why become an enemy of your friend ?

@krajibg (11942)
Guwahati, India
March 16, 2009 11:53pm CST
We often come across issues like broken friendship and enmity replacing friendship. Why this is that two really good and committed friends turn arch enemy of each other once the thread of friendship gets poisoned. Does or should friendship once breached turn into enmity?
8 people like this
35 responses
• United States
17 Mar 09
That's a good question. I think that once a friendship is over, it would be very difficult to salvage it especially where trust issues are involved. Once trust is lost it is very difficult to gain back. However, that is not to say it is impossible. If the two friends can communicate effectively there may be a chance it can be resolved, but it does take both being willing to work. The thing with relationships are that they are a two-way street. One friend cannot be the only friend doing all the work. Both must be willing to work at it. This also involves both friends being able to admit when they have done something wrong in the relationship. I think ego at times becomes deeply involved and this can further poison a relationship. Namaste-Anora
4 people like this
@maean_19 (4663)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
What would you do when a supposed good friend turned out to be so bad towards you? What would you do when your very close friend is enormously backbiting at you? Plus, what would you do when a trusted friend lose your trust? I have this undoubtedly good friend of mine whom I treat not only as a friend, rather as a sister. Consequently, because of my keen observant behavior, I have gathered many information about her and have studied her behaviors and attitude as well. She has problems on handling money and have tested her temperament about the matter. She is indebted to me of a few sum in different occasions which until now failed to pay me back. She has many alibis which is similar to her alibis to other persons which she is indebted to. I knew it because she more than once used me to avoid her creditor. She is applying those tricks on me. Moreover, she has been spreading lies about me to our common friends. I am not afraid though because I surely know those infos she is spreading are untrue. Trust is very important in a certain relationship even to friendships. Once it is lost is very hard to restore. I can be the best friend a person may have, but once you breach my trust to you can be your best enemy for life. I love making friends. I am kind and generous friend indeed, but never abuse my patience and temperament because everyone's patience has its limitations.
• United States
17 Mar 09
Maen- That's ok. In answer to your first statement I'd say I'd leave that friend. I don't take to friend's backbiting and spreading rumors. It's hard to battle rumors though, and even when you ignore them they still hurt deep down. I will say though that rumors are generally found out to be untrue by those who really want to get to know you and they won't pay them any mind. Namaste-Anora
1 person likes this
@liviurus (155)
• Romania
17 Mar 09
oh well, in my country (romania) ...it's like this Girls (women) become enemy very easy (from various reasons, most of them stupid) and stays like that for their whole life. Men, if they become enemies, they will always resolve their different views over with a good and stupid fight, followed or replaced by a glass of drink... anyway... It happened to me.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Its really funny, ya? Thanks for sharing.
4 people like this
@liviurus (155)
• Romania
18 Mar 09
no, it ain't funny, they should sit down and have a discussion and see the reasons why they ended up there... maybe it's something misunderstood. well that's my opinion.
2 people like this
@wjx_fish (44)
• China
17 Mar 09
I think the real friend would never to betray you. In the lifetimes we met many people,some people become our normal friends,some people become our best friends,some people just workmates.If someone is the real friend that not become an enemy,and the friendship never be broken.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
What if the real friend turned an enemy? Brutus was the bosom friend of Julius Caesar but what happened? Finally Caesar had to lose his life at the hands of Brutus only. Is not it an irony?
2 people like this
• China
18 Mar 09
Yes,We know Brutus killed his bosom friend Julius Caesar.But we must know what Brutus said,he said 'l love caesar,but l love republic more' .When i must do the choice between friendship and justice,I will choice the justice also,but it doesn't mean i betrayed my friend.In fact,if i am Brutus,i will kill caesar too,because he is my best friend,so i must end his maleficence by myself.Sometimes we considers our friends become an enemy but the trusts is they are still our bosom friend. This is my opinion,maybe to infinity.
@bing28 (3800)
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
According to some if you don't want to lose a friend don't borrow money from her. We can't avoid it though as in case of financial problems, the first one we have in mind to run to is a friend. There's a truth in it however as once we annalize money or unpaid debt is often the cause of broken friendship. One will say something against the other, the other one will answer back until they reveal each others unpleasant issues. Till they realize they're no longer friends. I have closest friends that when one of us is financially down, anyone can help any amount without expecting payment, we know each other's status so if one luckily earned enough amount she wholeheartedly share. For bigger amounts, however we borrowed this from others in case a miunderstanding happened at least not to our friends. Friends are supposed to be treasured and loved as they are sngels from above. In success or in failures, they're always around.
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Very well said. If we are friends the spirit of friendship should not go the dogs even on the event of the breach in the relation. The thing that we had shared should not be made public now. I would not do this.
2 people like this
• India
18 Mar 09
what do you think you do when there arises difference between you and your friend and later on how do you behave? as long as any relation is good , whether friendship or whether any relationship, except for too close ones like parent and child or husband wife relationship, if there arises a difference, its human nature that thoughts also obviously change, we tend to be careful and alert with the same person whom we have trusted in the past. I dont think it is necesarily enmity, I dont know about rare cases where people take revenge , etc, to tell about me, if there is a difference between me and my friend, i see to it that am careful next time and be safe so that such things wont happy and yes, if there are many differences arising frequently then i move away myself from him or her so that there is no place for differences, i dont have any sort of enmity feeling or vengeance on the other person.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
You are right Gayathri, but I have seen such a situation when one is not ready to hear the name of the other. They have not spoken for the past 20 years. Ok Lets flag it as an exception. But most others love hate relations are quite similar. Here the ego thing plays the spoilsports.
3 people like this
@mevko4 (22)
• Bosnia And Herzegovina
17 Mar 09
I am not i all of that enmity. I am for peaceful break up. But if its really that bad you should turn to enemy. Im sorry thats my opinion i dont really recommend u to do that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
You are right in your way.
3 people like this
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
17 Mar 09
because it really was not a friendship in the beginning one person might think of someone as friend, but the so-called friend is only there for their own advantage. this type of relationship (note that I didn't call it friendship, because it isn't) should not last and will not. a friend is a friend, can't be enemy. if they do become our enemies, then they were not our friends in the beginning. sometimes we feel a connection with someone because we are in the same situation/ problem, come from the same country or have the same lifestyle, see things the same way, or laugh at the same joke - whatever it is. but this doesn't mean we are their friends. we can relate to them, but friendship is more than that. Unfortunately some people do not know the difference and so they are prone to manipulation because they trust easily. I've learned it the hard way, many times. true friend is as hard to find as true love. that's why you can see that what seems to be perfect marriage can turn into ugly divorce, for the same reason. it wasn't marriage in the beginning. Friendship or marriage, shouldn't turn into anything else but friendship or marriage. just like a bright color shouldn't turn into dark. your true friend or true love shouldn't betray you, if they do, then they are not what they say they are, in the beginning.
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Very well elaborated. I am impressed. Yes if a friendship is to breach there was no seed of friendship at all, what was is the feign and some attraction, like you said as so many things are common between you and me and we are friends. Thank you very much.
4 people like this
@Rosmari (21)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Often friendship do break ups because of being insecure,lack of understanding and not being fair in judging things.They believe in gossips without further investigation,we usually don't listen to any explanation because we used to think they betrayed us without looking the motive of that person who bring the message. In this manner the secrets that close friends shared will be scattered and try to destroys others reputation for revenge not knowing you are also destroying your credibility as a friend and that is wrong.We should talk transparently regarding the issues that trigger the friendship and try first to solve between the two of u.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
You are on the dotage. Transparency is the best thing to save all relation includ6ing friendship. This is because of misunderstanding that leads to breach in a friendship.
3 people like this
@oxtihama (93)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
that issue could always be heard because according to some, "bestfriend is the best enemy" hhmmp, i don't think so, that had not happened yet to my own story about friendship. but i aws often heard about it by some friends who shares the story of their lives.. they say, friend could be an enemy because of being so envious.. that would be one of the reasons of this issue...
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
That has not happened to you should not mean that it does not happen to any. Correct? But unfortunately that is the thing happening.
3 people like this
@TLChimes (4845)
• United States
17 Mar 09
I haven't even figured out why some friendship has to end. It seems that one person has to refuse to bend or give to a compromise of agreeing to disagree. I think that who ever is the one who crosses the line to enemy does so because they aren't enlightened to several things- forgiveness, Lack of ego, understanding, compromise, and that love and friendship far out weigh pride.
3 people like this
@derek_a (10903)
17 Mar 09
I always think that people come into our lives for a reason. There is nearly always something to be gained from such an association, and sometimes it takes years to see what that friendship was all about. Even when we have argued with friends, and we feel resentment, we are only hurting ourselves, not them. I think the lesson here is to forgive and move on. We don't have to become enemies with them, it's just that the feeling of resentment has visited our minds to teach us how to transcend it, and live in harmony with each other, even if we see nothing or little of the person who once was our close friend. - Derek
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Yes derek, you seem to be right as to how to deal with such people. When there pops up enmity surely there would be borne unease and unease would result in tension and tension descends down to ruin your happiness. Hence better ignore and move ahead for there is no dearth of good and understanding people.
3 people like this
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
Well, when it comes to friendship, I value the that. However, when it comes to the point when you put your trust and suddenly there is this problem that leads to broken friendships. Right now, I am facing one. Well, for personal reasons, it is just to the point where the promise that person told me which I had put my faith on it was broken. It hurt me so much that I really wanted to end the friendship there. I don't want a friend who just betrays me and all, because I don't even do that. But, there may be slight chances about these kind of issues. But for me and my current situation, I don't think 'sorry' is enough for the damage that was done. Hahaha. I may look selfish in some point, but the point that I am trying to say is that, when you make a promise to a friend, make sure you do it, because it is more painful to be betrayed by a friend than a lover. Well, I think both friend and lover hurts. Hahaha. ^_^
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
The last sentence in your response was the icing on the cake. Yes, betrayed by a friend is more painful than being betrayed by a lover. Well said.
3 people like this
• India
17 Mar 09
i had a good friend but an incident broke our friendship and now we are bitter enemies.i dont think friendship if broken should turn into an enmity.but i guess that is the rule of nature.our enimity rose to such an extent that we never wished each other goodday or goodnight, and before ,there was not a single day when we did not wish each other.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
This is the real human. Not unnatural at all. If possible try to come closer.
3 people like this
@subha12 (18463)
• India
17 Mar 09
It is something due to complex psychology of human nature.I faced this myself in life.My so called best friend chetaed me. I was hurt and so I hate him now. It is his wrong doing that have forced me to do so.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
As we do not know how complex was the situation when two friends fell apart and if one says that he/she hates him/her no word to say that please do not use that word.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
17 Mar 09
It takes two to make a quarrel. Hate and anger are powerless against an open mind, an understanding soul and a forgiving heart. There is no need to put up a barrier against someone that has sever their link with us. We should always love our 'enemy' if he has turned to be one, and the friendship will always remain cordial.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Loving an enemy is not an easy thing. Only one who has attained the sublimity is able to do so. But we mortal are far below that quality but yes we can stop the erosion if we see it is bending towards that.
2 people like this
@Canellita (12059)
• United States
17 Mar 09
As usual you have come up with a deep question to which there is no simple answer. I used to have a good friend who did something and I got past it and years later something else happened and I decided I wasn't going to get over it this time because if this person loved and cared about me so much they would have treated me better in this situation. When we were kids, we were kids; as adults we are supposed to be more mature and have more respect. I believe in forgiveness but forgetting is something else entirely. I believe that people enter our lives at various times for various reasons and they are not necessarily meant to be there forever. They serve a purpose at the time they are a part of our life and then as we grow we sometimes grow apart or in different ways and different directions. As this happens we sometimes no longer share the same interests and the relationship doesn't have the same meaning. I'm ok with that as it leaves room for new people to enter my life and as I evolve on my journey I encounter others who are in the process of evolving and our lives are enriched in the process. I can't say I have enemies, because that requires serious energy and emotion but I have enough sense to pull back from people who take no care in harming me and keep them at arms length and when necessary avoid them alltogether. Peace.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
yes you are right. Those who are sort of not friendly over this or that issue better keep them at arms length and avoid altogether if necessary. As our life is manifold this is natural that we encounter people with different attitude and approach and the more you are amidst them the more are the chances of misunderstanding. Thanks a lot for responding.
2 people like this
@maean_19 (4663)
• Philippines
17 Mar 09
What would you do when a supposed good friend turned out to be so bad towards you? What would you do when your very close friend is enormously backbiting at you? Plus, what would you do when a trusted friend lose your trust? I have this undoubtedly good friend of mine whom I treat not only as a friend, rather as a sister. Consequently, because of my keen observant behavior, I have gathered many information about her and have studied her behaviors and attitude as well. She has problems on handling money and have tested her temperament about the matter. She is indebted to me of a few sum in different occasions which until now failed to pay me back. She has many alibis which is similar to her alibis to other persons which she is indebted to. I knew it because she more than once used me to avoid her creditor. She is applying those tricks on me. Moreover, she has been spreading lies about me to our common friends. I am not afraid though because I surely know those infos she is spreading are untrue. Trust is very important in a certain relationship even to friendships. Once it is lost is very hard to restore. I can be the best friend a person may have, but once you breach my trust to you can be your best enemy for life. I love making friends. I am kind and generous friend indeed, but never abuse my patience and temperament because everyone's patience has its limitations.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
So this is the nature of a friend. And in your case she is more than mere a friend and still doing such nasty things and would not you get offended and hurt as well? You have all the rights to sue against her, or if you remain silent your common friends would start suspecting you. Better you clear your stance before them.
3 people like this
@maean_19 (4663)
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
Not all persons or potential friends are similar. Unluckily, this friend made a good impression on me before and treated her not just a mere friend. As months goes by, her colors came out. And yes, she did nasty stories against me which made me, "hey, i can't tolerate this one...". Well, yes I have many reserved rights to do. To sue her is one, but that is the most thing I can do. Thanks for reminding anyways.
@glords (2615)
• United States
18 Mar 09
I don't think a man should have any enemies. It does no good to carry hatred in your heart. However, I can understand how this may happen. There is no insult greater then the betrayal of a loved one. Pure hatred comes only after you have loved and lost.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Hello glords! if it is a normal case there should not be bas blood between two otherwise good friends but this is human psyche and you can not predict anything. On the same note relations to become complex sometime is not unnatural. As we have ouur wit and reasoning we better apply them. Thanks
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 09
I don't have close friends, perhaps the reason is that I was burned once by a girl I thought was my friend but turns out she was not. The bad part of mine is that our friendship went south only a couple of months before she married my brother. So I have to look at her all the time and even though we are cordial to each other, I don't forget how she made me feel. Its a fine line there, having a close friendship with someone and once that friendship is broken I can imagine it being hard to reconcile. I guess it depends on what caused the friendship to go bad in the first place. Some people just slowly quit hanging out together or was is more confrontational like an argument or fight. What was said makes a big difference too. Your best friend knows a lot about you and probably come up with some nasty things to say or do (if they're that kind of person). You should know since you've watched how they treat other people. For instance, I worked with a girl that became sort of friends with. By that I mean I would go to her house and she to mine. We'd go shopping or hang out together. But there was one thing I didn't care for that she did. She was a vindictive witch when she didn't like a person. Why I didn't like it was, if she did and said these terrible things to people she just didn't like, what would stop her from doing those things to me? Well, I didn't get to close to her, I can tell you that! Sometimes you have to let people go and move on. In other words, some things can't be saved.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
You have really a different experience. And yes to much physical proximity too could lead to bad blood. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Mar 09
Well it really happens sometimes Me and my childhood friend got a really big fight because she thought that I am the mistress of her husband. After 2 weeks of the incident, she asked forgiveness to me and we didn't argue ever since then since I am innocent I lose some friends but I keep my good friends as much as possible. Some friends will take advantage of you and some they are not a friend in times of trouble. I like friends with benefits
2 people like this
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
18 Mar 09
Hi! 'Friends with benefit' means? Does it mean you make friendship with a vested interest or to fulfill some purpose?
1 person likes this