Is it wrong to contact someone after 10-15 years just to make sure they are OK?

@fluffysue (1458)
United States
April 6, 2009 10:20am CST
I became good friends in college with a girl who was an exchange student from Italy. After that year she went back to Italy; we lost touch after a few years, but I know she came back to the U.S. to continue her studies after college. Today I wake up and find out there was an earthquake in Italy, and my first thought was that I hope it was not in L'Aquila, where she was from. This is typical of me whenever a disaster strikes, I automatically try to think if there is any reason anyone I know would be there. Unfortunately, it was the exact town where the earthquake hit. Now, I have not spoken to her in well over 10 years. I think I we stopped exchanging Christmas cards around 1999. However I had a friend who stayed in touch with her, so I knew more or less what she was up to. I really want to contact her and make sure she and her family are safe. I am 99% sure I have found her on Facebook, so I'm wondering if it is really odd to send her a friend request with a message asking her if she is OK? I mean, she will think that I didn't want to be her friend before but now I am asking about her just beacause something happened, maybe she will think that is wrong. (Really it just never dawned on me to look her up. The internet as we know it today was barely in existence when we graduated, and things like Facebook were unheard of). Have you ever contacted anyone after many years, just to make sure they were OK, or for any other reason?
9 people like this
29 responses
@Niah1976 (733)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
there is nothng wrong with that. i have contacted my high school friends after 16 years and i don't see anything wrong with that. if someone would do the same to me, i will be very happy because i know someone still remember me even if its such a very long time. but sad to say no one contacted me after so many years. maybe i'm that easy to forget. :(
3 people like this
• United States
13 Apr 09
I agree. Nicely said.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Apr 09
I think that she will be greatful you thought of her. People lose touch when they don't see each other, people get busy and thats just a part of life. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to know that you were thinking about her in a time of crisis!
3 people like this
@Bethany1202 (3432)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Well, I don't think it's wrong. So you lost touch and now are worried, why not get back in touch? There is only one way to find out... I say go for it -- send her a friend request. I have found friends I have not seen since graduating high school in 1997 and we are now "friends" again... I don't see anything wrong with catching up with old friends. Best wishes!
2 people like this
@fluffysue (1458)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I did get in touch with her via Facebook; luckily she was OK, but I forgot to "friend" her! I will have to do that, I don't want to lose touch with her again.
@fluffysue (1458)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I'm glad you were able to get in touch with old friends, I've done the same with a couple of my high school friends. I haven't actually seen them, but we keep up with each others lives online.
• United States
6 Apr 09
I contacted someone through facebook that I did not know very well the other day even after 40 years. The worst that could happen is that she would reject your request. She may be very glad to hear from you. Maybe you would be able to help in some way if she needs it. When we get busy with our lives, sometimes we just drift apart. You will never know if you don't try. Don't let misgivings keep you from possibly being in touch with someone who was very special to you.
2 people like this
@fluffysue (1458)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Thanks for the advice. I did contact her through Facebook, and she didn't seem bothered at all that I had contacted her, even though I haven't spoken to her in years. I am going to try to stay in touch with her this time.
• United States
9 Jul 09
Interesting how your comment would pop up today in my email. I spent most of the day talking with a nephew that I have just been in contact with for the last couple of years. Before that time there was a 15-20 year gap of communication. What a wonderful thing to be in touch again and it is as if we never missed those years. I hope the same for you.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
6 Apr 09
After hurricane Katrina I heard from a lot of people who I would think had hardly given me a second thought after high school. It is natural to wonder from time to time whatever became of someone. I think your Italian friend would be touched to know that you not only remembered her fondly but that you thought of her and hoped that she and her family were safe.
2 people like this
@fluffysue (1458)
• United States
8 Jul 09
I'm glad you had so many people making sure you were OK. It's nice to know people care, even if you never hear from them otherwise. I did contact my friend through Facebook, and it turns out she's been living in another town in Italy, her family had to evacuate L'Aquila in the earthquake, but they were OK. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
9 Jul 09
It's good that you now know what happened.
@LadyMarissa (12162)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I think she would probably appreciate a call from an old friend. More than likely someone close to her was affected by the quake & she could use a sturdy thought of love & caring about now. Especially if she is back here in the US. She's worried about her friends & family & can't get through to find out of they're OK. So, I'm sure the thoughts of an old friend will be comforting!!! Get busy & get in touch!!!
2 people like this
@fluffysue (1458)
• United States
8 Jul 09
Thanks. I did contact her, she seemed happy to hear from me, and it turns out she was OK. :)
• Indonesia
7 Apr 09
According to me, contacting old friend is the best thing in the history of my Life. Although my friend and me had been separated for a long time about 10-15 years, I will still find him so. That is a very good challenge because it as explore the treasure trove in the world..
• Singapore
7 Apr 09
Well...there is nutin wrong with that. You're showing care and concern to her...
2 people like this
@sarahong (93)
• China
7 Apr 09
hi, i promise your old friend must feel very warm ,althoug you havent contact over 10 years ,someone still care about her ,it is a happy thing ...
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Apr 09
no, it is not wrong..you are just wishing to see them and to check them whether they are ok or not..you should also be knowing how far they go after those years you have known and seen each other..that would be okay friend..that's just like renewing friendship before or making friends again by knowing each other member of the family..i've seen no wrong to these..instead i'm excited whenever some old friend of mine show up
2 people like this
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
7 Apr 09
Contacting her would be an act of friendship, how could this be misinterpreted as odd. At worst she might ignore you or be annoyed or at best you can renew an old friendship. I usually find that there is a brief revival of interest but the reasons one drifted apart usually interfere again and communications diminish. If you were my old friend I would welcome the communication.
@snow_one (202)
• United States
7 Apr 09
u know i don't really know. i am not exactly in the same position as you are but i lived in one town my entire life and i have been gone for only a couple years and i went back and everyone still remebers me, but no one really makes an effort to try and contact me, but on the other hand neither do i. i guess it all depends on what kind of relationship you have with whoever you are going to contact. if you have known then and grown with them in some way then i am sure they will be very happy to hear from you. They might also be a little mad that you didn't try to contact them any other time.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
7 Apr 09
I am always trying to find old friends. I graduated from high school over 30 years ago and I just put in a request for a friend that I have not seen since then. I would not think it odd. Would you want to keep up the relationship?
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Apr 09
It is fine to contact someone after 10-15 years,i think you have a better reason for contacting her,because of the earthquake that struck their place.
2 people like this
@flyrock (58)
• China
7 Apr 09
So many years,everyone will forget manythings,it's hard to say it's right or wrong,in my opinion ,if I have opportunity ,I will say hello to my old friend,I donnot want to search for them to ask OK,especiall take a lot of effort.Of course,everyone has his own habit.
2 people like this
@lucy02 (5017)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I can't imagine anyone feeling anything other than happy that you cared enough to check on them. I have contacted a few people I haven't seen in many years...family and friends. I would go ahead and send the request and message. I don't know when she would be able to respond though....even if she is okay. I'll bet the internet is down there.
2 people like this
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
I think it's a pleasant surprise to hear from somebody you've lost touch with. I know most of us realize that it's really not that we stopped caring, but we tend to get lost in the "now" and, frankly, there's work involved in keeping in touch. I think your old friend would be touched that you thought to inquire about her safety after all these years.
2 people like this
• Tunisia
6 Apr 09
It's never too late for good wills, do it friend, she will appreciate that
2 people like this
@Maallx (45)
6 Apr 09
It's always nice just to generally catch up with someone you haven't seen in a while and this just gives you a better reason to do so. Just say I heard there was an earthquake over there and you hope she wasn't effected? I'm sure she wont take it in a bad way.
2 people like this
@littleone3 (2065)
6 Apr 09
I think you should go for it I am sure that she would appreciate your concern. It is a lot easier to keep in touch with people who are far away nowadays. I would go ahead and send that friend request. Good luck I hope that it works out for you and that you are reunited with your friend.