Did I over react?

United States
April 6, 2009 4:24pm CST
My husband and I both quit smoking a week ago. The first couple of days were nearly impossible, but we made it through. He did have to have a couple smokes during the first few days, because he couldn't handle the stress. I however did not take a single puff, and am still totally smoke free over a week later! Okay, but here's the thing. Yesterday I found out that last weekend wasn't the only time my husband had a couple smokes. Apparently he's had one or two anytime he's been stressed out, especially on Wednesday and Thursday. He said he hadn't smoked since Thursday though. I blew up at first. I was very angry that he hadn't told me about this sooner. I felt as if he'd been hiding it from me, which I didn't like. I was also very worried that he's going to begin smoking again. I eventually calmed down and we did talk about it. He doesn't want to begin smoking again, but when he is stressed out he has a hard time fighting off those cravings. I'm sure most ex-smokers have been through this. What do you do? How do you handle it? What can I do to ensure my husband doesn't go back to smoking?
2 people like this
14 responses
@laglen (19782)
• United States
7 Apr 09
I think you over reacted a bit but I understand. I tried to quit smoking once, ended up divorced...... anyway, maybe he didn't tell you in order to encourage and support your quitting. This is not an easy thing, maybe you have more will power than he does. Just be understanding and when you fail, get back on the horse...
• United States
7 Apr 09
I have no plans to fail. If I do fail than everything I've put myelf through this past 9 days has been a waste! That's what I keep reminding myself whenever I feel the urge strike.
• United States
7 Apr 09
My husband and I are trying to quit as well and it is hard! The first day we nearly had a huge fight over nothing. You will have to give him time and try not to be frustrated, one of you may make it and the other not. I figure you were angrier about not smoking yourself and then finding him "cheating" at least that is how I felt and probably how my husband has felt on occasion when I gave in and smoked.
• United States
7 Apr 09
The first few days are the hardest. We fought for about 3 days straight, really big fights. But we got over it and forgave each other because we realized it was from lack of nicotine. It gets a bit easier each day, and after nearly a week, you'll start forgetting you were ever a smoker in the first place!
• United States
7 Apr 09
I'm sure he didn't mean to hide anything from you, he just didn't want you to be disappointed in him. It's harder for some people to quit smoking than others. You hang in there and he will try harder because he sees that you can do it. Be there for him and understand when he does need one. One cig here and there is a great start. Atleast he is trying. Tell him to try chewing gum when he is stressed first to see if that helps. And try talking to him about whats stressing him out. You may ne able to help.
• United States
7 Apr 09
Thanks for your comments.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
7 Apr 09
Hey kats! Quiting smoking is a very serious and difficult thing to do and it is even more difficult when you are in a stressful environment! You are being too hard on your husband! If he just can't do it on his own then maybe he needs to try to get some help! I told you about Chantix! It isn't pleasant, but it does help the cravings! Going cold turkey is really difficult! I couldn't do it! Not everyone can! Maybe it is easier for you then for him! He is working and has a different stress level so you have to realize that he has a harder time maybe then you do so you either cut him a break or find him another way!
@GreenMoo (11842)
9 Apr 09
My derly beloved smoked, but I told him he had to stop and I'm really pleased to say that he pretty much has. He slipped up from time to time, but I don't think my blowing up at him would have helped after the event. I'm guessing that you're feeling pretty tense with giving up yourself? Just take it one day at a time, both of you. The occassional slip up isn't a failure.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
7 Apr 09
I don't think you can ensure anything another person does wont happen. We can only control ourselves. Stay focussed on how well you are doing, manage your own stress levels and try to be motivation for him to achieve what you have. You can support him, but you can't 'fix' him. I'm proud of you! Woohoo! Keep up the good work!
• Canada
7 Apr 09
u just make him realize what a great sacrifice you had done in terms of having smoking. but do not be excited just wait and see everything should be OK........
@valpopa (155)
• Italy
7 Apr 09
Katsmeow, I admire your dermination for smoking. Unfortunately it does not apply to everybody and surely you cannot expect your husbuand to be the exact same way you are. It is most important at this time of crisis (if I can call it that way) to try the best in order to calm him down somehow..you don't want to add yourself to the list of difficulties he has to deal with. Just by seeing you that you quit smoking complitely, this will surely add to his determination to do the same thing, but he needs a little more time before he can quit complitely. Talk it over insted of adding stress to this matter. That's how I see it.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
7 Apr 09
Well congrats to both of you for stopping and trying to stop. I know it's a hard habit to break. I think that you can only continue to support him in his efforts and just remember how hard it is to quit and remember that men don't seem to have the "will power" that women have. I wish you both the best of luck!
• China
7 Apr 09
Well,katsmeow,honestly,i hate smoking,i hate the smell of smoker,cos i know smoke is not good health,so i wish everyone i know can quit smoking.
@Bevsue (251)
• United States
7 Apr 09
Quitting is really hard and most smokers have to try more than once before they succeed. Don't be too hard on him if he has a relapse. Just make sure he doesn't smoke in the house anymore and try not to be around him when he is smoking because this makes it harder for you to succeed. I have an article on eHow called "How to Quit Smoking Even if You Think You Can't" that gives some other hints that helped me when I finally managed to quit after more than 25 years. You can both do it---and you will both be so happy when you do.
@rsa101 (15622)
• Quezon City, Philippines
7 Apr 09
There was a saying that when breaking a habit the first 21 days are the most critical. If you survive this first 21 days out of your habit there is a chance that you will be successful in breaking that habit. Well in the case of your husband you have the right to be disappointed but I think blurting it out would make him further going underground. I think the better approach is to calmly confront him about it and tell him how your were disappointed by failing to inform you. There is actually no secret formula in breaking habits. It totally depends on your commitment and how you value your determination to quit the habit.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
7 Apr 09
You can't quit for him. He has to do it himself. You can't be his watchdog or he will come to resent you. He may even give up trying whether you encourage him or not. It's just like a diet. Nagging will get you no where. Even if he drops out, you keep on doing what you are doing for yourself! Be proud of yourself! You are doing great!!
• Singapore
6 Apr 09
wow relax.. actually i use to smoke too a lot friends advise me to quit too,but nor matter what they say i never listen , until one day i know my husband ,he don't smoke ,and i think be a guy don't smoke and i smoke beside him, what other people will think on me. so end up i try to quit,he did not force me at all. and i try not to smoke in front on him, after something i totally quit .it take some time.