Did Your Parents Ever Force You To Go Some Where?

@Rozie37 (15505)
Turkmenistan
April 24, 2009 5:16pm CST
Two of my sixteen year old nieces are very upset because their father made plans for them to go some where today, but he never asked them if they wanted to go, he simply told them that they were going. They are not happy at all. Last night, they told their mom that they did not want to go and she told their father and he got upset. He claims that his whole reason for getting upset was that they did not come to him and tell him that they did not want to go. If I know my brother-in-law, it hast to do with something at church. I think that he is having a hard time seeing that these children are almost grown and that they are not going to always want to go whereever he volunteers them. I know that they will go out of respect for their father, because they are good kids, but I hope he lets them off the hook. Did you ever go through this as a child or did your parents always ask you before they committed you to something. I do not remember going through something like this, but I am sure I did at some point. Please share your story.
10 people like this
24 responses
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
24 Apr 09
If it was a family thing (visiting relatives or going to a school event of a sibling), I was required to go unless I had a real reason why I could not. But it sounds like the rules are not necessarily well established in this particular family. Sounds like the parents are not united. They need to get together and decide how such things should be handled and have consistency. This pits one child against another. Parents should NEVER do that!
3 people like this
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
24 Apr 09
I meant "this pits one PARENT against another"......
3 people like this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
The children went, but they were not happy. Apparently, their father wanted them to take a class about puberty, but at sixteen, they had already learned everything that the class was teaching. But at least now their father can be sure that they know.
@GardenGerty (88713)
• Marion, Kansas
24 Apr 09
For me those commitments were usually for some family gathering or entertainment that I was not wild about. I preferred church activities over these family activities.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
Now I know that in most Christian homes, the children are required to go to church. This was a class, teaching them things that they had already learned.
• Canada
24 Apr 09
My parents divorced when I was 11, and we stayed with our mother. Mom and step-dad knew better than to do this to us. As for their father, how can he be upset that they never came to him with their problems, if he never came to them in the first place? Doesn't sound right to me.
1 person likes this
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
You certainly have a very good point there.
@pitstryke (310)
• Philippines
25 Apr 09
no my parents never force me to go to some where...they are very supportive and they support what ever what i do and whatever i like as long as it doesnt hurt someone or i will not hurt myself
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
They ended up taking a class learn things that they already knew.
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
25 Apr 09
Unless it was related to church stuff, my parents never forced me to do anything I didn't want to do. With church, it was a different matter. We had no choice and we resented it, but in retrospect, it wasn't so bad. At least, we certainly grew up in church, but maybe there was another way to do it so we didn't end up resenting it so much.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
I know that my first ten years were spent going to church. It was not an issue in my house, it was what we did on Sunday morning and every other time the doors opened. I think God that my mother took us to church all the time. She passed when I was ten, but the things that I learned in those ten years has lasted a lifetime.
@ColinYang (193)
• Australia
25 Apr 09
That sounds harsh! I have never been forced to go anywhere far but my mum forced me out of our house when she got angry once.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
I know that it had to be frightening to be forced out of the house. These children had to take a class, but their father did not realize that they had already learned the things that the class was teaching.
@meandmy3 (2229)
• United States
24 Apr 09
they are still children they are 16 years old and if daddy says they should go somewhere then they should go. We were not allowed to argue with our parents about things like this, if the family was doing something, going somewhere together you went the only legitimate excuse was a football practice, cheer leading event at school etc and nothing came before church. Parents do not have to ask, they are paying your way supporting you you should go
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
I completely understand what you are saying. While growing up, I did not have a father or mother, so I am use to making my own decissions. It also robbed me of trust. They ended up going, as I knew they would. They mentioned to their mother that they did not want to go and she told the father and he was very upset with them. I think that they were simply confiding in their mother, because they knew they could not tell their father.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
24 Apr 09
Ny father acted this way also. To the point I hated the way he was even after I turned 18.He was always making us as a family do things. Some of it was alright but I wanted to be with my friends and go out with boys at that time.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
Yeah, their dad is to hard on them at times. Some times I look in their faces and it looks as though their spirits are broken. I never had a real father so I am not use to hearing the discipline side of it. It seems a little harsh to me though.
@hsofyan (3452)
• Jakarta, Indonesia
24 Apr 09
Hi Rozie, I feel when my teenage son. He was forced to follow events such as parents. He has the event itself. To be comparable, we make a commitment of time for family and for each one.
@Rozie37 (15505)
• Turkmenistan
25 Apr 09
I understnad how you feel. I think that when a child gets to their teen years, they want more freedom to choose.
@KrauseHome (32800)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I know that sometimes they do this out of wanting the Best for you and think it is something that you would like to do to get you involved, but at the same time there comes a time when you should be a little more open with them, and give them a choice on things so that you do not have them thinking you are forcing them to do something as well. I always was made to do things when I was growing up, and most of the time the reason I did not want to go is for fear of being seen with my Step Dad. He and I did not get along, plus he always dressed weird... like in clothes that clashed, etc. and never seemed to care what anyone else thought, so this helped add on to a Big resentment in the end for him as well.
• India
26 Apr 09
Hi. My parents have never made me do something that I am not comfortable with. My mother is very much into prayers and things like that but never has she made me to attend all those prayers, not even those hosted at my own house as she knows that I don't believe in God. This thing has actually helped me being close to my mom and dad and seek their advice before committing to anything which has been really great till now.
@kprofgames (3025)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Yes and no. I remember being pushed into directions I didn't want to go. Go to secretary school, go out for cheerleading, do this or that. I joined more clubs just to get them off my back and was never really interested in them. High school just wasn't for me. I dreaded it. After I graduated I just kind of dropped off the face of the earth for awhile. Got my job, place to live and put myself through school. I realize now as an adult that they were only doing what they thought was best, but again - they were telling, not hearing what I was interested in. They didn't even know me. I can understand why they don't go to their father about things. He isn't listening. He's just doing what he thinks they need instead of how he can help them individually. There is a big difference there. One of the greatest lost arts is listening to another person. Our children are people too and I think a strong parent listens more than speaks.
@rakesh284 (1473)
• India
25 Apr 09
Well when I was child my parents used to take me each and every relative at our native place, some of them were really boring places to visit at that time but still my father used to force me sometimes so I have to go with them. Well even now once my mother not exactly forced but requested me to visit my sister's friends wedding because her mother told everyone to visit her marriage. But still I don't wanted to go there but I just went there with my family.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Ohhhh yeah they have. Most times it was Sunday mornings my mom would force us three kids to go to church with her. It's the reason why we don't go today because it wasn't our choice nor did we understand the concept of it, especially me. Mom made us, especially me, feel guilty for anything we did wrong. It was hard to please her but she only did what she thought was best for all of us and I'm ok with that. Even though I don't go to church, I still have God in my heart and that's all that matters.
• China
25 Apr 09
Yup,my parents always forced me to go somewhere when I was child.But,I often agreed with them!Thanks for your discussion!
@tzaddi (395)
• Philippines
25 Apr 09
haha! this is a very nice discussion..ü actually my parents never force me to go somewhere but i usually force them to let me go somewhere else..ü you know..teenagers..always want to hang out with friends..ü sadly my parents wouldn't let me go because they care about me..ü but i always think that if not now, when? and i also understand that my parents doesn't want anything bad to happen to me..ü so it's fine..ü
@ada547612 (203)
• China
25 Apr 09
I have experienced, what their parents promised, but failed to do.
@berrys (865)
• Singapore
25 Apr 09
as a child i was forced to go to dinner every Saturday night as a family. i was not allowed to miss even once. so that means that even if i was going away on a sport trip to represent my school i was not allowed to all because of a Saturday night dinner. because of that i grew to hate my parents i was not allowed to go to parties on Saturday nights or hang with my friends on Saturday nights even when i wanted to stay in on a Saturday night i was still not allowed. i resent my parents till today for that because i feel like I've been deprived from a normal childhood. even then so they did take care of me when i was young. and so every few months i just write them a check for 50thousand dollars as im doing quite well now and i just give it to them i can tell that its not the money that they want but its the only form of love that they're getting from me so they always hesitantly accept. in my opinion a teenager should NEVER be forced to do something they do not want to as things will just end in a bad note. than again every teenager's different so that could just be that i was rebellious in a way. cheers love.
• Indonesia
25 Apr 09
When i was 5 or 6 years old my parents like to force me to join them to the mall or to my grandparent's house. I not really enjoy going there. It is does not mean that i hate going there. I just feel i am too tired already after school from Monday to Saturday. I need to take a rest in Sunday. Yeah....what ever my reason is, my parents will just force me to come with them.
@guozehua (60)
• China
25 Apr 09
My parent always think of me when make a decision,so,I've never force to go some where which I don't want to go.I think to solve this problem is to tell their father with respect and with determination.while the father know his son or daughter doesn' want to follow his decision,and even make them upset,every father has love,so I think he will take it once.