your feelings are wrong ? i hate people like this

United States
March 18, 2009 7:38am CST
i've always heard all through my life when i express myself to someone after getting my feelings hurt, oh your feelings are wrong, or you shouldnt feel this way. so through life i learned to hide my feelings, until finally i just blow up. but now i tell anyone who done something either hurt my feelings or make me upset, but still hearing this makes me more upset and i get cold just say oh well, what the hell. then you got people tell you well you need to try more, you should this or that, ok i made my effort without the other side trying, then i get cold and just wont try no longer like my son who live with his mother in law, they keep telling us well you need to come down more, well we always go there to see the grandbabie, but they havent made no effort to come here to see us. so how you deal with people telling you that your feelings is wrong, and you need to do more without them trying at all ?
5 people like this
15 responses
• India
19 Mar 09
Well don’t get me wrong but sometimes we don’t actually understand the spirit in which a person says something. This has happened to me many time…certain comments, small talks or observations made by people which have hurt me and then I have heard the same thing about me misunderstanding the situation. Well every body is entitled to their own analysis of a situation so now I have become immune to comments. What I have to do I just have to go ahead and do it…people may make suggestions or comments but ultimately the decision would be mine. So I don’t really care much if I have misunderstood somebody or whether I am in the wrong.
1 person likes this
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
19 Mar 09
I don't like people like this at all. My sister always says my feelings are wrong or I don't mean to, sth like that. I know she may not really mean to hurt me, but sometimes it just hurts my feelings. The possible reasons why she keeps doing this to me is that she is self-centered and a bit selfish. I promise to myself, I will never say the way like her. If sometimes she said she got hurt by my words. I would say, that's okay, I don't mean it. If I said she hurt my feelings, and if she said my feelings was wrong, I will tell her "I am just telling you my feelings, it is not a blame or what, my feelings are not wrong"
• Hong Kong
19 Mar 09
I mean. If I do hurt her feelings, I will say sorry and that's okay, I would stop it and I really don't mean to say something.
@TLChimes (4845)
• United States
18 Mar 09
No body has to walk in your shoes, so know has a right to tell you how to feel or how to do things. I don't mind sharing ideas on how I would handle this or that, or what I would do about this, but when I share I always do so remembering one key thing. It is my thoughts and feelings, the other person can take what they can use and leave the rest because either way I don't have to deal with the after effects. I just have to be there for my friend, not live their life. As to your grandbabies.... I don't get out to my dad as much as I should because of the therapies the littlest has but I don't try to make it his job to come here. I know his wallet is tight and he has his own health issues. I guess it's a balance thing. We try to make sure the kids get to know the grandparents even though there is miles between us. They just had breakfast with him today.... via web cam and MSN Messenger.
@TLChimes (4845)
• United States
18 Mar 09
Thank You Alice, And the first sentance say "....and no one has a right..." Ugh... I hate when I lose track of my typing and don't catch it till later. I'm glad you all are an understanding bunch.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I don't agree with them. We can't help the way we feel and it doesn't make us wrong just because we don't agree. I hate to feel as though I'm wrong for natural feelings or opinions.
@suzzy3 (8400)
20 Mar 09
How can your feelings be wrong take no notice if you are hurt feel hurt,who are they to tell you how to feel.You should not hide your feeling or maybe you are talking to the wrong person ,self control needs to be used in certain situations.It sounds like you should make your own friends live your life and anything else is a bonus thats how I survive.xxx
@kiaza28 (25)
• United States
19 Mar 09
you shouldnt let people tell you that your feelings are wrong,so what?that what you feels,we cant fake what we feels or try to be happy and okay when you are not all...if these people are closely related to you,then they should understand that you are just a human being with feelings and thoughts...and by the way,you have to be more open and not hide your feelings...if you are hesitant or something is holding you back,try to analyze how can you express your feelings by not overreacting or in a simple way,or do you believe on jokes are half meant?i always do that,ill try to joke around but there's meaning on it,and if the person that im talking to is smart enough,he or she at least can guess what im trying to say,otherwise when im already upset that's the time i dont really joke anymore im quiet for a while then later on ill talk to that person when im ready to talk... just try to make a little bit more effort that what you had before so at least you did try to show them that you are doing something...good luck and god bless
@mikeysmom (2094)
• United States
19 Mar 09
i can completely identify with what you are saying. i have learned not to express myself to my family or my friends because either people simplify it and make much less of it than what it is or say i am too sensitive or some stupid remark like that. when someone else is upset about something i take the time to listen and i do not give an opinion unless i am asked for it but i do tell the truth. others do not seem to have the sensitivity that i have. don't bottle it up. it is not good for any of us. i have a friend or two that do not judge me or my feelings so i pour my heart out to them and i also have gone to therapy over the years at times and it helps to unburden you.
• China
19 Mar 09
I will consider his or her words,and then judge by myself,because my life is controled by myself.If you decide to do something,you must do it,try your best to prove yourself,like in the movie,pursuit of happyness,will told to his son,you got a dream,you gotta protect it,people cant do something themself,they wanna tell you you cant do it.If you want something go get it.
• China
19 Mar 09
hi,friend,in my opinion,i will don't care about others people's feeling . maybe someone will give you a smile ,maybe someone will give you a supercilious look .because we arn't you ,so unlucky is your , no mine ,i don't care .so i can say out all of words that i want to say ,walking is yourself .
• China
19 Mar 09
no body is always right yo everything,and every body can have his own mode of thinking to deal with what he usually faces in the daytime.when some one tells me that I am wrong,I would consider it carefully and find whether I am really wrong,but no matter what he tell me ,I will treat my life in my loveing way.I think not all the persons are right,if U want to get better in the future ,U must have two sides of the way to think the problem,and there are kinds of resonerble ways to come over the issues.So please remenber that U are not always right,neither are the others! Hoping U can deal with the problem well!
• United States
19 Mar 09
I pretty much deal with people who hurt my feelings the same as you do. I don't understand why when someone hurts your feelings everyone looks at you like you did something wrong like your not human with feelings. I never understood that and I do have away about being cold hearted when I can't deal with those critics attacking me because I let the person know what they did or said wasn't cool. I don't like people who keep complaining oh you should come and see me , but doesn't think "Hey I should go to their house and see them" Just don't pay those people any mind because if you hide your feelings it's you whose going to pay the price on your health.
@zhontine (127)
• China
19 Mar 09
silence is gold? My mouth will be smelly after a long time shutting up, ahaha share with the right man!
• United States
18 Mar 09
If someone has hurt your feelings and you're expressing it to a friend, it's a shame that they try to make you feel guilty for feeling a certain way rather than trying to console or encourage you. It's unfortunate that you not only have to feel bad, but you're made to feel as if you have to take the blame for getting hurt in the first place. No one can judge your feelings. They don't have the right to. Friends should just listen sometimes and not always think they have to offer their 2 cents. And there is a difference between advice/encouragement and 2 cents! You should try not to hold in your feelings, though, even when people make you feel like you need to. Try to find someone you CAN express yourself to. Holding in your feelings and hiding yourself can sometimes be harmful to you and make you feel worse. As for your son, that is a tricky situation and it doesn't seem fair, I agree with you. All you can do is make sure that you're doing the right thing. You can't make them do the right thing. You just have to show them your effort as you have been and know that you are holding up your end things. In a loving way, keep reminding your son that you would love for him to come by sometime. It might take a lot of patience, but it's probably worth a try! Good luck!
@dawnald (84129)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 09
It's been more like ME telling myself my feelings are wrong. So I squelch them. But I'm learning to speak up and it's so much better. But people around me aren't used to it so we're going through an adjustment period. But you have to be true to your feelings or you just get stressed and drive yourself crazy. Anyway why should you make all the effort, that's crazy. Has to be at least some effort from the other side too.
• United States
18 Mar 09
Syankee- You handle them with kindness and compassion. No, I'm not saying you become their rug and tell them they are right. You gently explain that your feelings are just as valid as their feelings. As Fred Rogers shared, all feelings are valid and it's ok to have all feelings. It's what we do with them that truly matters. When teaching my children about feelings I always say "It's ok that you're mad. I can understand that. We just don't throw our toys when we're mad, we tell someone we're mad". Then we talk about why they are mad. Even my husband and I do this with each other. It's not good to bottle your feelings, I agree. One constructive thing I do is exercise or houseclean when I'm really stressed so that I can focus what I want to say when I do speak with the person about my feelings. Namaste-Anora