I need prayers, chants or just positive energy thrown my way.

@mentalward (14695)
United States
April 21, 2009 11:02am CST
I don't usually ask for things for myself but I know I need help now. The time has come to divorce my husband. I've had it with him and his selfish attitude. Those of you who know me know what I've gone through with this [insert expletives here] husband of mine in the past year... actually, the past two years. Well, since finding a new job, he's had to use my SUV to get to work and back each day since April 1st because he blew $140,000.00 he made from the sale of our old house and didn't keep ANY in the bank, you know, in case of emergencies, like LOSING HIS JOB or to pay the personal property taxes on his truck. He couldn't pay the taxes on the truck so he couldn't get his tags renewed, the old tags expired in December. So, until he made enough money to pay the taxes, he had to use my SUV. Now, understand this: his truck has an 8-cylinder MONSTER engine in it. My SUV has a 2.7 liter 6-cylinder engine. He JUST paid the taxes on his truck on Friday, then got his tags renewed on Saturday. Yippee!!! I have my wheels back!!! NOT!!! He fessed up to pushing my SUV's little engine up to 90 miles per hour and we're talking about a round-trip of 210 miles, 5 days a week! (He's one of those drivers I cuss at when I'm driving... speeding, tailgating... yeah, that's him.) My SUV wasn't built for that kind of abuse. I just got into my SUV to go shopping. It felt SO GOOD to get into it, but... I had trouble starting it. I had to try 4 times before the engine turned over. Once it did, it seemed okay so I started down our private road and, before I got to the end of it, the SUV died. I managed to get it started again, but now the "check engine" light was on. I didn't want to chance it so I started backing back up the private road... it died again. I called my husband's cell phone and cussed him out, basically. (I got his voicemail.) After about 10 unsuccessful tries, I finally get the thing started again and floored it up a small hill, back to our driveway and almost didn't make it up the driveway, but I did. I turned it off and waited a couple of minutes, then tried again, just to see if it would start. Nope. No starting now. It's dead. The battery is fine; he's killed my engine! What I would like from you guys (and this really is hard because I don't normally ask this of anyone) is to send me all the positive energy you can, in whatever form you want. I need to be approved for disability so I can get paid back to the year 2000, when my disability first began, plus have a monthly income from now on. The disability judge wanted me to have a psyche exam before rendering his decision (as if my physical problems aren't bad enough). I had that yesterday. Now, it's a waiting game. This man, my husband, promised me that he would take care of me. He KNEW of my physical problems before we were married. I've had almost nothing but broken promises and heartaches ever since. I NEED to get away from him before he breaks my spirit as well. He's proven himself to be a very selfish person. He promised to take care of me because he wanted me... not because he loves me. He's proven he doesn't love me by the way he's treated me. I NEED to be approved for disability. I need this so badly! Please help me if you can. Pray, chant, sit chiva, whatever. (Okay, you can laugh about the sit chiva part. Gotta laugh or go insane!) I need all the positive energy I can get. Thank you, everyone!!!
7 people like this
36 responses
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Got you covered Darlin', One lady to another... I know how hard this point in your life is and I am here for you. I'm praying, chanting, casting a spell or 5, and all the other wonderful things we can do. We're here for ya!
5 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Thanks so much, TL! Yeah, my mind is made up. I've had enough. NOTHING is worth this much aggravation! I had forgotten all about adding spells to that list! I need positive energy coming my way from as many directions as possible, in whatever form it takes! I'm open and receptive to ALL! So, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
4 people like this
@fran429 (503)
• United States
21 Apr 09
oh, can we get a voodoo doll for the husband?
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
22 Apr 09
You bet.... I have friends who can do it.
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I just said a prayer for you & added you to my email prayer list. Now you will have about 50 other prayers flowing your way!!! These are prayers of disability relief. I'm sorry your hubby is such a cad. May all the positive energy coming your way take care of ALL your problems!!! Love, hugs & kisses...Marissa
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
11 Jul 09
Prayers........ Dear LadyMarissa, can you please add me to your prayerlist too. I got serious issues going on with Mr. but I really don't feel like going into it all right now but selfishness is at the root of it all. I know just how catsanddogs is feeling because I have been going through it for the past 17 years. I realized that I probably should have tried to seek out a divorce lawyer but the truth is I didn't have the money to pay for one and not to mention the fact that I just don't like a whole lot of drama in my life. I'm a peaceful kind person and all I'm asking is that when you pray, pray that God would send the same kind of person to me. Someone that is peaceful, loving and kind. Oh yeah and please pray for God's guidance in our lives as well. Thanks and may God bless you from head to toe. Happy mylot!
1 person likes this
@sunnflr (2767)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I really do hope everything works out for all concerned. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be together. I hope you get your disability started, even if you decide to stay with your husband. I'm sorry you have been having such a hard time.
4 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Thank you, sunnflr. His first wife was Oriental. I think he was hoping for a Geisha-type female, one who would grant his every wish and desire nothing for herself. But, he didn't get that, so he left her. It appears that he still wants that kind of woman. He knew from the start that I believe, first and foremost, in fairness. This marriage has been way too much one-sided, with him on the high side. He's gotten me too upset too many times. He's broken way too many promises. This is simply the last straw. I do have a plan, though, and it involves me staying right here, even if he moves out. This is one thing I DO have some control over out of all the things that have been going badly. I won't do anything rash but I'm going to ensure that he either treats me fairly and with respect, at the least, or he goes.
3 people like this
• United States
21 Apr 09
i will pray for you because getting disability is hard i had to fight for 2 years i got a laywer and everything so i know what that can be like as far as your husband he sounds like a real a**hole i think you should just start to worry about yourself and take care of yourself don't ever let him bust your sparit. hang in there girl.
4 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Thank you so much, psychotaz. I've been fighting Social Security for seven years now for disability. It's been a nightmare! I'm trying hard to hang in there. He drove me to this psyche exam yesterday and he knows how I freak whenever he tailgates people but, even after I asked him to please not drive so close to the other cars, he wouldn't stop doing it. I'm on blood pressure medicine. I don't need MORE blood pressure medicine! But, since he obviously doesn't care, I'm fed up with it. It's like he wants a pet, not a wife. I have enough going on with my health, a moronic doctor and his stupid staff and stressing over this disability case. I need some peace!
4 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Apr 09
First and foremost, calm down! You're going to blow a gasket in your head and then where will you be? No man is worth that! You really need to get a hold on yourself so you can think clearly so you can begin to plan things out the right way. Who knows, you might change your mind and stay with him after hearing his explanation. Then again, you may not BUT in the meantime, you need to get your thoughts together and come up with a plan. I'm willing to help you in any way that I can so let me know if you need me and I'll be there!!
3 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Sorry, Cats, I had to laugh. YOU are telling ME to calm down. Thanks for the chuckle! Anyway, you're right about calming down. Nothing of any use comes out of anger, frustration or irrational thinking. I have been formulating a plan. With my legs acting all funny (kinda rubbery... I'm seeing a neurologist on Thursday) I've talked with my sons AND my husband about me being left alone here 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. It's just not safe. I could fall and break a hip or something and not be able to get help until my husband came home from work. Heaven forbid that should happen, but it could! I'm afraid to be left alone these days. Anyway, my husband's attitude was casual and he kind of just brushed it off as something that just won't happen. My sons told me that they had actually been talking between each other about this very thing. We discussed my youngest son moving in here which would help both him and me out. I wouldn't be alone and I would also have all the help I need, plus he could feel like he was worth something since he's been unable to find a job. Then, we talked about the possibility of my older son having his house (mobile home) moved to our property. We have 3 1/2 acres... PLENTY of room. We could have a septic and well put in so he could still have his own home, but he wouldn't have to pay $400.00 a month in mobile home park rent and I'd have him close by. He works overnight so he'd have my SUV if his car doesn't work (assuming the SUV can be fixed) and I'd have his car in case my SUV didn't work. Plus, he'd be right next door! He loves that idea. My husband will HATE both scenarios. We argued about them living 12 miles away! He didn't feel he had the privacy he wants with them living so close. What he meant was, he didn't want ANYONE coming over, unless they're from HIS family. He wants to keep me like a pet. Hmmm, now that I think about it, that's EXACTLY what he wants! He raised his cat from a tiny kitten, found abandoned before she was even weaned. She is the MEANEST cat I've ever come across! Every time she looks at anyone, even him, she has this squinty-eyed, evil look on her face. He raised her and she's like she is because of the way he treated her. He's turning me into an evil pet! Anyway, because he'll hate the idea of my sons living right next door, he'll most likely leave. (He's just that kinda guy.) That'll be much better because then I can get alimony from him for deserting his disabled wife! Judges tend to frown on things like that. Of course, none of this will happen until or if I get approved for disability. I'll need some kind of income other than the few dollars I make online each month. Plus, it'll be easier for me to prove to a divorce lawyer that I am 100% disabled if I'm on Social Security disability. I'll bide my time. My husband did call me back and feigned innocence. "It was working fine for me," he said. Yeah, right, something killed my SUV between the time he last drove it (Friday) and today, the first time I've tried to drive it since he started using it. Right, uh huh, sure. Driving 90 miles an hour for 3 weeks, 210 miles per day 5 days a week... THAT didn't hurt it... no way! This is a 2005 SUV with only about 38,000 miles on it! A few months ago, I had it inspected and it passed with flying colors. Ah, life. Well, don't worry, Cats, I've calmed down. I chatted with my oldest son (the sensible one) for a few minutes online. It helped. Plus, knowing that so many members of my myLot family care so much... well, it's just overwhelming.
4 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Of course we care about you Marti!! Are you nuts?! lol Sweetie, you know who or what you're married to and you are the one who has to either accept or move on and away from this so called man or he'll drag you down with him. Hasn't he already tried? Gee, if he doesn't like having YOUR sons around, that would be enough for me to say bye bye! You are a package deal regardless if your kids are fully grown or not. You ARE a packaged deal and he's to accept it or leave it. PERIOD.
3 people like this
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
11 Jul 09
Prayer needed.......... Hey Catsanddogs, Sorry to hear about what you are going through, I"m going through a very similar situation myself. So I pray that all praying mylotters will keep me lifted up as well. I think there must be quite a few out there that want us until they marry us and then they realize that marriage is work. I think it's a good idea for you to have a plan. Right now you need all the positive energy around you that you can get. Although I'm not so sure that he is going to just up and leave the home that he's been helping to pay for. Well I'm sending up my prayers to God on your behalf and we just never know what God might do in these kind of situations. We could pray against that old selfish spirit of his and God could turn him into the most loving individual you've ever seen. So my only advice is to try to stay in a loving spirit yourself and see if you happen to notice any changes. Often in life we are only getting back what we have given out. Spend some alone time with God and ask him if there is anything wrong that is within you that you might have done. Sometimes we may be doing wrong things to people without even realizing it. I will be praying for peace among the two of you. I have noticed that in my particular situation it's more peaceful. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? But if you know that you are being a peaceful loving person it can never be a bad thing. The bible says that we can literally kill a person with kindness ya know that?So try to be kind if it is possible within you.
@AmbiePam (50099)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Sure thing. And I pray he changes himself.
3 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Marti, With a lot of thought and positive thinking on your part, I feel quite cinfident that you will make the right decisions. I will pray and think positive thoughts for you. I am so sorry about the way things have turned out for you. I guess this means you didn't get your garden turned. My car has been sitting in our drive way for at least 3 months now. My husband is trying to fix it one bolt at a time. Since he's been out of work for 2 years, his unemployment is about to run out again and I only make 800.00 with my disability. So I have been house bound for quite sometime. He didn't even want to let me drive his truck, which I drive better than he does! Believe me when I say I feel your pain. Once you go to the psychiatrist, the decision on your disability should come soon. And once they decided to send you to the Medical and psychiatrist, they pretty much have decided in your favor. Hang in there, it won't be long. We will help you though this. Hugssssssss leenie
2 people like this
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Aww, Leenie, thank you. I have a plan formulated now but it will take my being approved for disability first, and I'll be able to stay right here and not have to move. PLUS, my sons will end up living right next door, in their own home. My husband won't like my sons living so close; he doesn't even like them living 12 miles away. He thinks it's too close. But, we revolved that issue, to a point, anyway. He won't like them living next door so he'll probably leave and that's fine with me. No, I didn't get my garden turned. He had the time and the weather was perfect on Saturday and for most of the day Sunday. But, he chose to get drunk instead, as usual. I had that psyche exam yesterday. I think it went well. I also faxed the judge the report from the nerve conduction study I had, plus the info. sheets on all the new medications I have for migraines, vertigo and nausea. Oh, also the one I just got from my rheumatologist for codeine. Hopefully, that, combined with the psyche exam report, will be enough for them to finally approve me. But, I'm still worried, since it's been going on for seven years now. That's why I need everyone's positive energy in whatever form they can send it to me. It sounds like you and your husband have both been going through the wringer! I'm happy that both of us have found myLot. It helps to make a few extra dollars plus great friendships with some pretty terrific people. It also helps to get our minds off of our situations for awhile (well, it does that for me, anyway). Thanks for being here for me. Hugsssssss right back at you! Marti
3 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
21 Apr 09
First, you have my prayers. I hope you find out it is not the engine that is shot. I hope your disability goes through soon. Take a deep breath and try to stay calm so that you can think clearly and make good decisions. The best of luck to you. It really sounds like you are in a spot right now.
2 people like this
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
21 Apr 09
I'm so, so sorry! I had thought that once he started working again that things might improve a bit. And regardless of the circumstances, divorce is always painful. Be sure to get yourself a good attorney, a good one who truly has your interests at heart is worth their weight in diamonds. I will pray for you, dear. The strain must be awful but don't reach your breaking point until after this is over--then you can fall apart in peace. Be strong and I hope you can take comfort in knowing that your friends are both praying for you and sending you positive thoughts and love.
2 people like this
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
21 Apr 09
Hello my friend, I just logged in the baby is taking a nap now. I saw your post I am sorry this is happening to you, you definitely have my prayers. Since your husband misused and abused your vehicle maybe you should get his and drive it let him continue to drive yours until he get it fixed. Was he like this when you married him or he just suddenly turned for the worse? I am at a lost for words, I am so sorry every time things seems to start getting better for you it takes a nose dive on you. I pray that you get approved for your disability soon so that you can get your life back in order. I know it is hard living this way. Again you have my prayers.
1 person likes this
@jellymonty (2358)
21 Apr 09
Your husband sounds exactly like my dad so I can say I feel for you. Just keep praying darling and in the long run it will pay out. God is bigger than any problem you will ever face. I'll be praying for you too and I bet everything will be alright in the end but you just need to hang in there.... Smile always and stay as positive as you possibly can..
1 person likes this
• India
21 Apr 09
hey dear may god u all the love and u can have that from me too .all the positive energy from me and everyone around u so u can be positive and so positie that ur blood grp become positive
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
11 Jul 09
I hate to hear that you are having tough times. You have my support. Tell you what...I'll do all three! Pray,chant,and sit chiva! I am not above sitting chiva for a friend. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
12 Jul 09
Thank you, Jen! I wrote this discussion 3 months ago and I'm STILL waiting to hear from Social Security! I can't believe they're taking so long. It can only mean that I'm about to be approved because they're always quick about telling you bad news but, when they have to hand you money, they drag their feet. If I have to wait much longer, I'm going to drive right over the the main office here in Virginia, which is over 100 miles away, and prove just how insane I can be! LOL Thanks again!!!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
12 Jul 09
I did see that it was 3 months ago but I've been sitting chiva all night so maybe you'll hear something. If they don't hurry up, I'll meet you there and they'll give us both a check. I'll sit chiva in the parking lot while your raising the roof..lol
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Apr 09
Oh sweets, my heart goes out to you. I've written my wish for you down and put it under the candle I keep lit for you. So lots of positive energy coming to you from me as I type. As for the hubs and the divorce........make sure you ask for him to replace your SUV in the divorce conditions. HE ruined it, YOU need transport with your disabilities, and he owes you. DO IT! Ok? It's the least he can do, even if it means he has to lease a vehicle for you and have the cost garnisheed from his wages or bank account....I really hope you've got a lawyer for the divorce. And hey, email me anytime. I've got all kinds of great divorce advice!
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
22 Apr 09
Aww, thank you, sparks! I actually feel the positive energy coming my way! I LOVE it! It's really making me feel so much better and more positive about everything. Most definitely he'll be ensuring that I have something safe to drive, whether he likes it or not. When I bought the thing, he said he wanted to buy it (pay for it) for me. He made maybe 4 payments, then I paid off the entire balance because I had won a class-action lawsuit and it seemed to be more sensible to pay the auto loan off and not pay the interest on it than to have the money sitting in the bank drawing very little interest. I also gave my husband $20,000.00 to put down on his truck (which is the 3rd truck he owned in as many years). He owes me, big time! He doesn't really seem to care about my disabilities. He would rather I be here, alone, 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, than to have help from my sons. I told him I almost didn't make it back to the house once because my legs became all rubbery and I almost collapsed, so he knows how bad I get sometimes. But... No, he still doesn't like my sons coming over once a week. He 'tolerates' it because I put my foot down about it. I wish I knew what his deal is with privacy. I've also decided to stay right here. I've put a lot of work into this house already and every bit of it hurt. I'm not turning my back on it. Besides, it was MY money that we put down on this house! I'm going to either have my youngest son move in here. That would solve my problem plus his. I'll have help when I need it and my son will have a "job" of sorts and feel better about himself. (He still hasn't found any work.) Or, I'll have my older son's mobile home moved here to our property and have a well and septic put in for him. He LOVES that idea, because it will ensure that I have help close by and he won't have to pay $400.00 in mobile home park fees every month, while still having his own home. My husband will despise either scenario, I'm sure. Them living 12 miles away is too close for him! Too bad. As for divorce advice, I rather like your Bic idea. LOL I think I humbled him a bit last night because we got on the subject of money and he was still insisting that he's paid me back everything he "borrowed" from me. I pulled out my bank statements and showed him that he's only paid back $60,000.00 out of the $155,000.00 that he "borrowed". (I never said I wanted the money back; it was he who insisted on repaying me.) Since his world seems to be all about him, he can have it. All I want is my little bit of land and what I've already paid for. He can keep all the toys he bought himself, the toys that have actually ended up costing me a vehicle because he didn't have the money to pay the taxes on his vehicle. "Mr. Responsibility" has proven himself to be anything BUT. I'll email you, though. I'm sure there are things you know about divorce that I don't. I'm tired of being a doormat! I'm tired of "taking it". It's about time I dished out a little of it myself... grrrrrr. Here's to freedom!!!
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
22 Apr 09
Wowza darlin'! Email me asap. Have I got an earful for you!!!
@bunnybon7 (37404)
• Holiday, Florida
23 Apr 09
so sorry hon. i've read other things how hes treated you and you stuck by him through it all. its not fair. i've been there my first 4 marriages. I will pray for you to find a really wonderful man like my late hubby. but that you dont have to lose him to cancer like i did mine. as far as the psyche test goes, thats how i got my disability i think i couldnt help it. i didnt want to cry but when he questioned me about things i cried and then apologised he said thats ok what im here for and told me i'd likely get it. well i have physical things to but i really think im a bit emotionally scarred you will be fine, you'll see.
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
22 Apr 09
Hey MW! OMFG! I just can't believe that he killed your SUV! That murderer! How could he do that to you! After you were nice enough to lend it to him! And he didn't even tell you what he did to it! Those are grounds for divorce or murder to him! But, divorce is better! You poor woman! You have taken enough crap! Killing the car has to be the last of it! I will pray and do all those other things you asked! I got my SSI and SSDI I think BUT in NY if you get SSDI you don't get Medical Insurance for 2 years!! So they will give me the money, but no medical insurance! I am having a heart attack over this crap. It isn't a mistake. If I knew that I would have only went for the SSI, it is less money, but I get Medicaid, food stamps and money! So in my case, by winning the SSDI claim I LOST MY MEDICAL INSURANCE which for me is worth more than the friggen money! This is only NYS law! So what the phuck am I going to do now? So for me, it is "Be careful what you wish for"! You think you have bad luck! I am on 7 meds a day and they want me to wait 2 years for Medicare! And whatever back money they will give me isn't going as far back as my claim because it wasn't proven far enough back and the money will go to pay back social services so I won't seee any of it either! So I keep losing all around! You have a much better chance to win and I really think you will. And the laws in your state are different. They wouldn't dare turn you down again!
@pyewacket (44036)
• United States
22 Apr 09
Mmmmm....don't think the sit shiva part will work....that's the period of mourning in Judaism...LOL--but yes will chant, prayer, light candles, say spells, whatever so you FINALLY get your disability benefits. I was wondering what was going on in your world about this since I remember your other discussions about your husband. What I can't understand is why the hell has it taken SO long to get disability? And if I remember correctly you even had a lawyer firm "helping" you out...wasn't it Binder & Binder? It seems having a lawyer only makes it worse for getting benefits...my one friend tried for NINE years with a legal aid lawyer. Now me, I was very lucky...I applied for benefits in 1995 and got them May of 1996..AND WITHOUT a lawyer...maybe just dumb luck, no?
@plddre79 (161)
• United States
22 Apr 09
dear mentalward - the power of prayer is that of a couple who live in the south african cty of johannesburg. on a saturday night in 1996, dennis and carol's marriage reached the breaking point. as a last resort, they decided to pray for help, which they repeatedly did until late into the night. the next morning at 11 o'clock two of jehovah's witnesses knocked that same afternoonat their door. dennis answered the door and told them to wait until he called his wife. dennis then warned carol that if she invited the witnesses in, it might be hard to get rid of them. carol reminded dennid that they had been praying for help and said that this might be god's answer to their prayers. sothe witnesses were invited in, and a bible study was started in the book "knowledge that leads to everlasting life." dennis and carol were thrilled with what bthey learned. that same afternoon, they attended their first meeting at the local kingdom hall of jehovah's witnesses. by applying the knowledge they had learned from the bible, dennis and carol found solutions to their marital problems. they are now happy, baptized praisers of jehovah and reg- ularly share their bible-based beliefs with their neighbors. witnesses are great people. get to know them. god bless
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
22 Apr 09
Thank you for sharing that, plddre, but there are no Jehovah's Witnesses in this area.
@gtdonna (1740)
23 Apr 09
I said a prayer for you today And know God must have heard. I felt the answer in my heart Although he spoke no word! I didn't ask for wealth or fame (I knew you wouldn't mind). I asked him to send treasures Of a far more lasting kind! I asked that he be near you At the start of each new day; To grant you health and blessings And friends to share your way! I asked for happiness for you In all things great and small. But it was for his loving care I prayed the most of all!
@csrobins (1125)
• United States
22 Apr 09
I’m feeling for you for sure. Selfishness is so frustrating because they can’t see they are being so selfish because they are too selfish to see it! It’s a no win battle with selfish people. I encourage people to stick with a marriage until it is absolutely impossible. I hope the best outcome for you happens.