How long does it take you to get over someone you loved and how do you do it ?

@ronnyb (6113)
Jamaica
April 14, 2009 2:21pm CST
Yes I know there is no ready made answer for this one as different people have different times and different coping mechanisms .However ,I am asking for an average time if you wish ? or you maybe even state the longest and shortest time you have ever taken and what were the extenuating circumstances . With regards to the coping mechanisms ,some people suggest that as soon as you break off one relationship find someone else to rest your shoulder on .Opponents of this technique suggest that you should give yourself time to heal and that you may actually be cheating the new partner because you will still have feelings for the old partner. Thank you in advance for your answer
8 people like this
35 responses
• Philippines
14 Apr 09
Hi there! I don't know.. I actually don't have the right answer to your question. I felt like reply to it....It had been 3years and untill now.. I still am not over my ex because I still have feelings for him.He still has a place in my heart, but at the same time trying to move on and am not liking it coz am falling for a guy.. :( which I am trying to stop The coping mechanism? hhmmm..well It's really better to be involved with someone when you are over with your past because you will keep on thinking about your past when you are with someone...I have tried it..and it's not good...Yes it feels like it's cheating too...
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
15 Apr 09
I think you have given a good response ,thank you .And from waht you have said it seems you can nver really be over someone ,you learn to control it but you are nevr really over the person.Hope you will eventuallyget over the first guy at least enough to move on
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
Yes... I am trying to forget him...but I don't have an amnesia hehehe! I will eventually move on. Thank you for the support.
14 Apr 09
with me it was all most a year and its sad becouse he was a rubish boyfriends really. and nothing like the man i am now married to. its funny i knew he was no good when i was with him but he was so good looking i jst use to forgive him for how he was. but there come a time when you think why am i not over that loser. then theres a point when you stop thinking about them and you dont even know about it.dont worry time will heal.
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
you know what, i think you're right, time really is a healer of some wounds. But what if there are just certain circumstances when you see each other again and you had really strong feelings for that ex. I just had that experience today. It was just crazy, i want to hug him and kick him at the same time. i guess what i still have now are scabs, i hope the time comes when they turn into scars. Opening uo all wounds can be so confusing at painful.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
17 Apr 09
How long does it take well it depends on you the individual. Were you contemplating to leave the relationship if so then you were just waiting on the appropriate time to finally leave. Even when you physically leave the relationship you will be mentally bond until you last yourself in other activities so that you will not be bombarded with thoughts of your ex. When I left my ex I was planning on doing it months before but never have the strength to accomplished it. When I finally done this I didn't rush in another relationship because this would be unfair for this new person going there with all the past pain and baggage what I do instead is to seek friends and pray. Over coming a past relationship is never easy but you the individual has to build that strength to move on and always tell yourself that it is your gain but their lost.
• India
15 Apr 09
Hello my friend ronnyb Ji, We find ourselves un-lucky so far. After our arranged marriages by our parents, we are together since more than 40 yrs now and my point is why at all break relations. Let's try and live together. May god bless you and have a great time.
@xiaouie15 (289)
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
It took me less than a year, maybe about 7 months to forget about that someone that I used to love. Keeping mahself busy really helped a lot. Instead of crying or letting mahself go crazy thinkin about him, I just worked a lot, accepted lots of job offerings and just increase my chance of career success. And yah just like other women out there, I, of course, let mahself love again. That technique is really effective. Life has to move on. Now I am loving like I've never been hurt.
@harmonee (1228)
• United States
14 Apr 09
I always bounced back pretty fast, but I did learn that it helped to break communication with the heart breaker, at least for a little while, until your feelings are kind of in check, otherwise you go through a yo-yo effect. I guess I just thought about it like if this person doesn't want to be with me, at least I know now, and not 3 years down the road. I think I'm too proud to grovel or beg someone to be with me, so I just moved on and said oh well, it wasn't ment to be.
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
15 Apr 09
Yes me too and like you said teh key is to totally sever ties with the heartbreaker and work on your innere feelings .Like you also said being proud helps too as i adamantly refuse to beg .Thank you for your answer
• United States
15 Apr 09
Well when you truly love someone as I loved my ex some years ago it takes time, oh about 7 years for me. I was young and I think more in lust than in love, but I had to move out of state in order to get over him and still it took 7 years after I moved. for some reason we still were able to get in contact either it was my space, or a family member it just seemed he would never go away til this day I have access to him via internet but I am happily married and I thank him because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't know a real love even if it passed me by :)
@larish (2191)
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
After a break-up, I usually give myself one year healing process. For that one year, I try to enjoy my being single. I go out with friends, I try to learn new things, I focus on my career. After one year, I started dating again. One year is enough time for me to get over my ex and re-start anew.
• Indonesia
15 Apr 09
that's nice... help me so much
• Indonesia
15 Apr 09
that's nice... help me so much
• China
15 Apr 09
I have no one relationship till now ,but in my oppinion ,time is the best medical to cure the injured by the emotion or the relationship .
@blaqjakk (28)
• Singapore
15 Apr 09
Well, I think it all depends on the person, how fast or slow they can recover. It is all in the mind, and when you set your mind to it, it can be done. Of course, the feelings will always be there, especially if you guys have been together for a long period of time. But it is really up to you if you want to fight it or give in. As for me, I choose not to 'get over' my ex. What I mean is that I don't try to block off the memories and moments or forget. Why should I forget somebody who I tried so hard to build a relationship with. There is always a special place in my heart for my ex and no one will ever take that place. I choose to relive the happy times, and just get on with life. If someone else catches my attention, fine, and if no one does, I'll still be fine.
• China
15 Apr 09
maybe i am the right person should answer this question ,because just break up with my bf just several weeks ago ,now i still feel sort of sad, i am afraid i cannt devote myself to a new relationship just like that one. and i think it will be not a responsible behavior to find a new one to rest my shoulder on .
• China
15 Apr 09
maybe i am just at the right time to answer this question . i break off with my bf several weeks ago, i am sort of sad now ,i think i can not find someone else to rest my should on .i still have feel for him .and i pray the time the best doctor. may you will feel difficult to understand me ,i can't deal with english very well .hehe
@cyberfluf (4996)
• Netherlands
15 Apr 09
There are a lot of different coping techniques and which ever one works for you is very personal. I don't have a basic technique because whenever you break up the situation is new and different. It also depends on why you break up, how long you have been together and if you are seperating because of a fight or cheating or just because you both feel it's better this way and you can stay friends. I think that once you create a technique you have had too many breakups .
@Niah1976 (739)
• Paranaque, Philippines
15 Apr 09
it depends on how much you love the person. in my experience, it took me 7 long years before i finally felt that i am ready to fall in love again. happy my lotting!!
• Malaysia
15 Apr 09
It is a daunting task to neutralize the feelings for someone I have loved and lost. This is not an easy feat to forget the sweet memories that I once shared. It took me years to forget someone that has created an impact in my life, the person has stirred my heart and left me in pieces with a broken heart. For many years I lost trust in men and even if I happen to be with someone, I couldn't forget my ex. To make the moment a fun with my new beau I imagine him to be my ex and get even with my feelings. This is unfair to the new person in my life but I am only trying to get over the hurt that was still strongly haunting me. My journey in the world of romance was full thrills after the breakup as I have kissed many 'toads' before finally ending up with my prince charming.
@mira91 (985)
• Singapore
15 Apr 09
Haha, yea like you say there isn't really a ready made answer for this one...But if i were to imagine myself breaking up with my bf of 4 years whom i am confident would be my future, i would be soooooo devastated, more than any amount of words could ever express...It will maybe take me years ( i can't give you an exact number bcz i bad with estimation) to get over this once and for all because i have spent my entire life with him (not really entire, ALMOST entire) and just breaking up like that...I don't think it would put me in a mood where i would want to go around searching for someone else to make that replacement. No, i am not that kind of person to make someone my rebound boy, it's too cruel unless he really managed SOMEHOW (though i highly doubt so) to make me fall for him more than i had fallen for my bf. Well, thanks for this question...
@maiann (29)
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
well just remind yourself that there are a better one coming than the last one that you have. And just think that probably this is better than having him/her which is usually having to fight everyday when you are together or always have discussions on simple things... then no time your will be okay, give yourself a minimum of 3 months and you should get yourself into one again and go on with your life ..... he/she is not for you ......
• Philippines
15 Apr 09
I get over someone quite fast. Usually, I think of the bad traits in him so I won"t feel bad that we parted ways. Also, I try to keep myself busy by going out with my friends and try to meet other people. I participate in out community's sports fest or social projects so I would have chances of talking to sensible people and forget what I had gone through.