when kids grow up and leave home what are you and your other going to do?
@easymoney75503 (1702)
United States
March 16, 2009 10:33pm CST
my kids are 11 and 14 years old and we still have aways away to go but i do think about it. our lives are so much aroudn our kids not really sure what we are going to do. i mean everything we do the kids are there pretty much. we dont go out to dinner alone , we dont go shopping alone, we dont even watch movies without them. when they grow up and leave home to start a life are me and hubby going to be lost? can we sit on the couch and watch and movie and feel complete? when i go to the store to get food will he go with me liek the kids do? when we go out to eat and dont have to think about well this kid doesnt liek this and that kid doesnt like that so lets go here how will we pick a place to eat? lol. it sounds strange but really i wake up and cook for the kids, they do school work and i work from home. he gets up and helps them then goes to work. he comes home we all eat dinner. we go do something toether or watch a movie, play on trampoline, play rock band as a family etc. then we all take showers. then we all clean up the house. then go to bed. i mean what are we going to do when we wake up and there are no kids in the house? i am going to have to get a pet i think lol. i hear of some couples just starting to do things they like and never really talking to each other but me an hubby like the same things it is just we dont do them just us we do it with the kids. will it be the same to go fishing, camping etc or is it the kids that make us love those things. i mean will i still want to jump on a trampoline will he? or is it the kids that make that fun?
3 people like this
14 responses
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
I often think about it, but til now haven't got any answers yet. Coz as of the moment since my kids are 10 and 12, I still want to enjoy their company. My life still revolves around them and I, from time to time, tell them that when they would be having their own lives, that they would not forget to give time and they have to find time for me and their dad. So far, since they're still kids, they would tell me that they would make time for us to go out.
I just hope that they would never forget about it when the time comes, and I still haven't figured out what I would do when they'd leave home.
@micheleg34 (141)
• United States
17 Mar 09
I admit, it's not easy when the kids leave home. My 18 year old left home a year ago (she graduated and started college early). My husband has two kids, but they don't live with us, only visit a couple of days a week. The house is too quiet now. BUT... I can read a book without having to do a million things in between chapters. I can go out to dinner with my husband and not have to worry about being home by bedtime. I can watch what I want to watch on TV (don't take advantage of that one much. I'm not a big TV person)We can go on a hike in the woods without having to keep the kids out of the creek and hear choruses of "I'm tired!" all day... Yes, it's different, but it's not all bad. I miss my girl a lot, but I love having the extra time with my husband.
And when his kids are grown and we don't have to live in this state anymore, we are going to move to West Virginia, buy a nice piece of land and build our own house. Then we are going to build a few cabins too, and set up a few tent spots and have our own campground... just a small one, but still ours.
2 people like this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
17 Mar 09
Well when that time comes I am selling everything I own and going on the road for some well earned quiet time and man I cant not wait to just sleep lol lol I just will enjoy the things I have put on hold since becoming a Mother.And just enjoy growing old with the man I love! I love life and I want to enjoy life to the fullest!
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
18 Mar 09
I think that when my kids are all grown up, and move out, I will be lost. My husband says that he will be celebrating, but I think that when the time comes, he will be lost too. Like you, we do everything with the kids. I think that much of the joy we find in things like video games and throwing a frisbee will be lost when the kids grow up. I just hope that when they do move out, they at least move close to us and visit often.
@nympha687 (940)
• United States
17 Mar 09
It is a rite of passage and perhaps one of the fears of many. On one hand, it is a good time to catch up on lost romance and thinking about you and your husband only instead of the kids.
2 people like this
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
17 Mar 09
It's good you're thinking about this now. Enjoy every minute you can with your kids. I did, but the years just went by too fast. First of all, the trusting years vanished. At the time I didn't think they'd ever end, but now I miss them. I don't really miss my daughter's teen years, but I've always considered the teens as God's way of preparing parents for losing their children. After all, no one would want the teens to go on forever! Now they're both adults, I love them to pieces, but I miss being a big part of their worlds. Like you, our whole lives centered around the kids, and empty nesting has been very difficult, especially for me. We've also moved twice in the ensuing years and have lived where we knew no one at all. We've had to learn to depend on each other. Now I worry about what will happen when one of us is gone and the other is left alone. It's always something, isn't it!
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
17 Mar 09
Well, my husband's kids were all grown up when we met. There is about a 3 and a half decade age difference between my husband and I. He only has one child under 18, and that'll change in a few weeks, when he hits 18. For now he's still with his mother. The strange thing about this situation is that I am 27 years old and have grandchildren already! :)
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
17 Mar 09
i cannot even think about that. it makes me so sad that i almost cannot breathe. we only have one child and we do not have a good marriage so i really do not see us even staying together. my son is really my whole life. i am completely dedicated to him and we have a wonderful deep love for each other. all i want is for him to be happy and to learn the skills he needs to survive in this world. knowing that, will make it easier on me when he does leave.
@shahalashamo (166)
• China
18 Mar 09
I am a guy,I am also far away from my parents.Though It is very unhabitual at first,things will getting better.Additionally,you can communicate with your kids often.
@bluangel628 (383)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
I don't have a family yet but I just wanted to share to you a close family friend did when their kids had married off and left home. When their youngest son married, they have the house renovated. Now their home looks like a condominium unit for newly weds. They had their sons' bedroom removed. Their home has one big bedroom, one tea room, a dining room and a receiving area for visitors. They also made a promise to each other that since they just have the two of them, no more kids, they'll spend it together. They have this rule that nobody will leave the other alone. If the other spouse has to go out of town, the other will be tagged along. Isn't that a lovely idea and very romantic as well.
@clorissa123 (4926)
• United States
17 Mar 09
Someday your kids will grow up, and finally they will fly away from their nests. You have to accept it, and better do a preparation for it. They meet someone special from outside of the family, and they will fall in love. That is for sure. They will move away one day, no matter how reluctant you will be. Try to let go somehow. You and your hubby will get used to it.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
17 Mar 09
In a few years when they get in their teens further, they will want to go places, and do things with their friends, on those occasions you and your husband should do something. It wouldn't hurt for you and your husband to start leaving them home for an a few hours, while you go do something.
But, I do understand what you are going through, our kids have been gone for years, and we still miss having them around, but, we did get use to it.
@faabesoft (1)
• India
17 Mar 09
actually your views are correct ,for kids there is no one besides their parents we want to give perfect path.but be carefull if you gave more independed that will effect negativly
