at what age do you tell a child that they're adopted.?

United States
August 26, 2006 3:37pm CST
is it their right to know as soon as possible.?
6 people like this
84 responses
• United States
26 Aug 06
I wouldn't tell them at an early age, because they may not understand what you are telling them. However if they find out before you tell them, there could be many mistrust issues. I would say the best age to tell your child they were adopted would be at like 9-10.
2 people like this
• India
30 Dec 06
I wait for the time till my child turns to a parent age, then at that time tell the truth of adoption.
• United States
8 Jan 07
I think that the age of 9 or 10 is good to tell them but if they have any questions earlier you might tell them that god wanted them to live with you, that they had other parents but god wanted them to be with you because you would take better care of them.
• United States
30 Aug 06
I have a friend that has 9 adopted children. They were all adopted at different ages and they are all different nationalities. They have always known that they were chosen and they are loved.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 06
wow, 9 adopted children...that is a wonderful and giving person... thanks for your response...
1 person likes this
@mauldinmama (1503)
• United States
23 Oct 06
My parents told me I was adopted when I was seven...it was the worst it upset me so. I do believe kids should know that they are adopted however I also believe they need lots of answers. When my mom told me it didnt change my love for her or my father, however it has left a whole in my heart. the whole isnt from being adopted it is for all the unanswered questions. To this day it isnt a relationship with them (the bio-parents) (I have a family) I just get jealous because I dont know where I am from, did we come thur ellis island???? What were the circumstances. You can expect lots of emotions from your child after you tell them, just dont take it personal they will work it out.
2 people like this
@missybal (4492)
• United States
23 Oct 06
Right away, let it known or else it can come back to haunt you. Think if they find out on their own, they may not take it so well.
2 people like this
@sbeauty (5871)
• United States
23 Oct 06
You should tell them as soon as they're old enough to understand what that means. If you wait and they find out on their own, they are going to resent you for keeping it a secret. Don't put their biological parents down if you know anything about them. Just say that you were so glad you had the chance to make them part of your family.
2 people like this
@sevenseas (754)
• United States
25 Sep 06
Truthfully, it's a hard question to answer because adopted kids are as much yours as the ones you may give birth to. There isn't any difference, but it seems society keeps making them feel different and drawing lines. Due to that, you have no choice but to familiarize them with the word and start filling in the blanks as they mature and ask questions. I would never make a big deal out of it at any age.
2 people like this
@mcmomss (2601)
• United States
18 Sep 06
Depends on the child, their nature, and how mature they are.
2 people like this
@MrsFrizzle (1964)
• United States
18 Sep 06
Why not when they are young. When shildren are young they understand more they you realize. The longer you wait the more confusion it is likely to cause. Being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of because when you adopt a child it take a lot of work which means you realy really wanted that child. That their is love. To many people just get pregnate and don't apperciate their child. An adopted child was sought out and was truely wanted. It is important to give age apporiate answers. Let them know young they had two mommies one who grew them and one who loves them so much they are going to raise them.
2 people like this
@DeenaD (2688)
• United States
17 Sep 06
A friend of mine adopted a child from China. In this case, the child does not look like the rest of her family. Of course she will know she is adopted from the beginning.
2 people like this
• Italy
30 Aug 06
As soon as possible... That's for their best.
@ssh123 (31104)
• India
30 Aug 06
In India, it is very difficult to hide the information from the child. As the family bondage is great, relatives keep coming frequently to house and we visit them frequently. As a result, the child say around 5 or 6 years will cometo know of it.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 06
children are smarter than you think. I would say that the earlier the better. It is how you say it that may be hard.
2 people like this
@ozkid92 (550)
• United States
26 Aug 06
i think that the older they are, the more they learn about how important real parents are, and how bad it would be not to have parents. so i say tell them A.S.A.P so they dont take it so hard.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Nov 06
As soon as they can understand.
1 person likes this
@lbinkley (1079)
• United States
9 Nov 06
I think that answe will vary depending on the child. I don't think that it is right to tell them before they are too young to understand what the meaning of it is, but I don't think that it should be kept from them for too long either. I would think that if you wait too long to tell them, they are going to be upset about it and possibly resent you for keeping it from them the entire time. They would feel as if their entire life has been a lie. I dont' think that's right. Pretty much, if you feel the child is mature enough to understand what adopted means, tell them, but tell them in a way that is compassionate, and make sure that even though they are adopted, you love them just the same as if they were your child by blood.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Sep 06
WHEN THEY GET ADOPTED
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@amiksinha (1961)
• India
24 Sep 06
never
1 person likes this
• India
24 Sep 06
well as the child gets to know things arround and understand things by himself..he'll be into his conciousness and its the write time to reveal any such things... if u dont reveal then he will probably know himself when he's into the conciouss world... u can guess the conciouss state of a child by his activitys...well i mean he probably can understand things arround and if not ask abt them... i guess the age might be in between 4-6 yrs coz some develop it soon and some take time to develop....
1 person likes this
@rladiga00 (1166)
• India
24 Sep 06
At the age of 16 or 18 years is most appropriate, because at that age they will have maturity to understand the life.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 06
I think a child should be told from the first time they ask. It is their right because they were the ones adopted. If you explain it to them, then later on they won't wonder why they were never told. It would get alot out of the way. I know that if I were adopted then I would want to know at a young age.
1 person likes this