My sister called my daughter fat and ugly:(

my daughter at christmas - this is my daughter Isabella. The one my sister called fat, ugly and stupid....Im so sad!
United States
April 17, 2009 10:55pm CST
My sister...who is 22 and a mother herself, actually called my almost 4 year old daughter "Fat, ugly and stupid" yesterday. With my daughter sitting right there. How do I ever forgive her for that? Is it possible? I don't normally hold a grudge, but for some reason, I just can't let that go! What am I doing wrong??
6 people like this
29 responses
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I wouldn't let that go. If you are more comfortable telling your sister now that wasn't appropriate, I recommend you do so. I would have been beyond livid if someone told one of my kids they were fat, ugly and stupid especially if it was a sibling. Some things just shouldn't be said. You might also remind your sister that she's not a very good role model if she's talking like that in front of your daughter. Was her child right there too? I am so sorry this happened.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 09
Yep, he was right there too...thanks so much for your response! Have a wonderful evening!
1 person likes this
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I feel bad for you. That's a rotten thing to say about your little girl.
1 person likes this
18 Apr 09
She was probably going through her PMS? I'm not sure and I wouldn't want to offend you cos she's after all your sister. Your daughter rocks! And to call that bundle of beauty anything but gorgeous says something about your sister. She's either pure jealous (maybe her child isn't bubbly and cute like yours? mothers always compare), or she's going through her premenstrual nasty mood syndrome, or she's had a bad day and is taking out on someone. This someone cannot be a stranger on the street,it has to be someone who will react. So she had to choose someone she knows well and yet will not fight back. So, you and your daughter were easy target. And when we call others names, we are in a way saying those things to ourselves. Psychologists have proved this. Just keep a safe distance until she has apologised for her behavior. Demand this from her. She's the child's aunt, for Godsake!
2 people like this
19 Apr 09
Ohh that explains it then! you were right in protecting the little one. addiction makes people do all sorts of crazy things, cos they are only able to consider their #need# for the moment. everything else takes a backburner. hope her words didnt do too much damage to your little daughter. she deserves a treat just to be told how wonderful she is. God bless
1 person likes this
@rocketsky (1014)
• China
18 Apr 09
thatis really a serious question for her to do that ,i wont forgive her for doing that in fact ,we should show our respect to others ,even they are your relatives or friends ,no matter whom you are talking to,you must respect them a lot,that is what need to do as human.be polite ,be good ,be respected .
2 people like this
• United States
18 Apr 09
Thank you! Have a wonderful evening and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
23 Apr 09
WE all feel more pain when our children are maligned or have hurtful things said about them than if awful things are said about us. I don't know why your sister would say such an awful, nasty and mean thing about your daughter never mind with her sitting there - that just defies belief to me! How to forgive her? I really don't know if I ever could forgive someone - especially someone who is supposed to love and support me and my child who said such horrible things. xxxx
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
28 Apr 09
I do hope that she has had the grace to at least apologise sweety! Thanks for BR! xxx
1 person likes this
@odies1 (2)
• New Zealand
18 Apr 09
My auntie said that about me when i was little, that i was the ugly duckling and had fat thighs and should have been drowned at birth and i have never forgotten it. I grew up never liking my auntie and even though i was about your daughters age, it stayed with me always.
@Psiwind (21)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
OMG I can't believe that your own flesh and blood would say such a thing. Was she only kidding when she said that? I would never forgive her if my child would develop inferiority complex because of what she said. I suggest that you consult proffesional opinions on how to prevent that from happening. She is a very pretty girl and shouldn't experience this type of pressure.
2 people like this
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
18 Apr 09
your reaction is normal. if ever this happens to me, i wont ever forgive that person.
2 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
18 Apr 09
You're not doing anything wrong hon. Anyone, I don't care if it's family or stranger, has no right or place to call a 4 year old any of those things. I'm wondering if your sister is dealing with her own insecurity issues and taking them out on others including your daughter. I've noticed that a lot with people. I have to say that your sis is very lucky that you stayed calm. I think I would have cleaned her clock (if not physically then verbally) for saying that, especially right in front of my child. In my opinion you need to take your sister aside privately and have a calm talk with her and tell her that you will not tolerate her insulting your child in any way anymore. And let her know that by hurting your child she's disrespecting you as well. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with something like this hon.
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (35514)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Wow!! I do not blame you for being upset. I would be too if it was me, and Truthfully I think this was uncalled for, and hopefully she was not thinking when she said it. I think the Best thing you could do is find time to call your Sister letting her know that you did not appreciate her calling your daughter fat and ugly and hope she will apologize from there. If not, maybe it would be in your Best interest to not try to see her for a while as well. But looking at the picture I would not say your daughter is Fat and Ugly. So you should feel proud I think she is pretty.
2 people like this
@mira91 (987)
• Singapore
18 Apr 09
Hey~ That's relly cruel of your sister...I mean i know she is your sister but i wll not allow anyone to talk about my child that way...Not even my sister...You sohlud talk to her about it, tell her that it's not okay for her to do that...If she's sincere with her apologies, you can try to forgive her...But i wouldn't blame you if you can't let it go...=]
2 people like this
@prinzcy (5057)
• Malaysia
18 Apr 09
Based on the picture, you have a very cute and bubbly daughter. I failed to see why she would say that. Still, no matter what the reason is, it's rude to say something like that. As a mother herself, she should understand this well. How would she feel if someone said the same thing to her child? You can forgive her, blood is thicker than water, she still is your sister. No matter what, that's not going to change. Just let God do the rest.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Apr 09
Your little daughter is beautiful, how can your sister make such a mean comment! I would find it extremely hard to forgive her for that. If it were my sister I would keep my distance from her for quite a while. I don't like holding grudges either but what your sister said about your daughter IN FRONT OF HER is unforgivable! I would give myself time to calm down and then I would talk to her and let her know that she hurt you and your little girl very much with her words. I hope that by then she would have thought it through and will be ready to issue a big fat apology especially to her beautiful little niece!
2 people like this
• Canada
18 Apr 09
You haven't done anything wrong, that "grudge" is your mothers instinct letting you know someone has blown way over the line. If it was me personally I'd let my sister know that until she dealt with her anger managemnt issues towards a four year old she wasn't welcome in my home without supervision. If she can't deal with the ramifications then she needs to move on with her life and you with yours. Your daughter will watch your example here, set the tone that you will want her to follow with regards to self esteem, and image and how to deal with comments like this. Good luck-with both your daughter and your sister.
@modstar (9610)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Wow! Your sister is unbelievable! I can't believe it! As an adult and most especially a mother, she must be aware of the feelings of the mother and the daughter. Plus, you are her family and respect should always be there. I'm not sure if she is just being frank but still it takes a lot to say things irresponsibly. I think she needs to be more sensitive especially now that kids are very fragile to criticisms. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just normal as a mother to be protective of her child. If you're the elder sister, i guess you should talk to your sister in private and tell her not to do it again.
2 people like this
@jshekhar (1563)
• India
18 Apr 09
It is one thing if she was joking but even then, it is too harsh a joke. Judging by your reaction I don't think it was a joke and hence she does not deserve to be forgiven, no matter what. It is a nasty use of words and it will be there with you forever. You are not doing anything wrong but you cannot help those stupid people who do not see themselves in the mirror before making such comments.
• United States
18 Apr 09
I wouldn't be able to let that thing go. It sounds like your sister has issues with your daughter. Maybe you're doing everything right and she's annoyed about that, so instead of telling you how she's annoyed about it, she's insulting your daughter instead of you, because your daughter is an easier target! I'd tell her that she was way, way, way out of line and ask her how she'd like it if you called her daugther names right in front of her like that. Find out what he problem is, and if all else fails, cut off contact. I know it sounds harsh, but really, your daugther is four! What does a grown women get out of calling a 4 year old names? You don't need that in your life.
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10525)
• United States
18 Apr 09
It sounds like your sister has some nasty things going on in her life and she is jealous of you and your daughter. Your daughter is not ugly, she is cute and if she is fat which she does not look like she is in the picture, she is young and being fat is not something that can not be fixed. And you never called a child stupid, although I will take liberties and call your sister an idiot. No child is stupid, I am convinced with most people if they don't learn it is because we don't know how to teach them. Your sister has issues, stay away from her until she can learn to respect you and your daughter. You deserve a big apology and your daughter needs an explanation about what is wrong with her aunt-- why she is not a nice person.
2 people like this
@nzinky (822)
• United States
4 May 09
Glad she didn't say that in my presents because she would have found my fist in her face.....No one has a right to say that about any four year old.....You shouldn't let it go......Infact you should call her on it and ask her why she said it.........The only thing you did wrong was not getting back in her face and telling her if she does it again she'll go to fist city..... Your daughter looks like she is a very sweet little girl.......She's probally a whole lot smarter than your sister in law......You need to set your sister in law down and tell her never to talk about your daughter that way because what goes around comes around........
@GardenGerty (104103)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Forgive is one thing, forget is another. I would just make sure she was not around my daughter any more than she absolutely has to be. I would ask her sometime what her most painful childhood memory was, and tell her it was like she was trying to make a painful moment for my daughter.
• United States
18 Apr 09
I would have smacked the Sh!* right out of my sister but hey thats just me!
1 person likes this