Are your kid(s) affectionate because you are or ....

@mommyboo (13198)
United States
April 22, 2009 1:17pm CST
... in spite of it? My five year old is very affectionate and sweet, huggy and touchy if she's comfortable with someone. I think it's because she sees it around her and always has. We are affectionate parents and I'm very touchy with my friends, we hug, comfort, etc. Do you feel your kids learn this behavior from you or are they like this because of inborn personality traits? Do you have kids who are very 'hands-off' despite the fact that you are affectionate with your spouse or significant other? Do you think it varies at all according to gender? Exploring this outside of the realm of childhood - do you think that people who dislike PDA (public displays of affection) were raised without it, and their attitude toward it was formed because it was denied them when they were growing up? I wonder if it has to do with religion at all, or cultural differences too.
3 people like this
13 responses
@schulzie (4064)
• United States
23 Apr 09
I have always been affectionate with my children and my husband. And my children are very affectionate with us. They are also very friendly to people outside our family, they say please and thank you and they always greet people by saying hello and goodbye. They also say Bless you when someone sneezes, etc. I think that people's perceptions of Public Displays of Affection, etc. are strongly influenced by their parents and how they were raised. My mother was not very affectionate at all, however I am different from that. I always make sure to tell my children that I love them, and I hug and kiss them every day. I think that is extremely important. Have a nice day and happy myLotting!!
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
27 Jun 09
Although I am sure that there is a small part of being - or not - affectionate that seems to have nothing to do with the examples learned by one's family. I thing that what kids see and experience in their own family weights quite a lot as well. I am pretty much like you. Me and hubby are affectionate with each other and the kids or friends, and my kids are pretty much like us ( my son, more than my daughter which brings us back to that small part that has nothing to do with what they experience ). Nothing is only black or white. The various gray areas in between shape pretty much everything we are. Hubby for example grow up in a family that never really showed much affection. They don't hug, they don't touch and their way of comforting is saying " there, there" When I met hubby he wasn't exactly comfortable with displaying affection mostly because he wasn't used to it. But I come from a touchy feely family that has no problem with displaying affection freely. So in all these years that we have been together he got used to and comfortable about it. My son is like me. My daughter is also affectionate, but a bit more reserved. Now once we add cultural or religious aspects to the equation, we find one more influence that can affect the whole outcome. I remember growing up used to give a hug to anyone who seemed to need one, and being looked down by some people for one - or both - of those reasons. Some people - specially the older folks from small villages, really frowned upon those public displays of affection. They had been thought it wasn't right, and passed that on to their own children. So how comfortable or even used to each person is, is conditioned by many variants including culture and religion, and in part as well by their own personality.
@shell2784 (752)
• United States
23 Apr 09
I think it does have to do with how you are around other people. I know I notice my daughter being more lovey dovey (she's 3) with my friends that I give a goodbye hug too, etc. And my "regular" friends she's just "regular" with. I know that I have to force myself with even showing any kind of affection to my fiance... which I know kills him. And i think a big part of it is that my mom and dad... and then mom and step dad were never like that, so why should I have to be? Now him on the other hand, his parents are not affectionate (or even nice) to each other most of the time... and he's all about it. So I guess that can go to the extreme either way. I love the fact that my daughter gets all excited when we see a lot of my friends, and I know at daycare she's the only one to give hugs to EVERYONE when we leave! The older boys don't care for it, but they always suck it up and give her a hug. I'm glad that she's so affectionate. Its the way I'd like her to grow up. Good topic! ;o)
@Lxandra79 (1536)
• United States
23 Apr 09
My son is 9 and he is so-so affectionate. When Im mad at him he wants to give me a hug, but recently he just comes out of no where and just wants to hug me. I love it when he does!
@berrys (865)
• Singapore
23 Apr 09
i think that behaviors are learnt as kids are just like a sponge they absorb everything they see and try to copy it out. kids need an idol to look up to and they will try their very best to copy that idol. maybe you are your daughters role model. PDA is a self preference thing that has absolutely nothing to do with the way you are raised it maybe linked with religion but think about it this way if a kid was never brought up with all the tender loving care he/she may want it when they grow up and would love PDA because they feel loved OR if a kid WAS brought up with PDA but feels uncomfortable with it because he or she never really liked it or thought that her parents hugs and kisses were just smothering her. the situation really varies but behaviors are learn t not inborn. cultural differences are everywhere in the world. some religions forbid PDA but that doesn't mean they don't do it. Im sure everyone likes feeling loved and kids nowadays are becoming less religious and more into the scientific side. some kids don't believe in a religion and still question whether there's a god so yea.... cheers love.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
I believe that children becomes affectionate, when she sees around affection. when everyone around her is kind, she'll grow up with all the kindness. That's very true with my children and my grandbaby. I believe the children can be influenced easily by the things she sees and feel around her. Remember when the parents don't quarrel or the children can't see them quarrelling. The children never or seldom quarrel with each other as well. My grandbaby was very affectionate and kind but when her mom who's 3 months pregnant started shouting at her, she comes out the bedroom crying and guess what, she knows how to shout at others already. When I explained her mom is not mad, she's just like that because of the coming of the baby boy, she sobers and went back to embrace her mom.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
23 Apr 09
My child is very affectionate, almost to a fault. We are very affectionate with him so I'm sure some of it has been learned, but I seem to remember his affinity for affection even as an infant. While I am an affectionate, touchy person I did not receive very much of it around the home as a child. So it is hard to say if it is a nature or nurture trait.
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
I have two boys and my youngest son is the very affectionate one.Not only physically but also in the way he speaks,my ex-husband and I are affectionate and we really show it even if the kids are around.I think this kind of attitude is inborn because my eldest son is not very affectionate like the youngest and he feels ashamed if he is kissed too much.
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
23 Apr 09
Both my kids are affectionate and sweet, we believed that a child is influenced by the people around them and so we made it a point to be affectionate to them or to each other. I personally did not grow up with an affectionate family but it was something that I longed for all through my growing up years, so I promised myself not to deprive my kids of the love and care that they deserve. I have two boys and they are very sweet, they do not hesitate to express their affection though they do it to those they are comfortable with. I remember one time that my youngest cried because his dad did not kiss him goodbye before he stepped out of the door to meet me at the corner of our street. My husband didn't think it was a big deal since he will always be away for a few minutes. hehehe
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
23 Apr 09
Hey mommyboo! That is a good question~ My mother was always wanting to hug and kiss me and I hated that! My father was as cold as a snake! My grandmother and I were always hugging and kissing! I used to be kind of stand-offish with people who wanted to hug me! But, as I got older I became more comfortable with showing PDA with my friends. I found that my friends and acquaintances liked to hug so I got used to it and wasn't so uncomfortable anymore. My parents weren't very lovey dovey so I guess that is why I was confused. I know that it has to do with alot of things and alot of my issues have to do with my childhood. But, at least I have gotten over my hugging thing and now I love to hug! Can I hug you mommyboo?
@violeta_va (4834)
• Australia
22 Apr 09
My son loves to hug and kiss and be hugged and kissed as well. Growing up my parents were not that affectionate. I gave them a hug and kiss each time I went to school or out and when I got back and before bed time but not spontanious hugs and kisses. With my son I am totaly different. I kiss him 1000 times a day. He loves it. Every night before going to bed he has his hugs and kisses and even does that to my belly (expecting a baby any minute now) even at school he is not ashamed to show affection to us. Husband and me try not to be too affectinate infront of him (because he sais its gross - son not husband). But he sees us been affectionate and knows that we love each other and when its ok to show affection and when it is not. Also we all tell each other how much we love each other every day that is something my husband and I never had so I wanted to change that. Now I see my old school father been told that he is loved and he sais it back. So I dont know exacly in my case how to answer your questions.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
22 Apr 09
I would say my kids are affectionate because of me but NOT becuase I'm affectionate (huggy etc) with others but because I've always been with my kids..I've always had a very close relationship with them and I'd have to say thats why they are the way they are....plus they've known A LOT of love in their lives as well which is IMO a huge factor..
@34momma (13895)
• United States
22 Apr 09
First let me say hello stranger!! I have not seen you in few days. Glad to have you back My chilren are very affectionate. and that's becasue I am very touchy feely. I am big on hugs and kisses. I am big on saying I love you every day all day. when we wake up in the morning, or just because and at the end of the day. My mother was really big on my brother, sister, and I saying i love you to each other and hugging each other. so that was something i wanted to share with my own children. my son who is now 19 is still into hugging his momma and his brother and sista!! i love all the love that goes on