He still wants us to be friends... Special Friends...

friends - being friends after break-up
@Ysabel (1202)
Philippines
March 24, 2009 6:08am CST
For those who have read my previous (personal) dilemna, i just have an update on it. For those who have not read it, here's my previous thread (not a referral link): http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1939783.aspx?p=1 Many things happened every day after he dumped me. While i thought i am going crazy (exaggerated!) he still send text messages asking how i am doing, etc... these are kind words. I am not sure if he is just guilty, or what.. but after arguing and calmy talking and arguing again, he said plainly that he still wants as to be friend. Special friends at that. No, there will be no more us. Just friendship. That he'll be there for me and vice versa. He doesn't want to lose the friendship, as he said it. I am not sure how to take this. While I am still hurting, somehow I am hoping that he MIGHT just change his mind eventually. But then again, I do not want to expect anything. I thought I can manage, but everytime I hear from hear, I feel hope, and IT KEPT ME FROM MOVING ON. On my past relationship, if we broke up, I certainly DO NOT want to be friends with them anymore. That's me. Simple. How about you, what's your take on this one? I would really appreciate your advise.
5 people like this
26 responses
@Crysi23 (515)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I had an ex like that and I did a clean break, I didn't want to feel like I was being controlled by someone. Sometimes people can be friends with their exes but in this case I don't think its a good idea for you or for him.
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
hello Crysi23.. he's really the one insisting for the friendship. i have already given it a thought, and yes, i am not ready to be his friend. i do not want to and i do not want anything to do with him at all!
@timhinyy (1653)
• United States
24 Mar 09
think it would tough to even look at them let alone talk to them if they hurt me badly it would be tough to still be friends. if someone doesnt want to be with you anymore i think its best to accept it and move on living in the past doesnt help anyone and your new avatar is cute.
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
1 Apr 09
hello timhiny... thanks that you like my new avatar! i think my ex just want a set-up. he wants a new world without me and if in case he's not successful, at least he still has me. i think that's very selfish of him to expect me to still be there for him, right? what do you think ?
@lvyanyan (42)
• China
25 Mar 09
If I were you,I will not be friends with him.I will keep a far distance from him.There is no real friendship between a male and a female.You two were lovers before,so you could not be friends like the others.
1 person likes this
@Ysabel (1202)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
hello Ivyanyan, i have given it a thought, and yes, i think i am not ready to be friends with him again. thanks for the comment. keep on posting and hope you enjoy your stay here in mylot!
24 Mar 09
Hi Ysabel, While reading the first discussion and reading this discussion I'm afriad he still wats to control you and you must move on and not being friends or so called special friends with him, he wants his cake and eat it, wha if he has a new girlfriend? tha would really hurt you so much to see him with a new girlfriend and you have not say in the matter, as he knows your feelings for him it would be like rubbing your nose in it, so the best thing for you to do is say goodbye and move on. Tamara
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 09
Girl, you are worth more than that. Women have fought too hard for you to be treated like an item. Stand up for what is yours. Do not let this or anyother man control you. Men are a dime a dozen and you got 20 bucks.
1 person likes this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
"Special friends"?? I had a discussion regarding that. What exactly are "special friends"? Even more special than close friends? Based on my assumption - "special friends" are particularly between people who can't "commit" to one another. I think it would be better for you if you would stay away from him. Don't accept the offered friendship no matter how tempting it is. It would be so much more difficult to move on if he keeps on barging into your life. I can never tell what I'd do if I were in your shoes....but I'm hoping that I would be strong enough to say no. And that I would have good friends to keep me from coming back to him. I'd like to think that I respect myself enough to avoid getting hurt by the same man who clearly does not care for me enough to stay away and to let me heal in peace. Thanks for the response on my discussion!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
25 Mar 09
life can seem like a bleak place when you've just weathered a break up but keep in mind, the relationship with your ex is over for a reason: you weren't right for each other. That means the one absolutely perfect for you is still out there. Picture the right person for you and the kind of relationship you want out of life. Remember Ysabel you deserve to be happy
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (122434)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Mar 09
You must be very young. Take it at face value. I think he must know he screwed and doesn't want to lose you completely. Don't let him squirrel his way back in. Get to know the real him and be glad you didn't. Men today know they can have it all with very expendicure on their part and they take advantage of it full tilt. Don't let this happen to you. Expect something, get to know them, keep your scruples and let instinct be your guide.
1 person likes this
@phoenix79 (304)
• United States
24 Mar 09
That is never good. He may just want to be speical friends because he is trying to get with someone else. On the other hand, he is like a dog with a bone in his hand, he don't want to let go until he has the other bone. Is there someone new that has just came on the scene? Have any of your friends started to pay extra attention to your man? Ask yourself those hard questions now. You know the answer. I have faith in you. Blessed be
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (29138)
• United Kingdom
24 Mar 09
Seeing him as a friend could be hurtful for you and your feelings for him might stay alive. This might affect future relationships that you have. I tried to stay friends with my ex-boyfriend and we met up a number of times the year after we split up. The first meeting was challenging. The other meetings were difficult because we both were in our next relationship. We talked about old times and past feelings were stirred up. I sent him a birthday card this year but I don't think I will see him again. He has recently moved in with his girlfriend. I think a fresh break is best. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
24 Mar 09
I don't think I could do the 'friends' thing and I don't think I would consider it while I was still hurting like you are. He may want to be friends or he may just want to ease his guilt, regardless how can you out everything you shared as a couple behind you so soon and just be friends? In the frame of mind you are in now, seeing him as a friend will probably be more hurtful for you and you won't be able to help hoping for things the way they were and you will only be delaying the healing process. I would say no to him and spend time taking care of myself and I would distance myself from him until I was ready for a friendship but if it were me I doubt I would even want that. Best of luck to you.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
Hi Ysabel! I think that if having still that friendship with him will give you difficulty on moving on, then I guess that you should avoid him temporarily and refuse the friendship for now until the time that you know you are confident that you can stand and live on your own without holding on the memory. If I am in your shoes, I wouldn't want to have any communication with him while I am still vulnerable and still hurting. I wouldn't fall into the trap of thinking that he still loves and want me when we have already broken up. I think it will be wise for me to just avoid him while I am still healing. Good luck and hope you can move on completely soon. I am sure that there will always be someone who is far more better than him who would love you completely. God bless..Take care always. lovelots..faith
@vheilugto (149)
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
oh my! oh my! dont fool yourself my dear, when two of you are done, its DONE! you can not move on while he's around, il assure you that even one yr will pass you will not move on because for what both of you doing. When he say special, what does it mean ha? dont you think it's unfair for your side ??think about it girl. . its for your own good!
@kirrikat (10)
• South Africa
26 Mar 09
Well dear,you were not good enough to play the important role in his life,why does he want to be your special friend?.He wants to have his cake and eat it.He wants to ease his guilty conscience.Dont do it.I know it is difficult,I am going through the same thing.I cannot be friends with the person I love with all my heart, and watch him date other women.It is cruel and as long as you remain friends he will think that his behaviour is fine.Cut him loose,he is not worth it. Think about it.
@kun2349 (23473)
• Singapore
26 Mar 09
Well, the transition from being couple to friends, is much more difficult than from friends to couple.. If he really wants to be friends, then he has to give u time.. If not, it's gonna be very unfair to u, because he know that u still love him.. BUt at the same time, u have no right to stop him to do anything he wants or even start to date others again.. IN a way, he's like having the best of both worlds.. THus, u need to distance yourself from him for some time, let things cool down properly.. If he is really sincere, he will be contacting u again after a cooling down period, and not harass u like this, in this way..
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
26 Mar 09
Special friends......... I had one of those and I got hurt more. As you were friends and he just put that in the trash. Tell him no. You don't want to be his Special friend. As you was that and he don't want that. Tell him to go away and don't call or come over. And say GOODDAY. So yes my take on it tell him to buzz off. Get lost, you don't need a friend like him. There are a few others. But I won't say them. spare your self the pain. Your friend onlydia
@Diablo8p (12)
• United States
25 Mar 09
Ask yourself if he would really be worth the time and effort to become your friend. That would mean that he would have to unlearn any feeling and habits you two had together. After seeing this though, it might just be touching enough to see just how well you fit together, and would possibly save a relationship? That is just one scenario though =] good luck
@subha12 (18453)
• India
25 Mar 09
It is very difficult situation. I have seen many guys want this. I guess it quite selfish.They want you to be in contact when they have already dumped you. May be in help if need, will need your help. They are very selfish in this case.
@23uday (2998)
• India
25 Mar 09
Hi friend, Here we can make so many friends and special friends also, Be cool and think in positive way and every thing will be alright for you. In friends fighting will be their but we have to excuse them once after that they will realise. Have a nice day.
@bird123 (10528)
• United States
25 Mar 09
Seems like he has moved on. He just feels bad about hurting you. You should be nice to him but move on as well. Know that if he really is Mr. Right, you will never get rid of him no matter what you do.
• United States
25 Mar 09
this has happened to me before my ex gf broke up with me but a few days later she called askin if we could still be friends again and i agreed and we got back together just to get heart broken again but we became friends again months later and it still hurts to think about what happened between us especially cuz im still in love w/ her