How would you react when heard that your friend has critisized you ?

@krajibg (11936)
Guwahati, India
April 8, 2009 3:49pm CST
"What? How dare he said about me like that? wait and see where I throw him." This is the dramatic version of the reaction of a friend as he learned this from third party about himself having been criticized. Surely most of us get nut when come to hear our friend talking ill about ourselves. It could be the correct information or the opposite he know s not but he is on the hot oven now and relation could get jeopardized. If similar things befall you, what would you do? i mean what will be your reaction or stance? Please share. Rajib. 09.04.09
13 people like this
36 responses
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
8 Apr 09
Hi Rajib...I know what I would do..NOTHING.... If someone is talking about me, then they are leaving everyone else alone.. Let them criticize, Im not a gossiper and dont worry about the silly little things in life..And how would I know if was really said anyways..I dont waste time on foolishness like that. Now my friend you may criticize what I just said!
4 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
'Hey listen, I tell you one secret, there's a member there at my lot with the user name Sandy, do not know if it is actual, she is so mean." "Why"? "Do not you know, she is planning to send her daughter to India to kill me and some of my family members so that her daughter goes to the gaol and gets a master's degree for free". Hey, hey, hey, what happened? "My friend could thee be such a mother?" well Sands, this is my comment, I mean some body wrote it for me.
1 person likes this
• Canada
9 Apr 09
Hi Rajib..I know that Sandy that you speak of..oh brother, now my english sounds like you!!...Anyways, she is such a wonderful lady,a real joy to know. I heard she is just sending her daugher to India because University is soooooooo much cheaper there...Here it is about $20,000 for each year! No normal person can afford that much money. I heard too that her name really is Sandra or Sandy for short. I must keep an eye out for her and tell her what awful things you heard about her. My guess is, she wont care!.. I here she is so kind and patient that sheh doesnt let things bother her
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
10 Apr 09
Hi Sands, I slapped that mean guy who was talking all ill stuff about you. And he would never chatter any thing silly again. Please do not take it by hurt ok. I can not stand you cry. Wish you Happy Good Friday. And too all the members and tell them that there lives a guy who is so nice and gentle and intelligent and a tank of humor. Oh yes here universities are not cheaper but as almost all the universities are Govt aided so the cost of degree is lesser in comparison to what you have there. But this is costly here here too when you are going to pursue technical and management sort of education. Yes you can send her here, but after 12 year from now my son would be there at the Oxford University and who knows he might meet you and your daughter!!! Life has a lot in store. Wait for the revelation.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Apr 09
It would depend on what was said about me by this friend. I don't let these little things bother me much. I will just let it go and move on. If it were something really bad. I would just start to stay by myself until we all drift apart. I am not at all into the confrontations. They lead to he said,she said,or I did not say that.
4 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
Yes you absolutely correct. It is always advisable to verify before coming down to any conclusion. Thanks for your response.
3 people like this
@ajithlal (14569)
• India
10 May 09
I also think we should carry on with our lives and forget our past and try to live in every second of our life.
@Canellita (12058)
• United States
8 Apr 09
It would depend on what was said. I think it is childish to go to someone and say "your friend said this about you." If the thing that was said is something harmful to my reputation or could cost me my job or harm my family that is a different matter. It is not enough just to go with the word of one "friend" over another. If several people came to me and expressed concern I would have to take some kind of action appropriate to the situation.
4 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
HiCanellita, You are right in your assessment of the entire affair. It would really be foolish to run to the friend and direct charge without taking the real account. Thanks for sharing.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
8 Apr 09
I can't really say what I would do now. I stopped being friends with all of my previous friends because of criticism from one friend and the lack of calling from others. I felt we were drifting apart and while it was hard on me to let my friends go I think I did the right thing my stopping our friendship. I hope your friend can also do the right thing by what he feels is right.
3 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
Ho Some Cowgirl1 you seem to be on two horns of a buffalo. well the best thing what I presume would be to verify the tale and take action accordingly. Thanks for responding.
3 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Oh I am no longer friends with them, we were drifting apart and they didn't seem to approve to my fiance. I know it seems assuming but I guess you'd have had to be there. In any case, I am back to who I want to be instead of what I was with them. I appreciate your comment to me, and I also appreciate the response you gave to me on my most recent discussion. I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you here, I didn't notice you'd commented. Have a wonderful day mylotting.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
9 Apr 09
Good morning Rajiib! (Well it's morning here!) I grew with harsh uncalled for criticism and I am rather sensitive about it, although there is the constructive type where valuable lessons can be learnt. I am presuming that you are talking about unconstructive criticism that so called 'friends' often dish out behind someone's back to make themselves feel better. I have had it happen to me on many occasions and almost always from the same person which explains why we're no longer friends. I confronted my 'friend' each and every time asking her to explain to me exactly where she found fault and why. This often led to arguments until eventually the friendship could not take it any longer. It does depend on what was being said and who was doing the telling; if the person is someone I consider a good buddy I would definitely confront; anyone else, I couldn't care less!
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
Hi Paula, You are right, as I was hinting at the negative criticism which is a medium puking the so called friend's puke towards you. And the most baffling aspect is that those who are jealous of a good friendship you are having with is targeted by these so called friend and made out story is relayed to you as they know you would react in negative way. Thanks for the response.
1 person likes this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
"Am I really as how he says I am?" would probably be my first question. Unless that friend was slandering me (probably calling me bad names or calling me a thief or whatever), then I think I would first ask myself then ask my other friends if what he says is true. If I really AM how he describes me, then I think I better change whatever bad attitude he pointed out. Thanks for the response on my discussion!
3 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
10 Apr 09
Vry realistic approach indeed. Why to be in unnecessary misunderstanding y=that some body told something about my friend. Thanks Oyenkai.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 09
Rajib- Dear friend, this has occured to me before, and sadly the friend is no longer a friend. The first thing I did was to confront the person in private and relate what other's were saying they were saying about me. They denied it, even with hard proof. So, I confronted them in public in front of the others passing on the information and the person made up excuses. So, I decided that person wasn't truly a friend and left it at that. It's quite sad when people do this, because they truly forget the meaning of friendship. I'm not sure how we can best end this type of behavior, other then to practice it. If we practice restraining ourselves from speaking when those types of thoughts enter our mind, perhaps then we can best avoid situations that might hurt our friend or jeopardize our relationship with them. If indeed the friend is making some grevious mistakes or such then it is always best to approach them yourself,not to rely on the "gossip" mill to reach them first. Namaste-Anora
3 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
Hello friend anora! I have all the compassion for your hurt heart. Now I hope you have learnt the way people behave and react. I can not see any of my friend sad so please be yourself and call the spade a spade.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Apr 09
Hello my friend Rajib Ji, THis world is like that only. Why another friend should think that one will always be praised and never crticized. A good friend may criticize to correct one's friend. I think on eshould tolerate and think, if other is correct and react to first's suggestions. May God bless you and have a great time.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
16 Apr 09
Yes you are right MGBU jee. If a good friend he would criticize only to mend some fault of the friend. Thanks for your kind words Jee.
1 person likes this
• India
16 Apr 09
Hello my friend Rajib Ji, So nice of your comments. It is difficult to get rteal friend in real life, who can criticise one's friend on friend's face in order to mend one's friend. May God bless You and have a great time.
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
9 Apr 09
Huh? this is one hell of a reaction which is obvious. I will also do the same given that situaion in front of me!
2 people like this
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
9 Apr 09
I forgot to add something at the begining. hi Rajib!
1 person likes this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
That is your way alright. And thanks sanuanu.....
2 people like this
@abanerji (1026)
• India
25 Apr 09
hi dada, there have been times when a 'so called' very close friend critisized me, rather she spoke ill about me and spoilt my relation with another friend. for sometime i didn't even realise that she was playing a vamp in my real life. later, when i finally came to know about her dirty intentions, it was too late. it was so late that nothing could be mended so i just decided to stop interacting with her anymore. she once contacted me, then i told her that i was aware of all that she did with me and neither i discussed it with her nor did i speak to her later. i feel there is no point in discussing things with such people. it is just that once you come to know about the intentions of such people you must stay away from such peolpe. suh people are nothing but lessons for the future.
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
25 Apr 09
Hi sis, Subeh ka bhula sham ko ghar laut par use bhula nahin kehte. So now you are not in good book with that friend of yours? It is so unfortunate really. I have too learned to sort out the good ones from the ugly ones. Always keep such friend at arms length.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I[i]t happened to me in the past and my initial reaction of course, I was shock and right there and then, I confronted my friend about it and she denied it...But, I can tell from her facial expression that she was guilty and I told her that I was disappointed and never imagine that she will talk bad stuff about me with other people.... After that, I stop hanging around with her......I love to be confronted and in my life, I am trying my best not to talk ill to other people and I am thankful that I am always guided and always have this self -control![/i]
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
This is a good thing in people who ignore the kind of people or say friends once their nature is known to be not acceptable sort. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Apr 09
Well there are times when someone says something in one sense and the listener understands it in another way. It is always wise to speak to the person and find out what exactly was said. According to the response u get from him/her then u will know what to do.
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
Yes you have to be a good observer to avoid anything unpleasant in such situation. Thanks for responding,.
1 person likes this
@pickwick (858)
• India
9 Apr 09
Hi Rajib!This has happened many times with all of us.When i was young I used to feel bad and confront the friend and lose the friend forever.Now I just feel bed but I know that the feeling wont last for long.So i just ignore the feeling and carry on for and after some days I forget about that.People are weak and sometimes even if they love you they might say something about you behind you maybe to get attention of someone or to get something out of teir heart.After saying they might even regret doing so in the next moment.So why keep such things in heart for long?
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
Yes pickwick, what do you gain if you add on the wounds that you receive from time to time in one or the other occasion. Thanks a lot for response.
1 person likes this
@maiann (29)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
Well first would really depend if that friend of mine really knows me at all....maybe my friend is just telling the truth .... but if that one is not really a close friend i will talk to him/her and ask why is he/she is doing that to me and to tell him/her to better end whatever he/she is spreading to her/his other friends about me because its not true at all..... and if he/she was really a friend he/she will not do such thing to me....i think that being honest to your friend will really mean that you are indeed a good friend no matter if he/she critizes you positively or negatively (the friend in return should think about the critisism she/he got from that friend. it may mean for the better person in you) ....
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
That is an appreciating way to deal with such problems. Thnks a lot for responding.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
9 Apr 09
What would I do now ? It depends on the level of intensity and the depth of my relationship with this person.If I am very clsoe and I know for sure that the other person is making it all up or adding some extra stories then I would ignore it.If I know this person well enough to come to a conclusion that it might have been possible [based on my prior deductions] , then slowly I will decrease the intensity of my feelings for the person.But I would not hate or feel illwill towards that person.I would only criticise myself for not being aware of his nature and just go about my work.But slowly there would be a watching for signals on my part-- meaning I would look at him more objectively and also think from the angle that this person may have not the same feeling that I have for him;this may change the intensity of my feelings for this person.I would still be friends but not a close friend.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
Hi kalav, that is the best way to adopt. The friend who has been reported to have criticized me is well known to me and I would ruminate any incident that was not sweet passing between him and me. If I see nothing sort of thing happening I would not jump into any conclusion. Thats nice.
1 person likes this
@csrobins (1125)
• United States
9 Apr 09
It depends, was the critiscm true? and was it well intentioned or in public to bring me down? I would not want to be gossiped about by my friends, but if a friend has a problem and does critisize me hopefully I would evaluate and see if they are right. Then go to them and ask them why they couldn't tell me stright up.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
11 Apr 09
Yes you are in your approach. Yes even I too have reacted like that, I guess.
1 person likes this
@venchaul (541)
• China
9 Apr 09
It is common to receive the criticm from friends! If it is right for me, I' like to accept it and correct my mistakes or bad habits. But if it is not true, I must debate with my friends and tell him or her what the things is! Good luck!
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
10 Apr 09
Almost every one is forwarding here positive stance in case such even take place. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@Dugsmom (279)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I've had friends make mean comments about me in front of me. But like the dummy I am, I have always kept my mouth shut. but that was when I was younger. I am older now and have learned to stand up for myself and not let people walk all over me. And if a friend is talking about me in front of me or behind my back, then that just shows how much I mean to that person and that person isn't worth keeping as a friend.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
10 Apr 09
Hi Dugsmom! I like your stance. Being enduring and understanding and friendly all the while and I am being slapped, no way. I would react for sure where I feel i should and ,make others feel too that 'I am there' a kind of message that would pull them back before they tried again. Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@brew2x (3096)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
It depends on what is the criticism and also on how I know the friend whose that third party is taking about. I think I will not overreact cause I never know what really has been said unless I've heard it myself. I will definitely talk to my friend first just to know if it is true or not.
2 people like this
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
9 Apr 09
You seem to be on the right track as you have mentioned that you WOULD SEE THE CONDITION OF THE CRITICISM. That is fine. Thanks for responding
1 person likes this
@CMTS_87 (1342)
• Philippines
8 Apr 09
It would really depend on what he said. But I think all of us should remain calm and be critical. Furthermore, we should be open to criticism, constructive or not! For the simple reason that no one is perfect so for sure there would be criticisms about you. And you can not please everybody, so just go on with your life don't be bothered! Happy MyLotting!
@krajibg (11936)
• Guwahati, India
10 Apr 09
Hi, Yes friend it would be to early to roll up a decision and get bad. Thanks for responding.
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