too good to be true...update

United States
April 21, 2009 10:11pm CST
I think I am going to break it off with my new boyfriend tommorow. He has been drunk for 2 nights in a row and we had this stupid fight and he came back over to see if I was still mad and wanted him to stay, so I said I wasent mad and wanted him to stay, he said he was getting his sweatshirt and comming back over. an hour later he called to ask if I was mad or should he come back over so I said I already said I wasent mad. again he said he was comming over. an hour later I text him and ask if he is comming over and he ignored me. I am just going to tell him things are going way too fast and we should back off a bit. First of all I dont drink and I dont like to be around people that are stupid drunk, he said he only drinks a couple of beers a night and he drinks alot more than that. second last night he said that he wasent going to drink tonight because he wanted to spend quality time with me and I get home from the hospital with my daughter and he is allready drunk. I really like him alot and it's been good but the heavy drinking is a major red flag to me. a couple of beers a night or getting good and drunk once in a while I could deal with.
7 people like this
15 responses
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
hi ladybug i think you need to give him up think first your self and your daugther,the more you stay with him the more you get hurt coz i think drinking is his habit! good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 09
thanks friend. time will tell. I am going to try to help him.
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
I think you should give him the liberty of drinking, i mean if that's what he really wants, you cannot do anything about him.. In contrast, you can feel it if a guy really loves you, if you feel that you are not being loved, then leave it behind.. there are lots of guys in the world.. But if you are really willing to sacrifice for him, then love what he is doing but of course warn him... I have encountered lots of couples who has same problem, but I guess one should adjust to the situation and everything turned out to be so hard but the love is there.. it really sounds weird but I guess if you really love someone you would do anything.. So its for you to decide whether you break up with him or sacrifice everything for both of you..Again its just a matter of choice, nothing is difficult in life... -thanks by "batman"
1 person likes this
@cannjohn (47)
• United States
22 Apr 09
You should try drinking with him. You both may find it very enjoyable. But if you don't drink and drinking is a lifestyle for him, you two are most likely incompatible.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 09
lol. thanks.
• India
23 Apr 09
Drinking once in a while to celebrate certain achievements or stuff like that is fine ......... everybody does that. But if the drinking is regular and heavy sure you should consider it as a red flag. But try to talk this issue out first rather than getting mad at the very beginning. Tell him that you are not comfortable with such a lifestyle and give him some time to change. One thing I can say if he loves you truly he will try to change things ..... may not be easy at the beginning but surely with some effort from both of you things should get back on track. Good luck to you and take care.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60134)
• United States
23 Apr 09
ditch the dawg, he ain't worth your time!
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
22 Apr 09
I am not a drinker neither and wouldn't want to get involved with someone who drinks everyday. I hope it all works out for you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
hmmmm that's a very wise decision. even though you liked him, these drinking problem is taking over your dislikeness and frustration on him. if he is like this in your relationship, what could happened if you two get married. it's a good thing you decided fast, he's playing with you for sure. am sure you'll find the right guy..
1 person likes this
@MissAmie (720)
• United States
22 Apr 09
If you can't deal with his drinking it's probably better to just go ahead and break it off with him. If you're in a position where you could help him help himself (as in rehab or something) then I may give it a shot...but I wouldn't risk it. The relationship is new and he's already lying to you? That makes no sense. And also, you have your daughter to think about. She needs to be around safe, sober people that will be a good influence on her. If you were married to this guy for a few years or had a much longer relationship with him I would advise you to try to work it out...but under these circumstances...I would just cut my losses and move on.
• United States
5 May 09
thanks. I am taking it one day at a time for now, he seems to be willing to work on his drinking problem and other than that he has been really great.
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
I think that is a good decision... it is never wise to be around men who are always drunk... and to think you have a daughter ... he lied about his drinking habit... and who knows what other thing in his life he lied about... You deserve better... so i think you should really break it off with that guy...
• United States
5 May 09
hi aseretdd, thanks but he didnt lie about it I just didnt realize he was a heavy drinker. we did talk about it and things are going well. I might be playing with fire but I think I can help him.
@mariposaman (2968)
• Canada
22 Apr 09
Strange that you never notice this before it must be quite a shock to see someone suddenly start drinking out of the blue. Of course I jest, you must have known this a long time ago and still got involved. I predict a short future for this relationship between a teetotaler and a drunk. How desperate are you for this relationship? A question only you can answer.
• United States
5 May 09
you are right I did know that he drank and I did choose to get involved, I didnt know that he drank that much. what is a teetotaler? Desperate, not at all. have a good day.
• Malaysia
22 Apr 09
Hi ladybug, I feel sorry for you. To be honest with you, I think you really need to leave him..There is no need in hoping he will change when you feel hurt because of his behavior..If he really loves and cares you, he really should cut his drinking and making a change. With him being drunk can lead to unwanted circumstances towards you and your daughter. All the best to you.
• United States
22 Apr 09
thanks,I guess it is best that I am seeing this now before I completely fell.
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
It is definitely a red mark indeed. That two bottles a night can become a habit for life already and dealing with that kind of a person is just not easy to handle with especially if he has established himself with you then I think that would just be getting for the worse. I really think time for him to choose between his habit or you I think that is a fair bargain to choose from.
@kprofgames (3024)
• United States
22 Apr 09
I can understand you frustration, but how long have you two been seeing each other? I mean if he's doing this regularly then I'd put the brakes on. If he isn't, then what's going on??? One important thing you said is you don't drink. Don't want to be around it. Red flag might have been flown for a while there but you see something in him that he doesn't. Honestly, a relationship like that doesn't work. You might see the person you think he is, but he doesn't. If it makes you uncomfortable now, then end it now before your too involved.
@Bethany1202 (3434)
• United States
22 Apr 09
This definitely sounds like more trouble than it's worth, and you're right that him being drunk two nights in a row is certainly a red flag. Although I don't know a great deal about you, him, or the whole situation in general, I think it would be safe to assume in this case that you're making the right decision. Best wishes.
• United States
22 Apr 09
yea, the fact that he drinks doesnt bother me it's the ammount he has been drinking. otherwise it's been great. I might be over reacting out of fear though.
• United States
23 Apr 09
You have to consider your daughter, too. Listen to your heart and you will do the right thing about this. Take care and God Bless.