What are u with??getting married or live - in partner 1st??

Philippines
March 22, 2009 9:48pm CST
for me its better to be live-in partner fist before getting married.. b'coz in live in you have the chance to know the person 1st and if its not work out you can easily decide to leave that person or your partner, unlike if you already maried with someone, if the time comes that you need to separate its hard b'coz you already commited.. but it depends maybe in the country and belief of the couple, b'coz here in philippines once you already married its hard to make separation to your partmern b'coz divorce will not not be tolerated and approved. So where will you stand??
2 people like this
12 responses
@sona22 (1431)
• India
24 Mar 09
I am not agree with it. We can't say that this is best and other is bad. If we consider the couples we will find that the majority of the couple are living together after marriage and all are not unhappy. Simultaneously all the couple who are living together before marriage are happy in their after marriage life. Very few are living together before marriage. Yes, after marriage seperation/divorce is hard. But not impossible. So in my opinion living together after marriage is best.
@Archie0 (4672)
24 Mar 09
Here in my country there is no such rule allowed yet completly as Live-in with the partner, so i would prefer to get married to the guy, but before that i would like to know him well, obviously that way i cant know him completely but then atleast something is better than nothing i guess, i would love to spend some time with him before just directly getting marroed to him.I just all the way pray to god, let it be whomever he is, But i just want him to be truthfull to me in our lives.
• Philippines
24 Mar 09
i love it when i see in movies that an maerican couple gets to move in together because i know it's their practical way of telling and be able to know their partner more before going to the big step. here in the philippines, though a part has been liberated by the conservative culture, most of us here jumps into marriage than the live-in situation because it's immoral and the church is against it blah blah blah . but i thought about it clearly and i think it's not so bad at all. it can help a couple in so many ways. marriage is an important thing but it can also be a trap so i would rather much prefer to have a live in relationship first because divorce here in our country is not on practice yet annullment on the other hand takes so many years because it could be granted.
@kprofgames (3025)
• United States
24 Mar 09
It's up to a persons individual choice really. I guess if two people are looking to spend their life together, I would prefer getting married over living with them. In all honesty people need to be realistic when they go into a relationship. I feel that people that don't have the committment going in, that is where the whole relationship fails. I'm courious though that if divorce is frowned on where you come from, what does your society views on people that just live together? If marriage is taken that seriously that divorce is frowned on, wouldn't living together be looked at the same way if not worse?
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
23 Mar 09
in my country's tradition, we are not allowed to live together with our partner in the same house before we are legally married... and in my religion, it is not allowed as well... so i definitely choose to get married rather living in partner 1st... i know people will say that i am a conservative person... but i think it is the right thing to do... take care and have a nice day...
• India
23 Mar 09
Hi lotter iam married for 13 yrs and living with my hubby and two sweet little kids,sorry this question was not for me.:)
@darsa123 (36)
• United States
23 Mar 09
i think its best to live with someone first. ive lived with quite a few boyfriends and it didnt work out. marriage is serious and if you cant stand eachothers habbits you shouldnt be married, and believe me some people have annoying habbits!
@zedlav23 (458)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
I still maintain my position that getting married instead of live-in is the better choice. It's not math that needs to have trial and error and hope that in the end you finally come up with right answer, or the right person. Living in doesn't even give guarantee that you will certainly know the real person in your partner because getting to know each other is a lifetime process. So does that mean that you will live in together for the rest of your life. Marriage is a commitment. It is a vow that you are accepting your partner for who he or she is. People who advocate live in contest that with this set up you can free yourself from a commitment if the relationship turns sour. Can you still say that you are free from commitment if the live-in thing produce a son or a daughter?
• Canada
23 Mar 09
If this question would have been asked say 20 years ago the general opinion would be much different. I feel that it strictly depends on the couples and how old fashioned they are. Some couples feel it is right to live prior to marriage while others want to wait. Both have their perks and downfalls. For my relationship I feel it was what was best for us. We had been in a LDR (long distance relationship) for 2 years dating for 4 years. We felt it was time that we make the move and one of us go to the other. We were both very open to moving for the other. The way it panned out was we both ended up moving 32 hours away from both families. He moved to my country though. I feel this time has allowed us to get to know eachother to a deeper extent than when your just engaged and saying goodbye after having a wonderful weekend with you. When you live together both the good and bad habits rear their heads. It's always a rough few months because of the adjustment period but I feel that it's better that we experienced that prior to getting married so we'd have less stress as being newly weds. I feel that some couples get hit with both adjusting to the married life as it is different no matter what a person may think. Some may mistake the moving pains as marriage problems when it's just an adjustment period. We have enjoyed living together and for my relationship I'd do it all over again. We are getting married in a month and I can't wait :D Again each couple is different in their views. Some can handle the move fairly easily and not have much in the way of an adjustment period. Those who are independent find it hard to share space they're so used to doing and keeping as their own.
@phoenix79 (304)
• United States
23 Mar 09
I have done it both ways. The only difference was that I put up with more from my husband than I did from my live in boyfriend. When people are just living together there is not the same level of commitment. The commitment that it takes to get married make it so that you would think twice about getting a devorce. I can understand that this way you do not know much about the other person. I hope that you at least thought you knew the person you were going to marry. If you are thinking about getting married, do so then move in. I think the level of commitment is better for a live in situation
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
Hi ruby! I prefer live-in first. though I am married now . It would be easier to get out of the relationship if you are not comfortable with each other. But here in the Philippines, especially the Catholics, they don't acccept live-in relationships. take care
• United States
23 Mar 09
I think living with someone fist is best because you can see what it would be like to be married to them and you can get to know them better. I think it was worth it for me and my hubby. We are together for a year before we got married. I think it is the best way to be sure that you want to commit to that person. I advise most of my Marine's I am in charge of the same thing. People put of a front. They let you see what they want you to see. Then you marry them and they are not the same person you fell in love with. This way in time you both show your true colors, the good and bad. Then you know what you are getting into ahead of time! This is my opinion anyway!