how to tell a friend

United States
April 13, 2009 10:04am CST
I have a question for some mylotters here. I have a friend which I will say the name is Julie. Now I have been friends with Julie for over about 5 years. And she is with this guy who I think has got some issues, problem is that she loves this guy but I think she could find a better guy. He is in the jail right now and I know she is hoping that he gets out but I am not sure he will. What would you do if you have a friend and you think she should move on? Let me know thanks.
1 person likes this
13 responses
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
13 Apr 09
I would have a talk with her...start out by saying...I know you love him and he does have some good qualities...but have you considered...then go about pointing out (gently) some of the things that bother you about him....and don't forget...sometimes they do away with the messenger....so be prepared because sometimes telling someone something that is good for them..backfires!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
This is one of the reasons I have been hush hush about what I think about this. I am not perfect but I feel she could do a lot better. Take care and thanks for the warning and happy mylotting to you as well.
@Rozie37 (15503)
• Turkmenistan
13 Apr 09
As much as you may want to help your friend, I have found that in situations like this, the person needs to realize for themselves that the relationship is not right for them. If she has any common sense at all, then she knows deep down inside that this is not the right man for her. If you force her to face the truth, she may have resentment toward you. If I were you, I would just be a good friend and be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. There is no danger for her as long as he is in jail. Maybe you could suggest that she see a counselor for her self-esteem issues.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 09
I know that is why I wanted to ask her at mylot what I should do. I have been thinking about taking her to lunch and let her know how I feel but I am low in cash right now so i told her that I would meet with her another time. I talked to her on the phone today and she is still trying to help him so I am not sure I want to say anything at all. Take care and thanks for taking the time to respond to my discussion on this. happy mylotting as well.
• United States
17 Apr 09
When it comes down to it, It makes you think, huh? It is like a tidal wave of expression!
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
14 Apr 09
emotion is a funny thing, this girl could be pretty, successful and perhaps in the top 10% in term of IQ among her peers. However when it comes to relationship it would still be in a mess. If you allow me to say, there is nothing you can do or say that would change her mind, in fact she would be more resolved to say that the world is against him and she would stand by him. Instead you should bring her out more often and expose her to other guys and other circle of friends. That way you might actually get her to open her eyes. However please do not do those random stuff, or she might just jump out of the pot and into the fire.
@iwrite (5042)
• Singapore
12 Oct 09
Thanks for giving me the best response, I wonder if you have settle the issue with your friend. I hope everything turned out with for you and your friend.
13 Apr 09
Hi montrying2makeit, I think your friend Julie should move on as I think this boyfriend will be no good for her and could get her into trouble, she should move on. Tamara
• United States
15 Apr 09
I know but how do you tell someone what to do with their love life. I do not want to hurt or upset her and that is why i am being very careful about how I apporach the situation. Take care and I thank you for your advice here. Happy mylotting as well.
@yinmm007 (605)
• China
13 Apr 09
I would respect her choice if i was you.Lover is private affair so others can not tell who is right or wrong.Our opinion is only a reference for they.
• United States
18 Apr 09
true sounds like some good advice and I thank you for taking part in my discussion here. Happy mylotting to you as well.
• Canada
13 Apr 09
what i would do is have a nice long chat with her. give her lots of support and love. tell her the kind of guy she deserves to be with. don't get mad at her for being in love with him, but support her and let her know that you care. love is a tricky thing, love CAN be blind. i always tell my friends/family what I think they deserve from a guy, and it really opens them up and let's them see the big picture.
• United States
13 Apr 09
i think that is good advice but I do not want to pry too much into her business. I feel for her and I have been where she is, I just feel this is not the right guy for her. But than I am not her boss I am just concerned. Thanks for your input.
@PinkyPosh (226)
• Canada
14 Apr 09
Hi, first of all, you should be sure that the guy has got some issues. If you feel that the guy is really not a good person, then what you think for your friend is good. Then you can definitely talk to her and point out all the issues that you find with the guy with the proof and in a very gentle manner. Again, it will be difficult for her to take what you are telling if your friend is madly in love with him. Don't offend the guy when you are dealing this issue with her. Start your words with that support him initially and slowly bring out the negatives. This would make her open ears fro your words.
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
14 Apr 09
Why do you think that he is not a good guy for her because it seems that if a guy will be in jail, no girl would love him. So, she must have some reasons why she belive that only that guy can turn her life into a heavenly one. If you have certain strong facts then you can talk directly to her about it. Or if you fear then you can try finding another guy for her and let her meet that guy so that she can forget about the one you are talking about.
• United States
14 Apr 09
First off, I need to know something specific which you didn't exactly point out in your initial post - Do you like this girl, have feelings for her, possibly love? Secondly, sit her down, tell her how you feel, that you would hate to see her get hurt, and tell her what kind of person she deserves to be with. That's the best thing you can do at this point in time. Other than that, there's not much else I can say without know whether or not you like her more than just a friend.
• China
14 Apr 09
You may have a long talk with your friend.Just tell her what your feel.What's more you need to hear why your friend loves the guy in jail so much.One of my uncles used to be in jail for several years.At that time my auntie had no other choices but to live on her own and with my cousin.However actually my uncle is a nice guy and loves his family.My cousin get married two years ago and have a happy family now.
@wolfaaron (179)
• United States
13 Apr 09
with my friends, I would just yell some sense into their brains, then joke around it later
@asianwind (365)
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
Hmmm. She must have really love this guy huh... I have a similar problem with my friend, who gets regular beating from her bF. Actually I do not how how to help these kinds of people who doesn't know how to help themselves.The thing is we are no longer talking... As much as I wanted to help, my help is not needed.