Women: Are you insulted when your man wont get a vasectomy but wants you to get.

United States
April 16, 2009 12:25am CST
a tubal ligation? i mean if you are both together and decide on not having any more kids then what is the big deal on who gets it done? to me i would think the one that has less risk or invasive would be the smarter choice which is usually vasectomy but yet men freak out at the thought.. never mind that their women may have given birth which i would think hurt more lol i know with my hubby he was worried about the risks and healing etc if i were to have it done so he got a vasectomy instead of having me go through that which i thought was awesome! but i havent heard of any other guys offering to do it!! i think its pretty messed up myself but obviously i understand no one wants to have it done to them.. but are you insulted when your man refuses to have it done but expects you to have something more major done to yourself so that he gets out of it??
3 people like this
19 responses
@uath13 (8207)
• United States
21 Apr 09
If it were a real "problem " I'd get it done. Heck a good pregnancy scare & I'd probably do it myself with a hot butter knife. ( No more kids, No more kids.... )
2 people like this
• United States
28 Apr 09
lol!!!!!!!!
@lawana_f (327)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I am not sure insulted is the right word, but having had the tubal ligation years ago I know the problems that can develop that doctors do not realy make plain to you. Ovarian cysts problems are more common after the procedure. This can be minor or can cause severe pain and as the cyst rupture and the hormones spread through your body they can cause things like extra facial hair and severe mood swings, Talk about your PMS, oh my; it can get worse after the tubal. If the cysts do not rupute then they can grow and cause severe pain and may result in patient having to have surgery to remove cysts. Not once but several surgries later the doctor might take out the ovary. That cause it own problems, but is not related to this discussionut ones that husbands would be upset about. Now I would like to hear from a man on this subject to know what his side effects were to the vasectomy. The men I know that have had the procedure have not had that type of side effect, but I have known several women that have had one or more of the more serious problems related to the tubal ligation.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 09
well i know some guys think they wont last as long but i know with my hubby he lasts longer so that obviously didnt hurt him lol.. i think they just make up stuff so they dont have to get it done lol
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 09
I feel that it should be an equal decision, however for some crazy reason men have a problem, I think that they are afraid of pain. My best friend husband choose to have a vasectomy since it would be sooner for them to be intimate.
• United States
18 Apr 09
lol yeah men dont seem to take pain well
1 person likes this
@kprofgames (3103)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I that were presented to me that way? You're darn right I would be. Woman have to deal with their monthly cycles, child birth and all the healing time after that. I'll be honest when I say it's crap. If a woman wants to have it done when she's in the hospital after that last child - that's one thing, but accouple of years later - oh, by the way - I think we're done to can you make an appointment? Will I don't think so. I think it's unfair for her to be the sole person responsible for this. If this were me, I'd say sorry charlie, ain't happening. You don't want anymore children, then maybe we should just get separate bedrooms until you go get your junk fixed.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 09
lol i bet he would get one fast then
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Apr 09
I would be peeved. To h*ll with masculinity...a vasectomy is a lot less invasive than tubal ligation and if he's afraid that he might change his mind later on he can store some sperm beforehand.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 09
that or i think they can harvest it later.. i may be wrong on it
1 person likes this
@agv0419 (3029)
• Philippines
16 Apr 09
I don't know why many men refuses to have a vasectomy. Tubal ligation to women is acceptable to our society but vasectomy is not popular. I think they not properly informed about it. The new method takes 5-10 mins to perform and the incision is too small. I watched a health shows features vasectomy sometimes I wonder why men don't want to have vasectomy even if it is outpatient procedure and you can resume to your work in another day.
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 09
i know yet they think women should do it like its all our responsibility and they arent even involved lol
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
18 Apr 09
I would be annoyed if he thought it was all my problem but if he was really not sure that he did not want any more children then he might not want to go through with it. It is a simpler procedure to do a vasectomy. It is lower risk, less invasive etc. When my brother and his wife decided not to have any more children he was the one who had the operation. They are now divorced and she has a new partner but I think she is too old to have children now. I have never had children and now and too old so it is not a problem I will ever face. I think it is unfair to expect the woman to do all the work but on the other hand if she really does not want any more children then she can be positive if she has the operation. After all if they split up and she meets someone else then she knows she is still safe.
• United States
17 Apr 09
Well I dont have a man so I dont have to go through this or make decisions about anything like this...BUT a vesectamy is reversable unfortunatly a tubal ligation is not. So either thy husband would be getting one or wed stick to birth controll. I will not get my tubes tied untill i am 100% sure that I do not want kids.. My friends husband did go and have this done after his wife was pregnant with there 3rd child,plus they each had one from prior marriages..
• South Korea
17 Apr 09
for its doesn't matter if he doesn't like still i respect him he is my husband if ever,if i do love my partner i risk my self either, in our case we are both young in our 20's my husband want to have more baby but i doesn't like the idea, so made it by my self without announcing him, i put an IUD but make sure to have my regular check up.you are luckiest among other your partner made it for you.
@chookie1971 (2276)
• Australia
16 Apr 09
Some one took the words right out of my mouth about men feeling less manly. But I have heard a man offering. My girl friend's husband. I have tried talking to my husband about a vasectomy but he didn't want to do. I said to him, Ok if you won't do it, I will do it because I did have some little problems. I had the tubal ligation done hoping my problems would cease. But I ended up having more problems. So I ended up having a hystorectomy. Best thing I have ever done. But there was one thing that really annoyed me after having the operation. I asked my husband if there was complications and we couldn't be intimate for a little while longer, how would he feel. He told me that he would be angry. The operation was to fix things and not to have any problems. I was so upset.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
that was rude of him!!
• Australia
16 Apr 09
yes, it was. My thoughts about him then changed. He didn't love me, he wanted me just for a play toy. I had been thinking like that for the last 4 years. I really don't know why I am still with him. It is my loyalty has held me to him for the moment.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 09
Not really There are amazing advances in how women get their tubes tied now a days. A co-worker of mine had the Essure procedure done. She said it took about 10 minutes and she wasn't even put under anesthesia or anything. She said at most, the pain level was a bad menstral cramp, but it lasted about 20 seconds and nothing she couldn't handle. My husband is leery when it comes to anything concerning his "boys." I figure after a couple more kids, I'll likely get my tubes tied when I am under for a c-section anyway. I've already had one c-section with my DD, so while they're in there cutting out a baby, might as well tie up my tubes, too! If it were me not wanting kids, then yes I can see where you have a claim. It'd be my responsibility to control my body. But if it were my DH not wanting kids, then I'd expect him to get a vasectomy and if he didn't want to get one, then he better pony up and be a dad if I get pregnant again!
1 person likes this
• United States
11 May 09
lol.. and yeah true the essure thing does seem like it would be a ton easier on the female
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
21 Apr 09
If they are not insulted, they should be. A vasectomy is safer, simpler, and cheaper than a laproscopy and tubal ligation. It used to be (and probably still is) that the man needed to get the wife's "permission" before a doctor would perform this surgery. I wanted one for 10 years, but my wife at the time wouldn't consent. I finally got it performed (outpatient surgery and I had no ill effects) for a $5 co-pay. I never regretted it.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 09
i didnt know they needed their wives permission.. i know i went with my hubby so i guess thats why it never came up since i was already there lol.. i think we paid a 15 dollar copay and god who knows how much i have saved in birth control costs since!! best 15 bucks ever paid
• Canada
21 Apr 09
My husband had one done when he was still with his ex-wife, and I'm glad he did. I never wanted to have children. I am a lot younger than he is, prime child bearing age some might say (27), but I never wanted children, and I'm HAPPY that I am married to a guy who has been snipped. Personally, men need to quit whining, and get this done. "Oh I might want children some day" someone might say. What is this? A bloody pre-nup? Are they planning for divorc? Geesh! My husband also agrees that it is less invasive for guys to have something done than it is for women, and you make an excellent point about how we have already given birth, so why should we have to go through it? ...and yet the child carries the man's name in most cases? Don't get me started on that one, or we'll be here all damn day!!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Apr 09
yeah i am glad my hubby did it since i dont want kids either.. nice to know some one else my age that doesnt!! do people treat you like your a selfish freak too? i get it all the time and it drives me nuts! to me it would be more selfish to have kids and not want them and them have to deal with having a crappy parent!!
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
16 Apr 09
My husband and I talked about this type of situation. I knew I wanted mine done, due to health reasons, and he wanted his done because he just didn't want anymore kids. My chance came first, after an emergancy c-section with our last child, so I have my tubes tied, and if we could of gotten the insurance company to help us with both, he'd have his done, and he still may, and we'll just have to pay out of pocket. I think it's wrong for the other person to automatically assume that it's the other person's job to have it done. I never laid that out on the table for my husband, nor did he for me. But I do have some friends who are constantly arguing over who should get it done. Which I don't think is helping the issue out any, they just need to agree and own up and one of them go have it done, instead of chancing it anymore.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Apr 09
yeah no kidding.. while they are arguing they may end up pregnant and then have a kid they dont want
@benny128 (3621)
16 Apr 09
depends on the situation When me and my ex was together we decided 3 kids was enough, so when she was having a section they tied her tubes it was as easy as she was already under the knife so to speak. So I guess it depends on the situation, tho not me personally some men might feel they are less manly if they are shooting blanks lol. All in all it depends on the situation and if both partners aren't willing to have a sterilisation neither one should be forced, tho contraception isnt 100% safe.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
yeah if some one was already under the knife it makes sense that they are the ones to do it.. i know my hubby didnt want me to have to get surgery since i have so many health problems as is and have a pain condition so he figured he would take the risk and pain so it wouldnt be one more thing i would be having to deal with.. it surprised me that he offered considering i had never brought it up..
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
16 Apr 09
How about reversing the question, as in "Men: Are you insulted when your woman wont get a tubal ligation but wants you to get a vasectomy?" For sure, many men will answer yes. Yes because many still believes that vasectomy affects the "masculinity" or ones performance in bed. Safeness is considered only when someone explained the effects of vasectomy. So ladies, if your men won't do tubal ligatio, err... I mean vasectomy, don't get insulted. They only need to know the facts before they can be convinced.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
yeah i was worried a little bit about it before hubby got one but it improved performance (and he didnt need to improve) so it was opposite for him
@riyasam (16571)
• India
16 Apr 09
my hubby doesnt want me to a tubectomy,we have decided not to have any more kids but whenever i broach the topic of vasectomy,he remains silent.according to him,he will be very careful and will use the neccessary precautions but i am not convinced.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
why doesnt he want you to get it done? thats annoying that he doesnt want any more kids yet doesnt want you to do anything or do anything himself!
@born1989 (177)
• India
16 Apr 09
i would definately go through it if my wife has too undergo much more pain. come on guys she has already taken soo much pain & given a baby boy to me. it would now be my responsibility to not give her much pain and instead get myself a vasectomy done.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
awesome!! shes lucky to have some one like u
@maezee (35308)
• United States
16 Apr 09
Definitely! I would be totally aggravated if I was put in that position. I think it's hypocritical for one partner to automatically expect the other to take action, when it's something important and final as permanent forms of birth control. It's like..Umm, OK, why ME? I agree with you - we should assess the risks & healing times of all of the options - and decide what's best for us as a couple, rather than forcing the woman to get her tubes tied without question.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Apr 09
i wonder if its because it seems that tubal ligation was more popular or been around more.. i know growing up i always heard about a female getting her tubes tied but rarely about a vasectomy.. maybe people just assume that one is the only option.. but surely now a days people know there is more than the one lol.. i think guys are scared honestly lol
1 person likes this