My wife is pregnant for another man

@Eweniks (362)
Nigeria
March 25, 2009 6:23pm CST
I got married 5yrs ago. The marrige is blessed with 2 boys and a girl, and it has been a happy family. My wife and I has never quarred or had any misunderstanding. It has been a wonderful family, untill last october (i.e 2008), my company sent me abroad for a 4 months training. Although I provided everthing to keep the family comfortable till I return. Could you beleive that I came back to see my wife with a 3 months pregnancy? I am confused, I don't whether to kill her or to send her packing. I need an urgent solution. Pls, Help me.
6 people like this
38 responses
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
25 Mar 09
If your wife is three months pregnant, she either works real fast, or she already had someone before you left. You were only gone for 4 months, she couldn't wait for you. If you are a forgiving person and want your marriage to work, I guess you will have to forgive her, even thought the baby will always be a reminder of her unfaithfulness. I know it is your wife, but I do not have any respect for a woman who has a great man, and does something like that to him. Don't kill her, your children need at least one good parent. I am a female, and I do not condone actions like what your wife did. I would send her packing, since she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. Did your wife admit to cheating? Could the baby possibly be yours? Even though you were gone for four months, depending on your wife's cycle the baby could be yours. I wish you luck with this situation.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
I do agree with the packing part but before you do anything rash, can you at least try to see if it's really yours or not? Is there a possibility that you could do a DNA test before the baby is born? Unless she really admits cheating. I do get your sentiments and do agree with sudalunts that for a woman to f*ck up her life like that isn't something to be easily forgiven. I mean 4months!? You cannot hold your urge for 4 months?? It's sad really. But I'd send her packing. Let her go to the man she likes, and let's see how she does with no more support from you. It's just really unforgivable as of the moment. I'm sad for you and your family. But hey, are you sure those kids are yours too??
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
I agree with you, Sudalunts. She actually cheated. Like you said, I may forgive her but I will NEVER accept the baby. Or do you think it's right for me to take the baby? Thanks for responding.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
25 Mar 09
You went away and left her. She needed a man and you were gone. 4 months is a long time. She was careless, and got preg. Is it gonna help any if you kill her?Or for that matter, if you send her packing? Shes a good woman. You never had a problem with her when you were there to care for her. I think its your fault for leaving her alone with the kids. Consider yourself lucky to have a Hottie like her in your bed! Lots of guys don't have such luck. and Be nice to your newest child!
• Canada
26 Mar 09
I disagree with your comment, quote "You went away and left her...she needed a man and you were gone...4 months is a long time....its your fault for leaving her alone..." He had to go for the sake of his job, if he didnt he could have lost his job and his family might not do that great. But i do partially agree "She was careless and got preg" but still. What do you mean by careless, no protection? She should not have been getting it on with another man period. "Be nice to your newest child" Disagree, its not HIS child. It's his wife's and another man's child. Really, i wouldnt give a damn to that child unless the man was some random guy (i would call out the other man to take care of the child if not) , i would just take care of the child like it was my son/daughter. So, for the suggestion, make up with your wife and try to solve it somehow without getting a divorce. Its a negative effect on the children, and think of them when they grow up and learn about stories like this. Better to just keep this a secret or make something up if they ask (about your relationship)
• United States
26 Mar 09
barehugs, I beg to disagree. For me, there is no excuse for cheating. Nothing can justify a wrong doing like that. If the wife really has problems with them being apart for four months , then she must tell that that to her husband and not use it as an excuse for cheating him. Maybe she was just too weak to fight off tempation and stand by her man.
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
Hi barehugs, I totally disagree with you. Animestan and theluckylover has the answers to my problem. Thanks for writing.
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
Send her out of the house first without the kids. If she will refuse to leave the house, then you can kill her (just kidding). Kill her conscious and send her out still. There is no point of keeping her as a wife.
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
Don't waste your future for a wrthless woman. Don't kill her, just send her away. Get your kids and sew her for adultery.
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
It's ok. Thanks for your advice.
• Italy
26 Mar 09
I think you also need to check the rest of your children DNA also. Are you sure that you are the father of all of them. Just leave her coz if a women gets involved in multiple affairs she cant be faithful for future.
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
That's right, I'll surely do that immediately. Thanks.
• United States
25 Mar 09
I personally am not that forgiving of a person, I would send her packing. If you try to make things work, are you going to be able to help raise someone elses child? Thats the thing you need to ask yourself. Will you ever be able to forgive & move past this. You will always have that child as a reminder. I couldnt live with it. It may hurt to move on, but it may hurt more to stay. Hope you figure things out.
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
That child will always be a reminder, I agree with you. Thank you so much.
@hopejordan (3566)
• Australia
25 Mar 09
hi there Eweniks i am a single parent with two children with different fathers but i am not married and i don't even have a boyfriend and i think that when your married that they should stay faithful to you so your saying your wife is pregnant but its not yours its someone elses if i was you i would leave her but forgive her say you don't trust anymore just i can forgive you i hope everything turns out ok for you take care of yourself
@Eweniks (362)
• Nigeria
26 Mar 09
I understand what you mean. but you are a single parent is different case. well, thanks for responding.
@mimiang (3777)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
DNA test yes!
• United States
23 Apr 09
This is a hard place to be. The truth is no one can tell you what to do in this situation. I don't think I could forgive this if it were me. Plus once trust is gone like this it is very hard to get back. It would take lots of therapy. Plus some of the other responses are right. She did cheat on you really fast to be that far along after you have only been gone for 4 months. She could have been cheating on you before you left. I would not kill her but I don't think I would stay with her. I would fight for my kids though!
@ank_47 (1963)
• India
8 Apr 09
may be it can be u;r baby .see it or ask about her mensus dates. may be u;r wife can get pregnant ,by the time u are leaving for other country,and may be ,she didn;t notice about her pregnancy,when u are leaving as she may be in early stages of pregnancy at that time. anyway if u want ,u can have DNA test for baby .doctors can tell u,whether it is u;r baby or not. so show her and baby to a doctor. anyway speak her about that matter immedietley and discuss ,what u both want to do . but take a good decision,because it will effect u;r children.
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
7 Apr 09
Instead of jumping into conclusion, why don't you make sure whether the baby is yours? Sometimes pregnancy period can be miscalculated. Unless you're wife is already near labor then you can say the baby isn't yours. Don't make a rash decision. If you're wrong, then your relationship will never been the same again.
@Amber4106 (541)
• United States
26 Mar 09
Wow, that would be very hard to deal with. I sympathize with what you are going through. It all depends on whether or not you could find in yourself the ability to forgive her. Personally, if my partner got another woman pregnant or just cheated period, I don't think that I could forgive him. The baby would always remind you of this incident, and you would probably have very hostile feelings towards the baby. That could lead to a very disturbing home environment, not to mention a very stressful one. It is not the baby's fault, nor yours, so it might benefit everyone if you separated. Like I said before, it just depends on how you feel. If you think that you and your wife could make things work, then it would be worth a try. Especially for the children that you have together. I wouldn't do anything suddenly. Take time and think about it, and I'm sure you'll do what is right for the both of you. Take care and good luck!
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
26 Mar 09
Have you ever asked her about what is going with that? I eamn obviously, you went for a business trip fpr 4 months, now she get 3 months pregnacy, it sounds a little not reasonable. What did she say to you about she get pregnant? Did she actually just tell you she had relationship with other man? I'm sure you are very mad now but you gotta talk to her and find out what happened, I don't think you want to ruin your wonderful family and the little kids. I hope the best for you!
• United States
26 Mar 09
Wow this one is hard. what did your wife say... If she is saying its yours I say turst her until you can prove its not true. You married her for better or worst, and sometimes we have to remember those vowels said. I know its hard but if you say its been good thus far what could give her a reason to jepeordise something beautiful. I would talk to her first and then after the baby is born if you are still not convienced its yours then get a test taken... in between I beleive you should see a marriage counselor... don't give up :o) the easy thing to do is walk away
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
26 Mar 09
OK so you were away for 4 months. and she is pregnant 3 months. one month doesn't seem like enough time to meet someone new and get in bed with him. are you sure it's exactly 4 months and she is pregnant exactly 3 months? because if she is happy with you, she wouldn't go sleeping with another man 1 month after you left. either she has had this affair behind your back for a while, or it's not 3 mths, but 4 mths pregnancy. Once you are sure, it's your choice what to do. By all means don't blame the baby, he / she can't pick the parents. You don't want a cheater in the house though, so send her packing to the baby's father. Your children will take time to understand but they will if you word it right. if she doesn't want to tell you who the father is, get a divorce letter and send her to closest family you know. No room for the cheater in your house, among your children.
• India
26 Mar 09
The first thing that came to my mind was sending her packing... But she's pregnant. If u really love her, you should think of another way. I wouldn't ever say that this should be left unpunished, but the bottom line is that she's a woman and she's pregnant... There's always a better option to everything, find it..... I know you might feel that its easy to say, I can understand but what I'm saying is something that I've thought keeping my head calm...
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
26 Mar 09
I think you two should stay together and work past this maybe with some counseling it would go ok. If you both don't want to keep working on it then maybe a divorce is in order. But you both have to be adults about this for the childrens sake they did not ask to be brought into this and you should consider them in it all.
@Jingpols (64)
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
You may need to seek guidance and counseling. I would have to make sure I know what are your shortcomings.
• United States
26 Mar 09
Something tells me your family was so "wonderful" these past 5 years because you are the type of man that ignores problems and just "yes dear"s your way out of any potential argument. I say this because there is no way a woman who was as happy would cheat on such a great husband the first month they were abroad. Killing her is out of the question because then you would go to jail. I suggest some marriage counseling if she is sorry and wants to stay married to you then see if you can get past this and stay together. If she wants to leave you, cut your losses and let her go. Yes I am telling you to leave the decision of what to do with her up to her. You are the man who thought you had a happy family this past 5 years, obviously your reasoning skills need a LOT of work.
@Yori88 (1468)
• Philippines
26 Mar 09
That is a very huge problem you are facing my friend and I am sorry to learn about that. Well it is very hard to decide because you had a wonderful family before you left and you were never aware that your wife could do that. Since that is the case, consult yourself first not anybody else. It is you who will decide and your decision will affect not only you but also your children and the people around you. It will totally affect the remaining life you have so you better weigh things right. You should ask yourself how much you love your wife and how much forgiveness are you willing to give her. You should not let anger overcome your emotions because you can't decide right. Wait til you have a calm moment and then list all the consequences of your actions. We usually end up deciding wrong when we are angry so make sure you are not. Then list the reasons why you want to break with your wife. List also the wants of the kids and how it will affect them. Ask your wife why did she do that because her answer will also determine your decisions. And lastly pray because you need to really give her a lesson in case you still want to be with her for the sake of the family. Again I am sorry with your situation because I think that is a very huge sin of your wife. I wish we could turn back time, if you only knew that will happen then you should not have left her and your family. Anyway ask the kids too what they want to happen. I will pray that your problem will be solved asap.
@la_chique (1499)
26 Mar 09
Dont kill her, that wouldnt do anything. You'd get in loads of trouble for one, and your kids would hate you for murdering their mother! You do need to talk to her. Tell her that its disgusting that you're working real hard to provide for her, and she wont tell you when she's not happy with your relationship enough to sleep with another man. Try to stay calm for your kids sake. Truth is, and no its not fair, but even though she was totally in the wrong if you do split up she will get most custoday for your kids. You will probably be given visitation so its best that you keep things civil because if you annoy her she is most likely to twist custody so you hardly ever see your kids and I'm sure thats not what you want. If you split amicably, you will be able to keep your kids close, and they are all that matter at the moment. Remember - stay rational, keep strong and be the better man! good luck