??? Trying to find my cousins ???

@camomom (7535)
United States
March 24, 2009 9:37pm CST
I got this message on MySpace tonight and don't know how to react to it. [i]I am trying to contact my cousins and I am sorry if this is not you and if I have inconvenienced you. My name is Susan B******* and my father is John B*******. He has brothers, Jack, Larry, William and a sister, Donna (who has passed). Jack has a son named Jeff who I haven't seen in about 15 yrs, Larry has Robert and Georgie who I talk to, William (Bill) has daughters R***** and S**** who I have not seen since I was little and Donna has John and Christine who I talk to rarely. I was hoping you are Bill and C****'s daughter. I have not seen Uncle Bill in about 15 years or my Aunt C**** since I was maybe 6 yrs old. But I would like to know my cousins and I am hoping you are her! Can you please respond even if you're not so that I know! Thanks![/i] A short back story is that I haven't seen my father since I was 16 years old, I'm 34 now. He was a drunk and an abuser. He had just gotten out of jail for some drinking related charge the last time I had seen him. (The strange thing is that my maiden name isn't even on MySpace, How did she find me?) My sister and I have been debating for years whether or not we should try to find him. We hate him for so many things but we also feel like we need some closure from him. He disappeared without a trace not long after we last saw him. We have both done internet searches and paid agencies to look for him and we think we know where he is but haven't gotten up the nerve to try to contact him. Now I got this message and don't know what to do with the information I got. I did not respond to her message but I did send her a friends request in hopes that she'll realize that I am who she thinks I am. I'm hoping that she'll send me another message before I send her one. I immediately called my sister about the message and we confirmed with each other that she is who she says she is. She also has no idea what we should do about the message. Our mother does not want us to find our father and I don't blame her for what he's done to us/her. I feel like I need to tell her but I don't want to upset her. I kind of feel like she'll be okay with it because we didn't start the communication. She is our cousin, NOT our father. We are just so shocked by all of it. We never even thought that anyone on his side of the family would even think about us, nevermind look for us. I guess I just needed to calm my nerves a bit and see what my mylot friends think of it. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated. Please feel free to ask any and all questions that you may have about the situation before giving advice. Has anything like this ever happened to you?
2 people like this
6 responses
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
25 Mar 09
no, but I would've contacted her back this isn't your sperm-doner, this is a relative who might just turn out to be a wonderful lady!
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I agree. I'm just in shock I think. We never thought anyone on his side of the family ever even thought of us and now she wants to get to know us. It's just weird I guess. Thanks.
2 people like this
@ElicBxn (63194)
• United States
25 Mar 09
just because your sperm-donor is a no-good, rotten person, doesn't mean that the rest of the family is, he was probably the black sheep there too
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I agree.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
25 Mar 09
Hi, camomom! I am sorry about your father not being a part of your life. This cousin may be the real deal. If you want to get involved with her to ask her things. Get her to tell you things that you would not give her the answer to. Check to see that she is who she says that she is.. If all goes well, then talk with her. Do you have your real name on yoir myspace page? Because I was wondering how did she find out about you. Do you have a picture on your myspace page too? Since she is your cousin's on your father side of the family, she is not responsible for what your father has done to you all. I am sure that you know that already. This sounds like a reuniting of old ties, I must say! Do what you must to renew your family ties with her if she is your cousin. Take care! It is also wonderful that she found you!
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I'm not sorry that he wasn't there. We are much better off without him. Our lives got better when he left. She is definitely who she says she is. We aren't questioning that at all. I did have my real married name on myspace but I don't now. I don't really know how she found me because my maiden name wasn't listed. I do have my picture on my page but I haven't seen her since I was 2 years old and she was 6 years old. We aren't blaming her for our fathers mistakes at all either. We just have a lot of bad to tell and don't want to tell it. Thank you for your advice.
1 person likes this
@owlwings (43915)
• Cambridge, England
25 Mar 09
This sounds genuine from the tone of the message and the detail she gives and I think that I would go with it. I can't see that any harm could come of it. As you may know, there are (free) people searches one can do on white pages and some other services in the US and Canada. It is sometimes possible to find a married name by searching on a maiden name. You don't usually get much more information than name, age and location for free; you can get a little more by paying a small fee (and a lot more by paying a large fee - it's one of the ways credit companies track down bad payers). As a UK resident, I find the availability of personal data in other countries rather scary. We cannot do free reverse phone lookup or electoral roll searches, for example.
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
It is scary how much info you can get online. I have found 10-15 address's for my father online. My sister and I have narrowed it down to one that we think is genuine. I think she's legit in what she wants. It's just such a big surprise to us that she was even looking for us that we don't know how to react. Thank you so much for your response.
1 person likes this
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
25 Mar 09
Nothing like this happened to me. I have couisins that are on Myspace. No one has ever sent me a message like this.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
It's a very strange feeling especially since we really don't know anything about his side of the family and haven't seen him in so long. Thanks for responding. It's nice to see you back on the Lot.
@Nan110 (469)
• United States
25 Mar 09
You can start communicating with her and ask her question about his side of the family. Get to know her
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I wouldn't know where to start.
• United States
25 Mar 09
Wow! From out of the blue arrives a long-lost, forgotten cousin. Like you say, your cousin is NOT your father. You might give her a chance in your life. You don't know much about her, what motivated her to get in touch, but hey -- if I was in your shoes I'd respond to her message and take it from there. She might be a really nice person! Please keep us posted.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
we did respond briefly lastnight. I got a response today and she did send me some unknown information on my father and other relatives. I just sent an email to my mom about it. I want to get to know her but I'm having some kind of anxiety attacks everytime I see her name. I shake and can't breathe. I don't know how to handle this. I'm trying my best to think about her and her family instead of my father because they are not him. Thank you so much. I'll keep everyone updated.
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
25 Mar 09
I have never had this happen to me but I agree with the other responsse. If this is your cousin, you should give her a chance. She's reaching out to her family members and that includes you and your sister. If you open the lines of communication with her you may get answers to your questions.
1 person likes this
@camomom (7535)
• United States
25 Mar 09
Thank you so much. You're right, she may have answers about our father. She may just want to get to know us. We both sent messages back to her, now it's up to her.
1 person likes this