others not involved, and try to get Help for these, or depending on the severity of the issue, seek Help from a Source such as the Police.
• Canada
20 Nov 06
The authorities are involved and actually were when it was brought to their attention by the child's teacher, thank God. We are trying to get her back to my daughter as she had let her go and live with the father and was placed in foster care when he was arrested. He told them he didn't know where my daughter was, which is a complete lie as she had regular visits. The father has been charged, along with his girlfriend and both of his parents, so we are hopeful that they will be punished for their part in it.
• India
5 Feb 07
i dont know , i am a grandchild at present .