Ok, I have an issue with a friend. Maybe some advice, please?

Ok, I have an issue with a friend. Maybe some adv - I have a friend who is a bit on the flirty side. I've never minded but she has begun flirting very much with my husband, who, like most men, is eating it up. I would like to be tactical and polite when I mention this to her but am afraid she may take it the wrong way. Does anyone have any advice?
United States
April 25, 2009 8:53pm CST
I have a friend who is a bit on the flirty side. I've never minded but she has begun flirting very much with my husband, who, like most men, is eating it up. I would like to be tactical and polite when I mention this to her but am afraid she may take it the wrong way. Does anyone have any advice?
4 people like this
17 responses
@dmrone (751)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Hi cicisnana! I think i would just sit down with her and explain to her that her flirting with my husband makes me feel uncomfortable, and ask her if she would tone it down some. If that did not work then i would have to limit my time i spend with her, especially when my husband was around.
• United States
26 Apr 09
I just returned from my friends and we had a very good talk. She did realize she was flirting and said she was sorry she had maybe crossed the "flirting" line. She and my husband are close friends also and she says she would never do anything to hurt any of our relationships. I am so glad I made this post.
1 person likes this
@dmrone (751)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Hi cicisnana! I am so glad things worked out for you and your friend. The best to you all.
@dmrone (751)
• United States
19 Jul 09
Thank you, cicisnana!
• United States
26 Apr 09
If this is a true friend you shouldn't have trouble letting her know how you feel. Just make sure you use no anger, just that you would appreciate that she would not flirt so much with your husband. Thats your job..lol
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 09
You are very right. It is my job!! I haven't thought of it in this way!! Thank you so much for a fresh idea!
@jdbalts (37)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Since your friend is a little bit flirty with your husband, perhaps you should talk to her about the matter and explain it to her how you feel when she act like flirty with your husband. Tell her if she still care about you and if you should still trust her, cause that would make the friendship getting stronger.. With her trust and your trust, maybe you will understand each other's feelings... so better tell her how you feel....
1 person likes this
@Hurray (65)
• Canada
26 Apr 09
Hello cicisnana; Is she flirting with your husband in front of you? In this case, it is less of a situation. Still not comfortable for you but, better than her doing it in your back and you finding out while she wasn't aware of you being there. Now. You being married, why do you keep a friend who's "on the flirty side". A relationship is hard work already, why do you add to it? The best weapon is to reinforce your relationship with your husband. You need to communicate with him but as a balanced adult, no whinning, no blaming, no resentment, no anger, no antagonism - you get my point. You tell him that while he might enjoy it and find it not serious, it does actually make you feel - the way you feel. Then, you need to ask him what is it he wants from a wife. This might take him aback and you might need to gently insist he looks honestly and tells you. You might find he would like you to flirt with him... Then, you can tell him what you want from a husband... Get some 2ways agreements on those points. You will tell your friend that you would never flirt with her husband or her boyfriend and doing so to you is not a sign a friendship, and it is not OK and that you will not have it any longer. You tell her that if she really can't help herself, the friendship is over. You do not give her any indication of how her behavior makes you feel. Do not bite at anything she might throw your way, overtly or covertly. Keep your cool and just repeat the same I just mention, in different words if necessary. Her behavior is unethical and that's all you need to bring home to her. But, you do not talk to her before both your husband and you agree that the flirting comes from his woman not her friends... and you two feel your relationship has reached a higher level after this one or a few talks on this. This is your responsibility honey. This is your marriage. Best to you, Hurray
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
26 Apr 09
I don't mind my friend being flirty but flirty with my BF or husband is so cross the line, even she's just being playful. It will be nice to sit down and tell her you're not happy with the situation. If she really is your friend, she might take the hint and stop doing it. If not, consider her as annoying and you should do something to stop the spark.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Apr 09
Wait until you have an example specifically in mind fresh from the day and then call her and say you'd like to talk to her about something and that you aren't mad, just uncomfortable. Then move into saying "remember today when..." and "it makes me really uncomfortable and I'd appreciate it if you'd try to stop doing it". She may not even realize she's doing it.
1 person likes this
@mira91 (988)
• Singapore
26 Apr 09
And they're doing it infront of you? Geez.. You should tell her, i mean she may mean nothing to it or not but it does to you. If your friendship means something to her, she would understand and stop it...What more, you're gonna be tactical and polite about it, so she should be thankful you're not exploding on her like some would have. Maybe it's pretty obvious she was flirting, only you would know, so she can't possibly deny it right? If she does, and if i were you, then i'd really blow up. =\ Good luck.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Apr 09
If she is a good friend of yours, maybe you can easily then sort it out privately with her to clear of your husband and not to cross the line. If she still does not listen to you, then probably she was using you to get along with your husband.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Apr 09
Hi, Befor you jump into your next action with your friend is think ( and I see you are). Start by getting a pad of paper and asking yourself some difficult questions. They might include: How good a friend is this person, how long have we been friends, how much do I really trust them (obviously you have your doubt either about her, your man, or yourself), how open and honest is our relationship, will she put your needs above her own or make it all about herself, is your domestic situation strong and honest, can you discuss the situation with him and maybe suggest that he (put her in her place nicely),is this a BFF or a person in passing, You know the rest of the tough questions in your head and heart. Above all "To thine own self be true". A bad relationship of any kind is not worth loosing a good lifelong one. Keep us informed.
• China
27 Apr 09
Hi,cicisnana,as i think you should have a talk with your friend,you can give him a imply that you're be he as a good friend,but his habit about flirty your husband really make you uncomfortable.Yes,i think maybe he'll rein in his behave.
• United States
26 Apr 09
i think (no offence) she is being a little whory. but if its completely on acccident than i dont think there is any harm. but if she doesnt know it you should deffinetly tell her that it is offending you.
• United States
26 Apr 09
Forget tactical and polite honey.... If this girl was yor true friend she wouldn't be flirting with your husband! I would let her know exactly how you feel. No woman should be that comfortable with your husband!
@MsAmazin (15)
• United States
26 Apr 09
Nip it in the bud now, it will only get out of hand the more you sit back and let it go on. So what if she takes it the wrong way, that's your husband she's flirting with knowingly. So what's more important to you , her feelings or yours? Like you said your husband is eating it up like most men would and finds it harmless, until you catch her approaching your husband in the wrong way or he himself no longer feeling comfortable around her. If she is a true friend she will understand how you are feeling and stop. If she was a really true friend from the start, she would've never flirted with YOUR husband from the start, friends don't do that to friends....
@jane1981 (79)
26 Apr 09
i think its nice that your friend likes your husband and that they get along. however if it is bothering you then i think you should say something. what does your husband say about it? does he flirt back? i think if she is a true friend and if your subtle she shouldnt take it the wrong way - just explain that it makes you feel uncomfortable. im sure she means no harm - if she is like it with everyone it might just be her way of being around people not meaning for it to upset you
@kareng (7980)
• United States
26 Apr 09
I would think that a true friend of yours would not be flirting with your husband. That (your husband) would be and should be off limits to her. For her to act like this to me means she wants your husband. She has his attention, you say he is responding. I would cut the ties of friendship with this woman and so called friend because she doesn't sound like a friend at all.
@jayrene (2713)
• Philippines
26 Apr 09
i would be frank to her and just say... i dont like you flirting with my husband... or you could give her a hint like... you know i'd really hate it when i see other women flirting with my husband, and make stories like, imagine we were in this store and i saw this lady flirting, i had given her an evil eye and made sure she knows my husband is not already available, and there is now wanted mistress in our family. and then i will talk to my husband about that... there are men that are weak to temptations... we wife have the responsibility to help our husbands stay away from those temptations. if she is your real friend she will not do such thing to you and your husband... maybe she's not really your friend, she's acting like it because she wants to get close to your family so she can get to your husband. be careful with those kind of people.... oooohhhh.. i really hate those kinds it makes me boil just replying to your discussion... lol
• India
26 Apr 09
Well if ur flirty friend is a real gud frnd of urs, going ahead and asking her to mind her ways is the best idea. As a gud frnd she will understand ur concern and change herself. Even if she aint dat a gud frnd of urs, talking frankly to her is never a bad idea. Just be sure that u do not pose urself as someone who is really insecure about your husband.