what do you feel if your "friend" is always trying to appear better than you?

China
April 20, 2009 9:20am CST
I think,you will not know someone well until you spent enough time with him or her.I have a friend,who seems to be very kind,considerare,friendly,frank at first,but as time gose on,I found something hiding in her charactor,such as hypocritical,sensitive,and always trying be better than me,I mean,I am not afraid of competing,since competing is a good way to make people try their best ,but the way she did really made me unhappy.What was worse,she told lies to me many times,in order to make her situation better...I regarded her as one of my friends ,but now, it will not go back again,I really feel very sad that you friend betray you in front of interests, na matter how little or big it is...
6 people like this
38 responses
@springs (923)
• India
20 Apr 09
Some people try to exagerate themselves to prove they are best.They are very complexed,they think that they are on top of building and we are at their door steps.If we teach a lesson to them they will never dare to face us and may be they can change their behaviour.Tell her the real truth ,help her to change to a good lady.
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
26 Jul 09
I also has to face some guys who tries to become more smart than me. What I do is I try to avoid such situation in the future.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
17 May 09
It happened to me lots of times. One or two of my friends tries to be better than me and sometimes tries to be very aggressive. One of the way to deal is to ignore them when they try to be better than us and try to be friendly when they are not trying to get better than us.
1 person likes this
@punlonnjack (1308)
• United States
9 May 09
my friend because she is finacally stable thinks she is so smart and at a higher level them me.sometimes she makes me feel so small.what makes me mad is she is stingy with money too.i wondering if she is a true friend?
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
8 May 09
This type of competitive behavior is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. A true friend accepts you for who you are and has no need to behave in this manner.
1 person likes this
@Emceeric (70)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Well,lucky her/him to have you because you are a good friend of them but they don't deserve to be part of your life.If you think or feel that you are not happy with them anymore because they betrayed you well,as for me I would ignore them and not hanging out with them anymore and forever.Do not let yourself to be a part to that such nonsense friend of yours.
1 person likes this
@prathna (175)
• Canada
7 May 09
well think from the brite side. your friend is trying to appear better then YOU. she is jealous of YOU. so deep down she thinks you have a really good apearance. shes basically jealous and is trying to cover up for it
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Apr 09
I've been in that situation. I have a friend who always think she is on top among us. She may be has a lot of money than us and she was always like she is a leader in the group. Like before i still remember we have this plan but we decides to cancel it, me and my other friend then she said that we were not gonna go on with the plan because she doesnt like to. It was like she always want the final decision to be her. But the fact was me and our other friend canceled already before she does. She even leave the friendship for a guy because she has someone to be with her like she doesnt need us anymore. Then after 2 years i guess she wasn't happy with his bf anymore that's why she came back to us again. At first her attitude seems to change a little but after a year her bad attitude came back again. I think she really not gonna change.
1 person likes this
@busyB4 (874)
• United States
20 Apr 09
From what I have learned, someone who makes thirselves appear better than someone else is really struggling with their own identity and thinks if they can make themselves look better that it will make them feel better about themselves. However, it is a real problem that I think would only make you want to overpower others. That is not what real friendship is all about. To me true friendship is humbling yourself to help your friend and being there for them, thick or thin. No lies, no competing. So I think in your case, I would just back off and move on!
1 person likes this
• Canada
20 Apr 09
It seems to me that your "friend" is suffering from some insecurities that really have nothing to do with you, but what is going on within his or her own mind. Many times people who suffer from insecurities, depression, low self-esteem, tend to feel like they need people to like them at all costs. Some tend to have grandiose thoughts and even delusions that they are better than anyone else. They may tend to one up others to try and make people like them, but unfortunately it often back fires and people are more likely to withdraw from these type of people because they are energy suckers and tend to take the fun out of most situations by trying to be what they think everyone wants them to be instead of being who they are. Sounds to me that your friend looks up to you but wouldn't be the first to admit that because it would her feel inferior. But if the problem is getting out of hand and it is truly impacting the quality of your friendship then I think that by all means you should talk to that person and let them know that you are there for them but also state your side of things and just be really really honest in a nice way of course.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Apr 09
Oh, i don't have a friend who is like that to me. If there's one who did me wrong, she was not yet my friend when that happened. In my own opinion, real friends don't do that. But if ever someone i call "friend" do that to me i will just ignore her actions and pray that she/he will realize that i do not deserve to be treated like that. I am what i am, i don't compete in that manner. That, for me is very unhealthy. But i care for my friends so if and when one of them hurts me by acting that way i will still give her another chance. I can say this because a colleague did something foul to me. The stories she made to destroy me were enough for me to sue her in court. But after praying it over i took a different course of action. That's one long story but to cut it short,i cleared my name, gained the respect of those who witnessed the whole event and the most important one of all, she realized her mistake, regretted what she has done, i have forgiven her and became my friend. She still is, and although we are miles apart we still communicate. Hi littlemoon, i hope you'll meet other friends, true and faithful ones who will treat you better than the one who hurt you.
1 person likes this
@Archie0 (5636)
20 Apr 09
This is what exactly happening to me these days. i am continously being proved that i am useless in front of few of my close ones.i just even hate to call them as my close ones. i get goosebumps. but they are growing too egoistic and started thinking that i am a useless bun who has no work to be done, which is absolutely wrong. everyone has a wrong feeling about me that i can never complete any given work. i dont like to be with such crowd anymore around me happy mylottng.
1 person likes this
@kimutaku (145)
• China
21 Apr 09
She's not your friend. Friendship is based on trust and honesty. Girls' friendship. Sometimes it feels like there's no friendship between girls.Even though they go shopping together hand by hand, they told other people that one is her best friend.But when something happened ,they will always forget what is the meaning of best friend. They can cheat for a guy, betray friends as quickly as they can when there are practical interests.They always wanna be better than each other....Not only girls ,but everyone~
1 person likes this
@Qing2009 (19)
• United States
20 Apr 09
i think it depend on what kind of friends what to appear . i have a lot of friends. some are from my workfriends. some are schoolmakes. if i think the friends are kinds and friendly . i think it is better she or he wants to appear to me .
1 person likes this
@cainam (493)
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
it is really hard to have a friend like that. i feel that she envy every achievements that i have or every good things coming into my life. she even tries to be like me. it is not flattering. it iis very annoying
1 person likes this
@nvtellan (1907)
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
If my friend all acts like that then I will talk to him/her in person and in private and request for a hearty talk. I'll tell him/her my problem and ask his/her problem as well. If we cannot communicate properly anymore then I guess its time for him/her to hit the road. I don't want a friend who will backstab me in the end.
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
25 Apr 09
Sadly it is the nature of some people to appear better than us. I also had sometimes this problem when one or two of my friends tries to be better than myself. Sometimes we get lots of irritated when we land in situations like this not knowing what to do. I think you should tell your friend how you feel.
@idowrite72 (2213)
• United States
19 May 09
I have an acquaintance who I have known for many years who always has the opinion that she is better than everyone else and I have gotten to the point where I just ignore most of what she has to say that puts her on her pedistol. I know that she is no better than I am and I just overlook some of the things that she says. My mother once told me years ago, that people who have to belittle others, do it because they are not happy with themselves and I decided quite a few years ago that that is what her problem is. She is really not happy with her life and has to put others down to make her own situation appear better to her. She does have a good life and should be happy where she is WITHOUT worrying about what others are doing. I haven't had to be lied to, but I have listened to her brag about herself and her life for many years, although I already know all about her and how she and her family lives.
• United States
21 Apr 09
I don't know if it's possible to stay friends with people like this. I had this very same thing happen to me with a very good friend, or I thought she was a very good friend. In the beginning, she was a lot of fun. We went places, we laughed a lot, we shopped together, we visited each other's homes, got to know each other's families. Then I started noticing little things she was doing. I noticed that especially when she was with her husband she always had to do something to prove she was better than me. Then later she started saying sneaky mean things and then I realized once she was telling a lot of lies, about her job, about herself, and so on, making her sound more important than she was. Then she began to demand that we always do what she wanted. One day we wanted to go to McDonald's to get something to eat, but she insisted we got to this very expensive place for all of us to eat. It was hard for us because we didn't have as much money, but we finally said okay because she started to get mad every time we wouldn't do what she wanted. Finally, I was just honest with her. I told her I didn't like that she lied, that she didn't have to lie to be my friend. And I stopped going every place she wanted to go. She also got very jealous if you made other friends besides her. Then one day another woman I knew, who saw how she acted, asked, "Why does she act that way toward you? Why does she say mean things like that about you if she is your friend? Why would you treat a friend that way?" I thought about that and realized this woman wasn't a true friend. Still, like you, I was very sad for a very long time when we weren't friends anymore because I did like her very much at one time, but that goes away eventually. And after that you know to have only positive good people in your life as friends and after that it will make your life much happier. I know it feels very sad now, but it will get better and when you remember how much trouble it is to have people like this in your life then you will only let those people in who are good and true friends and then you will be happier with this type of friend in your life instead.
• United States
23 Apr 09
Hello, Thank you for the "best response" vote. I wish you much luck and happiness.
• United States
25 Apr 09
You shouldn't feel threatened by this. There are some people that try to copy you coz they think you're great and they want to be that way too. It's somewhat of being a role model to them. When I was a kid, I had this classmate then weaseled her way to becoming my friend to now not talking to her coz she bugs me so much. She followed everything I did, hairstyle and accessories. I never cared or minded until she told me that she loves following what I did and what I liked. That freaked me out. Then we met again in college and the last straw was that she was acting like every guy in our classes was "in love" with her, or the places that we hung out or she did or my family members. She didn't know that I was somewhat related to these guys when she told me about it. And after all of her bragging, I told her that I am related to some of them. And asked them when I got home. They all denied it and said they were just friends, they had no idea that she was making it seem like it was any more than that. And we had a lot of mutual friends that I asked them about that, they were really shocked, insulted and annoyed that she even said that. There are people who go to the extreme for a little bit of attention. And there are people who have matured. She never matured the last time I've talked to her.
• China
23 Apr 09
It seems that someone have the intension to do that, honestly to say, the action like that will make anybody else feel unhappy, when my friend doing things like that, i just pretend that he or she is better, but i know the reality is always not the as he or she thinks.