Advice is truly needed!!!!!!!!

Baby in womb - what a 36 week baby looks like.
United States
April 19, 2009 3:18pm CST
I'm 36 weeks pregnant and feeling unwanted, unloved, and very ignored.It is actually making me think about this baby. I wanted him so badly at first and now i don't feel like he is wanted by anybody. My husband doesn't do anything that he used to do for my other pregnancy, like foot rubs, back massages, etc. I don't really want to think like this but i really cant help it, I'm afraid of having postpartum after the baby is born. Can anybody relate or give me some advice?
2 people like this
15 responses
• Canada
19 Apr 09
I know how you feel as I have been through it twice. First off, you are almost done and the last few weeks are the hardest ones to go through. Everybody feels exhausted and there is also the stress of a new person coming to the world. As much as it is a happy occasion for all concerned, it is still a big responsibility for you and your husband and perhaps he is feeling the pressure, too. I wouldn't be too worried about the things he stopped doing for you. I know that makes us feel left out, unwanted or even self-conscious at times. But try to be understanding towards him and yourself. Once the baby comes in to the world, this will all go away. I am quite sure your baby is still much wanted but I have to tell you, I felt like I shouldn't have gotten pregnant with my first daughter as well. I had swollen feet, constant backache and I felt absolutely horrible about everything around me. Once I gave birth, it took me a few days to come back to normal. Though every time I looked at my baby's beautiful face, the pain, the depression and all the questions disappeared. What you're going through is completely normal. Keep a smile on your face even if it's difficult to do and imagine your baby in your arms. This might help you a little. I wish you all the best and congratulations in advance.
• United States
20 Apr 09
thank you!
@signum (547)
• Australia
19 Apr 09
Have you tried talking to your husband to see how he is feeling about all this? Do you think maybe you're just feeling this way because you're pregnant and your emotions are all over the place. Don't get me wrong, I totally don't understand why he isn't doing what he did for your first pregnancy. Maybe he thinks you don't need the back massages and foot rubs? Sometimes you may have to tell a man what you need instead of just hoping that he'll "get the hint."
• United States
19 Apr 09
I have talked to him and i have told him that i need the back rubs and foot rubs, he'll say yeah ok and then truly forget. I definatly know that my emotions are all over the place too this is # 3, i just feel that maybe he just doesn't think i need it.
@signum (547)
• Australia
19 Apr 09
Thanks for the friend request :-) You may just have to remind him constantly, men are awfully forgetful creatures lol. It's amazing how they are able to forget something like milk at the supermarket, and then they are the ones to complain that there's no milk for their coffee. I can't say I know what you are going through, but I can say that I think you two need to communicate a little more from the sounds of it.
• China
20 Apr 09
it sounds terrible, marrige lack of communication is always ephemeral. Maybe your matter has nothing to do with marrige, just a happy one lack communication.Just talk to him what you want ,what you need,perhaps he is indulging in work, you know, for U and your baby.As a pregnant woman, all you need to do is to ask, and your husband will provide foot rubs and back massages,the second day you ask and the third day he will offer.
• United States
20 Apr 09
thank you
@melmer (54)
• Philippines
20 Apr 09
sorry I forgot the important one..Is to communicate to your husband voice out your feeling sometimes it's an instinct to man they have an attitude hard to get...but it's a matter of technique how...
• United States
20 Apr 09
thank you
@vivianchen (2648)
• China
20 Apr 09
Well, as i am not yet married and not yet have babies, i do't have much opinions on this. But after read throught the advices that people have gave you above. I think they are right about one thing is that you do need to talk to you husband about your feeling. Or we can call it communicate. You know what my bf hate most? It's the silence treatment i did to him everytime we have a fight or argue. I know i should talk about my angry but not act my angry. I am trying to make myself talk to him when i am not feeling right, and i think it works. You should try it to. I believe most of the time, they will think about what you say and then they will do something. Best wishes!
• United States
20 Apr 09
thank you
• India
20 Apr 09
I can relate to this and also to postpartum depression. During the last few weeks, even I felt like just shrugging off everything (the baby inside included) and running off somewhere just to be myself. The constant tension of carrying a baby, this heat, the diet and medicines, the constant awareness that I cant really live freely and do just about anything I want to…was getting to my nerves too. This being your 2nd child, I think your husband feels you are used to all this by now and don’t need all that attention! He’s wrong of course and in this advanced stage you need all the more attention…so like the others have said…talk to him about this. Regarding postpartum…well it was worse than these end weeks. After the baby was born, I was like supposed to be a slave to him and any time for myself was like sacrilege. It was made worse by the people around who made me feel guilty everytime I wanted to relax and read a book and the baby cried! Believe me, it was the worst psychological months of my life…on one hand I was feeling guilty of neglecting my baby on the other hand I so loved to be with him and yet there was this nagging feeling that I am always changing diapers and boiling bottles and…you know, as if I did not have a life of my own!
• United States
20 Apr 09
I think you are absoutly right, but the one thing i am hoping for is that he treats the baby with the same aww he treated the other two with and for him to give me the same kind of space.He is good with helping after the baby is born it is the before i worry about.
• Philippines
20 Apr 09
I am a husband and a father of two. I think it's all about putting bcak his interest on the things your husband usually do. Don't ever think anything negative these days as it will only affect your baby, emotionally that is. Anyway, I think it is best that you invite your husband to a heart-to-heart talk and discuss th solution and not only the problem. I have been married for more than 12 years, and we had also some small arguments and formal talks. Hope that helps.
• United States
20 Apr 09
thanks
@cvodrey (228)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I am the mother of five, so yes, I can relate. I felt unloved many times. I felt depressed and overwhelmed. But don't focus on whether or not people want you or need you. I know this is difficult, but what you need to do is stop focusing on your needs. Now if you are blatantly being ignored, then by all means speak up. But one way to bring people into your world is to invite yourself into theirs. Be a friend. Be a lover. Be temperate and kind. Love yourself, regardless of whether or not others seem to. And all good things will come to you.
• United States
20 Apr 09
you just made me feel like a wimp i think you are a very strong person, thank you.
@KrauseHome (33259)
• United States
20 Apr 09
Sounds like the Best thing you can do is talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling, and see if that helps the situation any. Also you might want to discuss with your doctor the next time you see them about the way you are feeling, and your thoughts with the Depression, etc. and see if there is something they can recommend you to think about as well.
• United States
20 Apr 09
I just spoke to my doctor today and she gave me some tips on how to handle it. Thank you.
@jellymonty (2358)
19 Apr 09
Hey welcome to my lot and thanx for the request.. Well I dont know much about pregnacy as I dont have any children. But if your husband is not paying attention to you then maybe you should probably get in touch with your mum (she's the best person to have during last weeks of your pregnancy as she knows the drill)or a close friend. Maybe join a support pregnant women group or something like that. I'm sure its just your emotions talking about you not being sure you want this baby.. when he finally arrives i'm sure you'll be glad you had him.. and dont worry about having postpartum.. you need to stay as positive as you can.. If you would like a chat well I'm here for you.. sadly I cant be there with you for support but it's the least I can do in this situation.. all the best and happy my lotting!
• United States
20 Apr 09
Thanks for the comment but my real mother gave me up and my grandmother who raised me has been gone for 15 years. My sister trys but she has a whole lot of problems herself.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
19 Apr 09
I have been pregnant 4 times and My husband never ever gave me foot rubs or back messages. You are a lucky lady if he did that for you. Maybe once the baby comes he will go back to give you the foot and back messages. Once you see your baby everything will change and you will want him.
• United States
20 Apr 09
he only gave me back massages when i was pregnant for my other son, he never actuallly gave them for fun. As for your hubby he needs to start a little pampering to make up for time lost.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
29 May 09
I thought the advice you need is from your husband, I would suggest you to tell him about the whole thing, I never got pregnant before and I have heard pregnant lady can get very stressful if they don't handle it well, you mihgt be one of them. I think your husband would help you if you tell him how you feel and it is a real life in your stomach right now, don't give up easy, you are going to be somebody's mother, you will be happy to see him smile, see him grow up, see him happy :-) I wish everything the best to you!!!!
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
2 May 09
hi there friend.. being pregnant is not that easy..specially if you are not emotionally secured, that you are longing with love and attention....just help your self, make any activities that will make you fun.. at the same time, eat healthy foods.. i know you already gave birth this time..i hope that you had a safe labor..love your baby because he needed that us much as you do.. God Bless and have a nice day...take care always.. happy mylotting
@jugsjugs (13046)
20 Apr 09
tell your husband how you feel and why you are feeling this way.it could be just your hormones making you feel down.men seem to ignore more than one pregnancy as it dont seem so exciting as the first or even the second pregnancy.i can relate to how you are feeling as i have had 6 children.i felt the same as you before i had my last child.
@melmer (54)
• Philippines
20 Apr 09
Hi temptjess! how are?Be positive in everything make yourself busy...having a baby is a blessing...feel him he's important to you..what you feel can affect the feelings of your baby it's true...try to put headphones on you tummy let him hear music,bibles stories,brainie babies songs and videos it's really good...