I need help with my husband!

United States
April 11, 2009 3:02am CST
I want to apologize to my friends here at myLot I have not been around much because I have been busy with my hubby. About 4 weeks ago my husband got stomach cramps when he went to the bathroom at work and came home "sick" the next day he did not go to work. Then he went to work the following day and the same thing happened so he came home. Well in a matter of two weeks he only worked one day and went into work three days and came home with "Said stomach pains" the stomach pains are only there when he has a bowel movement and are over when the BM is over. Now since then he has been worked up by the doctor with a CT scan, and abdominal Sonogram and they found a hernia that is filled with fat and it is 2cm in size. That is all they found. So we to a surgeon and an gastroenterologist. He is scheduled for a colonoscopy on the 22 of this month. In the mean time he has not gone back to work. I cannot make him go back to work. I did get some money out of my retirement fund and paid off most of our bills except a few. I can pay off a few more but I have been holding off because I am afraid my hubby will not get disability for a stomach ache when he has a BM. Now I have called my husband's work to see if something has happened or if he was falling behind. His boss says my hubby is doing fine. At work and that he does such a good job at his work. Now my hubby works two jobs and he has been going in to his part time second job and been doing fine. That is another reason I do not think disability will pay him anything. I told my hubby that I took money out of my retirement and I am trying to pay off enough bills so he could quite his part time job. He said he would rather quit his full time job which makes the house payment. I was so upset I walked away and started crying. When I told him he if he quite his full time job he we could not make our house payment he said "SO" We did talk about it later he says he is not going to quit his full time job but guess what he still has not gone back to work. As far as work goes they think he is sick. Now how is he acting at home you may ask? He is sitting in front of the TV and watching TV. He is not helping around the house, he is not participating in anything I do. He is eating fine and making dishes and what not doing a thing around here. He does ask me to go with him not matter where he goes. I have enough money stored away for three months of house payments if we do not spend any extra money and if nothing goes wrong. Now you will not believe what happened to our pool pump and motor I think it has gone out. It is making such a racket and not pumping. I got an estimate today and it could cost us 1000 dollars to fix it. Now in CA we have to go to a dual speed pump that is a lower RPMs and runs a longer time but pulls less electricity. The trouble is you have to change the timer to a special digital one also. In the long run it pays for its self but not now! It was like pulling teeth for my hubby to fill out the paper work for the doctor to send to disability department. I went and put all the papers in a large envelope and added a personal letter to the doctor and explained to him what is going on. This is new behavior for my husband so I am thinking it is major depression and he needs help. What does it sound like to you my friend? Has anyone else gone though this with there hubbies? This is new behavior for him he is a workaholic before his. I am afraid for your home and our life as we know it.
4 people like this
13 responses
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
11 Apr 09
OH I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I do hope it is only temporary, although you are probably ready to pull your hair out every day. I've never had anything like this happen to us, but I do know that sometimes I really don't feel like going to work... Although I love my job and know that I need to work, sometimes it is overwhelming. Definitely talk with his doctor and mention your concerns.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 09
Thanks my friend. I do not know what to do except what I have done. It seems even when I ask him to go to work he will not. I am trying not to let him know how upset I am because I do not think that is good.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
12 Apr 09
Yeah, if you can hold back a bit that might put less stress on him. It's really hard to watch someone go through this.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 09
I feel he has just hurt down and it is so upsetting. I feel he is slipping away from me and I have to wait until the doctor comes back from vacation. He does talk to me and will get up and help me if I demand it. I just hate to be such a nag and witch all the time. That is not our relationship!!!!!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44037)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Sorry that I'm only getting to this now. I don't know what to say, has your husband's "spirits" brightened any? It does sound like he does have some form of depression though if he's not taking a real interest in doing anything where before he was a workaholic. Do you think he needs some kind of professional help to talk things out, or does he say what's bothering him to you or does he keep things bottled up?
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Apr 09
I have asked him if he is depressed and he says no. But he may not know what it feels like. We did spend the last week with our grand baby. He did seem to like that. Oh and by the way my dad called and we had it out. Dad denies saying what he did at Christmas to about the baby. I will tell all later.
• China
12 Apr 09
Hi, I'm sad to hear it.You should be stronger for this!Do your best to deal with it!God bless your family!!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 09
Thank you for your blessing. I am trying my best. Thanks again.
@dlxwjyj (13)
12 Apr 09
Help execuse me not ascend you of favour, wish God protect you.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 09
Thank you
• Philippines
12 Apr 09
I think your husbands needs some help. kindly visit a psychologist to help you out with your problem.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 09
I need our general physician to give us a referral and the doctor will not be back from vacation till next Friday.
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
11 Apr 09
Hey tea! It does sound rather a bit strange! Mayebe he is having a midlife crisis or some sort of depression or something where he just doesn't want to work anymore full time! There seems like something is bothering him! It sounds to me like he has Irritable Bowel Syndrome, but that would leave him in pain that is agonizing all the time so I guess that's not it either! I don't know! Have you tried to sit down with him and have a real heart to heart talk with him? I'm not saying that he will open up, unless you tell him you are going to insist he see a counselor! That might do the trick. You just might have to play that card and try to trick him into telling you what's going on or you might really have to make him seek some kind of help because something is definitely bothering him even if he doesn't know what it is!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Apr 09
Opal that is a good idea I think I will wait until he has his colonoscopy just in case there is something wrong with him. I may have to threaten him with me leaving him. You see his family has the house we use to live in at the ranch it is almost at the stage of being condemned. I think he has it in the back of his head that if we lost our house we can move back there. I will not go back there and if he wants to stay married to me he will do what it takes to keep me in this house. I know that is selfish but we have been married for almost 32 years and I have supported us 20 or those 32 years plus took care of the kids and paid the bills and took care of mom. He did not do much of the care of the children and a lot of that time I was going to school on top of that. I think it is time he man's up and take care of me. You see he worked but he did not make any money.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
11 Apr 09
It sounds like depression to me and it could be that he is is suffering from what happens if you work all the time and do not have a day off. I know there is a name for it, but right now I cannot think of it. You should get your husband to a doctor who deals with those issues and get him to check it out. I think there are going to be more cases like that and this usually comes about in a recession when people are doing the work for two. And with all the things going wrong at home, the pump for instance is effecting his mind that he has given up. So it does sound like depression to me. He has what has been called a mental breakdown.
• United States
11 Apr 09
He had a stroke 5 years ago and he has not been the same since. I have had to be his mother for a lot of things because he is incapable of certain things. He can do his job and he loves going out to his families ranch on the weekends. I do not know what he is thinking about not going to work. My hubby will not communicate nor does he know how to put his feelings into words. The poor guy has never been one to tell you how he feels and it is worse since the stroke.
• United States
11 Apr 09
Sorry that your going through all this. When it rains it pours, I know! But it does sound like he might be having some depression issues. From being such a work aholic to being slow paced now is a drastic change. He needs some professional help and has to go to the Doctor's. I have lots of stomach issues and I know it brings me down and I become frustrated. And Good Luck with disability because they fight you tooth and nail. But keep on with it even if he's denied. I've been denied twice already, and I'm still fighting it. I know it's stressful on you but you seem to be doing what you need to do. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 09
I am talking about California State disability which is temporary and not social security. If he goes on social security we could not afford out house. I am about ready for him to go out to find a new job if that is what he wants. Besides from getting help from the doctors
@p1kef1sh (45642)
11 Apr 09
Your husband sounds depressed to me. It happened to me. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed with anxiety and stress. He may well be absolutely fine at work, but that may not be how he feels. He may well find that life is just one huge burden. Whatever it is, he MUST go to the Dr and get this properly diagnosed. Once that is done, only then can he start to make a slow recovery. Don't suffer alone with this either. You should see the Dr too. Good luck to you both. You can come through this. But it might be a long haul.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 09
Thanks for your kind words. I have been on antidepressants for years. Without them I cannot get out of bed and with this added stress and worry I feel like I want to go back to bed. I have not let my self hid in bed like I want to. I have been out walking the dogs which gets me out in the sun and away from home for a little while. That does help.
• Indonesia
11 Apr 09
it's seems very very frustating
• United States
11 Apr 09
Thank you
@riyasam (16578)
• India
11 Apr 09
i dont know what to make out of this!!!maybe hes in some sort of depression and a counselling may help.maybe hes feeling stressful,that he has so much responsibilities.stress can even cause such lethargy.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 09
I am with you. If he was a lazy person I would think this was just another part of his personality but he is not lazy and I am not use to him just sitting and watching TV all day. Even if I turn off the TV he just sits in front of the TV in his chair. I do not know what to do with him. I am going to wait till his doctor comes home from vacation.
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
11 Apr 09
Sweetie I have told you what I think it is and yes I think he needs to see someone about Depression Something is certainly bothering him to be like this and I hope that he will get the Help as you say it will totally change everything so get him to get some help You know where I am Sweet Love you
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 09
Love you too. I hope you are feeling better. I think I have done all that I can do for now until the doctor gets my note I left him. I am doing all that I can around the house and trying to be patient with him. I do not know what we will do if he does not get the disability. I guess he will have to such it up and go to work.
@eshaan (6193)
• India
11 Apr 09
cant guess what is his condition actually, but i understand that u must br suffering a lot, i can only wish u goodluck and also pray for you that he becomes normal soon and you be comfortable as earlier. You must have suffered a lot physically, mentally as well as economically....we know how it feels in such conditoin, when you have fully to be behind someone all the time.
1 person likes this