How do you deal with extra marital affairs??

April 10, 2009 3:26pm CST
Hello everyone I was hoping someone out there could give me some advice on this. About four years ago I met a married man over the internet and we hit it off. At that time I wasn't a strong Christian so I let it all hang loose. However, when I decided to give my life back to God then I realised what a mess I had put my self in. I am trying so hard to let go of this relationship but its proving to be extremely difficult as this guy is not only my best friend, he's my only friend. ( I don't have any friends) I have explained it to him that I dont want to continue and he's very understanding. However when we get together we end up well doing stuff that we're not supposed to do. He's in a complete loveless marriage and the only reason he's with his wife is because of the two kids they have. A week ago I told him I didnt think we should see each other anymore and he was upset with me. Now we're good again and it hurts me terribly that I cant be with this man as I love him dearly and he feels the same way about me. We really do have some good times together. I know the bible forbis this and I have prayed about this and I know at some point God will eventually intervine and help but I was wondering if there's someone out there who has been in this situation to shed some light as to how they overcame it? Thank you and sorry if I've babbled too much! appreciate any feedback. Thank you.
2 people like this
7 responses
• United States
10 Apr 09
Every time you think about seeing this person, picture yourself looking into the eyes of his wife and explaining to her what you are doing. This man made a covenant promise to his wife and it is not your concern whether he is loved or not. God has given you free will to make the choice to see this person again and again. It is your choice not God's. You feel convicted because it is sin. I would ask God to give you the strength to move away from this sin. God wants you to have many friends and a mate that He has set aside for you, not someone else's mate. I wonder how lonely and unloved the man is that God has set aside for you as you mess around in an area that is not ordained. While you participate in this, it becomes harder and harder to read God's Word and have an open heart to receive it. Remember that God's Word says that there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed. How will you feel when this is revealed to everyone!
1 person likes this
10 Apr 09
Yes I know I'm completely in the wrong. The trouble is everytime I try to let go I feel that I will never have a friend again so when he begs me not to leave him then I feel sorry for him and say ok... but now it's eating me alive as I know it's not pleasing to God and also it's hurting the family.. But thank you for your advice.. I will take that on board. Thank you, may God bless you.
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
10 Apr 09
sysdexlicwriter why should she picture the wife eyes. Alot of time it is the wives that makes the husbands stray. Why are you judging her? She seeks help not judgement.
1 person likes this
12 Apr 09
Thank you very much for the articles. Very helpful. Cheers. xxx
• India
11 Apr 09
hi 1. you should read bible and go to church daily if it is close to your home...god is only saviour he can do all impossible things possible human beings can't do anything even if v pacify u it will not be fullfilling to your soul and body... ur in deep pain..i can understand troubles and difficulties are always there for all people it comes and goes its artificial...its not forever...try to speak with psychologist or psychiatrist for your solutions....or speak to father in church he might guide u properly....dont be worried for a person who is not at all worried about u...instead see who is caring for u and who is worried about u.. your mother would be more worried about u...go and please her.... bye luv shek india a
@efc872 (1078)
• Jamaica
11 Apr 09
Hi SHEKHAR3009, you advise that she should go and read the bible, suppose she open the book and by chance she reads about King David and Uriah's wife, do you think she would feel guilty anymore?
• India
12 Apr 09
hi are u crazy she is in trouble and difficulties i was helping her out...u wont feel pity someone is sad and in troubles....u rich people always take it every thing as fun u dont have any hearts for any suffering people...u dont have the eyes to feel others pain...in bible we have millions and billions of good messages spoken by jesus christ...y dont u take the good ones...y do u watch on the negative side... its ur wrong thinking and wrong way of understanding....take it in right sense... u people have already crucified jesus christ a nice innocent man....now dont crucify his own innocent people......he was shepherd for the innocent sheeps... bye luv shek india
@bren_yrra (354)
• Philippines
11 Apr 09
All of us want to be loved and appreciated.Maybe you've showed appreciation and self-worth to the man that's why he learned to love you and in return you've experienced your individual worth from that person.In other words, you have something that he wasn't able to feel from his wife.To be in that situation is not easy.I can't judge you even because I don't know the complete situation.I know that God knows the good desires of your heart.I can feel how you want to do the right thing but you need advise how to start since it involves feelings.It's really wonderful to love and to be loved but once the other party is married then it's another thing because it involves a family.Talk to the man and settle his family concern first.In the future, if he's legally free then you may continue the relationship.But once, it is settled and they agreed to save the relationship then I hope you have the courage to give him up.I believe that you'll be provided with the best person more than you expected.Speaking about friends, there are many friends around.Just widen your circle of good friends.Who knows on of your new friends later on will be your bestfriend and special someone who will love you dearly unconditionally for the rest of your life.Last thing I can say is, pray to God that you'll be enlighten on the right thing to do.I know He can give the best counsel/advise to you. Have a great day and smile always...Hoping you'll resolve your concern soon.Happy mylotting!
11 Apr 09
Hi Bren Yes at one point he did separate from his wife but I encouraged him to go back and sort things out for the sake of the kids. I guess if there were no feelings then it would have been a piece of cake but as you said feelings are complicating all this this! But thank you for your advice and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Thanks you and have a good day. xxx
@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
10 Apr 09
Hello jellymonty welcome to mylot. There are times when we are living in sin the thing of the world seems hard to let go but after awhile reading God's word and applying it on your heart it becomes easier. I am not going to judge you because this is not my place what I would encourage you to do is not to allow this man back in your apartment or go to any secluded place with him. Get involved in the church activities, youth club, women's fellowship etc. These tends to put the loneliness that you are feeling aside. I have not been a christian and talk with a married man but after graduating from high school and begin in the working world I was dating a married man even the other day he was trying to get me to go out with him but I know what I know and didn't went. You see the devil used what he knows we hold dear to and let we think that there is no other way out but my friend there is. Just get yourself more active in church and you will see this man fade away from your life. He has bring sin in his marriage life and he should be ashame of himself to want continue to do it. Don't allow the devil to steal your joy. I have just find back the Lord since last september and every day I wonder why I had step from under it because things has not been better. Go to bible studies and even on the internet there are alot of Christian sites you can drown your loneliness in.
1 person likes this
10 Apr 09
hello kerriannc Thank you very much for the advice... I Know I regret running away from the Lord very much as my life was indeed worse off. But praise him that he's welcomed me back into his family and thank you for taking the time to respond. May God bless you. And thank you for welcoming me here!
1 person likes this
@mimiang (3777)
• Philippines
11 Apr 09
If I am his wife, I will understand because humans can err.I won't be angry.Instead, I will pray for you to be strong so that you will come back to your senses and to God.
1 person likes this
@carrine (2749)
• Philippines
11 Apr 09
u what i like ur spirit. u did the right thing, i knew u get hurt, i knew how it feels like but still u see the right path, and be thankful to HIM that he send u the Holy spirit and u were guided into the right decision. go girl, there's still life ahead of u now, dont think that u dont have a friend, because HE is there always for u to listen and to help u all the way. Happy Easter!
• United States
11 Apr 09
Being that you have such strong feelings for each other, the only thing you can really do right now is pray for the strength to overcome it. The feelings you have aren't going to simply go away. It's going to be hard, but I think in the long run, you'll feel better about yourself if you break it off with him. You'll know you did the right thing. I mean, think about his wife and children and what would happen if they had to face all this. Everyone makes mistakes, and there's nothing anyone can do about it. What's done is done.