2009 - is marriage still forever?

April 14, 2009 6:33am CST
Is it me, or does marriage not seem to last anymore? has it become a trend to be followed? security for finance? or simply a trophy *show off* thing? i want to hear your stories...have you been married? considering? just said *yes*? or have you been divorced? how long were you married for? what is the most common reason for a marriage breakdown? give me your thoughts.
2 people like this
24 responses
• United States
15 Apr 09
I have been married for 36 years and I married because I love my husband. To me there is no other reason to be married. We have had our ups and downs but we worked through the downs that we had. You have to work at a marriage. The marriage gets stronger as you run into each trouble. My husband and my marriage is stronger than ever. I like to look at marriage as a rosebush. There are big beautiful roses on the rosebush. Reach in to pick a rose and there are thorns that you incounter. It does seem to me that in this day and age that people who get married are too quick to throw in the towel when problems arise. That is the time they should pull together and stand united. But then maybe I am from the old school that marriage is forever.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
i really like that analogy about the rosebush i've never thought of a relationship in that sense!! that was great! my relationship is definitely a rosebush to people that look at us our relationship is so perfect but him and i know we have a lot of thorns.....but congrats on your marriage....
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
As you go along marriage's highway and the rosebush bloomings out more beautiful and fragrant roses the thorns thin out. My rosebush at this time in my life has many full and beautiful roses and the thorns are thined out a lot. My husband and I have learned much about each other's habits and things that bother us. We now just let it go and accept each other. We have a very comfortable life together and with each day our love grows deeper.
• China
14 Apr 09
i am single now, but i am in love with my girlfriend 4 years. i think if you just show other people your truth love and your warm heart. i mean the one is you can trust one life.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
i don't think its so much what u show other people i think its more of what you show each other.....in my 27 almost 28 years of life that's a lesson i definitely learned its not about what other people think of your relationship its what you think who cares what they think....if your happy and your mate is happy thats all that matters...in my case me and my fiance are 15 years apart in age....and im always hearing that marriages between people of such big age gaps never work out....well i love my man with all my heart....and i know he would never intentionally so anything to hurt me and he shows me that he loves me too..now im not sayin our relationship is perfect cause its not....we have our ups and downs but we pull through it together so dont be too worried about showin your true love to everyone else caused in the end its you and your mates decision where your relationship goes from there!!
1 person likes this
@leoliu39 (540)
• China
14 Apr 09
yes,we have married for about 15 years. but we still love each other.the common reason for a marriage breakdown is you even don't accept his or her faults.
1 person likes this
• Jamaica
15 Apr 09
True true, let me just add to this. Have you ever heard the phrase "you can't fight fire with fire"? Well as we can see that marriage has a drastic breakdown these days. Some reasons are, " as one says A the other say B" (fighting fire with fire), this relationship need some water to cool it down. Adultery, if your husdand/wife is commiting this, the question is what are you going to do? Are you gonna break it off? Are you gonna even this out by doing the same? Are you going to fight or do something to the person who he/she are doing it to? Are you going to kill yourself? or are you going to work with it? Well it all depends if you know your spouse and their reaction towards what ur going to do.
• United States
15 Apr 09
I am married. I have been married for only 2 years, but i could not see us spilitting up. We dated for for 6 years before we got engaged. I agree that marriage anymore doesnt last for a lot of people. I think the major issues are trust and compromise. Your life changes after you get married. You cant be wild and crazy anymore. Yea, you can have a good time, but there are boundaries now. Some people dont understand them boundaries and cant sacrifice them for their marriage. If people arent willing to trust and compromise, marriage will never last.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
I am not to sure if people that get married now a days even know what love is.I am 41 and been with my husband seance i was 16 that is a long time we have not also had good times we had to work things out.that is what most people do not do they have a problem and want to get a divorce.People should really think before they get married and if they are all ready married they should try to work things out before get they divorced.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Apr 09
wow i really like this!! well i've never been married but i have a fiance who has been married 2 times before me.....we have a lot of drama in our relationship because i feel that he still wants to be with his x wife...now i could be totally wrong and all off base and if i am i'm willing to accept that...but i highly doubt that i am. its like they don't have children together so i feel they have no reason what so ever to continue having conversations. and the kicker is that his 1st wife whom he has a child with (he doesn't even talk to her)!! but he finds time to talk to his x wife who he doesn't have any children with...that is just a lil odd to me!! and just last week his daughter (who he loves and adores) called and at 11:55 p.m. (eastern time) asking if he could come and pick her up cause she was stranded he told her no and asked me if i could do it....(wow that's harsh). so quite naturally i got up (only cause i love my future daughter) and went and got her....then on monday his x wife calls at 12:46 a.m. (eastern time) and says that the transmission in her suv (2006 dodge durango) has gone out and she needs him to come take her to work.....and what does he do........yep u guessed!! jumps up and goes and gets her....what the f***....he** no!! so of course my blood id boiling!! but what can i say i guess old loves die hard!!
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
14 Apr 09
Hey there, You have to know whats in your heart if its the right person for you or not,I have been married,but there was no love in it for a long time till I realized it,after thirteen years I decided had enough now a new partner and a lovely daughter,very happy,so its how you make of your life when it happens,whether young or old,the most common reason for marriage breakdown is a whole lot of things,communication lack of,love,lack of,and not doing things together is important too. So hope this helps for you.
@HelScream (2828)
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
WELCOME TO MYLOT MANNIGIRL I am not married yet and still wont be married for another 4 or 5 or maybe more... but for me it would really depend on both of you .... but for me to avoid this get to know your partner better before rushing into marriage.. knowing him means also knowing his or her background... his family relatives and all that and for me the most important thing that I will consider in marrying is for the reason of true love....
1 person likes this
@France7 (385)
• Philippines
15 May 09
Hello there mannigirl! I have been married for 10 years now, and I can truly say that I love my husband more than before. In our relationship, we had been through difficult situations; there were even situations wherein i nearly gave up and asked him to let met go-but one thing that i admire in him is that he never gave up on me nor on the problems that we have had encountered. At those times of my weakness, he became my strength. He joined with my sorrows and joys as well. But the most and foremost reason why our relationship is still on fire is that we allowed God to be the center of our relationship-Indeed, surrendering our marriage to Him is indeed necessary for us to go on. There are many reasons why marriage relationship end up in divorce, and one of them is not allowing God to become the center. I believe that without God's divine blessing in every relationship specially marriage, husband and wife will focus more on the negative character of each one, focus on the problem, and others. Blessings!
@eponiine (141)
• United States
15 May 09
Financial security is really one of the oldest reasons for marriage. The difference is that in the past divorce was not widely accepted. You couldn't get a divorce without a good reason and you probably wouldn't want to anyway since it was so stigmatised. Marriage has become easy to get out of, and that's the reason it ends more now than it did say 100 years ago--individuals are pretty much the same and would have acted similarly if the social conditions allowed. I personally have never been married, but if I do I intend to stick it out.
@sjvenden27 (1850)
• United States
15 May 09
I was married for 8 years, then got a divorce. First of all do not rush into getting married. Yes it shows a greater commentem to each other but there is so much more to a marriage then just wearing rings. Its taking two people and combining them to be one. Everything you say or do can affect the other person; socially, finiacally, health, and much much more. No longer a indivdual free to do what ever, now two that need to think as one... to a point! The big thing is that each person is equal, neither is better then the other!! Decisons can be made together or apart, but the other persons' opinon should be thought of. There were many faults in my marriage, first was the fact i was marriaged at 17, and we really didnt have time to find ourselves before we became one. Didnt have the single's night out or anything like that. No we didnt get marriage because of children either.. Thank god! He was born 6 years later.. Learning yourself and learning your partner is very important before marriage. Once you do tie the knot, marriage is something that you have to work on each and everyday. Or you will drift apart! Then one day wake up and the person your sleeping next to is a stranger. Love blinds us all, its imporant to take the blinders off and see the whole picture for what it is, and not some fairy tale that is in our mind.
• Philippines
15 May 09
it depends.....................................................................
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
21 Apr 09
most probably the main reason for this is either financial or thrid party problems, other indifferences can be easily resolved other than being in love with another person or you find your spouse incapable of taking care of you, financially.
@jugsjugs (13045)
17 Apr 09
i think the more common reason for divorce and for not getting married now adays is people are arguing about money as couples with or without kids just dont have the money.another reason is they never get to see each other as they run two jobs just to pay for every day expenses there for dont get time together and when they do get time together they are tired and argue.
@hjlisas (25)
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Hello Mannigirl, This discussion is quite interesting and I found the responses to this discussion quite enlightening. I have been married since October 15, 2005, and me and my wife have agreed that we are going to stick it out no matter what, for us love is not a feeling, it's a decision. It might start as a "feeling" but the decision to act on that feeling involves a decision process. Unless of course one of us turns out to be, God forbid, a psychopath, then I guess it would be extremely stupid to stay with that person if your life gets to be in danger. Culture I guess needs to be factored in but then it is still a decision that you and your partner have to make. It takes two to tango, so to speak, and when of the "dancing pair" decides to end the dance, then it is over. For me marriage involves three entities: you, your spouse, and the relationship (marriage), and the latter needs to be nurtured too as much as the parties involved in the marriage.
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
I'm not married yet and maybe a person of my age cannot really give you the best advice.. but here's one thing.. i myself is product of a broken family.. i was very young back then when my parents got separated.. it wasn't really clear how things ended up that way. .. but now i realize that there are people that are not really meant for each other..no matter how you wanted it to last still things don't workout the way you expected it to be..
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
i've been married for 7 years. 5 years ago, my husband and i started having problems and it went on for 3 years. it got to a point where we started to entertain the thought of separating. but just when we were about to hit rock bottom, things started to go well and we're both trying to preserve the marriage. now we're still in the healing stage but we've a much better relationship now. i guess all married couples go through some trials. it's up to the couple if they'd stick it out or go the easy way and just separate.
• United States
17 Apr 09
Hey mannigirl welcome to mylot! Well I have been married 2 times. The first time I was with my husband for 6 years total and the reason we broke up was because he was a cheater. He started cheating within a month and I just kind of dealt with it. Needless to say he married one of the girls 2 months after our divorce was final. The second time, I am actually still married, but have not seen or heard from him in 6 years. He was deported to Mexico and I was never able to afford getting a divorce. I really don't know what even possessed me to marry him. Now I am in a relationship going on 3 years and neither one of us wants to get married. We are both happy just being together. Marriage for us isn't legal in Texas anyway besides I still need to get divorced. LOL Good Luck and Happy MyLotting!
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Maybe yes, although reality speaking many were experiencing divorce and separation. But There are still few who manage to make it for a long period.
16 Apr 09
I am fifty four years and it is thirty two years since I am married.It was an arranged marriage.It is a common thing in India having an arranged marriage though nowadays love marriages have become common.In my days we never heard of it and if at all a boy or a girl selected her partner it something sinful.Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage it all depends on how you deal with your partner .Mainly we need to adjust ,we should not be egoistic ,we should loe each other,and enjoy bringing up children with enthusiasm.We should stick to each other through thick and thin ,bear up all the tribulations in life supporting and defending each other .We should respect each other's ideas and please each other also.It is true that we do argue but we forgive each other easily since the true secret to a successful wedding is to foget the quarrels and behave as if nothing has happened.I am sure following these footsteps you can have a happy married life.