How would you handle this?

United States
April 5, 2009 9:06pm CST
I got a call from a girl that I know that is in a relationship, thing is it isn't going all that great, she always has problems and she in my opinion needs to look at her relationship and make decisions for herself. Then she calls tonight and says she wants to know if it would be ok to go on a date with another person to see how they are and such. How would you handle this one? My answer was that I can't answer that for her, for me that would be a moral issue, and I wouldn't even consider something like that unless I ended the relationship I was in. Plus, if that relationship was solid there wouldn't be that wondering eye. I went back though and said it was her decision in what she decided because she will have to deal with the circumstances of her choices.
2 people like this
5 responses
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I'm pretty much like you... I wouldn't enter into another relationship "just to see" what it's like... I would definitely end the current one before even considering another... She asked for your opinion, you should give it to her straight... And she would handle it one way or another... One way would be, she would go around asking everyone until she hears what she wants to hear & does what she wants to do anyway or she'll take your advise & stop the "wondering eyes" or end the current relationship to pursue another...
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
She called me because she knew I wouldn't just say go ahead or break up. The reason she calls me is because I listen to her. Oh and yes she already knows how I am with the moral issues, that is probably why she called, to figure out how to handle this with her situation. I didnt approve of doing the date thing and she knows it, she then asked if I would look at her differently if she went ahead with it anyways. I couldn't answer that one, she is family and the love for family is that it is unconditional, with that I still say what I feel without the bells and whistles, I am a straight and direct with truth. Some don't like that, it is what it is...lol By the way I just got off the phone with her right before I posted this. She is calling her boyfriend to talk with him, and talk. I told her if she needs to call me after. So now I am waiting. I have no idea how this is going to go and as I told her she put herself in this position, there isn't anything I can do, she has to do.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I've told people who come to me for an opinion, "You can hate something that the person does, but don't hate the person!!!" Family or not, love will always be there but you don't have to agree with their behavior... I completely understand... My family & friends know this about me... Like you, I call it like I see it... In fact, I believe that the closer somebody is to me, weather it's family member or other wise, I tend to be more critical of them... They deserve to hear the truth instead of have someone blow a sunshine up their butt... They know me well enough to know that what I'm saying is not to hurt them but to let them see the things the way they are... You know what they say, sometimes you're too close to see it...
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
Looks like we think alike in the terms of truth, I would rather hear the truth than have someone sugar coat it and not tell me what they actually saying it. So that is why I am the way I am, because that is what I would want others to be with me. thank you for being you..
@MsTickle (24987)
• Australia
6 Apr 09
She seems to be too fickle and immature to be in a serious relationship. I would tell her that she should perhaps go out with a group of people and not just one person. She is no way ready to make any serious decisions yet. She simply does not know what she wants.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
That is one of the things I have been trying to get her to realize, "What does she want" She needs to find out who she is as well as what she wants for her life, which I have also talked to her about. Even though she comes to me with her problems and such I have also suggested getting counseling for herself.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24987)
• Australia
7 Apr 09
You're a good friend and I think you are doing the right thing.
1 person likes this
@sunita64 (6473)
• India
6 Apr 09
Planning to see someone else just means that you are not happy in your current relationships. So it is better to ask her to decide whatever she wants to do because it is her life and everyone is responsible for his or her own life. So you did the right thing I feel.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
Thank you, I was hoping I was doing her right. She needs to be responsible for herself.
@dmrone (751)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I think it is her choice. It would depend on a lot of reasons, like is the relationship she is in a serious or casual relationship.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
The one she is still in was serious, he did ask her to marry him, and now gives excuses in why they can't now. Told her to be direct with him and find out for herself where this relationship truly is. That is why she was making the call tonight after I talked with her. I hope she followed through.
@nympha687 (940)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I totally agree with what you said. You couldn't hurt the one you love and you couldn't even lay your eyes on another if you are in a solid relationship.
1 person likes this